Conclusions and a Council of Villains

Disclaimer: Same as before...For the record I like the Pirate Convention SNL skit. RoguefanKC, thanks for detecting my mistake…

"So how are you holding up?" Paige asked Phoebe the next morning.

"Let's see," Phoebe began, "First we meet the most insane collection of soldiers, mutants, and others imaginable, we see Sands again..."

Paige replied, "I figured Piper would be more annoyed by that than you."

"I'm not finished yet." Phoebe snapped, "I get subjected to more stupid 'AR' jokes from the stupidest Saturday Night Live skit imaginable from Jack Sparrow and his band of lunatics, I almost got skewered by the Blind Master and Spirit's drunken knife throwing demonstration, and to top it all off my ex-husband and three insane fairies came after me."

Paige replied, "There's so many jokes I could make..."

Phoebe glared at her sister, "Don't you dare."

"Relax," Paige replied, "You sure are touchy..."

"Having your demonic, and I mean literally demonic, ex-husband show up can make anyone touchy." Phoebe replied.

"It was pretty funny to see the Richard Simmons robots chase Cole though." Paige replied.

"I won't be able to hear that song again without imagining that." Phoebe replied.

"Same here." Paige replied, smiling.

"You seem happy." Phoebe replied, "Despite our insane evening…"

"It wasn't that bad…" Paige remarked.

"Will you three shut up!" Phoebe shouted at the air.

Paige was about to reply with something snappy but remembered something, "The coyotes again?"

"I don't need to hear any more lunatic remarks regarding Cole! I mean it! I'll bring you back to this world if only to kick your asses in triplicate!" Phoebe shouted.

"Listen you three," Paige replied, "I mean it, quit bugging Phoebe right now."

"But we're bored..." Mischief said, "Lance is in bed with a head cold and he's no fun when he's sick."

"And you're hardly a saint yourself. You were the Queen of the Underworld..." Guile remarked.

"And we already put a live squirrel in Natalie's underwear drawer…" Trickery whisppered.

"My God you three are nuts." Phoebe groaned, "Can't you bug someone else right now?"

"Say, I think the Whitelighter area is due for another fiesta…" Mischief replied.

"Bye, thanks." Guile said. The three coyotes disappered to cause more havoc and mayhem.

"Why do I get the feeling that we're going to really hear about this one?" Phoebe groaned.

"Because we probably are." Paige replied.

Piper came walking down the stairs just then, Leo trailing behind her. "I was wondering when you two would come down here." Phoebe replied, "Breakfast is ready."

"You're practically glowing." Paige observed, "But of course you should, considering you two cut out of the party early to play. Adding a third baby to the bunch?"

Piper blushed, "Of course not."

"The kids are still asleep upstairs." Paige added, and the grinned wickedly, "Phoebe and I put them to bed last night, after mommy and daddy decided to get a little busy."

"I guess we can thank those Heart Fairies for one thing." Piper remarked, as Leo put his arms around her waist. She held on to both of his wrists and smiled.

"With all those crazy creatures that the X-men and Misfits keep encountering I'm amazed that the Xavier Instituted and the Misfit Manor are still standing." Phoebe remarked.

"With those people I'm amazed any building within fifty feet of them is still standing." Piper remarked, "Especially when Lance and Pitor go at it."

The doorbell rang just then and Paige said, "I'll get it."

She opened the door to see an FTD delivery man standing there with two boquets of flowers. "Paige Matthews?"

"Yes." Paige replied.

"Sign here." The delivery man said.

Paige complied and asked, "Are both of those for me?"

"No. Is there a Phoebe Halliwell in the house?" the deliveryman asked.

"Phoebe…" Paige called, "Come here please."

Phoebe walked over to the door, noticing Paige holding a boquet of flowers in her arms, "From Ted?"

Paige nodded, smiling as she began to read the card that was attached.

"I wonder who could have sent me flowers." Phoebe replied, as she signed the form.

"No idea ma'am," the deliveryman said, "But I must say, your house is awfully popular, two boquets in one morning."

