Conspiracies and Unresolved Consequences
Chapter 7
Afternoon, Tuesday 15th August 1876
Nick followed Gene and Audra, who were carrying mop and bucket as well as a broom and cloths into Jarrod's study. They all stopped and stared at what appeared to be a stand-off between Jarrod and Heath. "What's going on?" Nick asked as he carefully approached his brothers.
"You tell me Nick," Heath replied angrily, as he flung the picture he was holding at Nick's chest. "You lied to me."
Nick automatically grabbed the picture, turning it over and sighing loudly as he realized what the blond had been holding. "I never lied to you Heath."
"No, then what's that?" Heath demanded. "That's not me and I've never seen the other man before. What sort of a game are you playing here."
Forgetting about cleaning up the spilled coffee and broken cups, Audra stepped forward. "It's not a game Heath, that's our father, Thomas Barkley and his brother, our Uncle Jim." Tears glistened in Audra's eyes as she looked pleadingly at her brother. "Please Heath," she started, hesitatingly placing her hand on the blond's arm, "please let us explain."
Heath relaxed slightly at Audra's touch; he had never and would never hurt a woman. He nodded slowly at Audra, softening his expression as he looked at her, before turning his cold blue–eyed glare back to Nick and Jarrod. "I'll listen but it had better be good, and then I'm out of here – with the money you owe me for the horses; three hundred I believe it is."
Jarrod shook his head at Nick before his volatile brother could retort to the blond's ultimatum. "I think the easiest way to understand this, Heath is to give you this. Hopefully it will explain everything better than we could." Jarrod moved around his desk and retrieved the envelope sitting on it, warily watched by Heath. "Before Mother had her stroke, she wrote these missives to us and to you Heath. As a duly appointed officer of the court, and as the head of this family for the present, I swear to you that I haven't - in-fact, none of us - has read what she wrote to you." Jarrod silently handed the letter to Heath.
Heath accepted the folded paper with his name neatly scrolled across its back. He looked at the solemn faces regarding him, noting the small encouraging nod from Audra before he carefully unfolded the letter in a slightly shaking hand and began to read.
Monday 7h August 1876
Heath,
I hope that someday you will find it in your heart to forgive me. You showed Nick and myself nothing but kindness that week we prevailed on your hospitality and I repaid that kindness with a deceit so great that it weighs heavily on my heart. I could use the excuse that seeing you was a shock, which in those first few minutes of our meeting that was true but…but that is as far as my excuse can extend. I sat and listened over the course of one week as you offered snippets of your life growing up with your mother and her friends in Strawberry. Of how she and you were ridiculed and ostracized by the God fearing people of the town because you had no father. I consider myself to be God fearing also but six months ago I allowed my beliefs and sense of right to fall to the side because I was angry – not at you but at my husband Thomas Barkley –your father and at your mother and myself. Three God fearing adults and not one of us put aside our wants and needs to put you and your wellbeing first. I believe with all my heart that your father did not know of your existence. If he had there is no doubt in my mind that he would have proudly stepped forward, acknowledged your birth and claimed you as his own and provided for you and your mother. I am as much to blame as your mother for keeping the knowledge of your birth from your father. Your mother chose not tell him of you and you of him, I believe out of fear of losing you to your father who had every right to claim you and bring you to the ranch, with or without her. And I demanded that your father never set foot in Strawberry after his return. If I had not made that demand, knowing full well the consequences but choosing to ignore them, of your parents' affair, then I have no doubt that your life would have been very different from the one you had to endure.
Heath, I cannot imagine the turmoil, hurt and anger you must be feeling after learning of these revelations. Truly there are no words that I can say that will right the wrong that we have done. It is left to me to try to rectify this wrong. I only hope that you will come to realize that you have three wonderful brothers and a beautiful sister that will embrace you and stand beside you in whatever decisions you make regarding your future within the Barkley family.
If you were my son I would say to you be proud because any son of my husband has a right to be proud, live as he would live, fight as he would fight because no one, no one, can deny you his birth right. That's what I would say to you if you were my son.
Heath, you are a Barkley son and brother and you belong with the Barkley family.
Victoria Barkley
Heath slumped to the corner of Jarrod's desk as he tried to understand the meaning of the words jumping out at him from the page held in his hand. He looked up in shocked disbelief as a full glass of whisky was shoved into his hand by Nick. "I don't…," Heath shook his head.
Jarrod had taken out their letter from his mother and after receiving a nod of agreement from each of his siblings handed the second letter to Heath. "Mother wrote this to all us, Heath; perhaps it will help you to understand more fully those events of twenty five years ago."
Heath accepted the second letter with a shaking hand and after downing half the glass of whisky in one gulp, opened and read Victoria Barkley's words to her children.
