She Don't Dream for Me
By: caramelo
I do not own One Tree Hill or anything related to it.
Chapter Sixteen: Truths and Fairytales
Mutely, Brooke allowed herself to be ushered into Nathan's apartment. He was trying to catch her gaze, and though Brooke had been desperate for a hint from Haley only minutes before, she now found that she didn't really want to know what he was going to say anymore. She was happy pretending like everything was okay. The truth could ruin it all.
"Brooke," he finally said. She still refused to even glance in his direction.
"Brooke," he repeated, "don't be like this. Please."
"Don't be like what, Nathan?" Brooke shot back. "Don't be upset? Don't be hurt? Don't you think I have a right to be?"
"You haven't even heard me out yet," Nathan protested.
"Are you going to tell me what I want to hear?" Brooke demanded. She finally dared to meet his eyes. She watched as regret passed through them, and he was forced to look away. "That's what I thought," she said softly.
"It's not like that," Nathan said.
"Then what's it like?" Brooke countered, exasperated. "Do you love Haley, Nathan? Do you?"
Nathan faltered. "I…"
"It's a yes or no question," Brooke said and was surprised to find herself near tears. She took a deep breath before continuing. "I promise I won't go all crazy and destroy your apartment if you say yes."
"I-I do love Haley," Nathan admitted, watching Brooke carefully for her reaction, "or at least I did. I'm not really sure. Everything just happened so fast with you and…"
"I get it," Brooke said softly.
"No, you don't," Nathan said desperately. He reached out to grasp her arm, even though she hadn't moved an inch. "You have to understand that I do like you, Brooke. A lot. But Haley…"
"You love her," Brooke said.
Nathan shook his head. "That wasn't what I was going to say."
"Then what exactly are you trying to say, Nathan?" Brooke demanded. "Tell me what you're thinking."
"I don't know!" Nathan yelled in frustration. He forced himself to calm upon seeing the alarmed expression on Brooke's face. "I don't know," he repeated, considerably softer. "I'm sorry."
"You have to choose, Nathan," Brooke said. Her voice was wavering, but somehow she managed to hold back her tears. She had a feeling she wouldn't be able to keep up a brave front for much longer, however. "And you have to do it soon. I'm not the kind of girl that waits around forever."
"I did choose," Nathan said. "I promised you, Brooke, remember?"
"I don't want you to be with me only because you feel like you have to," Brooke said.
"I want to be with you, Brooke," Nathan said, upset.
"More than you want to be with Haley?" Brooke shot back.
Nathan's eyes squeezed shut, and an aggrieved sigh escaped him. "I'm not sure," he confessed. "It shouldn't be this hard. If it were any other circumstance…"
"You wouldn't be able to keep your hands off me," Brooke said dryly. "I know." There was a pregnant pause as she mulled everything over. Peyton's words from earlier came back to her. "But you and Haley are like a fairytale. You're perfect for each other."
"Fairytales aren't real, Brooke," Nathan reminded her.
"We aren't either," Brooke said, gesturing between herself and him. "Not really."
Nathan looked away. Brooke swallowed, hard. She could feel the tears welling up again. "I should probably go," she said.
His head shot back up. "But we haven't even sorted anything out yet," Nathan protested, reaching for her.
Brooke skirted his hand. "We don't need to sort anything out. You do." She smiled sadly. "I know what I want, Nathan."
Nathan watched her, his expression pained. "I'm doing exactly what I said I wouldn't do, aren't I?" he said. "I'm disappointing you."
"I'm used to it," Brooke muttered, avoiding his gaze. "Where's your phone? I need to call a cab or something."
"I can take you home," Nathan protested. "You don't need to call a cab."
Brooke glanced up at him briefly. "No, I really do," she said before returning her attention elsewhere, presumably her search for the telephone.
Nathan's shoulders slumped, and he walked over to the couch and plucked the phone out from between the cushions. He held it out to her and she reached for it with a muttered thanks. But he didn't let go. Brooke's eyes rose to his involuntarily.
He wasn't bothering to hide the desperation on his face. "Don't hate me, Brooke," he said, his voice scratchy and rough.
"I couldn't," Brooke said slowly, steadily staring back at him. "Even though I really want to right now."
