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Chapter 24.
oOo
'What can I do?'
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Mrs. Hanson, Judy, Dennis and Captain Fuller were waiting impatiently under the door leading to Tom's room. It was already about half an hour it took Doctor Reynolds to talk with his patient and everybody became a bit nervous and curious about the results. That was why as soon as doctor left the room he was almost pressed to the wall by them.
"How is my son Doctor Reynolds?" Mrs. Hanson asked impatiently. She was disappointed doctor had forbidden her to by her son during the appointment. The more now she wasn't going to give up easily.
"He is not well." There was answer. "Your son had another attack of panic…"
"My God, is he all right?" The poor woman covered her mouth scared and looked at the door ready to run to her son. These attacks happened way too often to stay calm. She felt Judy embracing her tightly and stopping before she managed to make a step towards the room.
"There is no reason to worry now. I managed to calm him down and even talk with him a little. Now he is asleep." Doctor Reynolds informed, though it was clear he didn't say everything.
"Is there something we should know, doctor?" Judy noticed his hesitation and couldn't bare uncertainty.
"I am afraid his mental state is rather serious. It is good you listened to Doctor Zarmansky and asked me for help. Fortunately I have great experience with such cases."
"Can you help him?" Mrs. Hanson asked fearfully.
"Yes, I can. Though don't expect he will get better quickly. Such problems need time and patience."
"Of course." The woman answered immediately.
"I mean it, Mrs. Hanson." He said meaningfully. "I will apply some medicines and will come to him regularly twice a day."
"Thank you doctor. You can't even imagine how grateful I am."
"It's too early for thanks." Doctor smiled politely. "Just wait and don't loose your hopes, okay?"
"Okay."
"Now you have to forgive me but it's time for afternoon round on my ward. See you soon."
oOo
Doug threw his head up and blinked several times. Once again he almost fell asleep and it was just two am. He stood up and started walk around Tom's room quietly so that Mrs. Hanson didn't wake up. Maybe everybody would tell him it was unnecessary or stupid, certainly Fuller would consider this for another reason to make him for appointment with shrink but Doug couldn't help and carry on with vigils by his friends' bed. Guilt and memory were eating him from inside. And fear. He had to admit he feared, more than ever in his life. It was because of Guardian. That he will come one night and will finish his work.
Doug smiled at himself ironically and nodded his head. Certainly his head needs help. What normal man would risk and brake to hospital which is watched and guarded by cameras, FBI agents and police. Then again Guardian wasn't normal and what was worse nobody knew how he was looking like. Except Tom. The only witness. Penhall slowed his walk and then stopped by his friends' bed and observed him.
Tom lied as usually on his only, relatively the least painful position; his left side. Curled up protectively with his injured and tightly wrapped in bandages right hand next to his face and his mouth slightly open he looked like small defenseless boy who needs to be hugged and be protected. Doug reached his hand forwards and tried to make some order with Tom's wildly spread locks covering his face. It was really good news when he got know that Tom had slept peacefully all afternoon and evening until now. Whatever Doctor Reynolds had done during his last visit it had helped. Tom never slept so long without waking with some nightmare chasing his mind.
Some time later Doug broke his meditations and bent down looking at his friend closely alarmed by fastened beeping of ECG and Tom's sudden stirring. He could swear he just said something, though it was too quiet to understand. There was while of peace, and the man started think he just imagined something, when suddenly Tom jerked back and screamed weakly waking up his mother instantly.
The older woman jumped from her bed with grace and swiftness of young gazelle and run to the next bed. Her sleep had to be very watchful so that she heard anything. Or maybe it was just mothers' instinct?
"No!" This time the shout was louder. Tom reached his hands forward in clearly protective manner.
"Tommy?" His mother asked and surprised noticed in the dim light Doug's presence. Though she was too concerned to bother longer.
"Go 'way Guard'n!"
"Tom! You are safe here!" Mrs. Hanson tried to catch her son's attention looking him straight into his wide opened eyes.
"NO! Iss 'ere!" Tom opposed with scared and groggy voice. His tossing was in half not that strong like before so Doug didn't even think about calling doctor. Tom was rather moving as if he was drunk or something.
"Tom, you are in hospital." Doug talked. "Do you remember?"
