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Chapter 27.
oOo
'Confined'
oOo
Tom sat silently on his wheelchair letting Doug being pushed along the white and sterile hospital corridors. He was painful, tired and unhappy. No wonder! Last forty five minutes he spent with physiotherapist being bent and crushed mercilessly.
Or at least he felt like being bent and crushed. In fact only what he did was lying flat on hard hospital bed and letting some guy to check the state of his bones, joints and muscles. The amount of movements he was asked to make wasn't even comparable to those when he lied on his couch with beer in one hand and remote control in another. Sadly he found out he wasn't able to sit up by his own without waking several sharp pains in his too slowly for his liking healing body.
This was the first meeting with physiotherapist and his head was already full of plans and exercises he was going to take under the watchful gaze of specialist every day now. Everything to make his body and especially leg more fit and hopefully entirely useable.
Until today's first session Tom lived under illusion that Doctor Zarmansky exaggerated seriousness of the hip injury. Fact was Tom never even tried to stand up and walk because the radiating pain and uncomfortable pressure he felt in all his leg discouraged him entirely. But he believed it was because he spent long time bedridden. Now all his hopes melted away. Right leg was too weak and painful to carry his weight. Walking on his own was therefore denied to him for next couple of weeks, unless the highest needs required otherwise, until it becomes stronger and probably next several moths he will walk with a help of crutches. Oh bugger.
In addition Tom was persuaded, in his own eyes it looked rather like forced and suckered, to take a visit of psychiatrist. Fuller cared this time it was a trustful, jovial and old enough man, but Hanson was too infuriated when the man came to his room and introduced himself to appreciate. He had thrown everybody from the room and refused to talk with anyone. He just couldn't believe how his mother and people he considered being his friends betrayed him like that. Didn't he suffer enough?
Once again anger and sense of being backstabbed filled Tom causing unwanted tears to flow down his cheeks. He rubbed them quickly off before Doug could notice it and start with worried comments. His friend became too caring last times, he reached levels Tom found difficult to bare. It was obvious he regretted what had happened, but his guilt and full of sorry looks tired Tom and continuously reminded him about last events making him to think about them over and over. Now once again his mind made its way to the time when several days ago Guardian played doctor and came to his room every day, laughing, talking about how he was going to kill him, about dancing with the death. The worst was the darkness closing around Tom after every Guardian's visit, bringing fear and feeling of utter helplessness and defenselessness. Every time he fell asleep he wasn't sure if he wakes up again, if this time Guardian decided to stop the torment and kill him finally.
God! He remembered exactly how desperately he fought to make somebody to believe him. To stop them to look at him as if he was going crazy.
"Tom?" There came Doug's worried voice from behind Tom's back. "Are you all right?"
"I am fine." The younger man answered shortly managing as cold tone as possible.
"Listen, I am really sorry…" Doug started saddened by his friend's cool and angry answer. He understood why Tom was so snappy and made everything to show how betrayed and hurt he was. He himself felt so guilty that he didn't believe Tom about Guardian so that he was sure that even fires of hell wouldn't manage to erase this feeling. But the entire situation was so twisted then. Guardian was a good actor; and additionally nobody knew his looks. He made fools not only from them, but police and FBI as well. Who would believe he was Doctor Reynolds. Who would believe he was walking between them as if nothing happened and make terrible plans of killing Tom in front of everybody.
"Yeah, me too." Tom answered with just the same tone indicating he didn't want to talk anymore.
Hanson's current state of mind and behavior didn't help much anybody, especially himself. With every day he was getting more irritated and snappy. His mind was continuously torn by nightmares causing him to be afraid to sleep. Even during day, when he was awake, memories attacked him. Tiredness, constant flashbacks and fact he was in the state of post-traumatic shock caused him to become really nervous, wary, angry and even unpleasant. He needed help. He needed specialist. He needed psychiatrist. Even Penhall admitted this fact, although it was commonly known what he thought about doctors, especially after Doctor Reynolds.
But Tom didn't want to see any more doctors. It was miracle he tolerated Doctor Zarmansky anyway. The older man gained Tom's trust probably mainly because of his mothers rather warm and more than friendly attitude to him. The older man along with Mrs. Hanson made everything in his powers to help Tom, although he wasn't psychiatrist. But all his efforts were in vain.
Doug himself didn't know what to do. He followed doctor's advices and still accompanied Tom, although sometimes it seemed only to infuriate the younger man. But Zarmansky said not to let him to be alone. He needed friends. That was why Doug was with Tom whenever he could. When he couldn't because work called Judy was. In fact they almost rivaled with each other for every hour with their friend.
