A Sense of Family

Disclaimer: I deny any ownership of any adult or adolescent transformed shadow warrior chelonians.

Chapter Twenty: Deep fear

RAMIELA:

My mind still raced with questions and doubts as we made our way through the sewers towards the lair. The turtles were so different from every thing that I knew and I was used to. They seemed to be a direct contrast of all I had learned. Yin and Yang. In and Yo the balance of darkness and light, without one you could not have the other. Yet for years I had believed they were evil and terrible beings. Now though I was starting to realize that they were kind, compassionate, sympathetic. Truly if it had been the other way around, if they had stolen Yukio's child and raised him, then he would not be a heartless being as father was. I doubted they'd ask him to kill his father. But if the tables had truly been switched and Kuma had been raised by the turtles then Yukio rescued him from their clutches, I knew for a fact Yukio would kill him; as soon as possible. It was the way Yukio was.

I had observed the turtles when they were merely Foot prisoners and I saw the comfort and caring, the love they expressed to one another at that time, and I had imagined, dreamed of being a part of their life. It was like a myth or fairy tale one is told as a child and you cling to it through to adulthood looking for traces that such a thing might exist. I saw it and longed to make it a part of my life, I wanted it so bad. Yet in many ways I couldn't begin to fathom it.

Like Leo waiting for me in the sewers instead of getting his family safe. He cared about his family and would never leave one of them behind as long as there was hope of that one being alive. He did not believe that the good of the many outweighed the few in circumstances where family might die. If he felt one was worth it then he risked all to obtain that one. I knew that, I had learned it long ago. But I had never felt that I would be considered one of his people he'd sacrifice all for.

My life had never been one of choice, rather it was one of obedience. I did as I was told, and did it efficiently. I had never heard Yukio or any Foot member of the Clan tell me they loved me, or cared about me, nor did they act like I was of any importance. On the other hand was Mike and his family that didn't just stand by and let me look in on their lives, drooling and smudging the glass while they looked out. No they had taken me in and accepted me, even in all my anger and hatred, my fits and sudden whims to attack them.

Perhaps what I viewed as Leo being hypocritical, was in reality only him trying to see me as a part of the family and make me fit in where he saw me. He was looking ahead, to the point I was his family and this is where he wanted me, if I would only comply. Perhaps he had seen me as family all along.

Kali came running up as we entered the lair, "Oh Rama you are all right. I was so worried, and thank you so much for bringing Aiden back. I knew you could" she babbled all in one breath as she threw her arms around me in welcome, 'You know when you and Uncle Mike didn't come back I thought for sure something terrible had happened to one or the other of you."

"I'm fine Kali" I assured her as I sidled out of her arms, "I just needed to think in peace for a bit" I explained.

The family's first concern was to treat our injuries so we were bustled off to the infirmary, the others had all ready bandaged and stitched one another up where necessary. Don worked on me while Leo worked on dad.

I sat allowing Don to work over me his touch was gentle, comforting and he seemed extra cautious of sensitive or painful areas. Keeping a close eye on me "If you need a break Rama let me know. I realize you aren't used to being touched by too many people, so if you need some space then I'd appreciate you telling me okay?"

I nodded humbly and reached out sensing an acceptance, that I was sure hadn't been there before, or maybe I hadn't been seeing it before now. Though I could still feel one who was not in agreement with the family.

Ryu it had to be him. He still hated me, even though I had helped free him, he didn't want me there. I sighed, 'Perhaps I would never fit in fully.' I could live with that, I had managed to live with much worse then one person not accepting me, and perhaps Ryu would grow out of it.

'Yeah it is possible and pigs can fly too!' some inner voice mocked, assuring me that I had to be kidding myself on that count.

Leo finished tending to dad and turned "Here is your belt and sai back Rama," Leo came over offering me the equipment, "Aiden has your katanas, one moment I'll call him." Leo promptly did so.

A few minutes later Ryu came and lounged in the doorway of the infirmary an insolent look on his face.

"Aiden please give Rama back her weapons." Leo asked.

"It is all right he can keep them if he likes. This set is rather nice, and being heirloom is a better quality then my old ones." I offered, hoping that by giving him the opportunity to have an expensive set of swords might ease some of his animosity, not that I was looking to buy him off, it was more a peace or friendship thing.

Ryu pulled the swords and scabbards from his back with a sneer "I wouldn't want to keep them. They aren't any good" he declared tossing them to the floor and turning to leave.

I glowered at him, my mind churning with all that had happened, making it almost impossible for me to think clearly. All I knew was that I had, had enough and refused to be submissive any longer. I wanted to get to the bottom of his rejection and irritation that he harboured towards me. I stood up and chased after him, once clear of the door way I leaped up and flipped in the air to come down in front of him. I quickly knocked him down to the ground pinning him under me.

"You Ryu are going to stay like this until I get some answers from you." I growled at him.

"LEO!" I heard Karena's startled yell.

I glanced up in time to see the others gathering quickly.

"Ramiela let Aiden go" Karena pleaded with me.

"No Karena. I am not hurting him, nor will I" I promised her, "But I refuse to let him up until he tells me what I need to know."

Leo scowled my way "What is it you intend to do?" he barked.

"I intend to get answers without any form of torture." I replied firmly, "A child can say ' I hate you' but Ryu is old enough to say why he hates me so. I want to know the why of it" I insisted, "I deserve to know Leonardo."

