Lili Marlene

Disclaimers:
I do not own Law and Order: Special Victims Unit, they belong to dick wolf. I don't own the characters either.

I do not own the song Lili Marlene, it belongs to whoever wrote it, or maybe The late ms. Dietrich (which would probably mean her daughter, Maria Siber owns the rights...don't know ...

This story describes a romance between two women. Nothing graphic, but it's
not subtext, it's the point of the story. If the idea of two women being in love offends you, do not read on.

Authors Notes: This was originally posted under a different username. I dropped fanfiction in general for a while, came back with a different username and missed this story… so I had two usernames… I've decided to consolidate… so this chapter was originally the beginning of a story… It's going to be continued… but under a different screen name. (I used to be DetectiveLivvy, I didn't copy this story from someone else, this is just me reorganizing)

I'm sorry for any inconvenience or confusion this may have caused.

Olivia Benson had been depressed for a week. It was the two-year anniversary of the day Alex had been placed in the witness protection program, two years since she had lost the love of her life. She looked out the window of her apartment at the city skyline, illuminated by stars and street lights and nearly wept. A few lyrics of a song drifted through her mind, of a song she had not heard since the day Alex was stolen from her.
"...I'll always stand and wait for you at night,
We will create a world for you,
I'll wait for you the whole night through...
For you, Lili Marlene
For you, Lili Marlene..."
She and Alex had been romantically involved for some time before Velez. The sleazy bastard had ruined everything. The lyrics were from their song, an old song, Lili Marlene, and the notes haunted her. They had loved the words together, in English and German, it had somehow been perfect for the two, capturing the fragile life they had grown to share.
"...I want another evening with her charms,
Then we will say goodbye and part,
I'll always keep you in my heart,
With me, Lili Marlene,
With me, Lili Marlene..."

Alex had sent her a note the day she left:
"I will return to you, someday. If it is safe, it will be soon. If it
is not safe, I will visit, in the dark of the night. I will send a
sign only you will know if my visit must be secret. Should that be the
case, I will make it so that you may come away with me. I will always
keep you in my heart,
with all my love,
I am your Lili Marlene,
Alex" For many months, Olivia had hoped the note would prove true, either the gang would be rooted out, or Alex would send the sign. It had been two years since the note had first been read, but neither had happened, and she had lost hope.

A few knocks on the door interrupted her mournful thread of consciousness, she went to answer it.

"Delivery for Ms. Benson..."

Olivia took the box and bid the man farewell. Once she was alone again, she opened the box. When its contents were revealed, she nearly fainted, and more of the lyrics floated back to her mind.

"Give me a rose, to show how much you care,
Tie to the stem a lock of golden hair..."

Wrapped in delicate tissue paper lay a single Champaign rose, tied to its long stem, in velvet ribbon, was a snippet of fine blond hair. It was her sign. She left the rose on the coffee table and walked slowly to her CD rack, barely breathing.

One disk was out of place, as she knew it would be, it was of Dietrich, it had Lili Marlene, both the English version, and the German. Olivia held the case; there were finger marks in the two-year-old crust of dust that had accumulated. She opened the thin container and a slip of paper fluttered to the ground. She picked it up.

"Two years have passed,
And in that time,
So much has changed.
Once, every day, you marched away
Your return was not sure
You told me it would be fine
And I was your Lili Marlene
Now I must hide,
And fight so far away
And you were left behind
To be my Lili Marlene.
Two years have passed
The first two lines shall reveal
Where we should meet again.
When at last the sky matches the rose
Meet me, my Lili Marlene."

Silent, burning tears rolled down her cheeks, and her mind began to decipher the code. Though some had been poetry, much was symbolism. Her mind snapped into detective mode.

'When at last the sky matches the rose..." It was a Champaign rose, its colors like a sunrise... or a sunset. Judging by her other clues, "in the dark of the night..." from the first note, and "at last the sky..." from the new one, it was the latter of the two. She knew when to meet, but was unsure of where. She started the CD, and listened to the first two lines sung in the delicious, smoky voice.

"Outside the barracks,

By the corner light..."

The barracks could mean one of a few places. At first she thought of grand old army plaza, but it made no sense, this song was from the 2nd world war, that was a shrine to the first, and to the civil war. Then it came to her, the barracks were where the troops lived and slept, the police station. She knew it would be their precinct, were the SVU squad had spent so much of their lives. Now all she had to do was wait.

In the next few hours, Olivia's mind raced, what would she say to her long lost love, there was so much to say, yet it all seemed irrelevant, her love was coming back to her...coming back for her...but could she go?

