47 Things That Will Never Happen
On X-men Evolution.
Okay. Warning from the author: if you were looking for a sensible story with a plot and all that then now is time to click back. This fic was co written by my sister but we don't mind bad reviews, we like reviews. I'm sure there's something else.
Try the disclaimer Kish. ya know, the one where we, like, say we don't own this.
Oh yeah we don't own X-men evolution or any of the characters, except any we make up as we go along. Now I have to kill someone. 'Cause she said like.
We see a fairly typical scene; the X-men are fighting Magneto in the town centre, several buildings have been knocked over, Mystique is sat on some rubble crying, Destiny is trying to get her to stop.
Cyclops: (shooting eyebeams at Magneto) give it up Magneto you'll never …(his mobile starts ringing.) Just a second. Hello professor, yes, okay, sorry about that, yes we'll be right there. (To Magneto) we have to go, its dinnertime, can you come back after?
Magneto: All right, hey why don't you all come round my asteroid later, I'm having a sleepover.
Cyclops: Um, okay if it's all right with the professor.
The X-men leave the scene and Magneto sits next to Destiny on the destroyed building.
At The Institute
Xavier: How come Erik didn't invite me to his sleepover?
(Phone rings)
Bobby: I'll get it. (Gets phone) Hello? Oh right, I'll tell him. PROFESSOR IT'S FOR YOU!
Xavier: Bobby there is no need to shout I am right here. (Takes phone off of Bobby) Hello?
Magneto: (on phone) Hello Charles, I just called to see if you wanted to come to a sleepover at my place.
Xavier: Sorry I can't, I have to go see Amber this evening.
Magneto: is she your girlfriend or something?
Xavier: Or something, she's my kid, you know, the one I actually know about, and who isn't a psycho, and who hasn't started her own religion.
Magneto: oh yeah, that was when you lived with that woman you hated for six years wasn't it.
Xavier: Oh Jolene yeah I remember that crazy bitch, lost a fifty in poker the day she dumped me.
Magneto: Get over it Charles you never should of bet a fifty, you stink at poker, remember.
Xavier: All right Magneto no need to rub it in. Besides I cant turn down a bet, remember.
Magneto: Keep your pants on Money Bags you can always afford to replace walls televisions and planes that get busted why get all worked up a single fifty?
Xavier: Yeah um I kinda hoped that you wouldn't mention that, cos um like um. Can we borrow $1592 to fix the wall in the dining room?
Magneto: Look Charles this is getting seriously out of hand 1st $78 then $110 then $150 but $1592 is just out of the question! Slams down phone
Kurt: Yo professor why don't you go on Chad & Joes new talk show 'Lend me a fifty mutie'?
Xavier: Kurt, you know I detest that talk show about mutants.
Kurt: sorry professor.
Cyclops: Professor, can Kurt, Kitty, Rogue, Multiple Boy, Bobby, Amara, Wolfsbane, and I attend Magnetos slumber party please?
Xavier: Why bother he's so snobby!
Cyclops: Calm down Professor. Remember your…
(Phone rings again)
Sam: I'll get it this time (Cannonballs over to the phone and through the wall) whoops, Bugger! I hope that wasn't too expensive. Hello? Yes, I'll pass you over Destiny. (Sam's hand reappears from the hole in the wall holding the phone) Professor its for you.
Xavier: Next time I'll get it. Hello, oh hello Destiny, what can I do for you?
Destiny: Hello Charles I had a vision of you sorting out Mystique's little problem.
Xavier: Which little problem would that be?
Destiny: Um the one that she still wets the bed.
Xavier: Oh that one. I don't really give a damn about that. Just make her wear potty training pants.
Destiny: Okay, thanks for helping, bye. (Puts down phone.)
Xavier: Okay you lot can go to Magnetos sleepover.
All People Who Were Mentioned Above: Thanks Professor!
The fanfic that will never happen will be back after these messages.
Cheesy voice over: Do you suffer from spots? Pimples? Acne? Then try new pinkie off pimple pads from Brillo. Attack the problem in an entirety new way, rip it out by the roots, and for those lunar sized craters you're gonna have why not try Brillo's new natural filler, with flesh tone paint and putty knife.
Nocturne: I need currency for my trip to the 20th century.
Old Man: Bank of Biggassia, when I needed money for my operation Bank of Biggassia was there for me, and when my boy needed to get his arch rival assassinated Bank of Biggassia was there for him, and when my Mom needed money for her bail…
Nocturne: I need currency not a history of the universe.
Old Man: …for his skooma shipment (fade out)
And now we return to the fanfic that will never happen.
At Asteroid M, Some Time Later
Magnetos party is in full swing, Cyclops is singing an old Dr Hook song on a karaoke machine, Nightcrawler is dancing to this awful sound, but poor Mystique is being booted out for wetting all the clean sheets.
Mystique: Please Magnus please, I won't wet anymore.
Magneto: Only because there's no more left to wet.
Cyclops: And I swear you could taste the chicken and tomatoes, the noodles and the marrow bone, But all it really was, was some water and potatoes and the wonderful wonderful soup stone…
Mystique: if only I'd followed Destiny's advice, then again, there's a 24/7 on the next street.
Back inside
Multiple boy: hey Cyke, try some of this amazing new gag gum!
Cyclops: Noooooooo! Never!
Multiple Boy: It's pineapple and liver.
Cyclops: Okay. (Chews gum) urgh, ahrgh, bluech that's disgusting! Did mmuph murphgfutuv hjgjcuj ffjfdjgfj ughkhbnohoi nobbi licky poo?
Multiple Boy: what?
Cyclops: Don't say what, say pardon.
Multiple Boy: sorry. Pardon?
Amara: mind the puddle Tinkywinky!
Cyclops: Wh…sorry. Pardon? And I said urgh, ahrgh ,bluech that's disgusting! Did mmuph murphgfutuv hjgjcuj ffjfdjgfj ughkhbnohoi nobbi licky poo?
(There is a knock at the door and Boom Boom busts in.)
Boom Boom: I know you stole my hairdressing scissors Bucket Head! Now give 'em back I need to cut off Freddy's hair.
Magneto: Sorry Boom Boom but Sabertooth's hair was choking me and I was 3 miles away. They're in the bathroom.
(Boom Boom busts into the bathroom.)
Destiny: Will you wait outside like everyone else!
Boom Boom: Jeez, chill willya I'm just gettin' my scissors. Hey nice loo paper, those fluffy bunnies are so cute.
Everyone: Ha. Ha. Magneto has fluffy bunnies on the toilet paper!
Magneto: NO I DON'T! (Busts into bathroom) Oh wait yeah I do.
Destiny: someone had better put a lock on this door.
(Another knock at the door)
Magneto: who is it this time? (Opens door.) What are you doing here? How does everyone keep getting up here?
Storm: for some reason everyone left their toothbrush behind.
Magneto: That's because toothbrushes wasn't on the list.
Storm: I expected better from you Magnus.
Magneto: Sorry if I forget a thing or two lady perfecto.
Storm: Well I never.
Storm busts out
Meanwhile at the 24/7 on the next street Mystique is struggling to find a size XXXL pair of pull up panties. Havok is breaking into the asteroid because he can hear Cyclops and Professor X struggles to finish his tea at Ambers place whist avoiding violent action with Jolene.