LOTR PARODY WORLD!
Chapter 2: Messed Up Gifts from Lothlorien
The Star Wars pod is carrying all of the Fellowship, excluding Boromir who has died a painful death over ice cream. The pod
crashes into a 100 million year old tree, and the tree bursts in flame that spreads through a section of Lothlorien. Not seeming to notice
the blazing Elf lands on the side of them and a thousand elves screaming in terror, they sit down to gather themselves before seeing the
Elf Queen. Aragorn takes out his copy of the Fellowship. "Well, we weren't supposed to kill Boromir until the end but anyway who
wants a greedy guy from Gondor walking around?" Aragorn asked. "Not me! Hey can I see that?" Legolas asked, eyeing the book.
"Can you read?" Gimli asked and began snickering. Legolas gives him a death glance and grabs the book. Suddenly his eyes light up and
he points to his name wherever he can find it. "Oh lookie it's me! There's my name! Everyone look! I'm in this book! Hey that rhymed…
L-E-G-O- L-A-S! YAY! Wait no isn't it L-E-G-A-L-A-S? Wait no… WAH! I'm confused! WAH!" Legolas moaned, receiving
annoyed eye-rolls from everyone. Then they all got up and walked to the remaining side of Lothlorien where evidently the Elf Queen
lived. "I heard she's psycho and has random spasms", Aragorn whispered. "Yea I know her! I'm sure she'll be happy to see me!"
Legolas beamed.
Galadriel and Celeborn come walking down the stairs. Galadriel glanced around. "Uh, welcome. Oh Gandalf is supposed to be
dead…AND OH GOD NOT HIM!" Galadriel screamed pointing at Legolas. She then ran and tried to fling herself off the high stairs that
led to her palace thingy, but Celeborn pulled her back and gave her a lolly pop. Legolas decides to do a random dance and accidentally
knocks Gandalf into a pit next to him. "COOL!" he exclaimed. "AH! Help! I'm going to die in this pit in which that blonde retarded elf
pushed me into!" Gandalf cried while falling to his doom. "Ok, that works just fine…" Galadriel said. "Oh look a cool bird bath!" Merry
pointed at the mirror of Galadriel. "BUBBLE BATH!" Legolas cries and jumps into the mirror. "That's not the first time he's done
that…", Galadriel sighed. "HELP! I'm dead!" Gandalf screamed from far below. Everyone looked at the pit and began throwing rocks
down it to ensure themselves that Gandalf was dead. Then they all looked up, realizing that Gimli has Legolas hanging over the same pit.
"DIE! Bwahahahaha!" Gimli cackled evilly and cut the rope. "Lalalala! WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! FUN! HAHAAAAAAAA!" Legolas
screamed while falling to his death, clapping his hands the whole way down. "LEGOLAS! What are you doing falling to your death?"
Aragorn screamed down the pit. "I don't know!" Legolas said excitedly, then continued clapping. Aragorn threw him a long elven rope,
and Legolas looked at the rope very confused. "A SNAKE!" He screeched and began flailing his arms around, trying to get away. "It's
a rope, grab it!" Frodo yelled. "Ohhh!" Legolas climbs up the rope, making his own heroic theme music. "Can I have a Dixie cup?" he
asked, and when he reached the top he seemed to forget what happened.
"OK…Time for the gifts…aka leftover crap from the party" Galadriel whispered that last part to Celeborn, who randomly began to
gnaw at his own arm. Pippin got a joke book. "HAHA! Listen to this one: Why did the chicken cross the road?" he asked loudly. "Oh I
don't know…Maybe to get to the other side?" Aragorn said. "HAHAAAAAA! How'd you know?" Pippin asked with a baffled look.
Aragorn got Elvish Loriel Shampoo. "Are you trying to tell me something?" he asked angrily. "Well, your hair is like, all yucky and
greasy, unlike mine, haha", Legolas remarked. "MY HAIR IS NOT GREASY! AND I DON'T NEED SHAMPOO!" Aragorn yelled,
stamping around. "Yes, it is and yes, you do", everyone said in unison. Gimli was given stilts, which he wears, trips over them and crashes
to the ground. Merry and Pippin are given magical food dispensers, and they press all the buttons 50 million times and eat all the food in
one bite. Frodo is given the light of Elendiel or whatever it's called. "Man, they get all the good stuff!" Frodo moaned. Sam is given a
crappy plastic cooking set, which he enjoys anyway. Legolas is given…lint. He danced around with joy, screaming "Wahoo!"
Aragorn got up and pulled over a few crappy boats on the river beside them, and chucked his shampoo in the first boat.
"Everyone get in a !#$ing boat now! We're leaving this !#$ing place right now!" he yelled. "Whatever, you ungrateful grease ball",
Galadriel said under her breath and watched them go, sporting a creepy smile while waving continuously. In the boats, Frodo was
blabbing about how Galadriel kept staring at him menacingly and Sam was getting worried. No one heard Galadriel throw a fit and
scream like a mad person because she finally realized that most of her home land had been destroyed by the Fellowship. "Row, row, row
your boat gently down the stream! Merrily, Merrily, Merrily life is pot a dream!" Legolas sang at the top of his lungs. Gimli was in the
same boat as Legolas and so Gimli jumped off the boat screaming "I'll swim! I can't take it any more!" that was followed by Legolas
practicing his aim on Gimli from the boat.
A few hours later heroic theme music begins to play, and the Fellowship approaches the two giant statues of those dead dudes. "I'm
related to those guys!" Aragorn said proudly. Suddenly the statue on the right began to scream "HAHA! DUHH!" and the second statue
joined in. "2 + 29854090947! Apples are the color of mayonnaise! We like the Backstreet Boys! Hey Aragorn, let's sing some of their
songs like old times! I WANT IT THAT WAY!" the statues chanted in unison, and then broke out into one of the boy band's songs. "I
mean…I don't know those guys and am not related to them at all!" Aragorn said, shifting his eyes around. Everyone began to point and
laugh at Aragorn who decided to pretend to be asleep.
Legolas whipped out a green leather book and a scented crayon. Dear Diary…everyone is really icky and hasn't bathed in
days and I hate being seen with them. Luckily I was just able to wash my hair. Anyway, that fat dwarf jumped off the boat
when I sang my beautiful version of "Row, Row, Row Your Boat" and I think he might have drowned. Yay! One time when I was
in Mirkwood the other elves gave me drowning lessons so I am prepared. Yay, DROWNING LESSONS! I hope I get to practice!
Love 3, Legolas. He put down his book and fell asleep. Everyone else was content in their boats, except maybe Frodo. He had to put
Sam in a backpack and throw him overboard because he kept trying to sleep too close to Frodo. Oh and maybe Aragorn felt
uncomfortable because Merry and Pippin where singing Backstreet Boys in horrid with a karaoke machine. Galadriel had given them the
machine because they promised to annoy everyone with it. They did horrid impersonations of Green Day, The Goo Goo Dolls, and My
Chemical Romance. (Hehe I had to put that in). This is going to be a long, long journey. Aragorn thought to himself with a sigh.