Nathan took a sharp intake of breath at her last words and immediately let go of the phone both of them held as if it had burned him, but he couldn't deny her the right to be angry with him. Hell, he would've been furious. She was taking it all with a surprising calm, something he hadn't expected from her.
Brooke began to speak and gave Nathan a start, but as soon as he regained his bearings he realized what she was saying was not directed towards him. She must have dialed a number in the time he spent admiring her poise.
"Hello…Lucas?...Yeah, it's me. We're probably supposed to be mad at each other, or I'm at least supposed to be mad at you, I can't remember right now, but I need a huge favor…Okay. Can you come pick me up right now? I'm at Nathan's apartment…No, I didn't. We didn't…Please, Luke, just this one favor. Then we can go back to being whatever-the-hell we were before…Okay. Thanks, babe." Brooke took the phone away from her ear and pressed the off button. She looked up to find Nathan watching her expectantly. "Luke will be here in about ten minutes," she said innocently.
Nathan grimaced. Brooke may have had poise, but she was still every bit of a vengeful bitch. She must have known calling Lucas to pick her up would send a streak of jealousy through Nathan's nerves. She could have just as easily called Peyton. He had seen them walking out to Peyton's car today during lunch, presumably to dodge the rumors of Brooke's pregnancy and Nathan's possible infidelity.
"Lucas, huh?" Nathan couldn't help but drop his name bitterly.
Brooke lifted a brow at his tone. "You were right," she shrugged, "There was no reason for me to waste money on a cab."
"Oh," Nathan said with a scowl. This scenario wasn't exactly what he had had in mind when he had tried to talk her out of taking a cab. What did he have in mind anyway?
"Do you have a problem with Lucas taking me home?" Brooke asked curiously.
Nathan struggled to school his demeanor into one of neutrality. It didn't work. "I shouldn't," he said.
"But you do," Brooke said slowly.
"Well, what do you expect?" Nathan burst out. "It's sort of like the triangle you, me, and Haley have going on, isn't it? I don't want you to be with him, and you don't want me to be with her."
"Yeah, except I don't want to be with him," Brooke shot back. "You're the one that I want, Nathan, and you know it. I wish you could say the same about me."
Nathan didn't have anything to counter this argument. He raked a hand through his hair and rubbed his forehead miserably. "All I'm asking for is time," he finally said.
The sound of a knock came from the door. "Brooke? You ready?" a familiar voice called.
Brooke looked at Nathan sharply. He could feel her gaze tearing through his, demanding for something he wasn't sure he could give yet. Images of Haley and Brooke danced in his mind, blurring behind his eyes. The choice was still unclear. He looked away.
Brooke's expression tightened. "Time's up," she said softly, spinning on her heel and fleeing out to Lucas.
Nathan was frozen in place, his daze only to be shattered by the sound of the door slamming. He moaned, frustrated and angry, as his eyes slid shut. There was only one picture behind them now. His hand clenched tightly, and his eyes flew open wide again.
Nathan cursed and threw his fist into the wall.
The sound went unheard by Brooke as Lucas pulled out of the parking lot of Nathan's apartment complex. "Thanks again," she told Lucas, keeping her gaze firmly directed out the passenger's side window.
"Yeah," Lucas said, sounding distracted. He looked over at her. "Are you going to tell me why you were there?"
Brooke's eyes flitted to his momentarily. "No."
Lucas did that strange, yet oddly endearing half-smile that Brooke had found adorable back when they were dating. "I didn't think you would," he said.
"Then why'd you ask?" Brooke challenged.
Lucas shrugged. He turned his attention back to the road. "You didn't cheat with Nathan," he said. It was more a statement than a question.
"Of course not."
Lucas smiled again, though it was bittersweet. "I knew you wouldn't do that. Not after…everything."
"Haley thinks I did," Brooke said, knowing she had to tread carefully. Haley was Lucas's best friend. She didn't want to set him off.
"She was pretty convinced," Lucas said. "I almost believed her."
"What made you change your mind?" Brooke asked curiously.
"You're just not that kind of person."
"Definitely not," Brooke said forcefully. Lucas glanced over, and she could see guilt stricken across his features through the reflection in her window.
He seemed more hesitant now. "But you guys…"
"We were flirting," Brooke admitted. "More than we should have."
