Chapter 3: What the hell is going on?

Slade separated from the rest of the group and went out on his own. He was doing his usual twisted, evil activities (shop-lifting, fraud, flipping off random children, vomiting on nuns, setting couches on fire, you know, the bad-ass stuff.) When he noticed something, IT WAS THE CHEAT!

"OMG!" screamed Slade like an excited, 13-year-old girl. He ran over to The Cheat and started squealing till he wet himself. Using the power of calamine lotion, his pants instantly dried. Take that Sears and all your fancy crap! Betcha can't do that! The Cheat looked at the orgasmic man that stood before him.

"What in StrongMad's name is wrong with you?" said The Cheat in fluent cheat-talk.

"Quick, give me some cheat-cakes! Don't make me have to use this." threatened Slade holding up a bottle opener.

The Cheat gave a low whistle and Strong Mad came and beat the crap out of Slade, and then beat it back in, and then out once again.

"Holy crap! That guy just got served! Mad served!" said Strong Bad

"I know! Can you believe it?" said Homestar.

6 hours later, Slade woke up in a pool of, er…well… truthfully it was a lot of stuff so we'll just say "fluids"….. Yeah… fluidy and shit like that.

"Ugh," Slade groaned "Wait a sec…." just then it came to him.

"Lassie!" said Slade!

It was Lassie. She lifted up her leg and peed on him.

"Great. Now I smell like Bobby Jackson. Hey where are the Titans?"

So Slade set out on a great quest to the giant T. He stopped only once for gas.

"$3 per gallon! What a rip-off! Oh well…………….. I'll leave a little 'gift' behind for them."

As Slade drove off, a worker picked up the package.

"Hey, boss. It looks like some guy left a gift for us!"

"What is it?"

"A blender!"

"Is it a nice blender?"

"…………… not really."

"CURSES!"

Slade drove on laughing till he thought of something.

"Wait….. When did I get a car?"

Suddenly, the car disappeared.

"Damn."

So Slade walked the rest of the way. In the rain. With people laughing at him. While carrying a large cross and wearing a crown of thorns. He recognized Jinx in the crowd. She was crying.

"Don't be sad, child. Soon, We will be together again."

"Wait a sec. You're not Jesus." And with that, she walked away.

"…Fuck."

When he got there he found something he thought he would never see: a woman's bra.

So he continued walking down the hall till he came to the main room. This was a difficult task because the building was all f&cked up. That's why you only see the halls, characters rooms and the main room.

And the training room but Starbucks bought that out and turned it into another damn Starbucks. It's an invasion!

Slade then found the Titans in the main room, stoned like a bunch of hippies.

"Hey it's Santa Clause!" said Beast Boy

"Erm, I think I'll leave." said Slade.

"Wait Santa! I've been GOOOOOD!" yelled Robin. "Throw the net!"

Starfire threw a napkin at Slade. It fluttered harmlessly to the ground….THE EXPLODED! Hurling Slade out of the side of the building!

"Bye, Mom! Yeah-I'm the basketball." said BB.

"Dude, have you ever looked at your hand? It's huge!" said Cyborg

So, still high, the Titans wondered outside. Once outside, Beast Boy got a vision.

The clouds parted and Jesus (Not God, Just his son) looked out and down upon him.

"Beast Boy….. Beast Boy……….. Simba, I mean, Beast boy. It is time………. gather the followers….take them to the promised land…….one sec." God gargled some mouthwash.

"That's better, now I can talk faster. Anyway, yeah, the Promised Land kicks Ass. And it's not the first one, deep in Asia. That one was a mistake. It's in Mobile, Alabama."

"Will honey and milk flow?" asked Beast Boy. The others just stared up at Jesus.

"No, it's more like crack and beer and maybe a few pretzels………. and some tacos. And Hookers will greet you."

"wOOt. What do I do?

"Wait. Soon a man named….. (Checks the few reviewers)…… RaidersRule76…..will lead you. According to the sacred scriptures and this segment in Peoples Magazine he kicks ass. Also, we do owe him for putting TheAlabamaKid into Pre-Teen Titans Go!"

"OK! I'm gonna go crazy with my friends and conquer the people of Uranus."

Cyborg snickered "Uranus… it sounds like urine." (COMPLETELY UNEXPECTED!)

"You realize no one will believe us, right?" said Raven, amazingly thinking rationally.

