She Don't Dream for Me
By: caramelo
I do not own One Tree Hill or anything related to it.
Chapter Seven: Scream
Brooke felt cornered. Like a little rat being surrounded by four cats. That's pretty much what she was, she admitted to herself. A rat. A lying, dirty rat. She was so screwed.
"I asked, what the hell was that about?" Lucas repeated, his voice rising with each word. He looked confused and scared, but mostly angry. Angry at her.
Brooke realized she had never answered him the first time. She looked down at the ground, then up at the ceiling, then past him at the door. Anywhere but him. She couldn't look at him right now. Or the others. God, who knew what they must have thought about her? She must have looked so pathetic right then. She was pathetic.
"Brooke!" Lucas snapped. He was so impatient, Brooke thought dully. So impatient and so angry. But then again, he had a right to be, didn't he? After all, this wasn't one of those silly I know something you don't—Peyton has a crush on you secrets. This was an I'm having your kid but I decided to lie about it kind of secrets. It was huge. Lucas was the father of her baby, and she had almost gotten away with not telling him about it.
Lucas reached out and grabbed her arm, tight. His eyes were flashing. Brooke's eyes, without her meaning to, flew up to his. What she saw terrified her. He was way beyond anger. He was furious. Brooke shivered.
Nathan stepped between them. "Dude, stop it," he reprimanded Lucas. "You're scaring her."
Lucas stared up at him in disbelief. "Scaring her?" he barked. "Have you been here for the past twenty minutes? I'm scared too."
Nathan shook his head. "You think I don't know that? I know you must be scared out of your fucking mind." He glanced up at Brooke meaningfully. "But just look at her, man. Look at her, and tell me that she can handle you being like this."
Obediently, Lucas looked at Brooke. At first, it was just a dull, half-hearted glance, but then something lit in his eyes and he probed deeper, like he used to when they were together. Brooke felt uneasy. She had always thought whenever he looked at her like that he could see right through her. She wondered if he ever looked at Peyton like that. Actually, she already knew the answer.
When they had been going out, Brooke had always strived to make Lucas give her that look. To her, it meant something. It meant that while he was staring at her that way, she was the only thing that mattered. She was the center of his world. It meant he really loved her, and he wanted to know everything about her because he cared. She had always pushed and pushed and strived to do her best because she knew it'd take something truly monumental to earn that look.
Whereas, on the other hand, she knew deep down that all Peyton had to do was walk in the room for Lucas to give her the exact same look.
Brooke blinked back her tears. If only she hadn't been too blind to see that then, when she and Lucas had first been going out, they would have never been the position they were in right now.
Lucas dropped his gaze, thankfully. Brooke knew she wouldn't have been able to handle much more of that. They weren't together anymore and that look was just a painful reminder of how foolish she had been when they were. It hurt her so much to see it now directed at her, or worse, Peyton.
"You're right," Lucas finally told Nathan. "I'm sorry." He grimaced and gave Brooke that look again. She tensed up. "Look, I know this is a pretty stupid question," he said, "but I have to ask it. I have to hear it from you. All that stuff Nikki just said about you, is it true? Are you really pregnant, Brooke?"
Brooke bit her lip. She glanced around at everybody in the room. They all knew the answer, of course, but somehow hearing her say it, would make it all more real. For god's sake, Haley even still looked hopeful. As if there were some small, tiny, one-in-a-billion chance that Brooke could say that Nikki was just a lying bitch. Which she was tempted to do but knew she couldn't. She had kept this secret for too long.
She nodded. Brooke knew this wasn't enough though, so she took a deep breath and spoke, her voice breaking slightly as she began. "Y-yeah. I'm pregnant."
Lucas shut his eyes. "And I'm the father?" he breathed.
"You're the father," Brooke repeated. She sent him a reproachful glare even though he couldn't see it. It was just like the first time she had told him, and he had said that there was no way she could be sure that the baby was his. That had hurt, big time.
It was if the entire room had let out one long, disappointed sigh at these words. Everything they feared had been confirmed by Brooke herself. This would change everything.
