You know all this. I'm not posing as J.K. Rowling, I'm just borrowing her characters and setting and elements of her plot because I'm far too lazy/incompetent to come up with those on my own. This is slash and, so people tell me, it's somewhat amusing. Enjoy!

Sirius watched Remus over the book he was pretending to read for a while, vaguely contemplating the events that had followed that interesting lunch earlier that day. It was, of course, an eventful afternoon, and rumors were flying rapidly by nightfall. James had given him a goodnight kiss on the cheek while some third-years squealed about an hour earlier, and the two of them were alone.

"What're you reading, Moony?"

Remus looked up, a little surprised. "The Call of the Wild – it's just muggle fiction."

"That sounds terribly dull…" Sirius tossed his own book aside (Intermediate Transfiguration, which looked as though it was rarely opened) and sat next to Remus on his squashy couch.

The thin werewolf raised his eyebrows mildly. "Well, I find it fascinating." He paused for a moment and put the paperback aside, turning to Sirius with a rather astute expression. "Were you looking to start a conversation, Padfoot?"

"Er…" Sirius, caught off guard, glared at a satisfied-looking Remus. "I was, until you had to go and be all shrewd like that…"

"Sorry," said Remus, who was clearly not. "You were going to say?"

Sirius leaned back languidly and pushed his hair out of his eyes. "You just seemed to be acting a bit odd today. Wondered if everything is all right, is all…"

"I was acting a bit odd? I might remind you that I was not pretending to be madly in love with anyone."

"Well, Prongs didn't flinch every time I laid a finger on him! And I know for a fact that you've finished all your work, so you've lied to us about not being able to go to Hogsmeade again."

Remus bit his lip. "Why didn't you say anything when I told Prongs I couldn't go?" He was clearly ignoring Sirius's first complaint.

"You're always backing out on fun events; I didn't really think anything of it..."

"But you do now?" Remus seemed apprehensive.

"Not really, it's just sort of compounded on how jumpy you've been… What's wrong?"

"Nothing out of the ordinary, I suppose."

Sirius snorted. "Liar."

Remus looked slightly defeated. "It's just that I'm not entirely used to being touched, really." He sighed and began talking to the fire, the light from it making him look quite tired. "You know, my parents were always rather wary of me after I was bitten. Even my mother was careful not to touch me if she could avoid it. My father would hardly come near me, unless…" He trailed off, his eyes looking far away. Sirius chose not to press further, but after several minutes of brooding silence he felt the need to say something.

"Er, mate… if there's any way I can help you, or something…" he rested a hand on Remus's arm (a carefully selected body part: the hand would have been too suggestive, the shoulder a hint cold) apprehensively, only to be met with a slight flinch.

Remus turned to give him a small smile that was a mixture of apology and appreciation. "If you're planning to use me as some sort of squeeze toy for picking up girls with, Padfoot, I suppose you'd better."

"Oh, don't put it like that! You'll be up to your neck in birds, too, you'll see… it's the perfect plan." Sirius was relaxed again, grinning cheerfully. One hand was tucked behind his head, but the one on the side nearer Remus stretched out towards him. "Here, hold my hand for a bit and get used to it." His companion eyed him warily. "Don't get funny on me – I'm doing this for your sake. How're you supposed to get any dates if you can't go about holding hands? You're looking at a very virginal life until you get past this."

Remus grinned and slipped his hand into Sirius's. "It's always good to know you're looking out for my well-being." He was oddly stiff for the first few minutes, but Sirius refused to let him go.

After a few minutes, he figured Remus was rather peaceful-looking enough. "You s'pose you're ready for the next step?"

"Whatever might that entail?"

Sirius answered by carefully tracing his hand up Remus's arm and across to his opposite shoulder, draping it there with the graceful laziness that he had a knack for. He noticed with the slightest shock how thin Remus was – his upper arm was the width of Sirius's wrist, and his shoulders were almost completely fleshless.

Remus looked quite anxious, but he had set his jaw resolutely. Eventually he relaxed and rested his head gently against Sirius, who took this as a sign to slip his other arm around him. He felt Remus give a slight quiver and looked down at a head of wavy, unhealthy-looking brown hair. "You all right?" he asked. The hair nodded. It was an oddly tender interaction between the two of them, and Sirius wondered idly if it was really the mere friendly favor that they'd been making it out to be. What bothered him slightly was what James might think. Surely, he wouldn't be too upset, but… his two best mates together? The Marauder dynamic would be all off. Perhaps he was over-thinking the whole thing, though. Sirius and Remus… no, he couldn't see it happening.

Remus drifted off to sleep just as Sirius's arm did the same a few hours later, but Sirius himself did not even realize he had fallen asleep until the sound of someone's voice woke him up.

"Well, isn't that just the cutest thing?"

Sirius grunted and opened one eye. A tall kid with thick, round glasses was grinning down at him mischievously. "It's not what it looks like, and you haven't got room to talk anyway."

"Spoken like a true Marauder, mate. Shove your sweetheart off your chest and join me for breakfast, won't you?"

Sirius poked Remus in the side. "Up you get, Moony!"

"Mm?" Remus rubbed one eye groggily and didn't seem to register that he was in the common room for a few seconds. "How did I… oh... I'm sorry, Padfoot, I didn't mean to fall asleep…"

"Nah, I could have pushed you out of the way if I liked, you're about as heavy as a ghost." They both stood up and stretched. "To the Great Hall, shall we?"

They walked together for a distance before the inevitable question was asked by James: "So, if that wasn't what it looked like… what was it?"

"Er…" Sirius stalled and glanced at Remus. What was it? "Moony here was acting all odd when we were, you know, acting funny, so I thought I'd give him some instruction on how not to have a heart attack the next time someone wants to hold his hand."

"Oh… I figured Moony was just homophobic yesterday, or something. Glad you've gone and set him straight, Padfoot. Well, perhaps 'straight' isn't the best term to use…"

"You hush, those lessons are going to be incredibly worthwhile once we're lined up for a good dozen dates between us. Who've we got set up for our Hogsmeade whirlwind tour so far, Prongs?"

"For you, we're featuring the lovely Anastasia McCarthy as your tea hour, and you've got to ask Kate Willowson yourself for your evening if you want her, but I'm completely certain she fancies you…"

Sirius looked pleased. "And for Mr. Prongs?"

James sighed in a world-weary way. "I asked Evans to go with you and Anastasia for tea as a double-date, but she just sort of glared at me."

"Dunno why you waste your time with that prude, I could set you up with a dozen other girls… all the Ravenclaws think your glasses are quite sexy, you know."

"Don't call her a prude! All the other girls here look like Snivellus in comparison to Evans."

Sirius gave a sigh of false exasperation. "I give up… have you got anyone for Moony or Wormtail?"

"There's a nice Ravenclaw I've been fixing up for Moony… the keeper, you know? But he said he's not coming, so I didn't set a date or anything…"

"Lena Banks, the bird with the dreadlocks?" Sirius was rather impressed.

"Yeah, I heard her talking about how brilliant you are or something, Moony. Dunno if she fancies you, exactly." James looked at Remus with interest. "D'you fancy her?"

Remus shrugged. "I really don't know her that well."

Sirius threw his hands up, as though Remus had just said something outrageous. "Whatever does that matter? She's got a nice arse!"

It never hurts to finish a chapter with the word "arse." This update was rather speedy, don't you think? Thanks for the reviews, you special people… Especially Captain Oz, you've been reviewing me since, like, my first fic ever. It makes me feel almost like I've got followers or something… -sniffle-