She Don't Dream For Me
By: caramelo
I do not own One Tree Hill or anything related to it.
The second paragraph, describing the process vacuum aspiration, was taken from the Unplanned Pregnancy Guide website. I take no credit for the research.
Chapter Two: Slut in a Short Skirt
After a while, Brooke gave up. She really wasn't in the mood to read anymore about the process of abortion. She had seen about all she could take about the abortion pill, dilation and extraction, and vacuum aspiration. Especially vacuum aspiration.
This traditional 1st trimester abortion involves three main steps, the website had said, (1) an injection to numb the cervix, (2) insertion of a soft flexible tube through the cervix into the uterus, (3) suction created by a manual aspirator (hand held syringe) or an aspirating machine to remove the uterine contents.
Brooke blanched. They would just suck the baby out of her like sucking up dirt from the floor. It sounded so dirty and wrong. Discouraged, she closed the page and signed off. There had to be another option. There just had to be.
But there wasn't, and she knew it. But if she was going to go through with this, abortion, that is, she wished she could have some support. Someone to stroke her hair and tell her it was all going to be all right. Brooke smiled bitterly. Like that was going to happen. After all, who could she possibly turn to? Who would actually help bitchy Brooke Davis? None of the girls from the cheerleading squad, that was for sure. They'd think she deserved it.
They were really the only people she hung out with though. Except for…well, she had been getting pretty close to tutor-girl lately. Haley, she corrected herself sternly, her name is Haley. She might be willing to help Brooke through this. After all, she had taken her side when Lucas had been cheating on her. But she was still Lucas's best friend. What if she told?
She wouldn't, Brooke decided. Haley wasn't like that. She'd keep her mouth shut.
Brooke stood up and walked out of library feeling brightened already. Haley would help her. Haley would figure out what to do. She was smart.
Smart enough not to get knocked up that is, a snide voice entered Brooke's thoughts as the door shut behind her. She frowned. What if Haley didn't help her? What if she looked down on her for being so stupid? She won't, Brooke reassured herself. Haley would help her. Case closed.
The bell rang again. Brooke made a face. Did she really want to go to class? She'd have to if she wanted to attend cheerleading practice later on. It was a school rule that if she didn't go to at least half of her classes, any after school activities were off limits. As tempting as skipping Physics sounded, Brooke didn't want to have miss cheerleading. Lately, she had been throwing everything she had into it. It kept her from thinking about, well, everything. Just as long as she concentrated on her goal of adding both trophies from the upcoming Sparkle Classic competition next year, nothing else mattered.
Would she even be here next year? The thought hit Brooke like a ton of bricks. By next year, the baby would be born. She wouldn't have time for cheerleading. She wouldn't even have time for school, maybe. What was she going to do?
"You're going to have an abortion," Brooke reminded herself quietly, "Stop acting so stupid." Still, she could tell herself what she was going to do a million times, but Brooke didn't really think it would ever sink in that she was actually going to do it. Have the abortion, that is. It just seemed like such a foreign concept, so impossible and strange. Saying she was going to do something and actually doing it were two completely different things.
Brooke opened the door to her Physics class and looked around. She blinked, surprised. The class was full and the teacher was already at the board writing notes. She hadn't even heard the tardy bell ring.
"Miss Davis," her teacher said in a voice dripping with satire, "So nice of you to join us. Please, take a seat."
It took all of Brooke's willpower not to just turn and run away right then and there. Reluctantly, she made her way over to her desk and sat down. She wasn't even in the mood to turn and wink at the cute, new guy behind her like she usually did.
Physics class passed by slow, and her last class, French, passed by even slower. Why had she even signed up for that class anyway? It wasn't like she was going to move to France anytime soon.
As much as she hated to admit it, Brooke really could be a diehard romantic. Once in sixth grade, she had rented a video at the local video store. It had been entirely in French with no subtitles, and Brooke hadn't understood a word of it, but she hadn't minded. She had understood the tone of the video. It had been full of Frenchmen in tuxes whispering sweet nothings into the ears of the fair ladies they loved. Brooke was enraptured by it. French really was the language of love.
Of course, Brooke's feelings about love had soured over the years. She had seen the realities of what it could do to people, herself included, and she had sworn off it. Until Lucas. But she was supposed to be forgetting about him.
At any rate, when the last bell rung, Brooke couldn't have left the room faster. She literally jumped out of her seat and ran, not caring about what anyone thought of her. She raced through the maze of halls as fast as she could to get down to the gym. It really wasn't a great idea in her high heels and all, and Brooke soon found that out as she lost her balance and fell straight into a person coming towards her.
He had a great body, was the first thing that popped into Brooke's mind after the collision. This guy did some serious weight training. He smelled nice too, sort of like a mixture soap, grass, and…wait, was that cheap cologne? Brooke took a quick step back, almost losing her balance again.
"Whoa, there," the person said as he reached out and grabbed her arm to steady her. Slowly, the voice began to register in her muddled mind.
"Nathan?" Brooke said faintly. She started to blush as everything around her came back in focus. "I'm so sorry," she said, her cheeks flaming by now. "I just wasn't paying attention and I was in such a hurry that…"
"It's all right," he laughed. "It's just one of those days. Believe me, I know."
