Crowley awoke, warm and comfortable where he lay. He shifted position, his arse aching in that wonderfully well-used way that told him he'd spent a night with his toy collection.

A flash of a memory - Aziraphale's hands and mouth on him, his cock buried deep inside of him. Nothing more than a fading dream. It couldn't be anything else.

Crowley was startled awake by the realisation that this was not his bed. This soft nest was worryingly familiar, and when he opened his eyes he found himself staring up at the ceiling of the backroom. He was sprawled - completely naked - on Aziraphale's sofa with a big duvet wrapped tightly around him.

Everything came flooding back. They'd spent the entire night fucking each other senseless, utterly oblivious to the gravity of what they were doing, and he could remember every filthy detail of it.

Denial kicked in. It must have been a dream. But he could still feel where he'd been stretched wide around Aziraphale's cock, he could still feel bite-marks where Aziraphale had mouthed at his neck and thighs.

They'd done things Crowley had never done with anyone before, things he'd only ever fantasised about. He felt dizzy with the shock of it and yet his cock twitched at the memory. Aziraphale had seen him at his most vulnerable, laid bare and exposed in so many ways. Aziraphale knew what he looked like when he came. And Crowley had seen Aziraphale lose all control, his usual calm and composed demeanour stripped away along with his clothes. He'd had no right to see Aziraphale like that.

Aziraphale was going to be a guilt-ridden mess when he woke up.

Aziraphale…

Whole body tensing, Crowley scanned the room and found Aziraphale sat in his armchair. He was dressed now, looking immaculate from his bowtie down to his shoes, but his hair was messy and he was hunched over in his seat. When he looked up, his face was streaked with tears.

Crowley's heart broke. He should have found a way to stop this from happening, he should have done whatever it took to protect Aziraphale.

"I- I'm sorry," Aziraphale said, his voice trembling. "It was Hellflower pollen. It made me-" His voice cracked. "I'm so sorry. It didn't feel real."

"I know, angel. I know. It's alright. It's going to be alright."

Crowley shifted in his seat, all too aware of how naked he was. A quick demonic miracle and he was suddenly fully clothed, though he kept the duvet wrapped tightly around himself, fingers digging into the soft material.

At least he didn't have to explain what hellflower pollen was, Aziraphale seemed to have figured that one out on his own. How long had Aziraphale been awake? How long had he been punishing himself?

"How are you feeling?" Aziraphale asked. "Are you hurt? Did I hurt you?"

"M' okay."

"I should have healed you, I should have- I used a miracle to clean you. I couldn't leave you like that."

"Angel, I'm fine. I promise. I'm not hurt. You didn't do anything wrong."

"Didn't do anything wrong?!" Aziraphale cried out hysterically. "I took advantage of you! I should have stopped myself!"

"You couldn't have stopped yourself," Crowley said. His eyes were blurry with tears, but he refused to cry. He knew it would only upset Aziraphale all the more. "The pollen made us both want it. I wanted it. There was nothing we could have done."

Aziraphale stared at the floor. "I understand if you don't want to be around me right now. I'll leave. If you want some space. Whatever you need."

Crowley let out what he hoped was a light-hearted laugh. "I'm not going to kick you out of your own home. You're not to blame for any of this. The pollen made you do things you didn't want to do."

Aziraphale let out a humourless laugh and hid his face in his hands.

Guilt was sharp in Crowley's chest. "This was my fault anyway. I'm the idiot who ate food I found in Hell. I should have known it was a trap."

Aziraphale looked up, confusion in his eyes.

"There was a tray of brownies in the meeting room," Crowley explained. "Someone must have poisoned it. I only took a small bite and it tasted awful so I spat it out but it must have been enough to affect me. I'm so sorry you got caught up in this. I think someone wanted to ruin my presentation. I'll find out who it was and I'll bash their head in!"

Aziraphale looked distressed. "Don't-"

"I can take them! I'll make them pay!"

"It wasn't the blasted brownies, Crowley! It was the book! The one you dropped and then picked up - it made you sneeze, remember? I inspected it afterwards. It wasn't dust on the cover, it was hellflower pollen."

Crowley's mouth dropped open. "Wha-? Are you sure?" He looked at the side table but the book was gone.

"It's here," Aziraphale said, picking up the book from the desk beside him. "I used a miracle to dispose of the pollen."

Aziraphale showed Crowley an ink drawing of a flower over a two page spread. It was reminiscent of a lily but with thorns like a rose and petals that were edged with angry-looking spikes.

"Shit. Yeah. That's a Hellflower," Crowley said.

