She Don't Dream for Me
By: caramelo
I do not own One Tree Hill or anything related to it.
You guys are going to hate me…
Chapter Fifteen: Horror Show
"Shit," Nathan finally said, not having moved an inch since he had locked eyes with Haley a little over a minute ago.
"Deep shit," Brooke agreed. He started in surprise; he had all but forgotten she was there beside him. She pursed her lips but said nothing on the matter, focusing instead on the bigger drama unfolding in front of them. "You should go talk to her before she gets the wrong idea," she nudged him gently.
Nathan glanced back down at her. "Whatever she thinks up wouldn't be that far from the truth probably," he pointed out.
She glared back. "Yeah, it would," she said testily. "You and I didn't do anything."
"Well, technically…" Nathan began.
"That didn't count," Brooke interrupted him. She knew she was contradicting what she herself had said only last night, but she was desperate to deny the idea that she might have actually cheated. "We've had this conversation already."
"What didn't count?" an icy voice broke into the conversation. Nathan and Brooke's eyes both shot forward to see an irate Haley standing in front of them. Her eyes shot to her boyfriend. "Nathan?" she demanded.
"Haley," he said desperately, reaching out for her arm. Brooke grimaced at the irony as he continued, "It's not what you think…"
Yanking herself out of his grasp, Haley's eyes filled with tears, and she brushed them away angrily. Brooke felt a wave of guilt crash over her upon seeing the hurt flooding through on Haley's face. She had always been a very open girl, wearing her emotions on her sleeve for all to see. It had less to do with a flare for the dramatics than it did with the fact that she had simply been raised to be honest. "What am I supposed to think, Nathan?" she challenged. "I see you and Brooke walking into school together, and she's wearing your clothes. There aren't many explanations for something like that."
"Now really isn't the best time to talk about all this," Nathan said. His eyes pleaded with her urgently, begging her to let this go, at least for now. Brooke remembered him mentioning that he would be taking Haley back to the apartment after school today to pick up her car. That was probably when he planned on explaining everything to her. It was certainly a better alternative to hashing everything out in school, she noted, counting the curious stares directed at the three of them.
"He's right, Haley," Brooke said, and when Haley leveled a furious glare on her she wasn't so sure she should have spoken. "You don't want to get into this here," she tried to explain. "People are staring."
"You were always way too concerned with what everybody else thought," Haley told her coolly. Brooke grimaced; she deserved the shot and many more. No doubt Haley thought that Brooke had slept with her boyfriend. She had every right to be furious. Brooke knew how it was. Nevertheless, Haley was always the rational one, and she could see reason even in the worst situations. She turned back to Nathan. "This afternoon we are going to have a very long talk," she said before turning away from both of them and walking off down the hall. No doubt the same rational side of her was begging her not to lose it in school, to keep her composure until she wasn't in the spotlight. Haley never liked too much attention.
Brooke frowned as she watched Haley disappear around a corner. She turned back to Nathan to see his eyes were shut and he was breathing very hard. She touched his hand lightly. "Playing dress up probably wasn't the best idea," she said. "I'm sorry. I should have remembered to throw my clothes in the dryer last night."
"It's not your fault," Nathan said. His eyes were still closed. "Inviting you to stay over in the apartment without telling her was stupid. I should have…I…I just…."
"Nothing happened," Brooke reminded him. Her fingers laced through his. "You didn't do anything to physically betray her."
"But," Nathan said. He fell silent for a few moments. Brooke waited him out, watching him carefully. His breathing calmed somewhat, and he spoke again. "Listen, Brooke," he finally opened his eyes and looked at her seriously. He pried his fingers out of hers, and she couldn't stop the confusion from invading her expression. He didn't seem to notice. "This whole thing between us, we need to cool it. We need to stay away from each other, at least for today."
Brooke's comforting expression froze on her face. Nathan's words seemed to echo in her mind, each time causing her more pain than the last. She was certain she must have resembled Haley at this point. She could practically feel the hurt twisting her face and forcing tears to gather in her eyes. She struggled to compose herself and found herself having more trouble than usual. "Right, cool it," she said bitterly.
