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Chapter 22.
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'You snob'
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Tom moaned involuntarily as he regained consciousness for the first time. He felt comfort and warmness enveloping all his body. It brought the overwhelming sense of safety. Then he fell asleep.
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Next time when he woke up he suddenly became aware of some noise. Voices. But still he was too weak and tired to open his eyes and check the source and he fell asleep.
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Next time when he woke up he managed to force his eyes to open. After several moments of passive staring ahead, he realized stunned that he looked at white ceiling towering above him. He watched it dully until his vision was covered by his mothers smiling face. "What is she doing in my house so early?" he thought confused and then fell asleep.
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Next time he woke up he was greeted by some unfamiliar but nice face of a man in his middle forties hanging over him. The man was smiling and talking to him, though dizziness and buzzing in Tom's head caused words blended into some gibberish and he didn't understand anything. He tried to focus on it a bit stronger but the effort caused sudden tiredness overwhelming him and soon he fell asleep.
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Next time he woke up it was dim around. The room was bathed in some strange regular sounds coming simultaneously from everywhere and nowhere. This and the fact there was some unnatural stillness in the surrounding air made the young man feel arising uneasiness. Something was not right. He shouldn't be here, wherever it was. Where should he be, then? Memory though refused to come although he stubbornly tried to move wheels of his mind to work. Instead came weariness and coldness overwhelming his senses.
Rising over the boarder parting him from unconsciousness Hanson became suddenly aware of some tight and warm pressure on his hand. With effort he moved his eyes down and saw somebody's head lying on his bed just next to his limp hand which was enveloped by big hand of that unknown person. Tom squeezed it weakly willing that sleeping somebody to wake up. Not knowing why it scared him he didn't know who it was. The head shot up instantly and turned towards Tom who with great wave of relieve recognized his friend whose woozy face instantly stretched into wide smile.
"Tommy!" He heard excited whisper and observed as Doug stood up and carefully closed up to him. "You know, you have given us much worries during last four days." Hanson just blinked not understanding what his friend was talking about. Besides he got too tired to give another thought to those words. His mind was already slipping away and several seconds later he fell asleep.
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Next time he woke up it was because of pain rising slowly but inevitably to almost unbearable levels. Though, he couldn't define precise place of that sensation. One thing was just sure: it was all around and attacking him mercilessly. The worst was he was so lost and confused he didn't know what to do; his couldn't remember how to make his body to curl up to fetal position in an instinctive attempt to defend himself against the pain and his limbs were too heavy to carry him away from it. He even couldn't call for help because every try met with growing pain in his throat and terrible impression of suffocation. Feeling totally helpless and lonely he suffered quietly and cried. Sunken in fog of pain he was just remotely aware of somebody fussing around him.
"Shhhh, Tommy." There was masculine voice and warm hand on his cheek. "The doctor already gave you painkiller and the pain will go away soon. Shhh."
For Toms' tormented mind 'soon' stretched to ages until the pain subsided entirely giving place to feeling of relieve and growing drowsiness. Last thing Tom noticed before he closed his eyes and fell asleep again was tired face of Doug looking at him with concern.
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"Tom!"
Tom flinched. There was some man dressed in black cloak coming up to him. His face was strangely familiar but still remained beyond recognition. And others followed him. Tom didn't know how but he was sure they wanted to hurt and kill him. He made a move to run away but something kept him in place. Tom started fight with those invisible bounds refusing him to fly but all effort came in vain. Scared he looked around. They were very close now and reached their hands towards him. Panic overwhelmed Hanson entirely.
"Tom! Calm down!"
Again, that strange call. Somebody was calling him by name. Not sure what to do he decided to follow the voice trusting it was the only way to find safety. Soon the nightmare was almost left behind as Tom made his way up towards the voice and light. Finally he opened his eyes and with horror he realized he was in another hell. It was the only description of what happened to him at the moment. And that hell was worse because it was painfully tangible. There were unknown people above him holding him hard and fast by arms and legs.