Phoebe closed the door after the deliveryman left as Paige giggled to herself. "What?" Phoebe asked.

"You've got a secret admirer." Paige replied, "You won't believe it, but Ted apologized for the chaos at Misfit Manor."

"Not so secret," Phoebe darkened as she read the card, "It's from Cole…"

"Oh dear." Paige remarked.

"He's saying that he's not giving up on us, and that he's made mistakes in the past but he's trying to correct them." Phoebe replied.

"Phoebe, becoming the new Source is not a mistake." Paige remarked.

"That means we haven't seen the last of Cole." Phoebe mused.

"You're awfully happy." Sands mused as he plastered spackle onto the hole Pitor had punched into the wall, "And what's with you silently counting seconds…"

"Well," Ted replied, "Right about now Paige should…"

The telephone rang just then and Roadblock shouted from the kitchen, "Ted, Paige is on the phone. Should I tell her you're available or to leave you alone?"

"I'm coming!" Ted replied.

Sands said, "If I had eyes right now, I'd roll them."

Ted answered the phone, "I'm glad you liked the flowers. I figured someone had to apologize for the insanity you were all subjected to…"

"Don't make me vomit, Ted." Sands commented.

"Yeah, 7 o'clock tommorrow night is perfect." Ted replied, "I'll see you then."

"Oh the nausea…" Sands groaned.

"Ted, other people need to use the phone too." Low Light remarked, "It's not like you weren't talking to Paige yesterday."

"Just a second." Ted replied, cupping the receiver, "Anyway, I'll see you tommorrow."

"Pretty grim, huh?" Sands remarked, "Soon he's gonna propose, she'll say yes, pump out a couple kids and Ted's on a ball and chain. Be careful, young man, that could easily be you…"

"Gah?" Barney said from his high chair.

"Damn it! I thought you were Toad." Sands remarked.

"Hey Sands," Althea remarked.

"What?" Sands replied. Althea whacked him upside the head with a paint can.

"OW!" Sands shouted, "What did you do that for?"

"Do the terms ball and chain ring a bell." Althea replied.

"Uh-heh heh…" Sands began.

"Althea, don't hit Agent Sands." Cover Girl replied.

"Thanks Cover Girl, now I…YOW!" Sands shouted as Cover Girl shot him with an air taser.

"You might not want to touch him, because you don't know where he's been." Cover Girl replied.

"HEY! That's abuse of the handicapped!" Sands replied as he twitched on the ground from the electrical current.

"You deserve it, you sexist pig." Cover Girl snapped.

"What did he say?" Wanda said.

"He basically said that I'd be a ball and chain for Toad." Althea replied.

"Normally I'm not a big fan of Toad," Wanda replied, "But since he seemed to say all women in general are a ball and chain…"

Wanda powered up and the hair dryer came to life and wrapped itself around his neck, while the nearby coatrack and vaccuum cleaner converged on Sands' position and started beating him up. "HELP!" Sands shouted.

"You brought this on yourself buddy." Shipwreck laughed.

"Wow," Althea quipped, "You can teach an old dog new tricks."

"After a few thousand tries…" Polly remarked, flapping his wings.

"Why you…!" Shipwreck shouted and leaped at Polly only to fall short and bash his head on the counter.

"EUREKA! Polly you're a genius!" Shipwreck shouted as he raced off to Airtight's lab.

"Help...blub blub blub…Help...blub blub blub…Help...blub blub blub…Help...blub blub blub…" Sands shouted as Cover Girl was dunking his head into the toilet while Althea and Wanda held him down.

"Aren't you going to do something about all this?" Emily asked, wincing as she heard Sands coughing up water.

"And have them attack me?" Ted replied, "Even I have more sense than that."

"You're filiming this?" Emily asked, incredulous, as she saw Ted with a tiny camcorder in his hands.

"Yeah." Ted replied, "Something tells me the Charmed Ones are going to enjoy this immensely."

"Sadist!" Sands shouted from the bathroom, "Glub…blub…blub…"

"Has anyone seen Shipwreck?" Roadblock asked.