Even Nathan couldn't miss the coldness that had accompanied her voice. He looked alarmed and hurried to retract his words. "Oh, God, Brooke, I didn't mean it like that," he said, but he did not make any move to touch her or hug her as he normally would have done. "I just meant we should lie low today. I should at least get everything cleared up with Haley before we start…you know. I don't want to hurt her any more than I already have. It'd probably be best if you and I weren't seen with each other today."
"That makes sense," Brooke admitted. She was far from reassured, however; Nathan wasn't meeting her eyes. "You should go," she said. "You know, fight off the rumors. I'll talk to you later."
Nathan nodded and gave her a smile that didn't quite meet his eyes. "I promise this will all get worked out," he said and touched her shoulder discreetly. He pulled away just as soon as he had done it as if her skin had burned him. For some reason, he looked away guiltily. "See ya, Brooke." He was gone before she could reply.
"Yeah, bye, Nathan," Brooke said with a frown, knowing he wouldn't be able to hear. Whispers hissed in her ears, and Brooke was pulled out of her reverie to see pointing fingers and gossiping classmates. All attention was directed towards her. She stifled a groan. She was suddenly very aware of how all of this must have looked to everyone and she tugged uncomfortably at the sleeves on Nathan's hoodie. This, in turn, reminded her of her current attire, and it was an effort to keep her head up high as she strolled over to her locker. She looked in the mirror that hung inside and bit her lip. Nathan had promised to stand by her today. It certainly would have eased the humiliation. It wasn't just the fact that she looked bad; it was that she looked like she had slept with him. She looked like the whore she used to be.
Angry tears sprung at the corners of her eyes, and she was overcome with the desire to erase the image in the mirror. She tugged off the hoodie forcefully and threw it inside her locker. Her tank top was stained with dirt and beer from her misadventures yesterday and did little to improve her reflection in the stupid mirror. She was suddenly very, very tired.
"What's going on, Brooke?" a voice demanded behind her.
This time, she didn't bother to hold back a moan. "Leave me alone, Peyton."
"No," Peyton said. "Haley just came running up to me and Lucas nearly in tears, saying how Nathan's cheated on her, and it was with you."
Brooke's eyes flashed as she spun around. "I don't have to explain anything to you."
Peyton sighed. She held up her hand in a gesture of peace. "I know you don't," she said. "It just all sounded really weird to me. I mean, really Brooke, after everything that's happened would you really do something like that?"
The fight left Brooke's expression, and her shoulders slumped. "I know it looks bad," she said, "but it's not like that. Not really. I don't know. It's complicated."
"Sounds like you need someone to talk to," Peyton said matter-of-factly.
A brow shot up on Brooke's face. "You're not my friend anymore."
"I know that," Peyton said, "but you're mine. And I want to help you." Brooke didn't look convinced, so she forged on ahead before the other girl could interrupt. "I understand that this won't fix things between us. You just really look like you need someone right now, and well, I'm here. I'm not expecting anything in return. I'm not even expecting us to be on speaking terms tomorrow. Just, for right now, I'm here for you, okay? No strings. We can go back to ignoring each other after everything blows over if that's what you want."
"You make it impossible to say no to you, Sawyer," Brooke grumbled.
"Are you sure you haven't gotten us mixed up?" Peyton asked brightly. Brooke glared, and Peyton sobered immediately. "Right, no friendly joking around. So did you want to skip next period and go to the bathroom and talk or something?"
"Just meet me at lunch, okay?" Brooke said. "I think I can hold it together until then."
"Sarcasm, already," Peyton said. "You'll definitely be okay. You're strong, Brooke."
"I don't need pep talks," Brooke said, remembering with a grimace Nathan saying something very similar to Peyton's encouragement earlier that morning.
Peyton grimaced as well. "This didn't used to be so hard."
"Well, what did you expect?" Brooke questioned softly. "I've changed and so have you."
"I miss us being friends, Brooke," Peyton said seriously.
"Don't get too attached," Brooke warned. "This is just a temporary truce, remember?"
"Yeah, I know," Peyton sighed. "I'll see you at lunch."
