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Shepard still felt raw and on the verge of tears, but she knew she had to pull herself together. Even in front of this intimate gathering, she didn't feel right giving way to her emotions. And something about the sharpness of her grief today felt wrong. Thane was free from pain; he was across the sea, his soul at rest. He wasn't here with her, true, but she had so much—her friends, Kaidan, a whole life ahead of her—and at the end of her days, she, too, would journey across the sea and she would find him there. She believed that. Weeping that he hadn't stayed here with her, his body failing a little more each day, felt selfish.
Kolyat came to stand next to her. "You miss him."
"I do. I really do." She looked up at him, so tall and strong. How proud Thane would be. "Do you?"
"More than I had imagined I might." Clearing his throat, he looked around the small gathering. "It appears that people are thinking of heading out. I … thank you for hosting this event. In time, it will be a good memory."
"It might take me some time to be philosophical about it. It still feels kind of raw," Shepard admitted.
Kolyat nodded gravely. "I understand. You were very important to my father. Do not doubt that."
"I don't," she whispered, feeling the ache in her throat that meant tears were threatening again.
"I am sorry. I do not mean to make this harder." Kolyat cleared his throat again, as if he, too, were struggling against the urge to weep. "I should speak with the salarian councilor before he goes. He is feeling grateful, and I want to point out that there are some salarian biologists who need funding. If anyone would be able to create a breakthrough in the treatment of Kepral's Syndrome, it would be them."
If Thane's death could mean others might live longer, better lives—Thane would have liked that, Shepard thought. "If you need someone to hold the councilor's feet to the fire, I'm there."
"You have enough to accomplish, Commander. And this—this is mine to do. Besides, my odds are good: Councilor Valern has recently orated about funding science during wartime."
"Of course. A good point. Kolyat, I hope—I hope that you will always consider me a friend. Maybe we can meet whenever I'm on the Citadel, have lunch?"
"I would like that," he said. He reached out a hand to her. "Until we meet again."
Shepard took his hand in hers, thinking how different it felt from his father's, and watched him walk across the room and speak to the councilor. She had never truly broken through his reserve, and she doubted they would have much continued contact, despite their mutual love for his father. She hoped that Thane understood.
Commander Bailey came to stand next to her. "I'll keep an eye on him, you know that. He's come a long way."
"He has. Thanks to you."
Bailey nodded to acknowledge the statement. "Thane did a lot of work with him once he was here on the station. I miss him."
"I do, too. But it helps to know he had friends like you, other people who valued him, that I'm not missing him alone."
"You're going to be all right, though?"
"I'll be fine. I knew—I knew this was coming, and Thane wouldn't have wanted to meet his end any other way. I have that to remember."
"Safe travels, Commander."
"Thank you. Good luck holding down the fort."
Bailey smiled briefly and was gone. Shepard calculated the remaining guests, wondering how much longer they would be here. A soak in the bubble bath and a glass of wine and a long sleep sounded pretty good right now.
"You look done in, Shepard." Garrus was next to her now, looking down at her with concern.
"It's been a harder day than I'd expected."
"So much for shore leave. You want me to dig up another clone for you to fight?"
She managed a smile. "No, I'm good."
"Glad to hear it. I think we're fresh out of clones."
"The best news I've heard all day."
Garrus squeezed her shoulder, and then he was gone, Tali with him. Joker and EDI had already headed back the Normandy. Shepard spoke briefly with Samara before the justicar also left, and promised Emily Wong that they would have lunch before shore leave was over. Then Kasumi found her, and they looked over the box of books Kolyat had brought over, Kasumi choosing a couple of battered paperbacks to take with her.
"You okay, Shep?"
"I'll be fine, Kasumi."
The thief studied her, then nodded. "I think you will be. You gave him something to live for, you know?"
"It was mutual."
"You were lucky." There was a sadness in her eyes that reminded Shepard that Kasumi had lost the love of her life and gone on to live without him.
"Kasumi, you'll—you'll take care of yourself, won't you?"
"I always do. I should be saying that to you, Shep."
"That's what I have my crew for." Shepard's eyes found Kaidan, busy in the kitchen starting the clean-up, and she blessed both him and Thane for their love and their caring, and the mutual respect that allowed them to exist in her heart side by side.
Kasumi patted her on the arm and disappeared, nothing but a shimmer in the air remaining where she had been standing.
Shepard moved to help Kaidan clean up, watching as the salarian councilor and Kolyat took their leave together, talking animatedly. Maybe, she thought, with luck something good could come out of today.