Doug was really grateful that Judy came so often to the hospital. Last times he started suspect she made this not only because Tom was her friend from work. There had to be something more, you could see this in her eyes. Doug didn't ask her but not long ago he became certain she loved Tom and still she suffered, because she wasn't sure how he would react at her feelings. Doug noticed though that her presence calmed down Tom and made him more relaxed. That brought some hope.
Mrs. Hanson spent with her son every free hour as well. If she wasn't at work she was in hospital. She still spent nights in Tom's room although the last definitely opposed. Fuller, Ioki and Booker came as often as they could, though their own life called for them to take care for. And now when Doug and Judy were working only half time they had more work. Criminals didn't sleep.
Tom was surrounded by friends all the time, he could rely on them. But in situation when he couldn't make himself to trust them entirely, when he was still afraid of what happens during his sleep, although he knew somebody will always guard him, how could they be support for him? How could he start heal when he couldn't trust anybody?
Maybe if he started talk to them… But no. He kept all for him and he looked really tortured because of that. Everybody worried that he never mentioned about what happened to him during the week he was with Guardian in the chapel. When he slept he dreamed about this constantly, Doug knew this, because Tom often shouted in his sleep, and that what their heard made them chill. Doug looked at his friend and fought the need to ask him again how he was doing. Certainly his friend wouldn't be pleased at all hearing this.
Finally they reached the room and the bigger man set safely the wheelchair next to bed. He crouched in front of Tom and looked at him.
"Tom?" There was no response though. Concerned Doug squeezed his friends arm and shook him a little. "Tom!" The smaller man flinched away startled.
"No!" He shouted and looked around puzzled as if he expected somebody hiding in dark corners of the room.
"What happened, Tom?" The question was formed mechanically, true was though Doug knew exactly what had happened. Memories.
"Nothing." Hanson answered quickly and Doug nodded mutely deciding not to penetrate the topic. It could just irritate him.
"We are back." He said instead looking carefully at his friends weary face. "It is time to go to bed." He held Tom by his arm ready to help him to stand up and sit on bed. But Tom jerked back and waved his hand hitting Doug on the way in his stretched arm.
"No!"
"Okay!" The surprised man backed a bit and raised his hands indicating he had good intentions. "Just relax."
"Don't talk to me as if I were some psycho." Tom shouted angrily.
"I am not…"
"Yes you do!" The younger man leaned forward and looked at his friend with squinted eyes. "You all think I am crazy!"
"It's not true, Tom."
"Don't call me liar!"
"I didn't mean that!" Doug was a bit thrown out of balance by Tom's strange behavior. He never was like that.
"You did!" Tom shouted angrily but then he winced slightly and encircled his stomach with arms in pain. Penhall noticed it instantly, the verbal fight and some violent movements Tom did during it caused that still healing broken ribs and torn muscles objected against it fiercely. Though, he knew better than to do anything to ease him in any way at the moment. He just waited several seconds until Tom's breathing slowed and made his way to settle him down.
"Tommy, just calm down. Please."
"Don't. You. Ever. Call. Me. Tommy." Tom said every word very carefully. He couldn't bear being called like that. Why nobody listened to him!
"Sorry." Doug became a little scared. He didn't know what to do, whatever he said was twisted and misinterpreted. For some time they sat in silence.
"Leave me alone." There came surprisingly quiet request. The tone made Penhall believe Tom calmed down after his outburst and now he would be more cooperative. Worried he once again noticed how tired and worn his friend looked. Although it was already early afternoon he desperately needed rest. The problem was how to transfer him to bed without irritating the man.
"But first let me help you…" He started carefully.
"I don't need anybody's help." Tom shot him offended look.
"I know that."
"Just leave."
"But…"
"Get out! I don't need you!" Tom yelled infuriated. Why don't they leave him alone? Everybody made so much fuss around him as if he was an invalid. It was becoming really unbearable.
After the outburst fell the disturbing silence. The injured man observed Doug stand up and leave the room. He looked really hurt which made Tom's anger subside slowly and being replaced by tiredness and guilt.
Hanson bent down trying to ease constant pain in his chest and covered his face. He didn't mean to be that obnoxious to his best friend, but last times somehow he found difficult to be in control of himself. Conflicting feelings flooded his mind all the time. There was nobody left around him who he didn't insult, yell at or was just extremely unpleasant. He didn't deserve to have those people as friends. How could they bare with him?
