Authors Note: Yes. The lyrics in this fic are meant to be thought by both Johnny and Devi. If that makes any sense at all.
We tried so hard to erase you And We tried so hard to pretend you were dead I walked the earth just to escape you Now I walk the earth just to touch you again
Johnny looked at the girl standing before him. She wore a black trench coat, similar to his, and a black skirt. It was a full moon outside, and he was afraid. He averted his eyes - he had been staring, and it had been quite obvious.
"Hello Johnny…" Devi said again. She gave him a smile.
"Hello.. De-Devi.." Johnny muttered, stumbling over his words. She gave a sigh, and leaned against a very weak tree. "I thought… you'd… be afraid of me."
"Oh, I am." She laughed out.
"Then… why are you here?" He felt like a little child. He hated the feeling. He wanted to annihilate that feeling from his being. He glanced up quickly, then looked back down, kicking at the dirt near his boot.
"I haven't been out of my apartment in a long time." She said, waving her hand absent minded like. She looked out over the city. "It really is lovely when you're looking down on it." She said, tiredly.
"Yes… It… is." Johnny muttered, taking a look at the city under them. He felt awkward. All he had wanted to do after refusing to think about her was erase her from his little world. He had lived those three weeks just to forget about her. Funny how things turn around so quickly.
Come on down, my saviour, my failure Come on down, my saviour, my failure
He felt like he had betrayed someone's trust. Whose? He couldn't tell, but someone's. He looked at her again, but was too afraid of speaking.
"Why don't we talk, Nny. It might be a good thing to talk." She suggested. Johnny nodded. "Do you want to go back to your place?"
"Ye-Yes." He muttered under his breath. She smiled at him.
"Then, shall we?" She asked, grabbing Johnny's hand in hers, and leading him through the streets and what not, to get back to his house. When they got there, Johnny opened the door timidly, and stepped in. He was still quite unsure about the meeting between them. He hadn't known why he said he wanted to come back here. He just… had.
"Hmm… Still as dingy as I remember it. I always HAVE liked your place, Nny." Johnny nodded at the girl as she sat on his couch.
"I don't get out much now… either." He said quietly.
"You're going to have to speak up, Nny. I can barely hear you." Devi laughed.
To save myself I betrayed you And These swollen lips whisper only for revenge To spite myself I became you If I stop the lies, will I see you in the end?
"Why are you here?" He asked, louder. Devi looked away, what seemed like anger boiling in her brainmeats.
"Your apology.. Over the phone. The whole 'I will annihilate you in the nicest way possible' bit… And also the 'I give you my nothing' bit… Yes… I actually don't know why I am here. I saw you three weeks ago, looking up at my window." She said, looking at the dirty floor. "You know, you should really vacuum this house."
"Yes, I know… But… circumstances of late don't allow me to do such things." Johnny was getting a bit more comfortable now. He looked at Devi, who was looking at him. They both started laughing loudly.
"Ahhhh… I haven't been this happy since our date months ago." Johnny said, smiling at Devi.
"Happy? Don't kill me, please." Devi chuckled. Johnny nodded.
"I said I haven't introduced you to my old friends, in the apology… Would you like to meet them?" Johnny asked, standing.
"Why not." Devi smiled, following Johnny into a dark room. He flipped the light-switch, and a blinding light seared through the darkness. Devi saw two horrendously painted Pillsbury Doughboys on the wall near his dresser.
Swimming through the red Nothing up ahead I cannot buy a friend I just came here to tell you I miss you I miss you
"The one with FUCK on it is Psycho Dough-Boy - the suicide obsessed fuck. And the one with the Z! on it is Mr. EFF. They died… when I shot myself." Johnny explained. He felt like a child, trying to explain his artwork to an adult.
"So that was that bang and screaming when I called you?"
"Yes, yes it was." Johnny nodded.
"Interesting." Devi nodded, resting her head on her hands as she sat looking at Johnny. "Well… I was thinking about your apology… It was strange at first, but I understand that talking to me would have been hard at the time. I am not that easy to talk to when I am scared, or angry." She confessed. Johnny nodded gently. "So, I want to apologize."
"What?" Johnny questioned, his eyes widening.
"I would like to apologize for being so rude to you. I understand now the fact that saying 'no' to something that you have grown accustomed to having around - and following their every order - would have been harder than killing the person you have feelings for. Trust me, I know. I really, really know." She laughed. Johnny just looked at her.
'You know, you can always try again.' He heard MEAT's voice in his head, and shook it off. It seemed to keep coming back. 'Don't refuse those feelings in your, Johnny. It isn't a good thing to refuse what your heart tells you is right.'
He didn't answer. He just looked at the girl next to him.
"Yes… Saying 'no' is… was a hard thing for me to do at the time… But I can refuse now. I don't have the Dough-Boy's nagging at me constantly to kill, or to attempt suicide. I just… exist now." Johnny said, under his breath. Devi looked at him with wide eyes.
"Hmm… I want to see a movie. Would you like to come with me?" She asked, standing and stretching.
'She is giving you another chance, Johnny. TAKE IT!'
"Yes, I would enjoy that." He said, standing also. He grabbed his backpack, and headed out after Devi. He heard MEAT laughing in his head:
'That's my boy, Johnny! FEEL'
My saviour, my failure My saviour, I failed you