"Not since he took off after Polly." Ted replied.

"I hate Shipwreck. I hate him! I hate him!" Ororo fumed as she walked into the kitchen.

"What's going on?" Scott blinked as he took his seat.

"What did Shipwreck do this time?" Beast asked, "Try to steal your bras again?"

"Worse." Ororo replied.

"Emus?" Beast asked.

"No." Ororo replied.

"What did he do?" Logan asked.

"He gave me flowers." Ororo fumed.

"That doesn't sound too bad." Jean remarked.

"HELLO! This is SHIPWRECK we're talking about!" Ororo shouted, waving her arms.

"Look on the bright side Storm." Scott began, "It can't be anywhere remotely as bad as the emus."

"Or the attack penguin." Kurt chimed in.

"That wasn't from Shipwreck, though." Kitty remarked.

"I know." Kurt remarked, "But I was saying that as far as gifts from the Misfits go, whatever Shipwreck gave Storm can't be that destructive…"

"Uhm guys…" Jamie began as he came into the kitchen, "There's something you should take a look at…"

"Not now Jamie." Scott began.

"But Cyclops…" Multiple began

"Jamie, unless this is an emergency, please don't interrupt us…" Jean began.

"Guys, there's a giant plant in Storm's bedroom that's eating the furniture. It's actually gotten bigger and just ate the bathroom door just now." Jamie replied.

"You know, Jamie," Jean began, gently, "These are the sort of things you should tell us immediately."

"My upbringing is full of inconsistent messages." Jamie replied.

Meanwhile the Misfits had teleported in. Storm immediately pounced on Shipwreck and staretd pummeling him.

"OW! OW! OW! OW! OW!" Shipwreck screamed as Storm pummeled him.

"Nice to see you too, Ororo." Cover Girl remarked, sarcastically, "As much as you don't believe me, we're here on business."

"Would that business have anything to do with the fact that half the students are tangled in vines right now?" Hank said as he ran into the room, chased by a dozen root-like appendages.

"Yes." Low Light replied, glaring at Shipwreck, "Somebody swiped a plant from Airtight's Lab. A rare flower from the Amazon…"

"The Amazon Rosewood Tercher, you mean?" Beast replied, "I've never seen one grow that big before. Nor have I ever seen one that can use its roots as tentacles…"

"Did I mention that I crossbred them with several other plants, including the Venus Flytrap?" Airtight, who had accompanied them, replied.

"So its mutated now?" Beast asked.

"Isn't it grand?" Airtight asked.

"Aren't you insane?" Ororo replied.

"How was I supposed to know it would start eating the furniture?" Shipwreck replied.

"Maybe the last time one of you tried to Say It With Flowers would have been the perfect clue!" Ororo snapped.

"Airtight, does it...?" Beast asked.

"If you're asking if it eats people, the answer is no." Airtight replied, "But the roots act as a defensive mechanism."

"Meaning if we attempt to blow it up we're going to have problems? Right?" Beast replied.

"Right." Airtight replied.

"How do we stop this thing then?" Beast replied.

"Fortunately I have several bags of 'No Weed' herbicide in my lab and with me." Airtight replied, "All you have to do is…"

A flower broke through the wall and Cyclops blasted it with his optic blast. "Did I forget to add that destroying a part of the flower means it multiplies in triplicate?" Airtight replied.

"I think I would remember if you did!" Scott replied, as half a dozen vines wrapped around him and pinned him against the wall.

Airtight flung a small cloth bag at the roots, covering it with powder. The roots withered and died and released Scott. Unfortunately Scott was suspended several feet above the ground when Airtight hit it with the bag. Scott hit the table, splintering it, and stood, coughing.

"Airtight, you might have wanted to wait until Slim was closer to the ground before doing that." Wolverine observed, his clothing torn and shredded and claws extended from fighting with the giant plant.

"OK," Shipwreck said, taking charge, "We'll need reinforcements. Wavedancer, Avalanche, Toad get to work with the bags of 'No Weed.'"

