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From the Citadel, they headed for the Outer Rim, looking for the quarians. If they were going to have a chance against the Reapers, they needed the quarian fleet. Unfortunately, according to Hackett, the quarians had picked this moment to try to take their homeworld back from the geth, leaving Shepard fuming at the terrible timing. Couldn't one single race recognize the danger the Reapers represented and just get on board without all this mess? To date, the easiest ones to convince had been the batarians, and that did not say good things about the galaxy.
To Shepard's relief, the quarian admirals agreed to come on board the Normandy to talk through the situation without too much difficulty—and to her even greater relief, one of the quarian admirals was Tali'Zorah.
It quickly became clear that the quarian leadership was bitterly divided on nearly every topic, but particularly on the decision to attack the geth and on the conduct of the war since the attack. Admiral Koris was for law and order, as he had always been, and the safety of their people above all else. Admiral Xen couldn't see past her own research, and everything else was academic to her. Admiral Gerrel was energized by the war, and Shepard could practically see him counting destroyed geth in his head. Admiral Raan and Tali largely kept silent. Shepard had never wanted to see Tali's face more than she did right now, to try to read her thoughts without having to ask her in front of the other admirals. A very slight shake of Tali's head told her that was the right course—they could talk later.
Worse yet, the geth had apparently made some kind of deal with the Reapers, or been turned by them again, and now the geth were using Reaper technology against the quarians. Which left Shepard more or less where she had expected to be—having to save the quarian fleets from the geth, and the Reapers, before she could try to convince them to join her against the Reapers.
Honestly, if there was another galaxy she could have flown to where she didn't have to be Commander Shepard, she might have considered it right now.
Instead, she agreed to take a team and disable the geth dreadnought that the Reaper signal appeared to be coming from, in order to buy the civilian ships time to retreat through a mass relay. Time enough to bargain with the quarians once their people were safe, she told herself.
Turning to the newest quarian admiral, she asked, "Tali, you know more about geth technology than anyone. Can you join my team to take on the dreadnought?"
"Of course, Shepard."
"Good. Let's go get prepped."
They left the other four admirals to return to their ships. As soon as they were alone in the elevator, Shepard said, "Tali, why didn't you get in contact with me before this insanity got started? If I'd known it was this bad, I would have come sooner, you know I would have."
"I do know. But you had your own troubles. I'm sorry about Earth."
"Earth, Palaven … it's only a matter of time before they're everywhere."
Tali nodded. "You'll need us, I know. We have the largest fleet in the galaxy. If you can help us, I promise, we'll hit the Reapers with everything we've got."
"Will the other admirals go for that?"
"If you help us with the geth, they won't have any other choice," Tali said grimly. "I'll make sure of that." She sighed. "Assuming we have anything left after this stupid war."
"I would have thought you'd support the invasion. I know how much you want your homeworld back."
"No. After talking to Legion, I thought—I hoped there was a chance for peace, a way to learn to coexist on the homeworld. But I'm an admiral now. People look to me for guidance. Public disagreement would have divided the fleet, and I couldn't risk that."
Shepard had never heard her friend sound so down. She punched the button to stop the elevator so they wouldn't be disturbed. "Hey. You okay?"
"No. No, I'm really, really not. Seventeen million lives are riding on me, and I don't know if I can save them. My people, Shepard."
"I know," Shepard said gently. "But you're doing everything you can. If the fleet falls, it won't be because of you."
Tali lifted the cone of her visor, and Shepard could see the lights of her friend's eyes looking straight at her. "Would that comfort you?"
"Probably not," Shepard admitted. "But I'm here to help now, and we're going to get your people out safely."
"I know that now. I couldn't do this without you, Shepard. I feel like … I feel like I'm bluffing, trying to convince them all that the admiral's daughter knows what she's doing."
"The admiral does know what she's doing. She just needs to believe in herself. She always has before."
Tali gave a small laugh. "I suppose I have. And at least now I can push back against the worst ideas. That's why I accepted this position. And … because of you."
"Me?"
"When they offered me the position, I asked myself what you'd do. I thought you'd take the chance to make things better." She shook her head. "That probably sounds stupid. I just … I know I'm not really good at this."
"It's incredibly flattering," Shepard told her. "And you'll learn. We all do, eventually."
She let go of the button, and the doors slid open. In front of them was the wall of remembrance, the neat rows of names of the lost crew. As always, Shepard's eyes went straight to Thane's name. How she missed him.
Next to her, Tali gasped. "Oh, Shepard, I'm so sorry. I hadn't heard."
"It's … okay. It was the way he would have chosen. I'll tell you about it later."
"Are you all right?"
She considered the question. "Yes. Yes, I think I am. He's still with me, in many ways. I know so well what he would say that it feels like he's still talking to me."
"What would he say now?"
"He would ask the goddess Arashu, the warrior, to watch over you, to give you strength when you need it, and to help you guide your people home."
"Yes." Tali nodded. "Yes, he probably would."
Shepard sent her own silent plea to Arashu to do just that, and she felt better once she had done so. She had never particularly followed any religion, and somehow believing in Thane's gods made her feel closer to him.