Another, different voice spoke up hesitantly. One that had been lurking in the background the entire time, just watching the scene take place before her. "Why didn't you tell one of us, Brooke?" Haley asked. Her tone was soft and compassionate. "It must have been hard to keep something like that a secret for so long. We could have helped you."
Brooke laughed bitterly. "You think I didn't want to? Believe me, if there had been someone I could have trusted, I would have gone to them long ago." She fixed a harsh glare on Lucas. "I thought about telling you. In fact, I did end up telling you. But the whole thing blew up in my face. It was a nightmare. You couldn't keep your mouth shut, and I realized I didn't want my baby to be raised by a guy like you. It was a mistake."
She turned to Peyton. "And then there was you, my best friend," she scoffed. "My best friend who went behind my back and stole one of the only guys I ever lov—cared about," she corrected quickly. "Yeah, there was a huge trust factor there."
"Brooke," Peyton began to protest.
"Save it," Brooke snapped. She went on to Haley.
"I actually seriously considered telling you. I was just about to at one point. Remember when I saw you at lunch with Megan talking about the party. I figured we could make nice-nice at the party, become really good friends, and I'd tell you everything. But that was before you turned me down." Brooke smirked. "You were real nice about it though."
"Don't try to pin this all on Haley," Lucas reprimanded. "How was she supposed to know?"
"She wasn't," Brooke said, "but the fact that she would toss me aside just to make you and Peyton happy really says a lot, don't you think?"
"I'm really sorry, Brooke," Haley said before Lucas could say anything else. "I really didn't think you would mind all that much."
Brooke shook her head in disbelief. "Excuse me? You didn't think I'd mind? Oh, of course I wouldn't. I'm Brooke Davis, after all. Brainless slut extraordinaire. And we all know that brainless sluts don't have feelings or anything."
Haley hung her head in shame. Lucas jumped in again. "You're the only one who said that you were a brainless slut, Brooke. Nobody else accused you of it. So stop making us all feel bad for things we didn't do."
Brooke stared at him blankly for a few seconds. She blinked. "Okay," she said slowly. "Would you like me to make you feel bad for the stuff you did do? Because we've already been through that, but I'll be glad to do it again."
Lucas clenched his teeth. "You're impossible," he said.
Brooke opened her mouth and shut it again. She was trying to find the right words to come back with when Nathan stepped in. "What about me?" he asked.
Incredulously, everyone in the room turned to Nathan. Brooke shrugged. She looked at him, askance. "What about you?" she repeated.
Nathan shook his head. "That came out wrong. Earlier, you were telling everyone exactly why you didn't tell that that you were pregnant. They were all pretty good reasons too. But you never said why you couldn't tell me."
She was at a loss for words. Why hadn't she gone to Nathan? It just hadn't seemed fair really. He was already going through so much shit with his parents and moving out and everything, and it wouldn't have been right of her to dump her extra load on him when they really hadn't been all that close. She couldn't say all that though. Nathan didn't like to feel babied.
"I just didn't really think of you, that's all," she said uneasily.
Nathan's lips tightened, and he nodded. There was nothing else to say. Brooke's answer had just made it all worse. He thought she didn't even like him enough to consider telling him anything.
Brooke buried her head in her hands. She couldn't take this.
Haley walked up to her and put her arm around her shaking shoulders. "Oh, Brooke," she murmured soothingly. "It's going to be fine."
Brooke shrugged Haley's arm off coldly. "Fine?" she barked, "You think it's gonna be fine? Look me straight in the eye, Tutor Girl, and tell me you honestly think everything will be fine."
Hesitantly, Haley raised her gaze to Brooke's. She opened her mouth…then shut it abruptly. She looked away.
"Yeah," Brooke said bitterly. "Exactly what I thought."
"You've got a lot of nerve, Brooke." It was Peyton, who had been silently mulling over everything the whole time.
Brooke leveled a cool glare on Peyton. "What the hell are you talking about?"
"Everybody's just trying to help you, but you just keep pushing them away," Peyton said. Her tone was half angry, half pleading.