"No! Tom, stop it!" Somebody shouted at him. "You will hurt yourself!"
Tom tried to scream but immediately as he made the effort he gagged and started to choke. There was something put deep into his throat and at the realization new stronger claws of fear and panic tightened around him swallowing him almost entirely.
The wild thrashing increased even more in its intensity which brought sudden and sickening realization of ever present pain in his abdomen, chest, back, arms, legs, neck and head. Just everywhere. But still he writhed, he fought and he cried; even when the poor resources of strength he possessed diminished almost entirely. It last until strange warmness and numbness spread all over his body and finally exhausted and broken he fell asleep.
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Judy took several sips of hot coffee and then put the cup back on the bedside table. She had terrible headache and was totally tired. Although it was about nine o'clock in the morning she constantly fought with her eyes to remain open. All because she didn't even dare to sleep too long during last five days which were just hectic from the lack of better word.
Two hours after doctor Zarmansky let them see Tom for the first time that ill-fated day when he was found, his heart stopped suddenly and without warning, sending everybody on the edge of panic. Thankfully the help was given immediately, the ever watchful nurses and doctor react within seconds applying electroshocks and Tom still stayed with them. Though after that accident nobody had courage to even revert their eyes from him not to mention go away to visit the toilet or coffee machine.
The next morning found them still rooted to the floor on the Intensive Care Unit in front of Tom's room with their eyes glued to his unconscious form. Luckily after the last episode Hanson slept uneventfully rest of the night, and late afternoon doctor Zarmansky informed them that danger was over. His body responded to the treatment and slowly started gather strength to work by itself. He survived.
Judy smiled at the recollection of the conversation with doctor when he announced them the very good massage. It was the first time when Mrs. Hanson smiled without the smallest shadow of worry or uncertainty in her eyes. It was the first time when all of them felt the wonderful relieve. She couldn't describe how grateful she was to the doctor. Surely it was his job but she never met such caring and devoted to his job man. Everybody felt warmness and kindness from him, and if you add to this professionalism and great wisdom he possessed you just consider yourself lucky you met such doctor.
After they received the news Captain Fuller had hard time with his subordinates to order them to go home and take some rest. Doug even insisted to give back his badge if it helped to stay with Tom but somehow finally they retired without any other unpleasant accidents.
Next morning Tom was transferred from Intensive Care Unit and got his own room, which now he shared with his mother. The older woman didn't even bother to listen to Fullers pleas to go home. She decided to take the benefit from another favor the FBI granted them by renting and paying for exclusive hospital room with TV, separate bathroom and additional bed for visitor.
Judy turned her head and looked at sleeping Mrs. Hanson's form. She could see from her face how the last days devastated her. Although there was no more danger that Tom will die, last days were as nervous for them as the first night.
Tom's mind was cruising around between consciousness and unconsciousness; they had many false alarms when he opened his eyes so that they hoped that he woke up for good. But then he slipped away from them and left them waiting anxiously for another time. Last time, yesterday, was the worst when suddenly the regular beeping sound picturing work of his heart went crazy and he started tossing wildly, reopening his wounds and fought with nurses until doctor applied sedative. It was Tom's first nightmare.
Judy lifted Hanson's limp hand to her lips and kissed gently covering it bandages. She couldn't believe that she let her heart to become so hardened and blind to notice her true feelings to him until she saw Tom fighting with death. God, how she loved him! Why for gods sake she had to realize this so late. Why they were so stupid and proud to admit to themselves that they indeed felt something to each other. She knew Tom had very warm feelings to her; those were more than just friendship but still maybe not yet love. Or maybe it was love, but like Judy he was afraid to admit this or voice it aloud. Still though there was something strong between them. It saddened her when she thought how many wonderful moments together they wasted. It scared her that Tom could not want to respond to her ever present but already discovered feelings now. Not after what happened to him.
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Tom's next serious nightmare found everybody unprepared. Or at least not that quick to prevent the tortured and panicked patient to replace tube from his throat. Judy was the closest and she managed quickly to press buzzer and call for help. Dennis in the mean time fought to keep Tom's hands away to prevent him to make more harm to himself.