"Yeah," Brooke said. She scowled. "I've got to get to Algebra."
Peyton winced. "I don't think your feelings towards that have changed."
"Definitely not," Brooke agreed. "An hour and a half of total hell."
"Whoever invented the quadratic formula is a total sadist," Peyton agreed.
"Don't even mention that," Brooke said, "I totally failed the last test because of it. Way too many letters and symbols to keep it all straight."
Peyton nodded her head sympathetically. "I guess there's no use in telling you you'll do better next time."
"Because we both know I won't," Brooke finished. It had been a long-running joke between the two of them, and she was slightly surprised that she had allowed it to be employed by her ex-best friend. She smiled despite herself. "Bye, Peyton."
They headed in their separate directions, and Brooke's mind raced over what had just happened. She tried to calm herself. Peyton had promised there would be no strings, no obligation to be her friend. But after what had just happened with Nathan…Brooke's stomach turned. She could really use a friend. What was with Nathan anyway? Surely he wasn't having second thoughts? He had promised her…
Brooke paused as she reached the door to her Algebra class. The flash of memory of Nathan offering to tutor her assaulted her. She smiled bitterly, wondering if the offer still stood. Probably not. He was probably falling over himself to apologize to Haley right now, making promises not to come near Brooke with a ten-foot pole.
You're being stupid, Brooke told herself impatiently, he said he wanted to be with you.
She shook her head and turned the knob on the door handle. Algebra class might actually be a welcome distraction to the torment raging inside her head.
An hour and a half of mind numbing boredom later, Brooke couldn't decide whether she was better off or not. "At least it's lunchtime," she told herself as she raced out the door. An agitated growl of her stomach reminded her that she hadn't eaten breakfast that morning in her hurry to get to school. She dropped her books off at her locker and walked off in the direction of the cafeteria.
When she entered, the whole room seemed to hush momentarily, before exploding in a flurry of whispers and general chaos. She walked past the groups of lunching classmates uneasily, trying to figure out how word of her and Nathan had spread so fast. Her stomach growled again as she reached the lunch line, and with a sinking feeling she realized the gossip might not have been all about the fledging relationship between the head cheerleader and the basketball star. Brooke suddenly remembered that she had been involved in more than one scandal this weekend.
"Nathan's party," she moaned inaudibly to all those around her. "I'm going to kill Nikki."
"We should probably eat somewhere else today," Peyton came up behind her. "This place is crazy."
"Gossip hasn't been this good in Tree Hill since Theresa got a nose job," Brooke said scornfully.
"Just grab some corn, and come with me," Peyton said.
"It'll take too much time; just grab a pretzel and go," Brooke said, pointedly not remembering the time she had flirted with Nathan at his little pretzel stand and how cute he had looked in that stupid uniform.
"I thought we were going to the bathroom," she said minutes later, bemused, as she and Peyton walked straight past the Girls' Room right outside the cafeteria after they had finished paying for their lunches.
"Right," Peyton scoffed, "and take the chance of being cornered in the stall by a bunch of cheerleaders? No, thanks, I'll save that horror show for another day."
Brooke smirked despite her resolution to treat Peyton on no level other than cool indifference. "Okay, Miss Blondie, I see your point. Where are we going then?"
"My car," Peyton said with an air of pride in her voice. Her car was one of her more prized possessions. "Automatic locks on all the doors and capable of a quick getaway if needed. It's way safer than some dumb stall with broken door latches."
"I'll take the driver's seat," Brooke said, faintly amused, "I'm pretty good at quick getaways."
Peyton laughed. "It was the talent we never knew about." She shook her head as her chuckles dissolved away. By the time her curls had fallen back into place, the expression she wore was solemn. "But seriously, Brooke," she said, "You might want to consider sticking around, you know? You have to face these things."
Brooke smiled, but it was bittersweet. "I know. I've already promised not to run away anymore. Not so much in words but…" she trailed off as she remembered what had transpired between her and Nathan last night in the parking lot of the bar where he had told her not to run, and she had listened, knowing that in doing so she was committing herself to a promise she was still determined to keep.