"Well, you've all made it pretty clear that you don't give a rat's ass about me or my feelings lately," Brooke argued. Her voice turned mocking. "So I really wasn't in the mood for girl talk."
"Brooke," Peyton pleaded, "I know I've hurt you. You have no idea how much I regret that. If I could wish for one thing, it'd be to take back all the shitty things I've done to you this month."
"But you can't," Brooke cut in coldly.
"No," Peyton said, "I can't. And it kills me. All I want is my best friend back, Brooke. I want you to forgive me, and I want things to go back to normal between us."
Brooke's eyes turned into slits. "I know this may come as a shock to you, P, but not everything is about what you want."
"Trust me," Peyton said, "I'm well aware. Please, Brooke. Don't let some stupid thing like a guy break us apart." Lucas frowned at these words but said nothing.
"I wasn't the one who let that happen," Brooke shot back. "I would've never done what you did. There was certainly enough temptation," her eyes, for some reason, flitted briefly over to Nathan, and she flushed, "but I never gave in."
Nathan cocked a brow. It was a deadly serious moment, but he could've sworn Brooke had just inadvertently hit on him.
"I know," Peyton said. "God, I know. But can't we just put this behind us? I wanna be there for you, Brooke. I want to go with you to shop for the baby, and help put together the crib, and throw the baby shower for you. You can't get through this without a best friend, Brooke, and I'm willing to fill that position."
Brooke's eyes flooded with tears. She shook her head. "But I'm not willing to let you."
Tears gathered in Peyton's eyes too. "Why not?" she whispered.
"Because I can't!" Brooke snapped fiercely. Her brown eyes flashed with intensity. Then she seemed to deflate. Her shoulders slumped and her gaze dulled. "I just can't." She looked around her. The room was spinning. The walls were closing in. She felt dizzy and stumbled back a step. Lucas moved to help her, but she shrugged him off. "I can't…" she breathed, "…can't do this anymore." Her senses were screaming at her to get out.
So she did. She took a step forward and then another, and she brushed past Lucas, Peyton, and Haley. Dimly, she noted that Nathan was trying to reach out to stop her, but she sent him a seething glare. "Don't," she hissed.
Brooke walked out the door.
She wasn't sure where she was going. She just kept walking and walking, taking each step one at a time. She paused when she reached her car. She briefly considered climbing in. Her fingers even brushed the handle. But she didn't.
Brooke kept walking. Away from her car, away from Lucas and the rest of them, and away from the mess she had gotten herself into. It was too late for many people to be out in the streets, and the people that were there leered at her threateningly. Too immersed into her thoughts, Brooke didn't notice. Only when it started to rain did she finally begin to come back to her senses.
It started out as a sprinkle. She barely noticed as the droplets of water pebbled across her skin. Then it got harder and harder until it was a downright pour. Brooke finally stopped walking.
She looked around. She had absolutely no idea where she was. Brooke shivered. It was so cold. Her dress was clinging to her even more so than before, her hair was drenched, and her makeup was probably running down her face by now.
"What am I doing?" she moaned. She ran her hand through her dripping strands of hair. What had she gotten herself into? Where was she? What was she going to do? The road seemed darker, and Brooke had never felt so alone. Even the creeps had been driven into their houses because of the rain. She looked around her. All the shops were closed. It must have been at least one or two in the morning. It felt like she had been walking forever.
Brooke shook harder, and she choked back a sob. Full of frustration and needing a way to vent, she began to scream.
It was a long and shrill scream and it echoed through the street, followed by a series of more screams. By the time she stopped, her throat was sore, and she had never felt so drained in her life. Then she noticed a car stalled beside her.
Brooke knew she must have jumped a mile in the air. She could have sworn that car hadn't been there before, but she hadn't even heard it pull up. The headlights were still on though, and the windshield wipers were still going. She squinted her eyes and peered in closer, and her blood ran cold. There was no driver.
"So did you get it all out of your system?" a voice asked from behind her. Brooke would have screeched, but her throat wouldn't allow any more abuse. It came out more as a high-pitched squeak.
She spun around, tense and afraid, but relaxed when she saw who it was. "Nathan," she said, her voice scratchy, "thank God."
