LOTR PARODY WORLD!
Chapter 1: I'm a Pot Roast!
Ok, this story was written three years ago when I was twelve, and I forget my old e-mail and what not, so I've decided to repost, edit, and continue my weird LOTR parody. Please review if you get the chance. Oh and nothing LOTR belongs to me.
All the Fellowship has just been appointed the task of helping Frodo destroy the Ring after a
hectic council. So far, Elrond has gone psycho and smashed all objects in sight with rage for no
apparent reason. Well, it might be because Pippin and Merry are trying to eat all the Elven furniture,
for they had just watched Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. Or maybe it's because Legolas is
complaining about the hair products supplied in his room. Or maybe it's because Aragorn is thumb
wrestling with himself. Another factor could have been Gandalf randomly shouting soup ingredients
during the important parts of conversation. Or Boromir pretending to be in a racecar, complete
with sound effects and such. Sam and Frodo where playing with sock puppets, and the show
tended to get a bit violent. Gimli was demonstrating how sharp his axe was on everyone's jewelry
even though they where wearing it. The other people present started doing whatever they wanted
as well, causing the council to end entirely a few hours earlier then Elrond had intended.
"Woohoo! Now that that crap is over with I can tend to my nail filing", Legolas proclaimed.
"Aren't we supposed to be doing something?" Boromir asked, as he was still pretending to race in
his chair. "I think something about trying to destroy a ring but …", said Frodo, while eating
doughnuts while fiddling the Ring in his fingers. "Yea that's it, let's go!" Aragorn proclaimed. So the
Fellowship all get up and head for Mordor, scattering in random directions that they think Mordor
could be located in. "Hey guys, what should I title my new book?" Pippin asked. "I know! Barbie
Saves Her Easy Bake Oven!" Legolas shouted. "No. Just…no!" Pippin yelled. He then stared at
Legolas with a dirty look.
All of the Fellowship finally decided to head off in one direction, lead by Aragorn. "My feet hurt,"
Gimli whined. "Shut up Gimli, everyone hates you!" Merry shouted angrily. Aragorn sighed. "May I
kill him?" he asked, looking more serious then Gimli had hoped. Suddenly Legolas jumped in front
of everyone and curled up into a ball. "I'm a pot roast!" he exclaimed. Everyone ignored this, they
had pretty much gotten used to everyone acting like idiots already. After tripping over several logs
with his huge feet, Sam decided to piss Frodo off. "Mr. Frodo…" he said, watching Frodo for a
reaction. "Don't call me that!" Sam tried to keep from laughing. "But Mr. Frodo…" Frodo's face
turned random colors. "Can we get to Mordor so we can send Sam bungee jumping into Mt.
Doom?" Sam tripped over a stump. "BEEF! Oh I mean, yea. Everyone hates Sam too." Gandalf
exclaimed, coming out of his soup ingredient-chanting trance. Sam whimpered like a deranged dog.
"I'm hungry", Merry stated. "Do your batteries ever go dead?" Aragorn asked, kicking at twigs.
"Like, I guess not but my hair is like, being damaged by tiny bacteria thingies! HELP!" Legolas
yelled, causing Gimli to snicker. Pippin looked around, realizing Boromir was gone. "Where's
Boromir?" Everyone looked behind them, only to find Boromir a few feet back. He had just hidden
something behind his back. "I SMELL FOOD!" Merry yelled, sprinting toward Boromir. "Look!
He has like, ice cream put in disposable paper plates wrapped in a rubber band with cheap plastic
spoons!" Legolas said, using his elven eyes to spot it. Everyone gives Legolas a confused glance,
then attacked Boromir with their weapons. Legolas shoots arrows into him at an amazing speed.
They get up, realizing they've killed Boromir and that Legolas did something smart. "Uhm, the Orcs
did it?" Legolas purposed. "Yea…" The fellowship happily ate the food and then got up to
continue on.
"I lost my lint!" Legolas shouted. "Shut up!" Pippin yelled, and sprinkled salt in Legolas' perfect
hair, causing him to run around screaming like a little girl. At this point, Aragorn is to busy banging
head on wall to notice anything or say anything. "Well, I can tell you one thing", Frodo said. "What,
Mr. Frodo?" Sam inquired. "I WANT MY MOMMY!" Frodo screamed at the top of his lungs
while stamping on Sam's large foot. Suddenly chaos breaks loose, Merry and Pippin have laughing
spasms and roll around, while Legolas is still throwing a fit. Gandalf and Gimili argue over how they
should have been born blonde. Legolas hears this and screams "BREAK DANCIN' WEASEL!"
and imitates a weasel. Suddenly Aragorn gets up, with bruises on his forehead from savagely
beating his own forehead with a rock. "Uh, OK… We had better be going now, before someone
gets killed by the gnomes", Aragorn exclaimed.
"Gnomes? Where!" Pippin cried. Suddenly a wild pack of random lawn gnomes attack a can of
ravioli that they obviously brought it with them for show. "What the f-," Merry exclaimed. Suddenly
Frodo gets up and whacks Sam across the head with a 129 lb. phone book, which barely affects
him. "Wowie Mr. Frodo your strong!" Sam said, staring in admiration at Frodo as Frodo walks
away while ripping his own hair out. Legolas then kicked a lawn gnome that is still rabidly attacking
the can of Chef Boyardee ravioli, causing it to growl menacingly.
"Oh, it likes me!" he announced, then he walked over to give the gnome a hug. "Uh…oh!"
Everyone watched as the lawn gnome kicks Legolas' little blonde arse. "Mommy, wow! I'm a big
kid now!" Frodo announced, after witnessing the event. Aragorn rolled his eyes and took out an
old, battered copy of The Fellowship of the Ring. "Wow, we're really stupid in this book. We go
through a giant sucky cave built by dwarves just to get to a crumby Elf land place…Lothlorien I
believe. Let's skip the cave and go to Elf land!" he exclaimed. "The greasy-haired ranger has a
point. Let's go!" Frodo cried, receiving a dirty look from Aragorn and a snicker from everyone
else. Then magically a Star Wars pod racer came out of no where, and everyone boarded it
without questioning the almighty powers of the author. They where headed for Lothlorien.
I'm sorry if the first chapter is utterly stupid but I must keep it the way it was. Thanks for reading and hopefully I'll get some new reviews up.