Christening Chaos, Round 2

Disclaimer: Same as before. The Sugar Heart Fairies (Sugar, Sweet, and Syracuse) are a product of Red Witch's imaginings and the story "I Put A Spell On You". I also thank Red Witch for creating the Misfitverse in general. Thank SNL for inspiring at least one scene of this story.

AN1: I could use help for giving Sands his G.I. Joe codename.

AN2: The disciplines of Intangibility and Obfuscation, while not in the Charmed Series, are my invention. Remember Firefly has been at the Pit because he's made an alliance (how long it lasts remains to be seen) with G.I. Joe.

A figure stood quite aloof, watching the festivities going on at the Pit. He knew she was there, for he had been watching her for many years. The pain of the last time they had been together had faded to a dull ache. Or so the man had thought. Even after two years, she is still as lovely as ever. He thought.

Through the power of Intangibility he was able to roam freely amongst the crowd without being seen or even felt. With the discipline of Obfuscation he was able to shield himself from being detected by telepaths or premonition. His eyes fell upon her, and in hiding the wounds reopened. She was still as lovely and as compassionate as before, the way she was trying to help this other woman, this 'Cover Girl' with her problems. As she walked out of the kitchen she passed through him, thanks to Intangibility. But there was one thing regarding the Obfuscation discipline…

Phoebe Halliwell felt like she had just jammed her finger into a light socket. It felt like there was a presence in the room, but it was a presence she had not felt in over two years. Even after all that time, it still took her breath away.

"Cole…" she groaned as she doubled over.

"Phoebe?" Jean asked, as she saw the Halliwell sister double over, "Are you alright?"

"Jean, can you scan for any presences in the room." Phoebe said.

Inwardly Cole smiled, even if Xavier tried to scan the room there was no way he would be able to sense him. The telepathic probe passed right over him, and did not detect him. Not even Cerebro would be able to locate him, if he did not wish to be found.

"I don't sense anything other than the other guests." Jean replied, "Are you OK?"

"It was nothing." Phoebe replied.

"It didn't look like nothing." Paige observed, she had been talking to Jean earlier.

"It felt like there was someone in the room, for a really short time." Phoebe replied.

"A ghost?" Jean asked.

"It's not unheard of in our experience." Paige replied, "But I've never heard of a ghost that we can't see before. Are you sure you didn't see anything?"

"I didn't, it was almost like there was someone in the room." Phoebe replied, "For a second it felt like…"

"Like?" Paige prompted.

"Like someone was in the room." Phoebe replied.

"Phoebe, who was it?" Jean asked, "I can do a more specific scan if I know who you sensed."

"I…," Phoebe began, and then lied, "I don't know."

Paige didn't want to press the issue, but she knew her sister was hiding something. She put an arm around Phoebe's shoulders saying, "When you're ready…"

Phoebe smiled weakly back at her sister, "Thanks." Phoebe replied.

Cole hadn't counted on this. "Alpha…" he began.

The elder Avatar appeared, using both disciples of Intangibility and Obfuscation. "What is it, Cole? Or do you still go Belthazor…"

Cole bristled, "That name no longer holds any meaning to me."

"Pity, it was a part of your heritage." Alpha replied, "But down to business, how did Phoebe detect you?"

"How did you know that?" Cole asked.

"I've been watching you for the past day now, since you decided to follow her again." Alpha replied, "You didn't realize that Obfuscation and Intangibility are less effective against those who inspire strong emotions. Someone like Phoebe perhaps. Enough of this, you're missing one hell of a party." Alpha replied, before vanishing.

"Are you alright?" Ted asked Paige as he walked out onto the porch, putting his arms around her waist from behind and kissing the side of her neck.

Paige turned to face him, putting her arms around his chest, "Something weird just happened to Phoebe, and she won't tell me what it is."

"You're worried." Ted replied, "Do you want to talk about it?"

Paige hesitated for a moment before she replied, "It's just that Phoebe had an encounter with a presence of some kind."

