Yes… My first song-fic. Go me. I don't own the lovely Johnny C., Devi - the ALMIGHTY Jhonen does. And I also don't own Tired of You - The Exies do. Thank god for them.

Where did I go wrong Cant look you in the eye Feeling so ashamed Feels like I could die

Johnny looked around the room where he seemed to spend most of his time - the living room. He sat on his couch, staring blankly at the black-screened television. He hadn't turned the thing on in days. The incessant nagging of the sitcom actors had been rubbing him the wrong way lately. But he couldn't get his mind off of her. After the recorded apology not ending up too well, he had started thinking of better ways to win her trust back. He didn't want it, really, he just… couldn't live without knowing that she at least trusted him to stay away.

He had written her dozens of letters, that he never intended to send to her. Because he knew that if he sent those letters, he place his hopes in a reply that would never come. He was surprised that she hadn't gotten a restraining order against him - probably, she had tried, but the authorities didn't care enough to grant her wish. Figures. Once again, he cant be caught. He was getting tired of never getting caught. He needed an intervention. Reverend Meat wasn't that good of an intervention, though he always gave the lesson of "Obey your feelings. Give in. Don't let go." But Johnny didn't like that lesson much.

'I cant believe that I did those things… that I said what I said to her… Immortalize the moment! What the fuck was I thinking? God.. I wish I could turn back time. What happened to me? Why didn't I resist their temptations. I knew the consequences… I knew that there would be happiness if I just… stopped. If I didn't give in. If they had gone away, it would have worked. I could have been happy…'

He couldn't stand to face her in person. He might be able to stalk her, but he couldn't talk to her. Not now. Probably not ever again. He held his head in his hands as he sighed over and over again.

Hold me up, don't let go I've had enough

He couldn't stand by and watch her fester as he watched. He couldn't just sit on the side lines and not touch her, or whisper her name. He had decided a few days back that he had had enough. He didn't want the feelings that she had bestowed in him at first, but the feelings he was feeling now… they were unbearable..

I'm tired of breathing Tired of feeling Tired of looking at the past for meaning

He looked around the dingy little room once more. He remembered their date. Those memories made him want to die. Not just the futile attempts on his life he made weekly. No, he really wanted to die this time. He wanted it all to end. He was tired of dealing with the past, the present, and the undecided future. He hated not knowing. He hated searching for the meaning in everything that was his memories.

Tired of running Tired of searching Tired of trying But I'm not tired of you

He was so exhausted from trying to leave his problems behind, and never returning to them, one after another. He never wanted to fall in love. He hadn't wanted these feelings that were boiling in his brain and stomach. All he wanted was to be normal.

"Devi…" He muttered, keeping back tears. He hated crying. Of all he was tired of, of all that he wanted gone, he still wanted Devi, he wasn't bored or tired with her, or the thought of her.

Losing everything Its something I cant face Hope is on the run Its something I cant fake

He, once more, took a quick look around the room, and grabbed his trench coat.

"Where are you going?" Meat called from the other room. Johnny didn't reply. All Meat got was a grunt and a shrug.

He was headed nowhere. He didn't care where he went. He was lost, and everything of his was lost. He couldn't stand to be in that house any longer. He needed out. He had no hope for the future. At least, when Devi was there, he had hope for something better. He had the hope, that if he died at that moment, that all his sins would be redeemed by the little fucker who calls himself God. But he had realised that all of those hopes were miserable fakes. That Devi was gone. That there were no loner any hopes left in him to… well, hope.

I want to feel a change I don't mind if it hurts You take away the pain You're the only thing that's pure

He wished he could change, over and over again, he wished. He hadn't wanted it to turn out the way it had. He hadn't wanted her to fear him, to carry at least four bottles of mace everywhere she went. He didn't mind what kind of change it was. Reincarnation was even a good idea. He wanted to be normal, normal enough that she would forgive him. When he was with her, he felt nothing but joy, and happiness. He didn't want to kill. He didn't want to feed whatever was bothering him. He just wanted her. She was the only one that liked him. She didn't make fun of him. She appreciated his difference. But not his insanity.

He looked up. She was sitting in the window of her apartment, looking down at him. She didn't look scared, or angry. She just… looked lovely. He gave her a sweeping bow, then turned. He had set eyes on her for the last time - well, not guaranteeing it would be the last time, for he did love the book store where she spent some of her time. But he wouldn't follow her, call her, or think of her ever again. He would truly give her his nothing.

As he walked away, Devi placed her hand on the window, staring at his retreating figure. He hadn't looked sad, or crazy. He just… looked lovely.

FIN.