"You're having one of those I-remember-something-deep-that-happened-between-me-and-Nathan moments, huh?" Peyton teased.
"And you know this because?" Brooke asked shortly. She wasn't fond of the idea of being read so easily.
"I've known you for years, Brooke," Peyton said earnestly.
Brooke could not refute this so she only crossed her arms and pursed her lips as a way to grudgingly admit the truth in Peyton's statement. She didn't actually say anything out loud, but Peyton still understood. She always did.
It was a quiet few moments as Brooke and Peyton walked out of the school and into the parking lot, and then another couple minutes before they were tucked away from any prying ears in the safety of Peyton's beloved car. Peyton had been gathering the confidence to ask Brooke the question that had been at the forefront of everybody's mind for the past few hours, knowing full well that her ex-best friend could easily be set off by any wrong word or gesture. She, in a style that had practically been invented by Brooke, decided to tackle the issue directly.
"So what exactly is going on between you and Nathan?"
Brooke lifted a sculpted brow, a smile touching the corners of her lips. "Don't tell me I've finally started rubbing off on you, Sawyer."
"Don't change the subject, Davis," Peyton shot back. She sobered quickly. "Really. What's up?"
The smile faded from Brooke's face as she fell into a contemplative silence. Peyton marveled at the change in her friend. Brooke was usually the type to blurt out whatever her instincts told her to, leaving no room for any type of thought process. She said what was on her mind, and there was always something on Brooke's mind at any given moment. She was very in touch with her feelings.
But now, it looked like she was actually trying to sort herself out. She seemed to be struggling with words that refused to come willingly. Confusion marred her features along with frustration and what looked to Peyton like desperation. Whatever Nathan had done to her, it had seriously thrown her off balance.
"I'm not sure," Brooke said finally, defeated. Peyton was about to open her mouth, to coax or comfort she wasn't sure, but Brooke stopped her with a brisk shake of her head. She wasn't finished.
"I really like him, Peyton," she admitted in a small voice. "I know it's wrong. He belongs to Haley, and all that. But I swear we haven't done anything. Not like…" Peyton could hear the you and Lucas that was fighting off the edge of Brooke's tongue to finish the sentence, and she could see a moment of indecision flash across Brooke's face, but in the end, she apparently had decided to put that behind her for now.
"It doesn't even matter anyway," Brooke said abruptly. "After that whole thing with Haley this morning, I don't think he's coming back." Her voice broke on the last word, and tears gathered in her eyes. It was with difficulty that she continued, "he promised me that everything would work out, but…" This direction seemed too hard for her to continue, so she took another approach. "This weekend was kind of like a dream, Peyt. It wasn't perfect or anything like that, but with Nathan…I guess it was just time to get back to reality, huh?"
Peyton frowned. "It's not like you've been running around in fantasy land all weekend, Brooke. Everything you did was very real."
"Maybe," Brooke said, turning away to face the window.
"Listen, Brooke, I'm not saying that what you and Nathan did was a good thing or anything like that, because it probably wasn't," Peyton sighed, "but it may have been something that needed to happen."
"I thought you didn't believe in all that cosmo-babble stuff," Brooke said bitterly.
"I don't," Peyton was quick to reassure her, "but I saw you at the party. When he walked in, and you looked at him…I don't know. There was something there. Didn't you feel it?"
"He's Haley's boyfriend," Brooke replied. "I wasn't supposed to feel anything."
"But you did, and you still do," Peyton insisted. "And so does Nathan."
"How would you know?" Brooke asked sharply.
"All you have to do is look at Haley," she replied.
"What?"
Peyton gave Brooke a patient stare as the other girl whipped around in her seat to face Peyton incredulously. "Haley's a sensible girl, Brooke. She doesn't get caught up in rumors or gossip or insecurities or anything like that."
"Of course not," Brooke broke in sourly. "She's perfect."
Peyton paid the comment no attention as she continued. "Haley wouldn't have come almost in tears to Lucas and me if she hadn't seen something there. She's not like that. But she's Haley, and she's smart, so she could tell that there was something going on between you and Nathan."