"A flashback? Did something bad happen to Phoebe around this time?" Ted asked.

"It wasn't a flashback." Paige replied, "It was something else. It was like there was a presence in the room, one she hadn't felt in a long time. The damndest thing is I can't figure out who or what…"

"Former lover?" Ted guessed, in a totally casual manner.

A smile spread across Paige's face as she gave a bewildered Ted a quick kiss and headed back inside the house. "You're a genius!"

"Thank you, but I was joking…" Ted replied, following his girlfriend who walked inside like a woman on a mission.

So Paige has a new love interest? Interesting. Cole thought as he followed them inside. Didn't think soldier boys were her type. Especially Israeli soldier boys. The guy obviously is smarter than he realizes. I'd better get out before they really start looking. Hmm…I could use a cup of coffee right about now.

Cole reached over to the kitchen counter where coffee was brewing in a pot. He made himself just tangible enough to pour himself a cup before making the mug vanish. He took the first sip and it felt like drinking a shot of tequila plus a beer chaser. A smile slowly spread across his face, this was excellent. He had to have more…

Paige approached Phoebe just then, "Phoebe, about that weird presence you ran into earlier…"

Phoebe turned to Elizabeth and said, "Excuse me for a minute. And congratulations once again."

"Thank you." Elizabeth beamed as baby Alex sucked at the tip of his mother's little finger.

"We can talk in the kitchen…." Paige said, taking her sister's arm. Ted knew that the sisters needed a moment alone and went to go congratulate Elizabeth on the baby.

"Congratulations. He's adorable." Ted remarked.

"Well you helped deliver him." Elizabeth replied.

"That was more Lifeline and Bree, not me." Ted replied.

"You let us use your truck." Elizabeth replied.

"I'm glad I could be of service," Ted replied, "In helping bring this little guy into the world."

Meanwhile, Paige and Phoebe walked into the kitchen. "Look, that presence you felt earlier wasn't your imagination it was…"

"…Cole!" Phoebe shouted.

Indeed, former Assistant District Attorney Cole Turner, once the great demon bounty hunter Belthazor was standing in the middle of the kitchen floor casually sipping a cup of coffee in a blue three piece suit.

"It looks like the cat's out of the bag now." Cole replied. In his hands a burlap sack appeared and a large orange tabby cat hopped out and began to run across the floor.

"Parlor tricks aren't going to change things, Cole." Phoebe replied, coldly.

"Believe me, it wasn't intentional." Cole replied, "It's just that this stuff seems to be making metaphors and clichés I say come to life."

"What stuff?" Phoebe replied.

"This stuff." Cole said, hefting a mug of coffee.

"That would be B.A.'s coffee." Paige began.

"B.A.?" Cole asked.

"He's the chef here at the Pit." Paige replied, "His coffee is powerful enough to make adults wired for days, but makes mutants and Whitelighters act drunk and it really has weird effects on whatever you are."

"This is heavy." Cole remarked. At that moment the coffee mug instantly felt like it massed as much as a barbell loaded to capacity with free weights.

"OW!" Cole replied as he dropped the coffee cup on the floor, making a crack in the linoleum.

"What are you doing here?" Phoebe demanded.

"I missed you." Cole replied, "And I wanted to see you again…"

"You could have tried calling first." Phoebe remarked.

"You wouldn't have picked up." Cole replied.

"So you decided to follow us hidden from view. That sounds an awful lot like stalking to me." Paige replied.

"I really didn't think soldiers were your type, Paige." Cole remarked, "And Phoebe, I'm sorry, you probably wouldn't have wanted to speak to me. I was trying to work up the courage to…"

"…see if we couldn't start things over again." Phoebe replied, ticking off examples on her fingers, "Hmm, let's see. Bad idea. First you killed a witch, even after you swore you were good. Then you get me turned into a banshee…"

"In my defense, counselor, that wasn't my fault. It was your grief…" Cole replied, heatedly.