Suddenly, everything turns black and white and the guy from 'The Twilight Zone' appears. "4 teenage kids and a dishwasher, all incredibly stoned. How can they consume so many drugs and not die within seconds? Because, the writer is retarded,"

Me: YOU BACKSTABBING BASTARD!

"Also, he is one with………… the 'Twilight Zone'. And the south."

"Dude, that guy turned everything black and white and now he's taking up all the camera view!" yelled Beast Boy.

"I think that's Sean Connery." said Cyborg

"Or George Clooney." said Robin

"Are those two men Presidents?" asked Starfire.

"Well, from what my sources tell me, one owns Alaska and i/3 of Venezuela and the other is part of an underground revolution of really small carrots and squash." said Raven matter-of-factly. She's messing me up, I tell ya.

While they were talking, Robin had super-glued the 'Twilight Zone' guy to the side the tower.

"Robin, where did you get that much super glue?"

"From your arse, baby!"

"But, Robin, the only thing that comes out of there is-"

"Woah now, kids. We're trying to keep this at PG13." said Jesus, appearing in human once again.

"We're sorry." they all said in unison.

"Good now if you'll excuse me, I have to kill Mel Gibson from taking the spotlight off me and onto him when he made that damn 'Passion of the Christ'." said Jesus as he walked away.

"Hey Jesus!" called BB "Where were you for 2005 years?" he asked.

Jesus stared at Beast Boy. Beast Boy stared at Jesus. The others stared at Jesus and Beast Boy, except for Cyborg who was staring at his hand and murmuring how big it was. My friend is staring at porn. My other friend is staring at a blender as it makes his smoothie. A squirrel stares affectionately at his nuts. No, not those nuts, pervert, the other ones.

"Look behind you, its Jark the world's greatest alien who deserves to be put back onto Deviantart. I should know I'm Jesus!" said…….. If you just read that and you don't know who said it then please put a helmet on and stay away from society.

So everyone looked and Jesus got away but not before kicking Robin in the balls for stealing the spotlight in all those episodes that were supposed to be for Raven.

Punishment for stealing spotlight: A swift Kick in the balls--Death

"Damn, the Trix Rabbit got away with our cereal!" said Starfire, oblivious to Robin rolling around crying on the floor.

"Don't worry. If we find him, we'll kill him. Nobody steals my cereal, especially some damn cartoon character." said BB

"Yeah, cartoons suck." said Cyborg.

Everybody stopped and stared into space and Robin slowly lifted himself from the ground.

"So you guys want to go into town?" asked Raven.

They all agreed and left.

"Hello? Could somebody get me down? I wanna be part of this party!" cried the Twilight Zone Guy. A rabid pack of wolves slowly approached.

"Heh-Heh, shit."

Slade, meanwhile, was tearing ass to get away from there. He had hijacked the T-car and painted flames on the side and a plastered a sign on that said 'Kiss my ass because it tastes like candy.' He's a pimping pedophile. Fo shizzy

A cop car came behind him and he swore as he pulled over.

"What's the hurry, ma'am? Some one having a baby?" said Master Shake, dressed as a police officer.

"Eh, no. You see-I really didn't think I was going to fast."

"Yeah, you were going sixty…"

"…"

"…In a twenty mph zone. Also, you passed two red lights."

"Now, they were yellow when I passed them…"

"Uh-huh, yeah…they were red. Like your ass is gonna be when I'm done with you. Please step out of the car and allow my partner to give you a quick sobriety test."

"Partner?" asked Slade as he stepped out of his car.

"Respect my athour-i-tay!" yelled Cartman as he whacked the villain on the shins with his nightstick.

"Ow! God dammit!"

Suddenly, Chuck Norris appeared and beat Cartman and Master Shake unconscious with a rod made of solid meat. Turkey meat, you perverted mo-fo's.

"Get in! The game has started!" the karate master yelled as he threw Slade into the back of his car.

"Where are we going?" asked the bewildered Slade. He was so scared he had wet himself but it magically disappeared thanks to Snuggles The Bear.

"The Secret Place…in Iowa!"

Tune in next chapter and see what happens when some of the bad guys and girls see the Titans high and some decide to get high as well.

BLOOPERS!

"And according to this segment in Peoples magazine, he kicks ass."

The people's magazine falls out of Jesus' grip revealing that it had been covering a Play Boy magazine. God was stunned and embarrassed.

"Well, what do you expect? There are no hookers up here!"

Only 1 Blooper per chapter, folks. Review if you want more. If you're an angry mob, please have mercy.