"Are you guys together now?" Lucas asked. There was something strange in his voice. Something that didn't belong…
Brooke leveled a cool glare on him. "That's none of your business." Then, before he could apologize, she added in a small voice, "But no, we aren't."
It was more than a casual glance this time when Lucas looked over. She was tempted to snap at him to pay attention to the road, but she didn't want him to know he had gotten under her skin like that. "I'm sorry," Lucas finally said.
"Don't be," Brooke answered firmly. It was an effective end to a strained conversation. They remained silent for the rest of the way home.
"Thanks for the ride," Brooke mumbled as Lucas pulled into her driveway. He nodded in affirmation, and she climbed out of the car. She was ready to shut the door when he reached out to stop her. She looked at him questioningly.
"Haley really loves Nathan," Lucas said, speaking slowly and watching carefully for her reaction. "She's been really hurt by all of this."
Brooke fidgeted and looked away, wishing she had gone ahead and shut the door anyway. "I know."
"She's my best friend, Brooke," Lucas said, "I know I'm the last person that should be lecturing you about this right now, but I have to stick up for her. She and Nathan…"
"Are perfect together! Yes, I know!" Brooke exploded suddenly. Everything that had been building up inside her that day finally seemed to be unleashing itself. "Everybody knows! He knows!" Angry, she found herself near tears. Her voice softened. "I was never looking to fall for Nathan. I would have never even talked to him that day in the library if I had known it would come to all this. I've made too many people miserable because of it. It's just…"
"Just what?" Lucas prompted gently.
"He made me happy," Brooke said, her eyes blurring and her voice cracking on the last word.
Lucas's face twisted into one of regret and what looked dangerously like pity. "Brooke…"
Brooke shook her head. If she had seen the pity in his eyes, she might have very well slammed the door in his face, but as it was, she didn't notice. "After everything that you and Peyton did, I was so messed up. I didn't even feel like myself anymore. But then I got to know Nathan, and there was just something there. He helped me forget about you guys. He pulled me back. I thought I could trust him."
"He had a girlfriend," Lucas pointed out tentatively.
Brooke shot him a truly bitter look, one filled with hurt and betrayal. "That didn't stop you."
Lucas winced. He had walked himself into that one. "You know you didn't want that to happen, Brooke," he reasoned. "You didn't want Nathan to be that guy, and you didn't want to be that girl."
"We weren't," Brooke insisted.
"You were close."
"It isn't the same."
"You would have felt guilty," Lucas said, the certainty clear in his voice. "If everything had worked out the way it was supposed to, you wouldn't have been able to stand yourself. You probably can't even look at Haley now as it is."
Brooke looked like she wanted to argue but instead scowled and looked away. "Why do you have to know all these things?"
"It's called experience," Lucas said, regretful.
"We both know you've had plenty of that," Brooke mumbled.
Lucas could only nod, and Brooke sighed. "Listen, Lucas, thanks for the advice or the lecture or…whatever this whole thing was. I know you're trying to help. I just really need to be alone now, okay?"
Lucas half-smiled, though it didn't quite reach his eyes, and nodded again. "I understand. Take care of yourself, Brooke, okay? I know Haley's my best friend, and I should be taking sides, but just call if you need to. I would never be able to say no to you."
"Thanks, Lucas. I might just take you up on that offer," Brooke said, not entirely insincere.
Lucas made a gesture of affirmation and said goodbye before backing out of her driveway. As he pulled out onto the road, he paused to look at her, and she waved. He smiled and waved back, then drove off. It wasn't until long after he had disappeared around the corner that Brooke realized what he had given her. It wasn't really advice, and it was even less a lecture. It could have loosely been termed as consolation, but that didn't quite fit either. It was just the truth.
Brooke smiled wistfully and a tear rolled down to her face. It was time to get inside.
She made her way up to her bedroom and dove straight for her bed without bothering to shut the door. Nobody was home anyway. It was just her all alone, like always. She clutched at her pillow tightly, screwing her eyes shut as they blurred with tears. He didn't deserve this much from her, she tried to tell herself. She wasn't going to do this.
But she was. It was too hard to hold back. She buried her face into her pillow and sobbed.
It lasted a good twenty minutes and could have gone for much longer had her solitude not been interrupted.
"I made you cry," an awed voice said from her doorway. Brooke started, and her head shot up to see a horror-stricken Nathan standing there. "I never wanted to do that to you. But I did."