"That was caused by you!" Phoebe snapped back, "Anyway, you also became the new Source of All Evil, turning me into your Evil Queen. And divided me and my sisters!"

"OK, so I admit that one was my fault…" Cole replied, backing away raising his hands as Phoebe advanced menacingly on him, "Let's not forget that I helped you turn back into a human after you got turned into a mermaid."

"And again that was because of you!" Phoebe shouted back, "Let's not forget you altered reality so we never found Paige!"

"Admittedly that wasn't one of my better ideas. But you have to admit that I had only the best of intentions behind them…" Cole began.

"Some of the worse things imaginable start with the best of intentions." Phoebe replied, "Cole, go away."

With a heavy heart, Cole Turner teleported away from Misfit Manor.

"Mommy, I'm hungry…" Wyatt said, tugging on Piper's skirt as she and Leo sat on a couch..

Alan Breck smiled as he watched Piper and Leo try to manage their little ones. For once he remembered the laughter and pints of ale whenever his clan gathered from all over the Highlands. Food and drink aplenty were to be hand. Children laughed and chased each other on the grounds of the Macgreggor estate.

"The wee ones can be a bit trying, when you want to be with your beloved." Alan remarked.

"It's a Catch-22," Piper replied, "I don't know what I'd do without them. But I can never find the time to do anything that needs to be done with them."

At Alan's curious stare she said, "It's like being between a rock and a hard place."

"Aye, I understand." Alan replied, and he dropped to one knee in front of Wyatt, "I'm off to get me a bite to eat as well. I'll get you some food, if it's OK with your mum…"

Something about Alan instinctively made Piper trust him. Anyway the table with all the food on it is in plain sight.

"Come on then." Alan began.

"My mommy says never to go anywhere with strangers." Wyatt replied.

"Your mommy sounds like a smart lady." Alan replied, "I'm Alan Breck."

"Wyatt Matthew Halliwell…" Wyatt replied. Alan had to smile; the child certainly had the makings of the precocious variety.

"Well," Alan replied, "Let's get you something to eat."

"Bye Mommy." Wyatt said, waving.

Piper said, "I'll see you later sweetie."

"See, I told you that they weren't all that bad." Leo said, putting an arm around Piper's waist. Piper leaned her head on Leo's right shoulder, closed her eyes for a moment and smiled. If this wasn't a crowded party a certain temptation would exist. Oh well, later tonight. I'll see if I can't talk Paige or Phoebe into keeping an eye on the boys.

Leo seemed to sense this and wrapped his arm a little more snugly around Piper's waist. "Hmm…" Piper sighed, the stress of the past week, all the changes, including Paige dating Ted and the inevitable Misfit chaos his visits seemed to bring melted away.

Leo kissed the side of Piper's neck, "Let's take a walk." Leo began, "As soon as Wyatt and Chris are fed, we'll put them in the playpen with Claudius and Barney."

Piper sighed contentedly yet again, as she lifted her legs, drawing her knees to her chest as Leo held her close.

Sands sat down on the back porch, a bottle of Corona in his hand and an icepack atop his head, after Piper had thrashed him with a broom earlier. "Do you mind?" Sands began, addressing Phoebe and Paige, "You two have been yapping back there for hours, I'd like to enjoy my beer in peace. Who cares who this Cole fellow is anyway?"

"Don't mind him." Paige said, "He always acts like an egotistical asshole even when he had his eyes."

"And to answer your question, I care who the 'Cole fellow' is?" Phoebe replied, indignantly.

"Of course you care…" Sands remarked.

"Why are you being such an ass to everyone?" Paige asked, "Ever since we've met you've been the worst to my sisters, to me, to Leo. Even to Ted, your alleged friend, and other members of G.I. Joe."

"Look into my eyes and answer that question." Sands replied, lifting his sunglasses. Paige and Phoebe looked. Instead of eyeballs he had empty sockets which gave Sands' face an almost skull-like appearance.