Airtight tapped his Mass Device communicator, "Roadblock, Mountaineer, we need some more No Weed and reinforcements."

A short time later the reinforcements teleported in. "THORNY BRAMBLE! THORNY BRAMBLE! AUGH! OUCH!" Pietro shouted as he was chased by a thorny appendage around the foyer.

Ted hit the thorny branch with a fist sized bag of No Weed, causing it to wither and die. "Uhm, Airtight, how intelligent is this thing?" Ted shouted from the foyer.

"About as smart as an average Venus flytrap, why?" Airtight replied.

"Is that Mensa or non-Mensa flytrap." Ted asked.

"AUGH! MORE THORNS! OW! OW! OW! OW! OW!" Pietro shouted as a dozen thorny vines wrapped around him and lifted him into the air.

"What do you know, a thorny plant with taste." Wanda remarked.

"Quit OW commenting OW and save me! OW!" Pietro shouetd.

Sands flung a No Weed bag at some vines eating at the banister. However, Bobby Drake, fleeing more thorny brambles, got hit instead.

"HEY! What are you? Blind or something?" Bobby shouted.

"Actually yes." Sands remarked.

"WHOA!" Bobby shouted as the plant lifted him into the air and bonked him and Pietro's heads together.

Wolverine leaped upward, slashing down a root while Shipwreck flung a bag of No Weed onto the stump. Jubilee was pinned to the staircase wall and Wolverine battled through vines and brambles to get to his adopted daughter. Shipwreck followed behind, flinging fist sized sacks of No Weed into the stumps.

"This thing's got more branches than the IRS." Shipwreck grumbled.

"Dad, you gave this thing to Storm, so quit complaining." Althea remarked.

"You are so grounded right now." Shipwreck grunted.

"To think I expected my tour in the US to be boring." Ted replied as he followed X23, as she copied her father's tactic of slashing at vines, with a partner to fling bags of No Weed into them.

"Nothing to do with us is ever boring, Mountaineer." Rina replied.

"So I noticed." Ted replied, jumping as a thorny tentacle nearly grabbed him round the waist.

Jean flew up and telekinetically threw a dozen bags of No Weed to free Bobby and Pietro who promptly fell, but Jean used her powers to lower them gently to the ground.

"Iceman, freeze the perimeter of the room!" Logan shouted.

Bobby complied. "We'll start clearing the Mansion of this plant room by room." Roadblock shouted, "Before it can make anything else go boom."

"That could take a while." Ted quipped.

"Mountaineer, I'm one step ahead of you." Arcade began, as he teleported in. Trnity and several dozen Richard Simmons robots were in his wake.

"Sweat to the oldies!" They declared in unison and began attacking the plant with axes, flamethrowers, and No Weed grenades. After an exhaustive fifteen hour battle, there was scarcely anything wooden left upstairs at the Xavier Institute. Debris, robot parts, and various personal items lay all over the place.

"At least today wasn't a total loss." Shipwreck grinned widely as he picked up a particularly sexy red bra that was lying on the floor outside Storm's bedroom. The Misfits tapped their Mass Device communicators and vanished.

"Did I ever tell you how much I truly loathe Shipwreck?" Storm replied.

"You have." Kitty replied, surveying the damage.

An unknown location: "Transforming those Vipers into Heartless was a success, wasn't it?" Destro asked.

"Certainly." Cobra Commander hissed.

"We still must track down that traitor, Firefly." Destro replied.

"He is of no consequence." Cobra Commander replied, teresely.

"And you are certain we can market this product?" Armando Barillo rasped. The shotgun rounds that El Mariachi had shot him with Once Upon A Time in Mexico had destroyed much of his respiratory system.

"If we…" Xamot began.

"…market it as…" Tomax replied.

"…a performance enhancer…" Xamot continued.

"…then yes." They replied.

"What about the X-men, Misfits, and G.I. Joe?" General Eddington countered, "If Firefly told them anything…"

"Firefly knew nothing of value, only that the performance enhancers we gave most of his men turned them into Heartless." Mindbender replied, "I saw to it."