"There's just something about Thursdays," Brooke agreed. She winced. That had sounded so lame.
Nathan seemed oblivious, thankfully. "Yeah, you'll start feeling like normal again tomorrow, just wait and see."
Brooke nodded in reply. She cursed herself mentally for acting so stupid. Would it kill her to actually say something smart? Somehow, despite Nathan's assurances, she suspected there were going to be many more days like this until she started feeling like normal. Everything was too messed up right now.
She glanced up at Nathan. From what she had heard, his life wasn't going so great either. She wondered how he kept it all together. Another whiff of his cheap aftershave hit her. She raised a brow. Maybe he was just better at hiding it than her. If she looked close enough, she could see the beginnings of bags under his eyes, and a sort of stretched, worn look that only came from days on days of little to no sleep.
"So," Nathan said abruptly, breaking the silence. Brooke started and blushed again. She hoped he hadn't noticed her staring at him. At this rate, she wasn't even going to need to buy blush anymore. Her face was constantly red, it seemed like.
"So, I've been thinking about that offer, you know, for tutoring," Brooke began. Nathan looked at her expectantly. Brooke shot him a smile in return, grateful that she could at least fake confidence when she wasn't feeling it. "And I think it's a pretty good idea. I mean, I am pretty close to failing and all. At least if my parents grill me, I can say I tried."
Like her parents would bother to grill her. She'd consider herself lucky if they managed to say good morning to her, if they were even there to say it.
"How close?" Nathan asked.
"What?" Brooke said, confused.
"How close are you to failing?"
"Oh," Brooke said, waving his question off noncommittally. "A few points, I guess. I haven't been there in a while."
"They'll kick you off the cheerleading team, you know," Nathan warned. "It nearly happened to me with basketball."
"Just because I'm almost failing a class?" Brooke said, aghast. "No shit."
"No shit," Nathan echoed. "That's the whole reason I had to get Haley to tutor me in the first place."
"Wow," Brooke said, "That's tough."
"Yeah, so, is it a deal? Do you want me to tutor you?"
"Yeah," Brooke nodded her head vehemently. "I'm not going to be kicked off cheerleading just because I'm having some trouble adding and subtracting."
Nathan laughed. "I sure hope you're having trouble with something a little more complicated than that or else I don't know how much help I can really give you."
"Way to make me feel dumb, Scott," Brooke laughed too. "I thought carrying numbers over was something everyone had trouble with."
"Oh, I know a ton of first graders who are in the exact same boat as you. Don't worry," Nathan teased.
"Whatever," Brooke grinned. "Anyway, I'm gonna be late for practice. I better go."
"Yeah, I just have to get some extra credit from a teacher and then I have to head down to the gym too," Nathan said.
"Watch out!" Brooke said, amused, "Nathan's getting all smart-guy overachiever on us."
Nathan shrugged helplessly but he was smiling too, "What can I say? Haley's got too much of an influence."
"I'll say. It takes a lot of work to get your lazy ass up to do anything."
"Hey!" Nathan said with a laugh, "I resent that."
"I was only telling it like it is," Brooke taunted, reaching out and poking him in the rib playfully. "So anyway, I really have to go now."
"I'll see you down at the gym," Nathan said.
"I'll be the one in the black shorts that look really sexy on her," Brooke smiled mischievously.
"The ones that may have fit you in like sixth grade?" Nathan asked.
"You noticed?"
He groaned, "What guy hasn't, Brooke? We've all gotten in trouble at least twice for not keeping our heads in practice when you're wearing those."
"Then they're working exactly like I wanted them to," Brooke said smugly. "See ya, Nathan."
Nathan waved and walked off, shaking his head. Unless she was imagining things, he was walking a little quicker to get to practice.
Brooke smiled. It had started off awkward, but she had actually enjoyed talking to Nathan just now. It was fun. Maybe being tutored wouldn't be so bad after all. She had always thought he was kind of cute…
But he's with Haley, she reminded herself. And right now, Haley was sort of her friend. Her only friend. So it wasn't like she could go around hitting on Nathan. Somehow, she thought wryly, it seemed like that would be a pretty lousy thing to do. She opened the door to the girls' locker room to change and immediately saw Peyton kneeling over to tie the laces on her tennis shoes.
"Speaking of bad friends," Brooke mumbled under her breath. Peyton glanced up but didn't give any other indication that she might have heard her.
Brooke changed as fast as she could. Her black shorts, as promised, soon fit snugly on her hips with a white tank top to match. She threw her hair up in a messy ponytail and jammed her feet into shiny white sneakers and headed out into the gym.
"Okay, girls!" she yelled and clapped her hands as soon as she walked in, catching the attention of the boys as well. Just as Nathan had promised, a few seconds later Tim was hit in the head by the basketball and yelled at accordingly by Whitey.
"Get your head in the game!"
"Sorry, coach…"
Brooke smirked. She had always rather liked these shorts.