"Guard'n iss 'ere." Tom managed to whisper last words weakly before exhaustion took him over and then he calmed down. Doug hold him a bit longer afraid it wasn't end but when the beeping sound slowed down to it's further peace indicating there was no more danger he backed. In this time Mrs. Hanson rearranged the pillows to better position and put back covers tightly around her son. Then she bent over Tom and kissed him tenderly into cheek.
"Doctor Reynolds said it will happen." She said after some time of silence. Doug just nodded. "Did you sleep something, sweet?"
"No, ma'am." He answered a bit surprised by how she just called him. "I am going to watch Tom."
"Don't agonize yourself like that."
"I am not agonizing myself. If I didn't want…"
"Yes you do." Mrs. Hanson interrupted sternly. Her eyes expressed concern. "It is because you feel guilty. But believe me, Tom wouldn't like what you're doing to yourself."
Doug raised his head and looked up at the ceiling as he suddenly became aware of unwanted tears filling his eyes. He felt guilty like hell and nobody could help him.
"Doug, come on. There is place for another person in my bed."
The young man just shook his head and stubbornly watched the white above him. Mrs. Hanson wasn't going to insist or force him to anything. Whatever was eating him it was clear he wanted to deal with this by himself. To cope with this he needed space and time. Shaking her head sadly she walked to her bed and lied down. She observed as Doug sat down on chair next to her son's bed and started his vigil.
"I would like you to know that I love you for what you had done and are doing for Tom, Doug." The young man shot up his head and looked at Mrs. Hanson with totally surprised and wide open eyes. His mouth opened slightly though no comment came. "Night."
"Nnight."
oOo
Next three days were similar. Tom slept a lot. Actually he slept over those days casually waking up with the same nightmare about Guardian coming to him and hurting him. Sometimes Doug thought that Guardian found some devilish and degenerated way to get to Hanson's head in order to kill him slowly and deliberately by constant haunting his mind. Finally Penhall decided he was getting paranoid when thoughts about some satanistic rituals or voodoo crossed his mind.
What worried Doug and everybody who looked at Hanson the most was, that despite good care and treatment he didn't look any better. In reverse, what was hard to explain, last time he was looking even worse than in his early days in hospital when he was just torn from deaths hands. It was strange, because mostly he slept well and his body was healing.
Doctor Reynolds visited his patient regularly and insisted it was normal on that stage of healing from PTSD. He shot in the air some key words like denial, recurrent distressing dreams, reliving the experience, illusions, hallucinations, intense psychological distress, constant avoiding reality by running into sleep, fight and then he left them pounding with thoughts, worries and suspicions.
Doctor Zarmansky when asked about all of this didn't say anything; though it was visible he couldn't understand Tom's condition as well. As he himself commented once: slowed heart beating, clumsy movements and slurring speech. It wasn't what you would suspect from patient suffering PTSD. But on the other hand Reynolds was recognized as an authority on the problem. So he didn't have choice than trust him.
And between their concerns, uncertainty and Tom's nightmares Ioki brought sad and terrible news about Michael Copper's death which only deepened their depression and bad mood.
oOo
"I insist doctor." Mrs. Hanson closed up to the medic and said angrily. "Why my son is in so bad state? Doctor Zarmansky says he should be better now."
"Doctor Zarmansky is not psychiatrist." Doctor Reynolds answered irritated. "He doesn't know how to deal with PTSD. I can tell you that what Tom is experiencing at the moment is normal."
"But I am talking about his physical state."
"Well, then you should talk with Doctor Zarmansky." Reynolds answered angrily. "It is his field, not mine."
"We did." Mrs. Hanson answered. "He said he doesn't know why his state worsened."
"Maybe he in not that good doctor as everybody used to think." There was another icily reply.
"And you, doctor?" Captain Fuller asked accenting the last word. His earlier suspicions woke up again and made his tongue a bit sharp.
"Listen. I am not going to bear insults in my own office. If you do not trust me any more so after Tom will be signed out from hospital you are free to change psychiatrist. For now he stays under my care. And to be honest I am really concerned about him at the moment."
"O." Fuller was rather not really convinced about the sincerity of that statement. Just several minutes ago he said Tom's behavior and state was normal.
"What do you mean?" Mrs. Hanson on the other hand became instantly worried and forgot about earlier anger.
Doctor turned all his attention towards the woman and winced a little indicating that whatever he was going to say was not what she will like.