"As for G.I. Joe, this was their damned fault. They left me out to dry." Sands replied, "I was on the line with Chuckles. First the idiot loses the guns I needed for the coup. And then he doesn't give me a line that isn't compromised. Third, he doesn't send backup in time and I wind up a blind man because of it. Satisfied!"

Sands put his sunglasses back on, "For 'powerful' witches you certainly did a bang up job protecting your 'innocent'. I got captured and almost sacrificed by Nazarac! And you all have these powers yet can't do jack to restore my eyesight!"

"Sands, you losing your eyes was your own damn fault." Ted interjected, as he walked onto the back porch, "And I'll thank you not to be an asshole to my girlfriend, thank you very much."

"Girlfriend? Considering you've been dating for all of one week, I'm impressed." Sands replied.

"Yes, I said girlfriend." Ted replied.

"Wow, the first one you've had in a long time." Sands remarked.

"Do not bring my romantic history…"

"Or lack thereof." Sands quipped.

"…into all this!" Ted replied.

"Boys, boys." Paige began, walking between the two men, "Can you not go five minutes without trying to kill one another."

Paige turned to Sands, "Ted is supposedly your friend, yet you take every opportunity to insult him."

"What kind of idiot goes to Israel over a college heartbreak?" Sands quipped.

"At least I can see better than you right now." Ted snapped.

Paige turned towards Ted, "And you, mister, need not stoop to his level by giving him the response he wants."

"Someone's in the dog house." Sands quipped.

Ted held his tongue. "And you guys have known each other since college. Now you insist on antagonizing each other?"

"We were college kids back then, we didn't know any better." Both men replied.

"For once you two agree on something." Paige replied.

"That was a freak accident." Sands replied.

Paige took Ted's arm, "Look, you don't have to stay here and argue with him."

"I'm all for a walk, love." Ted replied, "There's that new canyon Lance created sleep-terraforming a couple weeks ago, it has one of the best views."

"It sounds lovely." Paige replied, as they both walked off.

Piper and Leo went for a walk through a large park on the Pit. It had been built at Psyche-Out's insistence on a greenery program for certain areas of the base. Everyone had a hand in planting out the grove, even Beach Head, who planted a small fern that died in roughly twenty-four hours. It was also right by the fence of Shipwreck's back yard.

"It's been so long since we've been able to do something like this, with all the craziness we've been through." Piper mused.

"Well, we're making up for it right now, honey." Leo said, softly, from behind Piper as he slipped his hands around her waist from behind.

Piper backed into Leo smiling, turning her head as Leo's lips met hers. She turned all the way around, putting her hands on his chest before tenderly returning the feather-light kiss Leo had earlier bestowed on her. The next kiss was a deeper one and Leo's next thoughts were anything but chastely angelic. Piper sighed softly, her eyes scanning for a soft patch of ground.

Leo deepened the kiss, drawing Piper into his embrace and was instantly reminded why and how much he loved his wife. They parted for want of air again and looked deeply into each others eyes. It was exactly like four years ago when they had fallen in love for the first time, passion rekindling.

Suddenly, a rocket propelled hovering skateboard flew just behind Leo's head. "Somebody stop this crazy thing!" Forge shouted, "Flame out! Flame out!"

Forge was struggling desperately to balance on the skateboard as it caromed wildly out of control through the underbrush. "I cleared the rocks! I've cleared the brush! I'm…"

Suddenly a huge tree loomed in front of Forge, "…in deep shit."

WHAM! Forge collided with the tree and thudded to the ground. The hover skater was a complete wreck of twisted metal.

"It's official." Piper groaned, "We're cursed…"

"Wuh…wuh…wuh…" Forge groaned as he staggered drunkenly away from the wreckage.

"Oh, he's so adorable." Kitty cooed as she watched baby Alex lying in his bassinet.

"Aw, look at his little hands." Amara giggled, "They're opening and closing."

