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Shepard left Liara and headed straight for the restaurant, a little place called Apollo's. She had it on good authority that they served the best Earth food on the Presidium, and had called ahead to make sure they had steak.
They seated her and she pretended to be absorbed in the menu so it didn't seem like she was watching for Kaidan. In fact, she missed him walking up to the table entirely, and then nearly tipped her chair over getting up to greet him.
"Shepard! Glad you found this place. It's one of my favorites."
"Good. You can tell me what's best here."
"Steak sandwich, no question. If they have steak." He looked over the menu. "I'm surprised they can still get supplies for a menu like this. Earth food is getting scarcer and scarcer these days."
"Maybe it's better if we don't ask how. Or where."
"Good point. A lot of people have to resort to smuggling, and worse, to make ends meet these days. One more reason to look forward to ending this war. The Reapers are an ingenious and ruthless enemy. The worst kind."
"You said it."
Kaidan looked at her and smiled. "On the other hand, there are a lot of smart people in this galaxy who are more than a match for the Reapers. I'm a lucky guy to get to work with so many of them."
"Me, too." She seemed unable to think of anything else to say other than to echo what he had just said. Shepard took a fortifying swallow of her wine, glad when the waiter showed up and they could order.
When the waiter was gone and it was just the two of them, without the buffer of the menus, Kaidan leaned forward. "I'm glad we're taking the time to do this. It was a relief when I got your email. I was afraid … I mean, I can use the sanity check."
"Things have been pretty crazy," Shepard agreed, glad he was taking control of the conversation, because she had no idea how to say what she wanted to say, or even to get started.
"You know, when we were on Mars, and that robot was— Well, my life flashed in front of my eyes, and not enough of it had been spent like this, taking a moment with people I cared about. More than anything, that was why I agreed to come back on board the Normandy. If these are the final days, if none of us make it through this, I want to say that I went out fighting alongside my friends. Garrus, Liara, Joker … and you."
"And we're glad to have you. I mean, I'm glad to have you. I mean ... How are you feeling these days? Fully recovered?"
"Absolutely. Up to whatever the Reapers throw at me. And you know what? I feel good about our chances."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah. Lets me sleep better at night."
"You having trouble sleeping, Kaidan?"
"A little restless, yeah." He looked away.
"I get that." Shepard took a deep breath. "I did a lot of thinking while I was on Omega, and I thought it would be a good idea for us to have a heart-to-heart. I … the way I treated you, what I asked of you, was … not professional. It was selfish, and—I should never have put you in that situation."
"Hey. Shepard. Juniper. I put myself in that situation. I wouldn't have been there if I hadn't wanted to be. I just—it got to a point where I couldn't be there any longer."
"And I'm glad you said something. I really am."
"I needed you to know how I feel. I still love you, Shepard. I think I always will. But I don't mean to put pressure on you, not now or ever."
"I know. I appreciate that, more than I can tell you. Thane—I knew his death was coming, he never pretended anything with me. I'd had a lot of time to prepare. But still—I wasn't ready. I'm not sure I ever would have been."
Kaidan nodded. "I understand."
"But Thane was always clear as well that he didn't want me to … fall into a battle sleep without him. To throw myself into my work and forget to live," she clarified when Kaidan looked at her quizzically. "He had been married before, and he loved her deeply. I learned from him that a person can love two people at once, and how much better life is when you open yourself up to friendship, and love. I … Kaidan, I want to understand what this is between us, and—and to try to make it real."
His face lit up with hope. "You do?"
"I do. I never stopped loving you, Kaidan, I just—made room to love someone else, too. Thane will always be important to me, but so are you. And if there's a future for either of us, I want to find that together. I may have to take it one step at a time, but that's where I want to end up."
Kaidan reached for her hand, closing it in both of his. "That makes me so happy. I didn't imagine—I mean, are you sure? I don't want to rush you into something you're not ready for."
"I know. And I'm sure."
He pressed her hand against his cheek, laying a kiss on her wrist. "So, taking it slow … does that mean—"
"That's up to you. We can adjourn to the Normandy ASAP, if you prefer."
Kaidan chuckled, his eyes darkening, and then let her hand go as the waiter appeared with their plates. "Oh, I think I'll eat my sandwich first, before I, uh, work up an appetite."
"Take your time," Shepard told him. "I intend to."
"Well, I like the sound of that."
As they dug into their food, Shepard pictured Thane on a beach, somewhere across the sea, with Irikah, watching her live her life. She vowed to him to remain whole, to keep the two parts of herself connected. He had taught her that, and she wouldn't forget it. Or him.