The Titans were assembled In The Hall Of Supreme Assemblies Of A Secret Nature. Also known as ITHOSAOASN. Kinda sounds sexy.
"Now, my stooges prepare for the mind-blowing, spleen punching, bowl-crushing intellect of…Dr. Weird!" yelled Robin. The titans cheered. Someone hurled a frilly, pink panty. It suspiciously originated from the area around Cyborg.
"Gentlemen…" started Dr. Weird as he stood behind a podium. "I have successfully replaced my ASS with a MONKEY HEAD!"
He turned around to show a monkey head where his ass was.
"GIVE ME A BANANA!" screeched the Monkey Head.
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Meanwhile, At the Fortress of Doom, conveniently stationed in the middle of a shit-filled swamp. There, the greatest Evil-Doers were assembled.
"Why did we make our capitol in a shitty swamp?" Gizmo lashed out. He punched the round table which the villains were stationed around.
"Do you know how much a house costs nowadays!" Slade snapped at the midget.
"Yeah, you can thank ya Prez fo' dat, me ducky!" said Mad Mod who pointed to Bush who was at the table.
"3 more years! 3 more years!" cheered bush as he held up a beanie baby that resembled a gay donkey with a festive hat.
"Terms are four years, you freakin' idiot. And you've already served your max total of years." hissed Vinegar Man. His powers MUFFINS! Evil pastry strikes again!
Bush stared blankly at him then resumed stroking his Beanie Baby, very affectionately. Have you ever notice that George Bush looks kind of like a smurf that lost its blueness?
Anyway, Slade slammed on the table from where he sat at the head of the table.
"People! Focus, dammit! I didn't pay Travelocity fifty billion dollars to have you morons shipped here so I could listen to your worthless babbling! And damn you, Roaming Gnome! You're prices are not competitive! Not at all!" yelled Slade as he jabbed a finger at a clay figure that smiled greedily.
Bastard gnomes…You can't trust them….not even with a bulldozer
The gnome cackled and bumped fists with Burger King. They controlled the Industry of evil. Plane rides suck chocolate salty balls.
"Energizer Bunny, do you have anything to report?" asked Slade.
The Energizer Bunny merely bammed on his drum and walked away.
"Don't you walk away from me, bee-yatch!" yelled Slade. He grabbed a javelin and hurled it at the drum, popping it.
Gas poured out of the ruined drum and knocked out everybody but Bush and the Bunny.
….
"Wanna do it?" asked Bush.
The bunny then exploded, saying 'no way in hell' with its body language.
"Damn." muttered Bush. He wandered off into the sunset and eventually found happiness in Arizona with a cactus he affectionately dubbed Charlie the Mouse.
Meanwhile, in Massachusetts…
Cold and depressing…
In Jump City…
"Titans, Go!" yelled BB. Robin bitch-slapped him with a passion…a passion of the Christ.
"That's my line, motherf$$$er." he claimed like a douche.
"Oh, right. So what are we doing again?" asked BB, recovering from a bitch-slap that would've made Mr. T proud.
"We are doing what Dr. Weird has instructed…we are gathering the profits! AND I SWEAR BY ALL THAT IS SPANDEX, I SHALL NEVER GIVE UP!" yelled Robin.
Five minutes later
Robin is sitting on the couch, sipping Coke. No, not the drug, the legal stuff. Beast Boy walks up to him.
"Hey Robin, aren't you supposed to be looking for those profits?" he asked.
"Listen, little green man, I have a lot of work right now and I can't be bothered by prophets. We have a stable income as is. Now, if you'll excuse me, Dr. Phil is going to perform an exorcism on a teenage girl."
On TV: "May the powers of Christ compel you! May the powers of Christ compel you! May the powers of Oprah compel you-Err, I mean Jesus."
…Nothing happens.
He looks around. No one is there because his show blows it so hard, it makes the News seem uplifting.
…He starts to take off her the clothes. A ticking noise starts. Phil looks down and sees that the girl is actually a bomb disguised as a girl by Martha Stewart. Dr. Phil was about to become a victim of the Oprah-Martha Stewart gang war. A gang war that would kill millions of innocents but would create countless bunches of baked goods.
Back to reality:
"Whoa! This is cool!" yelled Robin.
"Robin, why are you such a useless prick?" asked Starfire, suddenly appearing with a beer-holding-hat with a mustard instead of beer.
"I'm not useless! I can do this!" he said as he did the Crane Stance from The Karate Kid 3 and made karate sounds.
"Have you been getting into the mushrooms of magic?" asked Starfire.
"Yush!" yelled Robin. He took off his mask and revealed trippy, multicolored eyes.
"It's been a while since I've had some of that…gimme some o' dat shit, boyee!" cheered BB. Robin grabbed his stash, ran over to the corner and hissed at them as he protected his precious stash.
A reasonable thing to do.
BB sighs. He rolls up a piece of paper and starts whacking Robin with it.
"Bad Robin! Bad Robin! Share your drugs!"
Suddenly, the doors swoosh open and Aqualad comes running in but he trips and runs right into the window, falling out of the building. He'll be okay as long as he doesn't hit those rocks.
While Robin was distracted, BB and Star grabbed a handful of mushrooms each and…. 'Opened their mind'.
All the Titans walked in.
"Robin, we're here-" started Kid Flash. He and the others stopped when they saw their stoned comrades.
"Aw, good! It's captain Kanga-fricken'-roo and the potato patch kids. Just what I need on a Sunday." stated Starfire as she stumbled over to the confused Titans.
"It's Thursday, Star." said Speedy.
"That's what your mom said last night! BURNED! Hahahahaha!" laughed BB as he rocked back and forth.
"Oh, snap!" exclaimed Cyborg.
"You' mama, You' mama, You' mama, You' mama, You' mama, You' mama, You' mama…" BB repeated. Eventually, Speedy's head burst into flames.
"INCERATION! YOU ARE THE INSULT MASTER!" Bellowed Robin.
Then, a mighty plot-hole came, drugged all the Titans, started playing Pantera and ended this chapter.
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