"Aw, and he's smiling too…" Jean added.

"I don't get it." Bobby asked, "He's a baby. All they do is cry, eat, pee, and shit."

"Not to mention they're devious as anything…" Scott replied.

"Scott! How could you say such a thing about a sweet little thing like Alex?" Jean snapped.

"It was more than a few Adventures in Babysitting!" Scott replied, "Remember that!"

"Who could forget those snapshots, Summers." Lance grinned wildly, "Especially the feathers and body paint, Jean. Wow, who'd have thought you were on the kinky side…"

"Alvers…" Scott bristled.

"Oh yeah! Bobby replied, "I remember those…"

"Bobby," Scott began, "Unless you want fifteen level-fifteen Danger Room sessions you will not mention those pictures."

"You mean the pictures of Jean wearing body paint and feathers and Scott naked?" Xi asked.

"Yeah, those pictures." Bobby replied.

"DIE!" Scott and Jean shouted as they chased him around the house.

"I'll never understand why such a mundane act arouses such anger…and emotion." Xi mused as he munched on some cookies.

Phoebe sighed, as she stood out on the back porch. Sands was still drinking his third beer of the hour with the Blind Master. As she stared out into the Misfit Manor's backyard Jack Sparrow, Mr. Cotton, Mr. Gibbs, Matelot and a couple other Pirates of the Carribean she couldn't remember walked onto the porch.

"Excuse me, missy, can ye tell me what this thing you call a movie is rated?" Mr. Gibbs asked.

"It depends on the movie." Phoebe replied.

"The Blair Witch Project." Jack replied.

"I don't know of the top of my head, but I think it's rated R…" Phoebe replied.

"ARRRHH HAR HA HAR!" The pirates all shouted and waved their bottles of rum about.

"OK, that was just weird…I think you guys need to stop hanging out at the bar…" Phoebe replied. Damn.

"BAAARRRR HA HA HA HARRR!" The Pirates all shouted.

"I think you're carrying this joke a bit too far." Phoebe began.

"FARRRRR HAR HAR HAR!" The Pirates all shouted.

"OK, I see where this is going." Phoebe replied, "It's just like that Saturday Night Live skit with Peter Saarsgard…"

"SAARRRRSGARD!" The Pirates all shouted like maniacs, "AH HA HA HAR!"

"OK," Phoebe said, "I guess I've got to stop saying words with the letter 'r' in them…"

"ARRRHHH HA HA HA HARRRR!" The Pirates shouted crazily.

"That's it! Find someone else for your joke!" Phoebe snapped.

"Before you be going, missy, what do they call a lead actor in a movie?" Jack Sparrow asked.

"The star." Phoebe replied. Drat.

"STARRRRR HAR HAR HAR HAR!" The Pirates all chanted.

Phoebe stormed off, almost colliding with Piper and Leo. "Having a bad day?" Leo asked.

"You could say that." Phoebe replied, "First my demon ex shows up, then I get bugged by a bunch of drunken pirates. Here's a tip, don't say anything that has an 'r' in it around Jack Sparrow and his buddies. What about you and that walk you two were going to take?"

"It got interrupted by that crazy inventor Forge and his crazy rocket propelled skateboard! Right in mid-kiss no less!" Piper snapped, "So who's having a bad day…"

"HA HA HA HAR!" The Pirates shouting could be heard in the background.

Cole Turner sat at a roadside bar, nursing a drink, his tie removed and wrapped around his right hand. He took a small photo of Phoebe, one that was almost four years old from a carnival photo booth. It was worn out from years of being in his pocket. Even though he had been Belthazor at that time, things were so much simpler that day. There was no struggle between demon and human half, there was only love and tenderness that made his human half that much stronger.

"She's beautiful." A female voice said from behind his left ear.

"Yeah, she is, but…" Cole raised his eyebrows as he noticed that a little fairy, about six inches high with pink hair and tiny wings, "I'm not that drunk, so I know I'm not seeing things."