The woman your father had the affair with in Strawberry twenty five years ago was Leah Thomson, Heath Thomson's mother. Heath Thomson is your father's son and your brother.
"Mama," Heath breathed softly.
Now I am asking you all - please find your brother, tell him this story and bring him home.
"Home." Heath looked around at the faces watching him intently, finally settling on the face he knew the best. "Why didn't you tell me Nick, when we were at the cabin?"
Nick ran a hand through his thick black hair. "Would you have believed me if I had just blurted out, you're my brother?"
Despite the seriousness of the situation a small wry smile appeared fleetingly on Heath's face, "Probably not," he admitted softly, "I would have figured you'd eaten some loco weed on the trail."
"Heath," Jarrod interrupted, "it was my idea not to tell you this way, not Nick's. I, we thought it best that you find out this revelation here at the ranch. I'm sorry if you feel that Nick has betrayed you in some way. To be honest, I'm surprised that Nick actually managed to keep it a secret for so long."
"Thanks very much Counsellor," Nick grumbled, "but you still haven't told me what happened in here," and he waved his hand at the mess soaking into the polished floorboards.
"I am afraid that is my fault. I didn't tell Silas that Heath may be returning with Nick, and when he saw Heath it was a shock and he dropped the tray he was carrying." Jarrod turned to Heath who had remained silent, "You see Heath, Silas knew our father as a young man, at your age, and as you have probably guessed from the picture you and he look remarkably alike. None of us," and Jarrod looked squarely at Heath, "should have any doubts as to the veracity of Mother's confession after seeing Silas' reaction to Heath."
Heath stood suddenly, "I…" with a shake of his head he strode from the room, ignoring the call of his name from…his sister.
"Audra, leave him be. He needs time to digest the information he just received, just as we did when we first read Mother's letter."
"Will he stay?"
"I don't know honey, he has a lot to think about. In the meantime let's clean up this mess in here and then I had better go and apologise to Silas for not telling him about Heath."
BV
Heath strode purposely from the house, entering the barn with only one thought on his mind: to run. Grabbing the big bay's bridle but foregoing the saddle, Heath bridled the horse and then leapt onto the bare back, exiting the barn at a gallop and heading across the open range. He allowed the big horse to run, oblivious to the horse's sweat soaking into his pants. Finally his horse's harsh breathing brought him to his senses and he slowed the big bay down to a walk, scratching the sweaty neck and apologising for let him run so long. Not exactly sure of where he was as he had allowed the horse to run blindly across the range, he turned the horse back in the direction they had come, relying on the horse's innate sense of direction to return them to the ranch. One thing was for sure: he couldn't or wouldn't sleep in the big house; instead he would grab his bedroll and bunk down in the stable tonight and leave at first light in the morning for his valley. Still lost in his thoughts, Heath didn't realize that Charger had walked them into a copse of trees surrounding a small clearing. In the centre of the clearing stood a headstone. Curious to see who was buried there, Heath nudged the horse in the direction of the grave. He stared down from the back of the big horse in shock as he realized he was looking at his father's grave. Here was the man who had forsaken him and his mother to a life of misery twenty five years ago.
Heath dropped to the ground and stood staring at the simple headstone. Thomas Barkley 1813 ~ 1870. "So you're my father," Heath stated bitterly. "Did you ever think about my mama while you lived in that fine, fancy house of yours, knowing she shared a two room shack with a leaking roof and rotting timbers with Hannah?" Heath thought back to Victoria Barkley's words to him. I believe with all my heart that your father did not know of your existence. "Did you ever think that you may have had another son or daughter as you raised your children in prosperity while we scratched out an existence in poverty? Or did you know and chose instead to forsake my mama and me as just a mistake in your life? Did you even ever consider how your leaving hurt my mama? Do you know, not once has my mama ever said a bad word about you, always proclaiming you were a great man, kind and caring? Did you ever care enough to wonder?" A cool breeze suddenly sprang up and wafted through the trees, sending a shiver down Heath's back as a lone tear trickled down his face. Heath sighed at the futility of speaking to a grave. He would never get the answers he was looking for here. Those answers, he hoped, lay somewhere in Strawberry.
BV
It was late when Heath returned to the house; he had been in no hurry to see the large white mansion come in to view. He could see lights on in the front rooms but he had no desire to speak with any of his…siblings. Despite the rumbling of his stomach reminding him that he hadn't eaten since breakfast, he turned Charger towards the barn. It wouldn't be the first time he had gone without a meal and it would undoubtedly not be the last. He was thankful that he had left his bedroll in the barn with his saddle. He would collect his saddlebags and the money Nick owed him for the horses in the morning before he left for Strawberry. Heath was so engrossed in currying the big bay that he didn't hear the footsteps announcing the arrival of his visitor.
"I'm sorry Mister Heath, for my reaction when I met you this afternoon." Silas offered softly. "Mister Jarrod explained it all to me."