"Well, I am seriously concerned because from what I have observed by myself, Tom's attacks although not that frequent, they are getting stronger and more…" He looked for words to describe his thoughts. "I will say it straight. It looks he believes that those images he sees in his head are for real. It is really serious and it is getting worse."
"You want to say" Mrs. Hanson shouted furiously "he is going crazy!"
"No, by all means. No!" Doctor backed a bit, though it was clear he meant it. "I just think he needs regular supervision and more advanced treatment. It would be easier if he was transferred to Psychiatric Unit."
"Oh…" Mrs. Hanson looked suddenly very lost and beaten. All of this was just so strange, how it happened everything went so wrong. After all, Tom was getting better.
"You don't have to answer now." Doctor tried to be gentle and trustful as he saw shock and hesitation. "I will borrow you my book 'Ars vivendi'. If you have time read it. It could help to understand what your son is going through."
"Thank you." She answered dully and reached for the book completely forgetting she got already one. "I… I think I will go back to my son now." And she stood up and run away as if chased by devil himself.
oOo
Doug sat as usually on his chair next to Tom's bed and watched him sleeping. He tried to understand why his friend was getting worse. His heart was weaker, beating shallowly and irregular. His breathing was as well frightening shallow, so that Doctor Zarmansky more often put the oxygen mask on his face than not. Additionally Tom was all over so weak and drowsy so that he still had to be fed by IV. He gained back some small part of lost weight but still he looked too fragile and worn. Unnaturally pale, eyes sunken, incoherent speech.
This all was just unbelievable. Four days ago he was better. Tom even managed to talk with Judy a little and even tried to jest. So what could cause this relapse… Maybe his state was more serious than they thought and now his body gave up gradually. Maybe Doctor Zarmansky overlooked something?
Mrs. Hanson repeated him her last talk with psychiatrist and Doug was outraged by the clear insinuations that Tom was going mad. It just brought him the images of Michael Copper. It wasn't real. Could a person die because of very bad experiences and fear? Could it happen that two of them died in that way? What did Guardian to traumatize them like that? "Argh!" Doug groaned helplessly and rubbed angrily his face. Too many thoughts and questions, and no salvation.
Penhall regretted that he never spoke with Doctor Reynolds. Maybe he could explain him the real dangers of posttraumatic stress disorder. Then again… maybe it was him who screwed up and wasn't that good specialist like everybody said. Doug inhaled wearily. Last hours his mind restlessly switched from one person to another to blame for Tom's current state. He knew it was useless and that he insulted the doctors with those thoughts. After all they did what they could to help his friend.
All in all Doug decided not to avoid Reynolds anymore and by next occasion to talk with him and assess the man by himself. Longer than ever he stayed with Tom and waited for the medic in hope that talk with him brings some explanations. To his annoyance though, he never came. This only infuriated Doug who again started send his attention and suspicions in circles from one doctor to another. Maybe it was Doctor Zarmansky who failed… somehow.
"Damn with those assholes!" Finally Doug spat out his anger, forgetting he wasn't alone in the room.
"Dou'?" The called man turned instantly surprised by the unexpected voice. Feeling guilty that shouting so carelessly he woke his friend up he bent over Tom and took his hand. It hit him that his friend looked and sounded as if he was drugged. Or drunken.
"Tommy?" Hanson turned his head towards the voice and fought with his heavy eyelids.
"Dou'?" He coughed weakly and then continued. "Guard'n?"
"No, Tommy." Why he got suddenly so obsessed about that guy last time? Not that he didn't have reasons, but it just was becoming too crazy. Every sentence he worked up to voice aloud consisted of this name. It pained Doug to see his friend in that state and so that he had to talk to him as if he was little child. "He is away. You are safe."
"Nno!" Tom shook his head and made almost inhuman effort to open his eyes and reach his hand up and grab Doug's shirt. "Hhelp me."
"Oh Tommy." Penhall felt helpless. "What can I do?" He asked desperately. Though he didn't get any answer. Those several words exhausted Tom and he fell back asleep before he even managed to take his hand down. Doug caught it quickly and squeezed. He was shaken. There was some uneasiness rising in his head. Crazy man didn't ask for help like that. Not with such effort and stubbornness. Or maybe Doug just wished there was something more than just fuelled by bad experiences mumblings of ill person. "What can I do?" He repeated the question again. Why Tom's plead for help left such anxiety in his head. "What can I do?"
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