If she left, she might never be able to return. Stabler, Fin, Munch, Cragen...even Huang...they had become her second family, they had comforted each other in times of grief, ad rejoiced together in the rare instance that something went right. She didn't want to cause them more, as leaving would do. If she were to leave, she couldn't tell anyone and they would worry, they would fear for the worst and never be able to know the truth. She could not even ask for advice, that too would give too much away. Suddenly, being reunited was much more complicated.

Olivia Benson rose at dawn, though she hadn't realized she had even slept. She had so much to do. Her mind began to race, she couldn't really think until she forced herself to slow down. Work... She had to do something about work.

Knowing she wouldn't be able to go in that day, regardless of what happened, she reached for the phone. She would ask for a personal day, and only hoped Cragen didn't ask why...she really couldn't tell him. The phone rang only once before it was picked up.

"Cragen, this is Olivia. I need the day off." She said in monotone, praying he would just let it be.

"You're here everyday. Go ahead, you need the rest. You've looked like shit the past few days."

"That's my job, thank you, thanks, sorry I called you at home, bye." She hung up. Normally the 2nd thanks would have been dripping with sarcasm, but she was more than a little preoccupied. Now it was time to think.

Olivia sat in her bedroom, her eyes closed, pondering her future, weighing costs, and praying to whatever was out there that she made the right decision. Sometimes she wished she had her partner's strong faith, if she had some sort of a guiding force, she would probably know exactly what to do... but that wasn't the case, it was her choice, and hers alone.

At first it had seemed like a given that she would go to her Alex, to rekindle the love nearly smothered by a bit (or more than a bit...) of bad fortune (or an attempted gang hit. Call it what you like), and to be reunited with her soul mate. Unfortunately, the detective was unsure of what path to take as the time she had spent just waiting had clouded her mind, fogged out her certainty. She had until sunset to decide for sure, and the hours that bridged the gap to that crucial moment would be, instead of filled with a giddy joy, a drawn out agony.

She presumed this arrangement had somehow been approved by the guys in Witness Protection, and that Alex hadn't done something incredibly dangerous, thoughtless, and otherwise risky. Either way, she would go; Olivia just preferred the former choice.

If she left...her job would be gone. She could enroll in another department, she was just below the maximum age for recruits in most places, but if they had to change identities repeatedly, she'd probably have to find a different line of work. Which brought her to the next big concern, Alex was a far more disciplined person in many respects, and a bit better at acting, Olivia didn't know if she could stay in character, she worried, would she forget some crucial detail, use the wrong name, give them away with some stupid inconsistency?

The dark-haired woman thought, and her world was in a time warp. Her choice took only seconds, but seemed like years, or was it the reverse, she could not tell. She reached a decision, for her whole life, she had gone with her head or her gut, but now it was time to go with her heart. Her heart lay with Alex, and so she would follow, now all she had to do was wait.

I have to go. It's the only way. I just can't do anything stupid, Olivia thought to herself, I belong with Alex. This may be my only chance to be with her...to be happy. The sun was high in the sky when she started to prepare. She wasn't taking much with her, but she had to choose carefully, there was no going back once she left the apartment.

It was four in the afternoon when she left, a bit early, but she had an important errand or two to run. On her back was a knapsack with a change of clothes, shoes, a couple of sets of underwear, a few documents she thought might come in handy, and, of course, in a separate compartment, a rose, a CD, and two scraps of paper.

And now for those errands...

It was sunset. A strawberry blonde loitered at a street corner, just outside the streetlight's glow, down the street from a police station. The red glow of the sky reflected strangely off her over processed hair, making her look like the flaming red head she was for a month before she was a brunette, until she moved to Arkansas and became the red-blonde frizz head she was now. Not even the most expensive conditioners could salvage her hair now... Her eyes were blue, but hidden by sunglasses, which seemed drastically misplaced given the weather and her winter wardrobe.

Another woman, a brunette with cropped hair, stood nearby, glancing around, searching for a familiar face, someone caught her eye. She strode towards the individual in question, her outer calm and confident strut hiding her overwhelming nerves and the fact that she was holding her breath.

Frizz looked at her, and took off the glasses. The two ran the remaining paces between them, and were trapped in each other's arms, they stood like that, not caring about the people walking by. Neither said a word, there was nothing words could state more clearly than the embrace they shared.

They eventually broke apart and walked to Olivia's sedan, murmuring their "missed you so much..." and "I love you"s into each other's ears.

They sat in the car for a moment, gazing into each other's eyes.

"You've been crying..." the taller woman's voice full of sympathy as she traced one of the tear stains on her lover's cheek with a delicate finger.

"I was so worried you wouldn't come... I..."