"I had a feeling you'd be happy to see me," he said cockily. It wasn't like his usual tone though; there was an unusual edge to it. Brooke glanced up and saw the troubled expression in his eyes.
"Cut the bullshit, Scott," she sighed.
Nathan's face twisted unpleasantly. He looked annoyed. "Well, how do you want me to act, Brooke? You walk out of my apartment three hours ago, leave your car behind, and disappear without a trace. I don't want you to run off again."
A grim smirk crept across Brooke's face. She braced herself, ready for the onslaught she was about to bring. "Just act like normal, okay?" she requested. "Say what you want to say."
"Is that what you really want?" Nathan asked doubtfully.
Brooke took a breath. "Yeah," she said, "That's what I really want."
"Fine then. You screwed up, Brooke," Nathan said simply. "You screwed up royally."
She opened her mouth to protest, but he cut her off. "No," he said firmly, "You said I could do this, and I'm going to do it. I'm not even talking about the whole being pregnant and keeping it a secret even though that wasn't very smart either. I'm talking about the whole walking off in the middle of the night thing. Do you have any idea how scared I—we were?
"Can't imagine you guys would care that much," she said bitterly.
He silenced her with a hard stare. "We were worried sick," he growled. "Do you know what could have happened to you out here, Brooke? There are tons of assholes just waiting for someone like you to walk by. Honestly, Brooke, I don't know what you were thinking. Usually, you're not this clueless, but tonight you really pulled a really stupid move. Really stupid. Anything could have happened to you."
There was a pause of silence. Nathan shoved his hands in his pockets and waited for her reaction. If he thought it would be an apology, he would be sorely disappointed.
"Are you done now?" Brooke asked rudely. She tended to get bitchy when somebody was preaching to her. Her own parents didn't do it, so what right did anyone else have?
Nathan look surprised, then hurt, then angry all within a couple seconds. Obviously, he had been expecting that apology. His jaw clenched. "Yeah, I think I am."
"Good," she said. Everything went silent again. Against her will, she shivered. Standing still in the rain was way worse than walking in the rain.
"You're cold," Nathan said flatly.
"A little," Brooke admitted. It was really no use lying when she was shaking so hard.
He sighed. "Get in the car."
"No."
This caught him off guard. "Get in the car, Brooke," he repeated, slower, firmer.
"No," Brooke said.
"Why the hell not?" he cried incredulously.
"Because if I get in that car, you're going to take me back to your place where Lucas, Peyton, and Haley will be waiting to tear into me like you just did."
"No, they won't," Nathan said.
Brooke rolled her eyes. "I'm not stupid, Nathan. I know they will be."
"And I'm not lying, Brooke. I know they won't be," Nathan insisted. "Do you really think I was the only one who went looking for you? Everybody split up to find you. They're still out there looking. I was supposed to call if I found you."
"But you haven't?" Brooke asked.
"No," Nathan assured her, "I haven't."
"But you're going to?" Brooke persisted.
"I will," Nathan said, "After I take you back to my place and give you a chance to get in your car and drive home before they get there."
"But they'll still be out there looking for me," Brooke said suspiciously.
"Yeah, they will," Nathan said. "And I'm going to feel bad about it, but if that's the only way I can get you in this car, then I'm going to do it."
Brooke really was cold. And the car looked so warm and dry.
"Fine," she said. Her voice lost the hard edge it had had throughout the entire conversation. She looked up at him tiredly and sighed.
"Take me back."
Nathan was sure there was a double meaning to what she just said. But frankly, he was way too exhausted to even try to figure it out. Besides, he was more than a little distracted by the fact that her dress was clinging to her like a second skin.
But he shouldn't have been distracted by that. He really shouldn't have. After all, he had a girlfriend. And it wasn't like there wasn't anything more important going on right then. Lucas, Brooke, and possibly even Peyton's lives had just been shot to hell. This was no time to be thinking about Brooke's soaking, clingy, little black dress.
He told himself these things. He told himself over and over. This was not the time for him to be noticing stupid, disloyal things like that.
But he was. God help him, he really was.