Brooke felt much too naked and vulnerable than she would have like in that moment. "Go away," she said, trying to muster up the energy to sound fierce, though she doubted that it worked since he hadn't budged.
"Brooke," he said, still using that soft, stunned tone that she was quickly growing to despise. "You told me how bad Lucas hurt you, and I promised myself that I would never be like him. And now I've gone and hurt you just as bad, haven't I?"
"At least spare me my dignity, Nathan," Brooke said tiredly. "Don't make me answer that. You already know."
"I'm sorry," Nathan said. Tentatively, he ventured further into her room and sat on the very edge of her bed. Brooke scooted farther up against her headboard. "Really."
"I know you are," Brooke said. "So if that's all you came to say then you wasted your time."
Nathan looked pained. "Brooke, I made a mistake."
Brooke's knuckles turned white as she clutched the comforter beneath her. "A mistake?" she repeated.
"A really stupid one," Nathan said, shaking his head in shame. "I acted like a total asshole."
"I actually prefer bastard," Brooke piped up.
Nathan shot her a sharp look, before his face loosened into a rueful smile. "I guess either one works. But I don't want to be that kind of guy anymore." He took a deep breath and looked up at her hopefully. "So I fixed things."
Brooke eyed him suspiciously. "What do you mean by fixed things?"
"I was a mess earlier, Brooke. I just kept picturing you and Haley, Haley and you, back and forth again, and I was so confused. I couldn't figure out what I wanted. And then you walked out, Brooke, and I realized how stupid I was. There was a reason why everything happened this weekend. There was a reason why I let things go so far, even while I was dating a girl who I supposedly loved.
"I wanted you, Brooke. I wanted you then, and I still want you now."
Brooke was incredulous. This was what she had wanted to hear, but…
"And I broke up with Haley," Nathan added. "Before I came over here, I dropped by Haley's, and we had a long talk and decided it wasn't working out anymore."
"Because of me," Brooke said dully.
Nathan fidgeted. "Well, yeah. As much as I care about Haley, you're the one that I want to be with." He hesitated at her frozen expression. "Is that still what you want?"
Brooke leaned back against her headboard made a noise that sounded very much like a moan. "Of course, it is," she said. "But you hurt me pretty bad, and it was only like an hour ago, Nathan. You had no idea what was going on, and all of the sudden you have some huge revelation? How does that work? I don't know if I can trust it."
Nathan studied her carefully. "What are you saying?"
"I'm saying that maybe you were right before. You need time."
"But I don't! I know…"
Brooke crawled over closer to him and put a finger to his lips, effectively ending his protests. "You do," she said. "A few days, at least. Make sure this is what you really want. I don't want to be hurt like that again."
"I won't," Nathan insisted.
Brooke shook her head. "Please, just do this for me. Just see how these next few days go, and if you change your mind, fine. I'll get over you. But if you don't, then we'll talk, okay?"
Nathan finally surrendered. "Only for you," he said, disappointment laced in his voice. "You deserve it."
"It's totally necessary," Brooke asserted. "You'll see."
"Am I allowed to talk to you during these next few days?"
"Of course," Brooke said. As an afterthought, she added, "But no flirting…or other stuff."
"Got it," Nathan said. He stood from her bed. "I guess I should probably go then."
"Yeah, probably," Brooke agreed.
Nathan grunted a goodbye, and Brooke acknowledged it with a nod. He paused at her doorway. "I won't change my mind, Brooke. That's a promise. A real one," he said before disappearing down the hallway.
Brooke grabbed her pillow and pulled it in close again. It sounded like the truth, but was it?
She'd have her answer soon enough, she hoped.
Author's Note: Finally finished chapter sixteen! I was aiming for under a month but it's been a little over one. Oh well. I hope you liked it! Also, giving credit where credit is due, the chapter title, in part, and all the little mentions of fairytales in the chapter and the chapter before it were inspired by Fairytales by Mrs. O-Town. Just kind of as a shout-out to my favorite story on the site, I guess. If you haven't checked it out already (which I can't see why not), I really encourage you to do so. I also I really encourage you to review this chapter as well! ;) Come on. We're getting close to what may be the end, and now is not the time to be a read-but-not-reviewer.
until next time…
caramelo