Aziraphale stared miserably at the illustration. "I thought the book contained nothing more than fanciful human nonsense. Ghosts, monsters, that sort of thing. But after last night... I looked through it again - properly this time - and I found this picture. Another book of mine says that hellflower pollen is red, and the dust that was on the cover and dotted amongst the pages had a reddish tint to it. So you see, you're not to blame for any of this at all. It was my fault."

Crowley shook his head. "It was an accident. I'm just relieved it wasn't a plot by someone at my presentation. Unless… Where did you get the book?"

"I bought it at a museum auction a few weeks ago. It had been in their possession for just over a century so I don't think there was any demonic meddling if that's what you're thinking. Their records say it was excavated from the ruins of an old village which burnt down in the 1700s."

"Wait… was the village in Wiltshire?"

"Er. Yes. The book was found in a metal chest with other valuables during the excavation."

"Beelzebub ordered Hastur to burn down a farm in Wiltshire in the early 1700s. They were farming hellflowers and selling the pollen as medicine. But Hastur set the entire village alight – not just the farm. The pyromaniac."

Crowley wondered briefly if Hastur had somehow engineered this. Perhaps he personally made sure the book survived and the excavators found it, and then made sure it ended up in Aziraphale's eager hands. But Crowley knew Hastur wouldn't have the patience or the smarts to pull off a long term plan like that. Besides, no one else knew Hellflower pollen affected angels, and Hell wouldn't want this stuff to fall into angelic hands.

"I don't think Hastur had anything to do with it. Beelzebub would rip him a new one if it was discovered that he failed to complete his orders, and he's hardly gonna want to give you a weapon against demons anyway. My lot have no idea it can affect angels."

"I didn't know it could either," Aziraphale said miserably. "But… Do you think Hastur might have learnt that we spend time together? Maybe he hoped you'd find the book?"

"Nope. If he found out about me hanging around with you then he'd go straight to Beelzebub and dob me in. He's not one for cunning plans. Hell doesn't know we hang out. Don't worry about that."

Aziraphale let out a shaky sigh. "If only I hadn't bought that stupid book. At the very least, I shouldn't have left it on the table right in front of you. I've been terribly irresponsible."

"Oh, stop it. Neither of us noticed there was anything wrong with the book. I should have washed my hands before eating. Or at the very least not licked my fingers after eating the cheese! I suppose you wore rubber gloves when you handled it?"

"I washed my hands before and after."

"There we go then. It's a good job you did."

Crowley sat up and took a deep breath. It was a relief that he didn't have to worry about someone plotting against them but they weren't out of danger just yet. He'd been putting off what he was about to say, but they needed to discuss it. "I'm sorry to bring this up but... How do things work with Heaven? Will they know that you… you know, had sex? We can come up with a cover story. This wasn't your fault. You were drugged."

Crowley couldn't even imagine how Aziraphale must be feeling right now. He'd had his virginity stolen from him in such a cruel way, and now he had to worry about his superiors finding out and blaming him for it.

Aziraphale looked surprised. "Heaven won't know that I… They won't know."

"Are you sure? Maybe we should come up with an explanation, just in case. I mean, if they can tell when you've used too many miracles…"

"They won't be able to tell. I'm absolutely positive," Aziraphale said while staring at his sleeve and picking at a loose thread.

Crowley still felt anxious, but Aziraphale's lack of concern made him drop it for now. "If you're sure," he said at last.

Aziraphale pushed the book away onto the desk with a heavy sigh. "This horrible thing needs to be destroyed."

Despite everything that had happened, it was still a shock to hear Aziraphale - worshipper of books - saying that he wanted a book destroyed. "I'll do it if you like?"

"If you don't mind," said Aziraphale.

A click of Crowley's fingers and the book vanished in a puff of smoke.

Aziraphale rubbed at his face. "Can I get you anything? Maybe something to eat or drink?"

Crowley's throat was a bit dry now he thought about it, and it'd be good to have a few minutes to himself while Aziraphale was out of the room. "A coffee would be nice."

Aziraphale nodded and then got up from his armchair. He gave Crowley a brittle smile before turning away, shame faced. He started to move towards the kitchenette.

"It's going to be okay, you know," Crowley said, desperate to comfort him. "None of this is your fault. If there's anything I can do to help…"

"I can't stand the way you're trying to look after me," Aziraphale said bitterly. "I should be comforting you, not the other way around. You had it worse than I did."

"It's not a bloody competition."

"Do you want sugar in your coffee?"