The doctor came almost flying to the room and immediately without hesitation applied another sedative to his patient's system. Then worried about his troubled breathing and coughing he placed mask on his face and together with Dennis pinned him to bed and waited until he calmed down.
"He is getting stronger." The younger man commented, as he finally straightened up and massaged his bruised arm in places where Tom unconsciously tried to rip his flesh from the bone.
"Why is he breathing so hard, doctor?" Judy asked worried. "Is something wrong?"
"His body wasn't entirely ready to remove the tube yet." Doctor answered unhappy. "But fortunately his lungs took over the breathing by itself, so I won't reintubate him. Though I think it was much too early, anyways."
"But he will be all right?" Dennis asked worried. Tom was in bad enough state to add more troubles to the list.
"It depends what you mean officer Booker." Doctor answered. "Physically he will heal but I am really concerned about his mental state."
"Yeah." Dennis agreed. "As we all are."
"What happened?" Captain Fuller and Mrs. Hanson run into the room red faced and breathless. "We heard buzzer."
"Tom had another attack." Judy informed and immediately made place by the bed as Mrs. Hanson walked quickly to her son and watched him carefully.
"Why he doesn't have the tube? Why he is breathing so hard? What happened?"
"There is no need to worry, Mrs. Hanson." Doctor tried to calm down the instantly shaken woman. "He removed it and is in a little shock because of that. But he will be all right."
"How he can be all right…" the older woman opposed "…when he still has those nightmares? He is so defenseless against them in his current state; he even doesn't know what's happening around him."
"How can we help him, doctor?" Captain Fuller asked concerned.
"I think it is high time to look for professional help." Doctor Zarmansky stated and reached to his pocket and got out small card. "I meant to talk with you about this a bit later, but there is no sense to wait. On this card there are data of one of the best specialists dealing with Post Traumatic Shock Disorder in this city. He is working in that hospital upstairs on Psychiatric Ward. Today it is too late to call him, but tomorrow I can arrange meeting with him for as soon as possible. If you agree of course."
"Doctor Reynolds." Captain Fuller read aloud the small card. "How good is he?"
"Very good, Captain." There was answer. "If you would like to know more about him I can borrow you his book he published month ago about PTSD. It is named 'Ars vivendi'."
"Art of living." Judy translated it briskly scoring surprised looks. "What?"
"You know Latin?" Dennis asked surprised.
"In one of my assignments I attended catholic school." She answered proudly. "I just remembered something from Latin lessons."
Doctor for a moment just observed the police officers with unreadable expression. They had to lead interesting live. Then he cleared his throat and continued.
"This book is meant not only for doctors but for average people who themselves or whose relatives, friends suffered some serious traumatic experience. I read it and I believe it can be helpful for you."
"Thank you, doctor." Mrs. Hanson smiled weakly and reached for the book.
"You're welcome." The man answered and looked around. "Do you know when will come another officer… Penhall as I good remember?"
"It's difficult to say." Captain Fuller gave a bitter smile. "He is currently with Harry investigated by FBI. I don't know when he arrives. Why?"
"I think your friend should see Doctor Reynolds as well. He looks a bit too depressed and haunted if you asked me."
"I agree." Captain Fuller answered resolutely remembering that Doug dealt with Guardian as well. He witnessed how he tormented Tom. It had to be big shock for him. "Tomorrow I will make him to see Doctor Reynolds as well."
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"What? No way!" Doug jumped back and raised his arms protectively. "I am not going to see any psychiatrist. No matter how good he is."
"But you should." Fuller insisted. He knew how bad Penhall reacted being in one room with any doctor, but it didn't matter now. He needed to see one. "I know you feel guilty about what happened to Tom and that you blame yourself about your run to his aid without waiting for us."
"Well. That's no secret, Captain." Doug answered painfully. "But any jerk no matter how well educated can help me with this. There is no need of that. I can handle that myself."
