Day 21
Kelly's Mood: Totally not confused. Because Kelly doesn't get confused.
The Weather: ... maybe I've been partly cloudy! Maybe I'm the chance of rain!
Where Kelly's Army Is: … Um. Not available. At this, like, present … intervention of … um, time.
I think we're, like, still supposed to be mourning. Or something. I don't know. I'm all confused—I mean. Not confused at all, because I'm KeLly ThE TaCtiCiAn and I know, like, everything. Shut up. Shut up!
Stupid birds think they're so smart because they're all, like, tweet tweet tweet and flapflapflap and bzz bzz bzz andthey can fly. Well, I can touch the sky without wings because I'm just that heavenly, and angelic. And heavenly. And. And… stuff.
Stuff's never failed me before. So there.
(HINT HINT TO KELLY'S ARMY. GRR. HISS. POTATOES, POTATOES.)
Kelly
Day 23
Kelly's Mood: "WARGH"
The Weather: WELL I CAN'T SEE FROM IN HERE CAN I HUH HUH HUH?
Where Kelly's Army Is: Ostia. Stupid smelly Ostia.
Well this is stupid isn't it, because Henry's thingie, thing, thing, I can't remember that part. And then Menthos told us some stupid story about … about … like, you know, what do you call those, um, things. Shiny lizards. With, like, wings. Except not like little bird wings. (BIRDS ARE STUPID.) … Well I don't know. I wasn't listening. Because I don't have to. Because I'm the tactician, and I don't have to listen, because I get told, or I, like, would if some people would, like, TELL ME!
So anywho, we're under attack. And nobody is protecting me. Like, nobody ever protects me. They just look at me funny. YES, EXACTLY, LIKE THAT, SMELLY, THANK YOU. Hahaha, you suck, you just got suckersmac—
WHY DID YOU JUST GET SUCKERSMACKED?
So, like, anyway, whatever. I'm just going to sit on the shiny chair-thing. Throne. Throne! Because I'm beauteous and wonderfuleous and you know, whatever, and angelic. Like a queen. I am Queen Kelly!
Queen Kelly of the sparkly, purple—
THAT IS NO WAY TO TREAT A QUEEN. OW. OW? OW. And you do not laugh at your queen, because I said so. I said so! All of you suck so you should die because all of you suck suck suck suckers suck suckity mcSUCK. Suckity.
Now I'm going to make them bring me shinies. Because my shiny senses are all, tingly. And spicy. And also sense-y.
And they better make it snappy, and—
Oh my god what is with that guy with the like, hood, and the eyes, and the bad hair, and the. Ew. Ew. Kill it.
Kill iiiiiiit.
…
Okay. Well. Now I'm bored because they're all talking again. Yap yap yap. Not like they ever say anything important like stuff about shoes. They never talk about shoes. WHAT IS WITH THAT. kElLy'S aRmY should stop being so … like, not talking about shoes… like.
Menthos keeps talking. Make it stop. It's not even fresh. Isn't he supposed to be like, the fresh-maker? … Or was that oreos? I'm all confused—except I'm not, because I'm all knowing, and everyone ELSE is confused. HAH!
Smelly says we have to go to Badoom or something. Whateeeever.
-- Kelly the Allknowing.
Day 24
Kelly's Mood: It's that, you know, floaty feeling. When you feel all … all… floaty. And fluttery! (I think they call it, um. I don't know. Like. It starts with 'h.' I think. WHAATEVER.)
The Weather: TWENTY FIVE POINT TWO ONE. Point six. Negative two. Uhm. Sunny!
Where Kelly's Army Is: Still Ostia.
This is almost like my true calling, because this is totally what I was made for. Because this is … my destiny… my …
… um …
… life's… purple.
Pur-something.
Whatever!
Anyway. This is my Tru Calling. Shopping. Is there nothing more heavenly and beautiful and simply wonderful and … wonderful, and shiny, and gorgeous, and wonderful, and heavenly? It's like, the fruits of the angels, except you can't eat shopping, that's silly.
Unless you're grocery shopping. Oh my god, laaaame.
So we're shopping! This is totally awesome, and wonderful. And I love it. Because we're shopping, and I was born to shop! And –
Matthew just informercialed me that we're not clothes shopping.
What is the meaning of this?
-- A very discongruntled Kelly the Tactician.
Day 26
Kelly's Mood: Ick. Gross. Ew. Stop. Go away. No.
The Weather: I don't know it's probably stupid so there.
Where Kelly's Army Is: Valor.
So we were on that stupid smelly, gross-like ship for like a day, right? And right after we have to FIGHT AGAIN. And DO you know how unfair that is to me? So unfair. I have to use my full effort and be at my utmost level of beautiful to be able to tactician properly! But do they ever let me tactician properly? Noooo. I tell them to go right and they go left! I tell them to split up and they stick together! It's like a conspiracy. To not die.
Stupid Lor—NERGAL is making us do all these dumb things, like fight. WHY can't the world be at PEACE and we can be ONE with the WORLD and PEACE and…
… oh gross it's an old guy why do we have an old guy?
And someone should totally shove that flute down Nilmus's throat, I mean, he's trying to drown out my angelic singing. Why is he trying to do that?
I hates him. Haaates.
HAAAAATES.
In fact! In fact I'll go sacrifice him to L—NERGAL right now! Because I HATES him and I can and—
Gross gross gross these people are like, all the same and that's not fashionable, I mean why can't they be all gorgeous and all the same? A little lack of individuality combined with fashionableity goes a loooooooong way, you know. Uuuugh.
So.
So like.
Walking. Walking. Walking.
Why do Florina and whatever and whatever and whatever get to FLY and I just get to WALK like a commoner? And what's with Smelly's stupid pony? Why doesn't anyone give me a pony? Stupid Smelly gets everything he wants. Except his stupid daddy and his stupid girlfriend and his stupid stupid. Stupid.
Stupid.
Oh look. They have a queen of ugly.
PURGE HER WITH LIGHT—
I said purge her with LIGHT not STAB her do you people listen to me at all do you do you do you?
… well fine, so she's dead, but she would have been dead awesomer if they did it my way. So there.
-- Kelly