"Aziraphale… You didn't do anything to me last night that I wasn't a hundred per cent on board with at the time. In fact, you didn't do anything to me that I haven't fantasized about us doing a thousand times over. I never wanted it to happen like this - obviously. But you know how I feel about you. I know we don't talk about it, but I think it's about time we did."

Aziraphale covered his mouth with his hands.

"I know we can't act on our feelings for each other," Crowley added quickly. "I know angels aren't allowed to have sex. I just- This is coming out all wrong."

This conversation wasn't going how it was supposed to. Crowley wanted to reassure Aziraphale but instead he was upsetting him all the more. The poor angel looked like he was about to burst into tears.

Something horrible occurred to Crowley. Perhaps he'd got it all wrong and Aziraphale's feelings for him had never been sexual. Maybe he'd misinterpreted all of the fond looks and suggestive comments. What they'd shared last night might have been more traumatic for Aziraphale than Crowley had ever imagined.

"You… you have feelings for me?" Aziraphale whispered.

"Er…"

Aziraphale sagged against the doorframe, gripping it with trembling fingers. "Why didn't you say? I thought you didn't like me back."

"Wha-? Of course I like you! I've been flirting with you since forever. I thought I was making myself rather obvious."

"I thought I was being obvious too," Aziraphale said, looking confused. "But you never made a move."

Crowley spluttered. "Of course I didn't make a move. I know angels aren't allowed to have sex. I didn't want to get you into trouble."

Aziraphale swallowed thickly. "Sex is frowned upon by Heaven, certainly, but they wouldn't ever know. They never found out when I... when I went with humans."

Crowley tried to keep the shock away from his face and failed. "You-? Humans?"

"You really didn't know? I tried to be discreet but I assumed you knew."

"I had no idea. I thought angels weren't allowed to have sex. Not that there's anything wrong with you having sex, of course," Crowley added hurriedly. "I just thought it was something you couldn't let yourself do."

They stared at each other.

"So… so you were trying to protect me." Aziraphale whispered.

Crowley nodded. "If I'd have made a move, would you have…?"

"In a heartbeat."

Crowley felt dizzy. He took a deep breath and tried to focus. "And you definitely wouldn't get into trouble for being with me?"

"As long as we were discreet they'd never know."

"I thought Heaven would get an alert or something. Like they do with miracles."

There was a blush on Aziraphale's face. "No. I can assure you they don't."

"Right. Well. Good to know," Crowley said.

Aziraphale let out a nervous laugh.

Crowley pushed aside the duvet as he got to his feet. He moved towards Aziraphale who was watching him carefully, hope in his eyes.

Crowley took a deep breath. "I love you. I should've told you a long time ago."

Aziraphale let out a shaky gasp. "I love you too."

In other circumstances Crowley might have taken this opportunity to pull Aziraphale close and kiss him, but after last night it didn't seem that simple. Aziraphale made no move to close the gap between them, and he looked tense.

Crowley reached out and took one of Aziraphale's hands in his own, squeezing it gently, but there was still hesitance in Aziraphale's eyes.

"This is a lot to take in, huh?" Crowley said. "Shall we go and put the kettle on?"

Aziraphale looked torn, his gaze moving from Crowley's eyes to his mouth and then back again. He reached out, as though to touch his face, but then his hand dropped away.

"You- You couldn't stop me from touching you," Aziraphale said, his lip trembling. "I can still remember how weak you were. I think you were talking, I think you were trying to stop me - to start with at least. But I couldn't understand what you were saying. And I was so sure you wanted it. I would never- If I had been in my right mind I would never…"

"The second you touched me I didn't want you to ever stop. And, you're right, I did try to protest at first - to tell you that we weren't allowed, that it was a bad idea - but I wanted it more than I'd ever wanted anything in my life. I wasn't scared. Not for a second." A smile pulled at Crowley's lip. "You can touch me if you want to. You can kiss me. But if it's all too much then that's fine too. We can take it as slow as you like. "

"You will tell me if I do anything that makes you uncomfortable, won't you?" Aziraphale pleaded. "I want you to feel safe."

"I've always felt safe with you."

"Can I- Would you like to kiss me?"

Crowley smiled. He leant in and kissed him on the mouth, a gentle press of lips, and then another and another, while Aziraphale sighed against him.

Aziraphale's free hand moved to Crowley's shoulder, touching him gently, and then they were holding each other in a tight embrace, faces against each other's necks.

Eventually, they drew apart and went into the kitchen where they made and drank their coffee. When they returned to the backroom they were holding hands.