"But there are regulations that any police officer…" Fuller started, that argument always worked.
"I said no!" Doug jumped in furiously.
"Okay." Captain was surprised by the force of Penhalls' rage at the moment and decided to give up for now. There was no sense to carry on when Penhall was so shaken. "At least come with me and Mrs. Hanson to talk with him about Hanson."
"No." There was short answer. "I prefer to be with Tom. I would like to stay with him as long as he is not asleep."
"Okay then." Fuller exhaled defeated. "See you later."
Doug didn't even bother to look back when he turned around and headed towards Tom's room which was constantly guarded by two police officers. He was too preoccupied with concern about his friend to think about his lack of respect towards Captain. He just hoped Tom was still awake. Before Fuller called Doug outside to talk with him, Tom was conscious for last ten minutes which was very long, considering it was first time he managed to keep his eyes open longer than a while. Tom didn't say anything, just lied and looked at Doug or at Judy. And although he didn't tell anything his eyes spoke volumes about the pain and fear he was in. It was hard, almost unbearable, to look at Hanson and observe his mute struggles with pain and images constantly appearing in his head. When Fuller excused Doug to leave Tom for a moment, he was almost relieved, which ashamed him now. But now being away for several moments he realized it was harder not to be with Tom. Penhall was painfully aware of the fact that he was too close of loosing Hanson to miss any occasion to be with him now.
He entered the bathed in bright sunlight room and without hesitation walked towards bedside. He stood next to Judy who was sitting next to Tom's bed and talking to him.
"And then I will take you to that expensive restaurant where every man must wear tail coat." Hoffs continued.
Tom smiled weakly at that statement and with weak and strangled voice answered: "I always knew you were snob, Jude."
"Wha… how dare you Thomas Hanson!" Judy tried pretended anger but instead laughed cheerfully infecting Tom with it. Although it was just weak picture of his old smile and it was shadowed by a bit absent look it made Doug happy to see his friend better. Still though, he looked very lost and wary. As if he was waiting for some blow but he didn't know where it was going to come from.
"Hey Tommy." Penhall finally acknowledged him about his presence. Tom was lying on his left side, as doctor decided it was high time to give rest to his seriously wounded back, that's why Doug crouched down next to his bed to have better sight to his eyes. In spite of visibly growing weariness Tom brightened up at the sight of his friend and smiled warmly to him which encouraged Doug. "Those nurses who are circulating around the door to your room will be disappointed hearing that you already found a girl."
"Do you think," Tom answered with mischievous flicker in his eyes "they will be still disappointed when they realize there is still you in the reach?"
"I think they will be just delighted." Doug smiled. It was good to see Tom in such good mood, but as soon as the thought came to him Tom winced and shivered suddenly. "Tom, what's wrong?"
"Tommy?" Judy immediately joined the bigger man and bent over their wounded friend. They waited patiently until Tom opened his eyes and looked back at them. He was breathing quickly like after run.
"Tom!" Doug didn't know if call for doctor or something. "Are you all right, buddy?"
Hanson raised his covered with drips, tightly bandaged hand and moved it to face covering his eyes. He didn't know what had happened. Just minute ago he was all right, well… a little painful and uncomfortable but as much all right as it was possible. And then suddenly attacked him those pictures… He shivered again. He was so cold and the pain suddenly increased meaningfully.
"Tommy! Talk to us!"
"Iss fine…" He answered weakly still shaking slightly. His eyelids became so heavy. "I… I'm tired…"
"It is okay Tommy." Judy caressed his forehead and observed as he slowly fell asleep. "Sleep love. We will stay with you." She reached for his hand and surprised noticed how cold it was. "Doug, why is he so cold?"
Doug reached forward and closed the small hand into his own. It really was cold. "I don't know. Maybe we should cover him with more blankets." He suggested.
Judy didn't need to be asked twice and immediately started looking for some covers. After they had done what it was in their power to warm Tom they eased themselves comfortably on the chairs and started their vigil.
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