"Not anymore," Brooke said in a choked whisper. Something in Peyton's speech had triggered some type of strong emotion inside of Brooke, and tears were pooling at the corners of her eyes. "He changed his mind."
"I don't think he'd do something like that," Peyton comforted her.
"Lucas did," Brooke whispered harshly. "Maybe Nathan has realized his mistake and gotten out too. I'm not exactly the most stable person around here."
"Lucas didn't know what he was doing," Peyton said with a humorless laugh. "And we were both gigantic assholes for what we did to you. But I really think Nathan's better than that now."
"Haley made him better," Brooke said in a small voice.
"She did," Peyton said truthfully. Brooke glanced at her sharply, and she laughed again. "You're going to have to accept the fact that a lot of people think that Nathan and Haley made a really cute couple, Brooke. The bookworm and the star: it's just like some hokey movie or book or something like that. They were our high school's fairytale."
"And they'll live happily ever after," Brooke retorted.
"It looked like they would," Peyton admitted.
"They will," Brooke said with a roll of her eyes. "I should have known that before. I'm so stupid."
"You're not--," Peyton began.
"I am," Brooke interrupted, firm. A bell rang out, signifying the end of lunch. She smiled tightly at the other girl. "Thanks for the heart-to-heart, Sawyer, but I've got to get to class. If I don't get there on time, that witch Mrs. Carlson will give me a detention."
"Brooke," Peyton protested.
Brooke leveled a glare on her. "No strings, remember?"
The rest of the day passed by in a sort of miserable, confused blur. Brooke vaguely remembered sitting through the rest of her classes and telling Theresa in French that practice was called off for the day and directing the other girl to let the rest of the squad know. She remembered walking out to the parking lot before remembering that Nathan was taking Haley home, and her own car was sitting safely in her garage at home. She remembered seeing a flash of blonde hair and flying towards Bevin, begging for a ride.
And now, she was here, staring miserably at the apartment in front of her.
Why, why had she snapped at Bevin when she turned right, heading towards Brooke's house, instead of left? Why had she forced her squad-member to make a U-turn and drive in the opposite direction? Why had she ordered Bevin to drop her off in front of an all too familiar apartment building?
Why had she shooed Bevin away when the girl had offered to wait for her and give her a ride home whenever she had finished with whatever business she had here?
Had she been thinking at all?
No, Brooke mused, she couldn't have been. She couldn't have been in her right mind to purposefully strand herself miles away from home, at a place where she was neither invited nor welcome. Haley was probably in there right now, doing God-knows-what with Nathan.
Obviously, she had been slipped some kind of drug or something because there was no way she was really this stupid.
The door flew open. Brooke found herself face-to-face with Haley and froze.
Haley's face remained impassive. She opened her mouth and closed it. She tried again a few seconds later but only achieved the same result. She shook her head. After one deep, shuddering breath, she finally regained the ability to speak. "You need to talk with Nathan," she said calmly, before nudging past Brooke and walking to her car and getting in, not even bothering to check for any scratches or dents that might have occurred during Brooke's joyride last night. Maybe she had already done so.
Brooke could only watch mutely as Haley pulled out of the driveway and drove off. The other girl didn't even spare Brooke another glance, anything that could have to her what to expect when she spoke with Nathan, but Brooke couldn't find it in herself to hold it against her.
She watched until Haley's car disappeared around the door, before spinning around to face the door. She had already lifted her hand to knock when she realized Nathan was standing directly in front of her.
"We need to talk," he said somberly.
Brooke felt her stomach sink.
Author's Note: Hate me? Keep in mind that not everything is what it seems, and people don't always mean what they say. So I know there was some serious backsliding in this chapter, which sucks, yes, because I enjoy writing Nathan and Brooke together, and there was a serious lack of their bantering this chapter, but the story isn't finished yet. I'm hoping the (relatively) quick(er) update, and that the chapter is about 1/3 longer than usual makes up for everything. Thanks for all the great response last chapter. Seeing as how I had pretty much disappeared for a couple months, it was nice to know this story was still on some people's radar. Please let me know what you think this time around!
until next time…
caramelo