Leo gave me the slightest nod telling me he would allow this, though I knew he would stand by to insure that I didn't harm his son. I was glad that he would permit me this much, but I would have gone ahead with or without his permission, no matter what the repercussions may have been. Besides the consequences could not be half as bad as stuff I had suffered in the past. However, his permission, made me feel a little more secure in continuing. "Ryu tell me why do you hate me so? Just tell me that and you may go."

He glared up at me, his face full of fury "Cause you are nothing more than a stinkin' Foot" he raged spitting at me.

"I am not a Foot Soldier, nor have I been one for some tine. I am a ronin and I have spared your life tonight, so you owe me a far better answer then that" I responded.

Ryu struggled briefly under me and growled further "I owe you nothing. I hate you and I'll always hate you. Nothing you say or do can change that."

I thought I sensed something underlying his words, the hatred he felt was born of fear; as hatred often is. He was afraid not just for himself but for his family. I trembled as I realized now why it was he despised me so. I had forgotten in my own pain and hurt from the past that I had to over come, that the turtle family had their own horrors to overcome, and I was a constant reminder of a great deal of their pain. "You are afraid of me because of the time I was Foot when I lead the elite to invade your home and take you prisoner. Am I right?" I inquired rhetorically.

His only answer was to tremble under me, at least he didn't try to deny it out right.

I had aided in their capture, and though I had not killed a single member of the family, leaving the killing to the Elite I had still been party to it. I had tortured his father and Uncles often delighting in doing so, I had threatened Karena while she had been pregnant with Heiwa and of course I had almost killed Kaliann the one time father decided to lesson the turtle clan about trying to steal me away from him.

I paused, considering the last thought. I had heard of twins sharing special bonds with one another, and recalled twin boys who had trained at the ryu in Japan. They rarely spoke out loud to each other, seeming to communicate by thoughts alone. Strangely enough if one was hurt the other knew about it, even if he was in a different area of the school. I had read stories of twins separated at birth leading similar lives, growing up to marry someone of the same name and things like that.

Yes, Ryu had seen me perform some terrible things and yet I was sure for him the worst crime I had committed, or almost committed was when I had almost killed Kali. "You hate me because of what I almost did to your twin." I stated simply.

I saw something flicker in his blue eyes, his hatred vanished momentarily replaced by fear "You didn't have to do it!" he yelled sounding close to tears.

"Kali is still alive. I didn't do it." I pointed out in my defense.

" You would have done it if he hadn't stopped you." He insisted , "How can any of us feel safe with you knowing what you've done to our family." he snapped bitterly.

"Aiden" Leo shook his head, "We've been here for you to help you with that son." Leo seemed at a loss, to why his son would feel that way.

I understood that, because I had caused their grief they would not display that pain in front of me, they had probably been working on these issues privately. Still the pain and hurt went deep and it was clear, to me at least, that some still had a great deal of healing to do, just as I had my own healing to do.

I backed off and Aiden got up standing and glowering at me in his rage and hatred.

"You are right Aiden, if Yukio had not stopped me I would have killed Kali. For I have learned to obey him, if I did not I paid the price. I learned to do as I was told without stopping to question the why of it. As you feared me, I feared him." I sighed morosely giving a dejected shake of my head. "When I was younger I tried to escape, or run away and I was so badly lessoned after those events that I found obedience was safer. So when I got older I didn't think that I could escape him. I was far more afraid of what might happen if I tried." I bowed my head, as images of torture flashed through my mind. "Perhaps I made a mistake in giving in to him. I don't know. I did what I did because I felt I had no choice. I'm sorry for hurting you then."

Aiden looked at me his gaze not softening even a little.

"I have made many mistakes, but you could be making a mistake of your own Ryu, if you can not forgive me for what I have done, then you can not expect others to forgive you of your crimes."

"What crimes? I didn't do anything that bad." Aiden retorted.

"Seems you disobeyed rules and were captured by the Foot, you and Kali could have been killed then" I remarked, "However if you can't forgive me for the crimes I have perpetrated upon you and your family, then as far as I'm concerned I will not enter this Clan. I will only enter this Clan when all members agree and accept me as part of the Clan. You all must trust me." I declared firmly.

I turned and headed for the door I just wanted to go home, my decision was made and I could only hope that Ryu could find his way to forgive me and let go of his fear and hatred. I paused at the door "I'm sorry Leonardo and Karena, I know I may have overstepped my bounds in your home, and I hope you can forgive me for I meant no offense." I bowed towards them.

Leo bowed back "You have given no offense. I knew Aiden has been upset by what happened but I didn't realize how badly it effected him, he has been managing to hide a great deal of it. I guess saving his life tonight wasn't enough for him." He sighed a bit.

"I could save his life a hundred times over and it wouldn't be enough to erase the katana blade coming down at Kali's neck. It is up to him to forgive and to make the decision to do so, you can only guide him not make the choice for him" I told him, letting him know that I was aware of the fact, "Excuse me it has been a long night and I want to go home."

Leo nodded and Mike followed after me, I looked up at him "Do you think Ryu will ever be able to forgive me?"

"Well now that Leo and Karena know a little more of what caused all of his animosity you might find he'll come around. We do tend to help each other out."

I nodded feeling suddenly very exhausted by the trials of the day, suddenly all I wanted was to go to bed and to sleep.

TBC