But on the other hand they left him alone. With Guardian. It happened twice now; several days ago here in hospital and then… before… Tom went carefully back with his memory to the forbidden and unwanted areas of his mind. He didn't want to go there but then again something pulled him there. The pictures wanted to get out on the surface, they wanted being remembered, being part of his existence.
"No!" Tom refused them to close up to him. He sensed, no! he knew they were horrible. And he really feared them. That was why he pushed them away all the time. He refused them to exist. He refused them ever happen.
But then Guardian appeared in front of his eyes. Smiling coldly and reaching towards him.
"Did you know that curiosity killed the cat?"
Tom wrenched himself away from the man and shook his head. It couldn't happen. It didn't happen.
"I know you. You are not Tom Harrisson." Jimmy Clarke appeared suddenly from another side. Angry and burning with revenge. Tom was surrounded now.
"No! Leave me alone!" He shouted on top of his voice. Fear and coldness dominated now over him. But Guardian didn't listen to him. He just came closer, grabbed him by his hair and forced his head back.
"I think we need to have a 'chat'."
"Please!" Tom raised his arms up trying to cover his head against the man. He didn't want to see and hear him. But then somebody caught him by the arms and tried to draw his arms down.
"Tom!"
"No! Don't touch me!" He writhed desperately.
"Tom! It's me, Doug!" The bigger man shouted worried trying to pierce over the nightmare to his friend and take him back to reality. Unfortunately his effort was in vain. As Tom felt somebody trying to overpower him he fought even stronger and more desperately.
"Please! Don't hurt me!"
"Nobody's going to hurt you!" Penhall said and in time jerked his head back avoiding Tom's fist. He shot helpless glance towards Doctor Zarmansky standing above them and watching his struggles.
"Talk to him." The older man whispered quietly caring that his patient couldn't hear him. He didn't want to scare him more. After all he was stranger to him.
Doug nodded and immediately turned back. "Tom! Tom! You are safe! In hospital!"
"No! I am not!" Tears started stream down Tom's face. He still fought but not that desperately. His strengths were abandoning him already.
"Where are you, Tom?"
"I… I…" The younger man shook his head trying to clear his vision. In some part, deeply in his mind, he knew he was in hospital, but Guardian and pictures constantly flooding his mind hold him firmly away from that place. He was caged in his own mind.
"Tom, who is with you?"
"Guardian!" With that part Tom didn't have any doubts. As he said it aloud though, the nightmare faded slightly. Soon after that his tossing subsided as well. Doug immediately took an advantage and gently immobilized his friend preventing him to make any harm to himself.
"Guardian is gone." He said then. "Doug is with you."
"No." Tom jerked back. "Doug never came!" Those words hit Penhall mercilessly. He already realized with guilt the immensity of Tom's mental suffer. The whole week when he was imprisoned left in him the feeling of being abandoned and betrayed by friends. When they finally came he was barely alive and of course not aware of their presence. Then, when he was again on Guardians mercy here in hospital, nobody wanted to believe him.
"I am with you now, Tom." Doug cupped his face and waited silently until Tom panting heavily looked at him. "I will never leave you alone. I promise."
"Please. Don't hate me." The other man pleaded.
"I don't hate you Tom." Doug was surprised by the statement and touched by his friends' fragile looks at the moment. He was sure that any bad glance or careless word could hurt or even destroy him now. He instinctively reached forward and hugged Tom protectively. "I never did."
"I am so sorry!" Tom stretched out his arms and embraced Doug's neck hiding simultaneously his face in the bigger man's chest. "I didn't mean to be bad to you."
"I know, Tom." Doug caressed his friends' hair and squeezed him even stronger as he realized Tom was crying again. Then soon came another realization. The shivering Penhall had taken before as the effect of cry was in fact caused by cold. "Tom, you are freezing!" He looked at Doctor Zarmansky with questioning gaze. The room was rather very warm. It was late autumn, but central heating was working very well.
"Let's take him to bed." The older man ordered and watched amazed as Doug himself once again managed to lift his friend up from wheelchair and lay him on bed. Tom immediately curled to almost fetal position and closed his still wet eyes. He felt remotely being covered up though he didn't have strength to thank nor say anything.
"I think it's the effect of the flashback he already had." The doctor said as he checked his patients' pulse and eyes, then he reached to his forehead. "But he will be all right."
Doug nodded and worriedly observed Tom. He promised himself to never ever leave him alone. He started plan that after Tom comes back home he, Judy and the rest will have to share their duties and guarantee him permanent supervision, because now he couldn't be left alone. For his own health and safety.
oOo
"I don't really agree with you." Fuller said firmly to black haired FBI agent next to him. They two were walking along the hospital corridors.