Heath turned at the softly spoken words. "It wasn't your fault, Mister Silas."
"Maybe not, Mister Heath but I surely do feel bad about it." Silas held a covered plate. "I was watching for you to come back. Thought you might like something to eat; it's not much, just some sandwiches."
"Thank you, Mister Silas, I was figuring on not eating tonight," Heath replied as he left Charger's stall and accepted the plate.
"It's just Silas, Mister Heath. I readied your room for you."
Heath shook his head. "I ain't sleeping in that house, Silas. I'll just bed down here in the barn tonight, but I'd be obliged if you could leave my saddlebag out for me in the morning."
"You're not going to stay, Mister Heath? Your brothers and Miss Audra, they'll be right disappointed."
"It's just Heath, Silas, I'm not important enough to be called mister. I can't stay here Silas, I don't fit in, I'm not one of them. I wasn't brought up to live in a house like that and it wouldn't be right."
"Oh that is where you be wrong Heath. You do fit in, maybe more than Mister Nick and Mister Jarrod. You're your daddy Heath. When I saw you it was like Mister Tom had risen from the grave and was standing before me. Miz Barkley, she know'd it the moment she laid eyes on you too," Silas nodded, "it be what tormented her these past six months, those fights and arguments all those years ago and her ultimatum to Mister Tom to never set foot in Strawberry again. Maybe I's shouldn't be telling you all this but I know Mister Tom, he wanted to return, to check on your mama but Miz Barkley, she tell him if he do he would lose her and Mister Jarrod and Mister Nick. I knew Mister Tom, he regretted not going but he was so in love with Miz Barkley and his children he was scared of losing them."
Heath had been eating the sandwich Silas had prepared as he listened to the old houseman speak. He swallowed, "He could have written to Mama, made enquiries but he never did."
Silas dropped his head, "He did write, just once. I know because he asked me to post the letter when I went in for supplies one day, he didn't want Miz Barkley to see it. Of course," Silas hurried on, "I didn't know he was writing to your mama, the envelope just said L Thomson, Strawberry on it. I never heard your mama's name until today."
"He wrote to Mama?"
"Yes Mister Heath, but I never saw a reply, at least not in any of the mail I picked up or that one of the hands delivered to the house. Your mama, maybe she never did write and tell him about you."
Heath shook his head, "Mama always said he was a great man, kind and gentle. When I was young I always thought he would come back, be my father, like the other kids had and we'd go fishing and hunting together but he never came. I begged Mama to tell me who he was. The longer he stayed away, the more bitter I became. I told her he couldn't have been the man she thought he was because he never came back for us. He just left us to live in poverty, in a run-down shack, in a run-down mining town."
"Your mama was right, he was a great man, and maybe even a better one for having known your mama, whether you believe it or not. He did a lot of good for this valley and its people, not just on this ranch, but Heath, he was just a man. I seen him make mistakes, but he always tried to rectify them and now he's gone. Now it be up to Mister Jarrod, and Mister Nick and Mister Eugene and Miss Audra, and maybe even Miz Barkley, to make amends for the past, but they can't do it if'n you don't stay and do your bit too."
Heath sighed, "I can't Silas. If what you say is true and he DID write a letter to my mama, then I have to go to Strawberry and find it. I need to speak to Hannah, hear what she remembers about that time, about my father and the letter."
"It could be lost, destroyed, after all these years Heath…"
"No," Heath shook his head, "Mama never threw anything of value out. She had a trunk for all her keepsakes. I know it's still in her room. Hannah keeps tellin me I should go through it but I never could. It was Mama's private memories and I'm not ready to relive them, but now I guess I have to. If he sent her a letter, it will be in that trunk. It has to be." Heath handed the plate back to Silas. "Thank you for the sandwich Silas and the talk, but I reckon if I'm heading to Strawberry in the morning, I better get some sleep tonight."
"Alright Heath; I'll leave you some food for your trip with your saddlebags in the morning." Silas paused, "If'n I can say one more thing, don't take your hurt and confusion or anger out on your brothers and sister. They be angry and hurting too, just the same as you, but they are willing to accept you as their brother. Good night…Mister Heath."
Heath smiled "Night Silas."
"You got your daddy's smile," Silas remarked as he headed out the barn door.
BV
Morning, Wednesday 16th August 1876
It was early, pre-dawn in fact, when Heath led the big bay stallion from the barn with his little black mare, Gal, obediently following behind.
"Leaving without saying goodbye, or collecting your money Brother?"
Heath whirled around at the sound of Nick's voice and watched as – his brother materialized out of the shadows of the barn.
"You're not wearing your spurs."