"No you aren't, I'm real." The fairy said.

"If you're real then why don't these other clowns see you?" Cole asked, indicating the assorted patrons.

"Hey! Who are you calling a clown!" A fellow in a circus getup shouted.

"No offense." Cole replied, gesturing at the female in the white and pink dress with the white and pink hair ribbons, "I was arguing with that fairy over here!"

"Why I am offended by your language, mister!" a slightly effeminate man said, and slapped Cole's face before walking out of the bar.

"Hey buddy, I think you've had enough." The barkeep said.

"Bullshit!" Cole replied,"This is my second drink."

"You're a lightweight, dude." A spring breaker two stools away said.

"Oh shut your trap, junior." Cole replied. Great. First Phoebe cold shoulders me, then I wind up at a bar and this stupid fairy won't leave me alone. And then I get yelled at by an out of work circus employee, slapped by a gay man, and now I'm exchanging insults with a drunken college frat boy. I'm really having a bad day.

"You're right barkeep, I've had enough." Cole said, sliding some money towards the bartender. He walked out into the parking lot, the pink haired fairy following him.

"OK, spill it. Who are you and what do you want?" Cole asked.

"I'm a fairy."

"I can see that." Cole replied, "And before you go around making me look like Prue and Phoebe when they met their fairies Once Upon A Time, what gives."

"You've got it bad for that girl in the picture, don't you?"

"And why is that your business?" Cole asked.

"I'm a Heart Fairy! A defender of love!"

"A Heart Fairy? I've never heard of those before." Cole replied.

"The great Belthazor has never heard of us. It's no surprise that he doesn't know anything about love…"

"For one thing, Belthazor is dead! Cole Turner is alive and well, thank you very much!" Cole replied defensively.

"Ah yes. The girl in the picture. What was her name again? Piper?"

"Her name is Phoebe…" Cole said, irritated.

"So she was the one who won the great Belthazor's heart."

"First off, quit calling me Belthazor!" Cole replied.

"You may not be a demon anymore, but you still have no sense of humor."

"Who are you?" Cole asked, waving his arms, not caring that a couple patrons who were leaving the bar together with the bouncer were staring at him like he'd gone completely bats. As far as they were concerned he was just another blasted drunk.

"I am the Heart Fairy Sugar, the Defender of Love. I Protect…"

Just then a second fairy appeared, "You mean we Protect…"

"I'm sorry Sweet." Sugar replied, "We protect the lovelorn and defeated in love."

"Hey wait up!" A third fairy whined.

"Oh great, Syracuse, always late." Sugar groaned.

"Syracuse?" Cole blinked.

"Give me a break, will you!" the purple haired fairy in the purple dress replied, "I have 280 sisters and I'm the youngest, so of course all the good names would be taken!"

"OK, so you're the Three Heart Fairies." Cole replied, thinking. What is it with me and threes these days? Is it some kind of cosmic curse that I encounter trios of sisters everywhere I go?

"You got it Toyota." Sugar beamed, "And we have a proposition for you."

"Sorry, you're not my type for one, and for two I don't do fairies, and…"

"You may not be a demon anymore." Syracuse replied, "But you've got a dirty mind."

"OK, it isn't that sort of proposition." Cole replied, "Just what is it you guys want?"

"What's her name? The girl in the picture?" Sugar replied.

"Her name's Phoebe." Cole sighed, "And I blew it big time. Every time I've tried to show her my love something bad happens. Either demons get in my way, things go straight to hell, or…"

"Fear not. We have a plan to help you win back the woman of your dreams." Sugar said.

"I'm listening…" Cole replied. This plan was going to be foolproof. He would win back Phoebe's heart, and with the help of three Sugar Heart Fairies, how could he possibly fail?

TBC (Up next, more Christening Chaos and the return of the Heart Fairies)

Piper: For once you drive Phoebe crazy instead of me.

Phoebe: HEY! Why don't you bug Paige next time around?