"Last one and a half month you don't agree with us about anything, Captain." The man answered bitterly.
"And so far I was always right."
"Don't claim all success in Guardian's case only to yourself."
"Yeah, you're right." The man answered with a twinkle. "I am terribly sorry; I didn't mention my officers thanks to whom the case wouldn't even move for a single step. Ohh! And yes. Let's don't forget about Officer Tom Hanson, whose brightness and quick-witted mind led us to catch most wanted criminals of last years like van Hoffen and discover Guardian's face and ruin his plans."
"But he still didn't share many important informations with us."
"Because his state is really serious." There was short answer. "Partially thanks to your coworkers."
"This excuse is not working anymore, Captain." The agent opposed angrily not showing a bit remorse for his colleagues' actions. "Officer Hanson keeps very important informations to himself. If you will forbid us to interview him any longer I will be forced to arrest him and take for interrogations to our headquarters."
"That's a low trick and lame attempt to scare me, agent Smith." Fuller really wasn't touched by the threatening at all only angered and irritated.
"Brown." The man corrected instantly.
"You know as well as me that Hanson is untouchable. You can't force him to do anything and if you ever try the cheap threats on him I will kick your ass all the way to court where I will reveal all FBI intrigues."
"You won't dare." The man snapped. "We have an agreement."
"If you or anybody from your filthy bureau even touches Tom without my knowledge and permission, you will regret you ever heard about Captain Adam Fuller."
"Now you are threatening me."
"No. Just fairly warning."
"You are in no position to talk to me like that." The man warned. "I am FBI agent."
"You are in no position to talk with Tom without my permission." Fuller answered with the same tone. "He is my officer, not FBI's."
"Still, I've got my orders. I have to talk with Officer Hanson."
"I said no."
"We need something to move forward. Guardian disappeared and we know he wants to throw drugs over ocean. Without Hanson's help…"
"…great FBI is apparently helpless." Fuller kindly finished instead of the agent. "Don't forget that thanks to him you know Guardian's face. You owe him a lot."
"Well…" the man decided to forget about his pride and suck up to the stubborn Captain a little. "You right. But we need him. He made just amazing job. Don't let to waste his sacrifice."
"Listen, agent Smith." Fuller was getting bored and irritated with the talk. They already reached the door to Tom's hospital room and he longed to see his subordinate.
"Brown. I am agent Brown."
"Yeah. Smith." Captain openly ignored the man. "As soon as Doctor Zarmansky says that his patient due to his serious condition can't receive visitors who could stress him I won't let you talk with Hanson. End of discussion. Now, forgive me." Fuller turned around and disappeared behind the door leaving angry agent on the corridor.
oOo
"Hello everybody." Captain greeted cheerfully as he closed the door behind. He looked at the young man sitting on bed, propped up by pillows. There was hospital table over his laps with plate on it. Tom apparently didn't show any desire to eat the contents because there was big mess on the plate, but no signs that anything disappeared.
"Good to see you Adam." Mrs. Hanson jumped towards Captain and took his arm. "Maybe you would convince him to eat something."
"Ma!" Tom said indignanted. "I don't need anybody to tell me what to do."
"But you have to eat."
"I told you. I am not hungry."
"You said the same when breakfast time was."
"But I ate it." Tom said it with a bit bored tone and put the plate aside.
"No, you cheated."
"Maybe" Fuller got in lamely trying to help a bit "it is that hospital food. I heard it is not very good."
"It's rubbish." Hanson eagerly corrected the older man with tired voice and greedily drunk water from the beaker.
Captain took his time in that moment and looked at his officer assessing him, just in the same manner he did this several weeks ago. He didn't like what he saw now. Hanson wasn't the same full of life and healthy man anymore. He was looking rather like his own shadow. Pale, thin and emaciated, his body still carried proves of the beatings he received. His eyes were a bit too big and too dark. And too old. They didn't match to his nearly childish appearance. Childish, because now Tom looked more like lost and hurt child than grown man with just boyish looks. Ironically, what surprised him the most was that in spite of what he went through and how bad it affected his body his looks remained still very attractive, if not to say deepened in some cruelly twisted way by all what he experienced. Tom of course wasn't aware of that but he drew the attention of every female, Fuller couldn't not to notice the secret looks shot by nurses every time they thought nobody saw them.
"How are you Tom, anyways?" Finally he snapped from his sullen contemplations.