"And what of Firefly himself?" Destro countered, "He is our most skilled saboteur."

"One man cannot defeat an army." The Source observed.

"What of the X-men and Misfits," Eddington countered, "As far as I know they've aligned themselves with the Charmed Ones, which if my information is correct, have defeated your forces on a number of occassions."

"And these Heartless are almost entirely leaderless, are they not, since the eldest sister Prudence has vanquished Maleficent." Barbas replied.

"I wouldn't worry about a lack of leadership among the Heartless, Barbas." A voice sounding almost childlike, replied.

A figure walked into the light. He was clearly a red haired man, for what was left of his hair stood in a red shock. One of his eyes was blue, but the other eye was a red electro-optic orb set into a cybernetic half a face. His left arm from the elbow down was entirely mechanical, as were both of his legs. He wore a blue cape, white boots, and a black suit with a large white 'S' on his chest.

Barillo laughed contemptuously, "What child is this?"

"This 'child'," the figure said, "Is known as Syndrome."

"Syndrome of what? Delusion?" Barillo replied. He was promptly lifted into the air when Syndrome pointed his finger at him.

"Respect your betters, Barillo." Syndrome replied, "For it is I who now command the Heartless."

"And who are you?" Cobra Commander hissed.

"I am Syndrome. And I'm here with a little proposal…" Syndrome replied.

"We already control the Heartless, thank you very much." Mindbender countered.

"Yes, I trust that your formula was potent. However you were only able to create Shadows and Soldiers." Syndrome replied, "I can make more powerful Heartless for your schemes."

"I'm listening." Cobra Commander replide.

"As am I." Eddington added.

Syndrome couldn't help but smile, at least the human half of his face did. The cybernetic half of his face remained coldly expressionless. "Much better reception than I received fifteen years ago, from a man named Mister Incredible."

"Mr. Incredible?" Barillo asked, incredulously.

"A man who took away my future. But I showed him, I took over my world, and he is now in hiding." Syndrome replied, coldly, "But let's save those details for later. I know what your organizations want, because it's what I want."

"And what would that be?" Cobra Commander replied.

"I hazard a guess at respect, world dominion, prestige…" Syndrome replied, "Am I getting warmer…"

"Precisely…" Xamot replied.

"…our goal." Tomax added.

"My inventions could well be a help for you." Syndrome touched a control on his wrist, and the video monitor in the unknown office flared to life, showing a massive, spherical robot with legs, laser turrets and massive arms wrecking a city.

"What is that?" Trask asked.

"It's my Omnidroid, of course." Syndrome replied, "And I can help improve your Sentinels…"

"Hmm." Trask replied, "A most interesting concept."

"And I promise all of you, that I will pledge my inventions, my assets, and the Heartless to help you achieve your aims." Syndrome declared.

"And what's in it for you?" Reverend Stryker asked, "Surely you do not expect us to believe that you're helping us out of the goodness of your heart?"

"Of course not." Syndrome replied, "I want a cut of your profits and the use of your resources. My war to take over Metroville has cost me considerably, and by merging my forces with your own, we can become unstoppable. We just have to agree on cuts."

"As long as Pryde is dead, I don't care." Stryker replied.

"She's yours for the killing." Syndrome replied.

"You can use our labs and resources, provided we get those advanced weapons you promised." Cobra Commander replied.

"And these new Heartless you speak of." The Source added.

"You gentlemen will get all that you desire." Syndrome replied, "As long as you hold up your end of the bargain."

"And what would…" Xamot replied.

"…that be?" Tomax added.

"Keep the Joes, Charmed Ones, X-men, and Misfits out of my operations." Syndrome replied, "Keep them distracted and running around chasing disturbances you create. And then when I've amassed a mighty force, we will crush them…"

"And the world will be mine." Cobra Commander replied, "Pardon me, the world will be ours…"

END

AN: The fate of the Incredibles will be revealed in my next story, in the Incredibles section…