"Nope, somebody once told me I'd 'scare all the game clear across the Sierras' if I wore my spurs." Nick stepped forward and handed Heath his saddle bags and a package of food Silas had prepared, watching silently as he tied them onto his saddle. With a heavy sigh, he reached into his breast pocket and pulled out a roll of cash. "I guess you'll be needing this too." And he handed the money to Heath, "But I wish you would stay, talk all this out with us, give us a chance."
Heath shook his head, "It's not about giving you," he shrugged, "us a chance, Nick. It's about me finding out the truth, and the only place I know to look is in Mama's trunk in Strawberry."
"What if there is no truth to be found Heath, what if it is all gone? Are you going to go back to your cabin, forget about us? We have a right to get to know our brother, and where our brother has gone."
"A right, Nick?" Heath raised his voice. "A right? I'll tell you about rights. Your father had a right to find out if he left my mama with his seed in her; your mother had NO right in stopping him from discovering he had another son; just like my Mama had NO right in not telling your father about me… and now you think it is YOUR right to know what I do, and where I go? What about ME, Nick, don't I have a right to say whether I want to be a part of this family? Or is it a case of what the Barkleys want, the Barkleys get?"
Heath turned back to Charger and with a lithe spring, leapt into the saddle and sent the two horses loping out of the Barkley yard.
Nick stood, hands on hips and watched as his brother faded into the twilight of morning.
"You handled that well, Nick," Jarrod said, stepping out of the shadows.
"Well you could have stepped in and helped. Just how long were you standing there for anyway?"
"Long enough to know that Heath is right. We can't force him to accept us as family or become a part of the family overnight. Perhaps he does need to go to Strawberry, find out what he can from this Hannah."
"It was twenty five years ago, Jarrod, how much do you think she's going to remember?"
"Perhaps quite a lot Nick, or maybe nothing at all, but remember, she was there at the time, and she helped raised Heath from a baby."
Nick ran his hands through his unruly black hair. "What do we tell Mother, Jarrod? She is expecting to see Heath today."
"The truth Nick, as we know it: that Heath has gone to Strawberry to ask Hannah about our father and his mother."
"How long do I give him, before I going traipsing all over the state looking for him?"
"If he isn't back by Monday night, then we'll both go looking for him, Nick, but…" and Jarrod stressed the but, "we aren't going to force him to come back with us. That has to be his decision and we have to learn to live with it whether we like it or not. He's correct Nick, it's his right to make that decision, not ours."
The two brothers walked back to the house and entered through the kitchen, nodding to Silas who was busy preparing breakfast. They poured coffee from the pot on the stove and then took seats at the table. "You know, Jarrod, I still don't know what Heath expects to find in his mother's trunk."
Silas placed a warm buttered biscuit in front of each of them. "He be going to find the letter," and with a shake of his head turned back to the stove, "maybe I shouldn't have said anything."
Jarrod raised an eyebrow, "What letter Silas?"
Silas turned back to the brothers, men he had helped raise since babies, "I'm sorry Mister Jarrod, Mister Nick maybe I shouldn't have said nothing to Mister Heath."
"You're not to blame, Silas, just tell us what letter you're talking about."
Silas sighed, "The one Mister Tom wrote Mister Heath's mama after he returned from Strawberry."
"How do you know Father wrote Leah Thomson a letter, Silas?" Nick asked.
"Because I had to post it for him. Your mama, she forbade Mister Tom from returning to Strawberry or contacting Miss Thomson ever again, so he gave it to me, asked me to post it for him on one of my trips into Stockton for supplies."
"Did she reply Silas?" Jarrod asked.
Silas shook his head, "Not that I know's of Mister Jarrod. I never picked up a letter from Strawberry when I was collecting the mail, and none of the hands delivered one when they picked up the mail either that I ever knew of."
"And you told Heath about the letter?" Nick grumbled.
"Yes, Mister Nick, when I went out to take him a sandwich after he came back from his ride and to apologise for the way I acted when I saw him yesterday."
"Was he surprised to hear about the letter Silas?"
"Yes, Mister Jarrod. He said he never saw it, but then he hadn't looked in his mama's keepsake trunk. He said if there was a letter it would be in there. That's when he decided he needed to go to Strawberry and find it or try to."
"You don't think Father knew about Heath, do you, Jarrod?" Nick asked.
Jarrod shrugged, "Mother doesn't believe he did and Heath certainly didn't know about Father or us. I guess we will just have to hope that Heath finds the letter and comes back to the ranch."
BV
After an uneasy night of tossing and turning Audra had risen early, hoping to get a chance to talk to Heath before her brothers had woken up. She had been heading down the back stairs when she heard Jarrod, Nick and Silas talking. Not wanting to be seen she hid around the corner of the landing and listened to their conversation. She almost betrayed herself when she heard that Heath had left and was on his way to Strawberry. Quietly retracing her steps she returned to her room and changed out of her dress and into riding attire.