"Shh, it's ok, we're together now. Everything's gonna be fine." Benson held the other woman for a moment. "we should get going. I hate to ask this, but where are we going?"

"Back to your place."

"What? Please explain... I thought we were going away from the city... where you'd would be safe..."

"I'll explain when we get there."

"Ok, just one more question."

"yes?"

"Well...before I came here... I went on a couple of errands ...and...I uh, I stopped at a uh..."

"My dear Liv," her voice turned authoritative, "would you please stop beating around the bush before I am forced to use my magical attorney powers to make you spit it out."

"Okay," she took a deep breath, and pulled a small box out of her pocket, "Alexandra Cabot, or whoever you are now... will you marry me?" with that she opened the box, revealing a ring, a marquee diamond set in platinum , with perfect jelly opals to either side.

Alex's face lit up with a grin...then she started giggling, as though trying to hold back a burst of laughter.

"God, you love tormenting me, don't you. I propose when I haven't seen you in two freaking years, and you laugh at me..."

The attorney cut her off with a quick French kiss. "I, I accept. But I guess I owe you an explanation."

"You sure as hell do."

Blue eyes began rummaging through her purse and pulled out a similar box. "I was about to ask you the same question." The box contained a platinum band with a simple vine design, interrupted by the occasional diamond or emerald.

Once the rings were on the appropriate fingers, the drive to the detective's apartment began. The conversation in the vehicle was as though they had never been separated.

Alex carefully bolted the door to Olivia's apartment once they were both inside, and began speaking in hushed tones, "Do you have a cover worked out yet?"

"What do you mean by a 'cover'"

"People don't just vanish. How can you leave without starting an investigation?"

"I was really hoping you had coordinated this with the witness..."

"I tried, believe me, they include spouses, children, occasionally extended family when necessary, sometimes they can be persuaded to include a fiancé, but they said no to this, and wouldn't budge." this is going to have no government aid."

"I was hoping you didn't have something rash planned, but even better, you have NO plan, there's not much to do about it now. Any MORE bright ideas?" Olivia's tone was unintentionally harsh; the stress of the situation was taking its toll on her.

"You don't have any relatives who could conveniently get sick, and they know it... I... I'm not sure, I think I have an idea but you're not going to like it.

"I'll do whatever it takes."

"Faking your death?"

"One problem, that usually requires a body and this one's in use. Besides, I thought we were trying not to start some sort of investigation."

"Suicide"

"Like leave a note saying I'm going to jump off the Brooklyn Bridge or something."

"Exactly, but don't give details, vague so they don't try to recover a body."

"That just might work."

The mood in the room suddenly loosened, and they began working. Alex, who remembered Olivia's apartment like the back of her hand from the many nights she had spent there, put together a small suitcase and a backpack with clothes, toiletries, and other essentials, careful to choose items that wouldn't be missed when Olivia finally was. Meanwhile the brunette sat at her desk, trying to compose a proper suicide note, while wondering what made a proper suicide note, and even if there was such a thing. It refused to flow, so she first scribbled a simple note saying her affairs were in order (which they were, due to the dangerous nature of her work, she had drawn up a will ages ago, and she had withdrawn her finances earlier that day in preparation for the journey), and that that she was sorry for what she had to do. Finally, she began the more important of the two documents, and was amazed at how the words finally began to flow.

To my esteemed colleagues and dear friends at the 1-6, I am very thankful for all the support you have provided for me, from when I first joined SVU to the present, and especially in the present. I know every one of you has gone out of your way for me, perhaps even too far out of your way. While I appreciate the sentiment, I can no longer be a burden.

Since I first became a cop, I saw things that no one is meant to see, and every time I close my eyes, I see them again. My hands are stained with blood, both that of those I could not help, and of fellow humans on whom I was forced to open fire. Perhaps the most staining blood was that of my former lover, Alex. I realize you all knew, and appreciate your discreet behavior regarding that matter. I realize that she is still alive, and the knowledge soothes my heart, but the realization that I may never be able to see her again is a different kind of pain. Should she return, tell her I love her, and that she deserves every moment of happiness she gets, and then some. You all deserve that for the protection you provide for the people of this city. Everyone, have a great life; you will not be seeing me again.

My best wishes
Olivia Benson

She sat there; staring at her note, knowing she was turning a page in her life, and that there was no going back. Ever. Yet that was fine. She loved her fellow detectives dearly, but her love for the blue-eyed attorney was something of a different magnitude that overpowered all else. Alex stood behind her and carefully placed a hand on the shoulder of her friend,

"It's time to go," she said softly

"Okay, lets go."

They left the apartment hand in hand; ready to face whatever came next.

Please Review. Please please please please.