"Stretches, now," she directed her squad, starting off with a round of toe-touches. To her satisfaction, she heard a low whistle as a straggling member of the basketball team ran by. Brooke turned and winked. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Peyton look at her with something that resembled annoyance. Brooke didn't care. At least she hadn't gone and stolen her best friend's boyfriend.
"Okay, you guys, I've been thinking. We don't have nearly as many stunts going on at halftime as we should. The Bear Creek Warriors are awful, obviously, but their backflips nearly gave them the trophy. Let's prove to everyone we're not just a bunch of sluts in short skirts."
"Even though some of us really are," Theresa mumbled under her breath.
"What was that, Theresa?" Brooke snapped. "Say whatever it is to my face if you've got a problem."
Theresa just stood there and silently fumed.
"Well?" Brooke said impatiently. Theresa had been bitter towards Brooke ever since the competition when Brooke had slammed her with insult after insult. It wasn't really anything personal, besides the fact that Theresa was, in fact, always a step behind, and Brooke had already been stressed about the contest, the baby, and Lucas and Peyton.
"Nothing," Theresa murmured bitterly.
"That's what I thought," Brooke said. "Now, unless anyone else has something to bitch about, let's get started. Who knows how to do a back handspring?"
Overall, Brooke thought, the practice was going pretty well. Most of the girls could do at least do back handspring and a surprising amount were pretty good at back flips. Towards the end, Brooke clapped her hands and grinned and called in her team for a meeting.
"We're totally going to have to rework our cheers, but it'll definitely be worth it," she said. Excited murmurs of agreement spread around her. "So," she said in a voice louder than usual to catch their attention, "who's ready to do a little bit of showing off?"
The rest of the girls shrieked in excitement, "Let's do it!" they whispered loudly and sent eager expressions over in the direction of the boys practicing across the gym.
"Okay," Brooke said. "Anna, put the CD in and turn it up loud." Anna nodded and giggled, setting off to do as instructed. "Now, Tanya and Bevin," she continued, picking out the two best gymnasts of the group, "go over to the other side of the out-of-bounds line, and follow my lead."
"Ready, Brooke?" Anna yelled, holding up a portable radio in one hand.
"Ready!" Brooke yelled back. Anna pushed the play button and turned the volume to the max, letting the beat of the music bounce off the walls of the gym.
"One, two," Brooke counted off with the beat, "One, two, three, four!" She started sprinting and about midway down she began a complicated set of cartwheels and handsprings. She would need all the momentum she could get for her flip. Brooke wasn't the type of person who could just do a back flip without a second thought. This would take some work on her part.
Closer, closer, she thought while she let her energy rise. She knew everybody's eyes were on her. Jump!
She twisted her body back and let her legs sail over her head. Yes! She had it! It was working out perfectly. With her peripheral vision, she could see Tanya and Bevin having similar successes across the court. Because of this, she wasn't paying as much attention as she should have to her landing. Brooke didn't quite fall, but there was some obvious shakiness as she stumbled back. Meanwhile, the other two executed their back flips flawlessly.
Brooke's cheeks burned with embarrassment. The fundamental aspect of flipping was the landing! Everybody knew that. So why did she have to go and foul it up? But everybody around her was cheering, and most of the guys were hooting and whistling, so why was she so upset?
Maybe it wasn't as obvious as she had thought, Brooke decided, glancing around her. She began to feel more at ease and blew a kiss at them.
"Go, Brooke!" they yelled.
She strutted back across the gym, ignoring the glare Whitey was burning into her back. On her way, she passed Nathan. "Hey," she smiled and raised her hand up to wave.
To her disappointment and surprise, he merely grunted something unintelligible and averted his eyes. What was that about? Brooke's smile faded from her face, and she felt her good mood quickly leaving her. There was nothing worse than being obviously dissed in front of tons of people. "Okay, you guys," she barked at her cheerleaders. "Fun's over. Let's get back to work!" Her eyes narrowed on Theresa.
"Theresa, put that chocolate away! Your uniform is already too tight."
And this was how most of rest of practice was spent. Last minute, Brooke decided that the cheerleaders would figure out a new routine together to save her all the trouble, and she kept them long after basketball practice was over. Finally, when everything was to her liking, she dismissed everybody with a warning that, if they didn't work on their flips, she would personally see to it that their asses would be kicked.
Even though she made a special note not to think anything about it, Brooke did notice Lucas was the only one from the basketball team still in there working on his free throw. He had been working so hard since the accident to get his shot back, but so far, none of them were sinking. She felt a twinge of…nothing, Brooke reprimanded herself vehemently. She wasn't supposed to feel anything for Lucas Scott.
And just to enforce that thought, Brooke left the gym right then and there without another glance back. There, she thought, satisfied with herself, Lucas is just another person from now on. Just another ordinary, insignificant person. The only reason I'll ever have to see him is during cheer…crap! She had forgotten the routine CD back in the gym!
Brooke groaned with reluctance, but already, all thoughts of forgetting about Lucas had vanished. Maybe he'll try and plead with me, she smirked. Maybe he'll tell me how beautiful I am, and how he can't believe what an awful mistake he made. Maybe…
Brooke opened the door. The scene before her sent her reeling with shock and disappointment.
Maybe he'll be talking to Peyton.