"Just dandy." Hanson answered getting really irritated with that question. First was his mother just after he woke up from his another nightmare, then nurse, who brought him daily dosage of medicines, then another nurse, then Doctor Zarmansky, then woman bringing meals, then physiotherapist, Dennis when he jumped quickly in to see Tom, some another nurse and now Fuller. Just how not to be irritated?
"Tom." His mother apparently didn't see his point and looked at him disapprovingly. The young man gave back the glare and shot quick insincere apologizing smile.
"It's nothing Margaret." Fuller tried to change the topic. "I asked because there is small problem."
"What problem?" The woman asked instantly worried causing Captain to promise himself to bite his own tongue before he uses the word 'problem' in Mrs. Hanson's presence.
"It's about FBI." He hurried to explain. "They are pressing me about Tom, and soon they won't listen to my excuses. Doctor Zarmansky won't be able to keep them away as well."
"What can we do?" Margaret asked. Fuller turned to Tom who was silently listening to his superior with a bit scared and lost eyes.
"Tom." The older man said. "Do you feel you can manage to testify about Guardian?"
"No. I don't want." There was quick and slightly panicked answer.
"Understand, Tom." Fuller tried gently to explain his situation. "FBI can come soon with warrant letting them to investigate you. I just would like it happened on our conditions with psychiatrist and in Police headquarters, not their."
"But I don't want."
"You know, sooner or later you will have to."
"No." Tom stubbornly refused to listen the reasoning.
"Tom." Adam reached forward and held the younger man's arm. "Keeping those memories inside won't help you. I can see it is eating you." Tom jerked back and covered his ears.
"I won't talk, I won't testify!" He shouted angrily. It cost him too much to keep those memories locked to let those FBI worms to drill holes in his protective walls.
"Tom." Fuller tried to calm down the man. "I know you were in hell but…"
Tom looked at Captain with hating eyes and furiously thrown the table away startling everybody as it hit the floor loudly.
"You don't know anything about hell!" He yelled closing dangerously to the boarders of hysteria and would jump out of bed if not Captains strong grip and solid railings protecting him against getting out. Angrily he tugged the metal things; he wanted to run away from this room and those people. He didn't want to listen to Fuller and remember what Guardian had done to him. It was black hole in his mind and he wanted it to stay like that.
"Tommy." Mrs. Hanson closed to her son startled by his sudden anger but she was brutally pushed away.
"Don't call me Tommy!"
"Tom!" Fuller assessed the situation was dangerously getting out of control and using his most authoritative tone he tried to soothe the younger man. "Calm down. If you don't want to testify I am not going to force you! Tom!" It didn't take long until Hanson relaxed and panic disappeared from his eyes.
"You promise?" He asked and looked at the older man wary and then hopefully.
"I promise." It will be hard to convince FBI to get away from Tom, but it was evident he wasn't ready to talk yet. Fuller didn't have choice, although as Captain he didn't like the idea of loosing good source of information. But Tom was his friend in the first place, and only then police officer and his subordinate.
"Tom." Mrs. Hanson walked to her son who tiredly rested back on the pillows and hugged him strong. "Why not?"
"Why not what?" He asked wearily uncertain what the question was about.
"Why you don't want us to call you Tommy?"
Tom looked at his mother surprised and searched for any reason. With guilt he remembered as he almost hit her because she used short form of his name.
"I… I don't know." He said after some while. He thought once again. "I think Guardian called me that." Mrs. Hanson and Fuller alarmed looked at each other and then back at Tom.
"You don't remember?" Captain asked in awe.
Tom shook his head.
"Why you didn't tell us about this?" His mother asked him worried.
"Because I don't want to talk about this, I don't want to remember."
"Oh, sweetheart." Mrs. Hanson hugged him once again and looked anxiously and questioningly at Fuller. He himself was so stunned he didn't know what to say. It was more serious that he thought. Now he was certain Tom needed help. Immediately.
oOo
With great regret I am informing you that for some indefinite time I won't post any more chapters. I am sincerely sorry for that, I know how frustrating it is to read an unfinished and abandoned story. But one I can promise you I AM NOT GOING TO LEAVE THE STORY. It is just that my life turned upside down lately plus I am moving out. In my new home I won't have PC and internet, so it will be physically impossible to write anything and update. I will try to buy notebook as soon as possible but not earlier than after min. two, three months of working in my new job.
To repay you for that I worked hard to write extra long chapter.
I hope you enjoyed it.
Deep bow to all old and new reviewers. Your support helps me very much. THANK YOU.
Please keep on feeding the author and press the review button below. Thanks. Until the next time.