Rin's Pov

The night air was cold on my cheeks even from deep inside the cave, but it bothered me not, for I felt 100 times colder on the inside. If my heart could hold a physical form outside of my body it would surely be of a block of ice. I knew Sesshomaru was standing in front of me, but I had no words left to say, what could I say to change what just happened to me?

"Rin, Jaken will be staying away for the evening. You need not worry about privacy tonight." To many people Lord Sesshomaru would appear unmoved on the outside, but I knew better, I could see how sad his eyes were as they locked with mine. Behind the blank stare and monotone voice, I could always see what was truly there deep within.

I sat against the cave wall near a fire that Jaken must have prepared earlier on, imagining the terrible images Lord Sesshomaru must have had playing in his mind. "You must be so disgusted," I frowned.

Sesshomaru let a flicker of pain cross his face, even if only for a moment. "Why must you say things of that nature? I am not." I put my head on my knee's not wanting to look at him, or here him try and rationalize what occurred tonight. There was no way he wasn't feeling just as I was. I was confused, angry, and sickened that another man had my body.

After a few moments of silence I looked up to see him knelt down in front of me, just inches from my face. "Rin he did not take anything from you, I came for you before he could, and if he had you would know." He looked away momentarily seeming embarrassed, before locking eyes with me again. "So please stop this nonsense. You are not disgusting, nor are you worthless. Had he taken your virtue from you, that still would not have been your fault, please do not frown any longer."

He gave me a brief and rare smile, chipping away at the ice the surrounded my heart, if only just a little. "I did not think you were going to come," I stated matter of fact, even though i felt joy and relief from what he was saying. It was a great feeling to know I still belonged to me, and that my choices could still be mine.

"I am sorry for not being there sooner Rin, and I know I have shamed you, but why are you being so cold? I have always come for you, why would you believe that I would forsake you now?" His tone was the same as always, but his eyes showed desperation. They were searching mine looking for answers as to why I was behaving so coldly towards him.

"My Lord, always is a strong word, but it is one that can be used when describing your devotion to protecting me. You have never failed me before, nor did you tonight, so please do not take my attitude as ungratefulness. I am happy that you came to me., but I realize I have made a grave mistake. I selfishly have just expected you to always come for me, even now in adult hood I don't hesitate to assume that you will fix everything. By now I should be able to protect myself when need be, I know that it cannot go on like this forever. You must live your life, and carry out your plans, and I should do the same."

Sesshomaru grabbed my hand tightly, "There is no mistake in looking to me to protect you Rin."

My eyes stung and I wanted to curl up in a ball and let him take all of my pain away, but my pride would not let me do so. "I am not your responsibility Sesshomaru, nor have I ever been, not truly anyway. I am so glad that I have been a friend to you, but it is time for this friendship to end, or I will never make it on my own. At least for now my Lord, it is too painful to continue on this way, you must know that being near you is hard for me." I let a single tear fall from my eye, giving away my emotions more than I wanted to. "I will be heading back to my home tonight, thank you for rescuing me, one last time."

Sesshomaru looked at me with wild eyes, and for the first time in many years he appeared to be losing complete composure in my presence. "What foolish statements, you cannot go back there! At least not before I make the villagers aware of what hell will fall upon them should anyone go near you ever again!" His voice echoed throughout the cave, though I did not cause me fear. In fact his commands and screams only caused me to be more angry with him than I had ever been, he was not listening to my words, or taking into account how much pain it caused me to have him near me while we could not be together the way I dreamed.

I wanted him to feel that pain, the pain he was causing me. "Oh please," I scoffed. "I can take care of myself from here on out just fine, I won't let my guard down again, now quit acting as if I'm still an orphaned child." I took notice of the pain, no matter how subtle, flicker across his face and I wanted him to feel more. "Besides, Kohaku can look after me if I need any assistance." I felt embarrassment deep down for saying this, especially since Kohaku was truthfully no more than my friend. Nonetheless, if it would hurt Sesshomaru it didn't matter what was true, or not. I wanted him to feel tossed aside just as I had the day he dropped me off in that human village.

Before I could go on throw another dagger, In a quick motion Sesshomaru pulled me into his chest wrapping his arms so tightly around me I could barley breathe. I don't understand how you do this to me, or how I ever let you close enough to have such power over me." He growled through his teeth. "No other can protect you! I will allow no other to have your heart Rin."

My body turned into a puddle in his arms, and all my intentions of giving him a taste of his own medicine dissolved. "What are you saying Lord Sesshomaru, I am still a human." I sobbed into his shoulder, confused and shaking.

"I do not care, I have never cared Rin, I only wanted to protect you because I cannot live my existence if something happens to you. I have been made painfully aware of what a fool I am for turning you away that night Rin, please know that I only did so because a life with me will not be easy for you, and I never wanted that for you. I watched my enemies use you against me when you were a child, and now when they realize my feelings it will be much worse. I have now realized though, that either way, no matter what choice I make, there will always be dangers, and all I can do is keep you close so that I can do my best to protect you. Many of my enemy's know you are my weakness regardless of where your head lay, and they will do anything to destroy the Great Dog Demons son."

I began to cry harder, "This should have always been my choice though! I know the dangers, I always have!"

"I know," he whispered. "It's in my nature to try and protect you, please know that's all I have ever wanted. I have suffered so much ever since I left your hut all those months ago, and it has been a great deal of torture to watch you with Kohaku Rin." Sesshomaru reluctantly admitted.

I pushed myself off of his chest so that he could see my eyes. "I only said such a thing to scare you Lord Sesshomaru there is nothing going on with him, please believe me." I pleaded.

He stared at me blankly, "I have been watching you, and at the very least I see his affection for you is great. I made a mistake in letting this happen, I just wanted you to live a normal life, but that is done with Rin." Sesshomaru inched his face closer to mine causing me to back into the wall of the cave. He had both hands pressed up against the cave walls, while I sat between his arms.

"What are doing?" I shakily breathed out.

Our faces were so close our noses were almost touching, and the look in his eye was almost menacing. "Rin you are mine, and should you become my mate I will share you with no other I need you to understand that."

I felt conflicted inside knowing what he was saying to me was to stay away from Kohaku, because I could not see myself abandoning my friend, but for now I would put that aside so that I could enjoy this rare moment of emotion that he was displaying. "If these are your true feelings my Lord, then say it." I never broke eye contact with him, I wanted him to know I would not back down.

He backed away from my face just a bit looking genuinely confused, "Say what?"

I leaned in closer to him in response, "Sesshomaru, you must tell me how you feel. Say the words and make this real, for if you don't, then it never will be."

He finally gave me a knowing look and cupped his hand to my cheek, his face as hard as stone, "Rin when you are not at my side, the flowers do not bloom. When I am away from you, I seem to lose my footing in battle. No other has ever, or shall ever capture my heart. I will live a very long time, and I know that no matter what I do I will have to lose you some day, and when That happens I will anxiously await death, so that I can find you in another life because I Lord Sesshomaru, son of the Great Dog Demon, deeply love you Rin."

It's 2 in the morning and I'm afraid this chapter may be trash, I will see in the morning how I feel about it. Please comment your thoughts

EDIT: I HAVE COME BACK AND FIXED A FEW THINGS I HOPE THIS CHAPTER IS BETTER AND MORE COMPLETE