47 Things That Will Never Happen
On X-men Evolution.
This fanfiction is almost over, in fact by the end of this really long chapter it will be. Sob, snivel
We'd like to thank our reviewers, thank you all.
We'll be here all week.
At the institute
The students are sitting around in a classroom when professor X walks into the room. He is wearing a hat with paper flowers on it.
Professor X: I'M CURED! (His wheelchair suddenly comes rocketing into the room and knocks him over in such a way that he lands sat in the wheelchair like always.) Aww! I'm not cured. Ahem. You are all attending a sex education class. Right now!
All students:(in tones of horror) SEX ED!
(The kids try to run only to find Wolverine and Storm standing outside the door)
Storm: what do mean Hank's locked himself in the medlab? It only locks from the outside!
Wolverine: he musta welded the door shut or something I'm telling you I can't open it without destroying it.
Kids: AARRRG! SEX ED!
Storm: and we have to teach it. Okay kids get back in that room.
Wolverine: hey Chuck, why aren't you teaching this class?
Professor X: um, I'm, um, ill! Yeah ill. (Professor X coughs unconvincingly) I gotta go play the…I mean I really should go and rest.
Some time later.
Wolverine: So when mummies and daddies love each other very much, they give each other a very special hug. (He looks at the class) Hey are you lot asleep?
(Suddenly, in the finest traditions of family home entertainment, a weird portal appears in the ceiling and Bishop, Cable, and Nimrod fall out.)
Bishop: are we in the right series yet?
Cable: we'd better be because my computer's crashed. I've lost all our stored universes.
Nimrod: this cannot be!
Storm: excuse me, but would you lot mind getting off the TV?
Cable: Don't talk to me about TV! I get that all day living with X-force in my universe. It's always blah, blah, blah, Eastenders this! Yada, yada, yada Friends that! I'm sick of hearing about TV!
Bishop: we don't have TV in my universe. Nimrod and the rest of them stole our aerials in 2047.
Nimrod: yeah we did. Now the sentinels have 24 hour TV and don't bug me to help them fight mutants anymore.
Cable: Will you just shut up about TV! How are we gonna get back to our own series is what I'd like to know! I can't leave X-force alone for five minuets and I've been reality hopping for a whole 2 days!
Wolverine: you could go downstairs and see if Beast can fix your gizmo, if you can get the door open.
Cable: no problem. I've got a key. (He picks up an energy gun.) Let's go.
Elsewhere.
(Professor X is sat in front of a mirror, he is no longer wearing his hat and we can see he has a large boil on his head, and that he has some hair.)
Professor X: this is terrible. I can't appear in public like this. I need to get rid of this boil so I can shave my head and stop pretending to be ill.
The fanfic that will never happen will be back after these messages.
Kitty: Hey Rogue, want some Dr Pepper?
Rogue: No thanks
Kitty: Come on, what's the worst that could happen?
Apocalypse: I am eternal! I am invincible!
Cheesy singers: Dr Pepper, what's the worst that could happen?
Lady Deathstrike: Imagine having perfect claws like mine, and imagine getting them in just fourteen days. Well you can stop imagining, all you have to do is use new proton pro-v for cyborgs. Damage these claws? Don't even think about it.
Cheesy ad lady: Get proton pro-v for cyborgs now. Use only as directed.
We now return to the fanfic that will never happen.
At the brotherhood house.
Gambit is stuffing sheets into the dryer, Lance is taking out the trash and Pietro is using his super speed to try and wash the dirty dishes that cover every surface.
Gambit: Dis really sucks, first Gambit lose his favourite deck of cards, then Gambit get kicked out of de acolytes, now Gambit gotta do laundry! Why don't Mystique go see a counsellor or somethin'? dats what Gambit like to know.
Lance: that's the best idea you've ever had Gambit! Has anyone seen the phone recently?
Pietro: (at super speed) Phone? What-phone? We-don't-have-a-phone-anymore. It-got-cut-off-the-other-month-when-you-ran-up-that-huge-bill-talking-to-Kitty-all-night.
Lance: oh yeah. (Shouting upstairs) WANDA! CAN YOU GO DOWN TO THE PHONE BOX AND CALL A COUNSELLOR FOR MYSTIQUE!
Wanda: (from upstairs) why can't Fred do it?
Lance: (still shouting) BECAUSE HE WON'T BE ABLE TO FIT IN THE PHONE BOX, THAT'S WHY!
Fred: (from outside) I feel very hurt by that comment.
Lance: well it's true. An ordinary sized person can barley fit in there with the door closed.
(Wanda comes stamping down the stairs)
Wanda: all right. Anything to stop her wearing those potty training pants in public. It's so embarrassing. If we don't stop this no one will ever take us seriously as villains again.
Pietro: (still at super speed) Wanda-no-one-takes-us-seriously-as-villains-anyway. We're-all-screw-ups-and-our-glorious-leader-wears-a-salad-bowl-on-his-head.
Wanda: well they're taking us less seriously than ever. What's the number Lance?
Lance: 0800 do not wet the bed.
Wanda: okay, back in a few.
At the institute.
In the lab downstairs Forge has turned up and is looking over Cables computer. Cable, Bishop, and Nimrod are playing cluedo.
Beast: I'm going to collect the mail.
Cable: yeah, right, do that. I suspect Reverend Green did it in the library with the lead pipe.
Bishop: Ha! Well he didn't!
Nimrod: and it didn't happen in the library either.
Cable: Damn!
Upstairs.
Beast: (to himself) Hmm. Now what have we here? Gas bill, phone bill, another bill, several letters to various students, and, To THe MutiES. Not another letter from the friends of humanity, don't they have anything better to do? What does it say? (Reading letter) YoU are conTaimINATing Our woRlD, WhY DonT yOU go BAck whERE you camE FroM. WE doNt WanT YOurE kind ARounD here. FROm ThE FrieNds Of huMaNItY. (to himself) somewhat less than enlightening I feel.
Back in the lab.
Forge: okay I can see what the problem is here, but I'm gonna need at least a hour or so to fix it.
Cable: yeah whatever. Bishop it's your go.
Bishop: I'm taking the secret passage to the conservatory, and I suspect that it was Miss Scarlet who did the murder here in the conservatory with, um, the rope.
Nimrod: the murderer did not use the rope.
Forge: um, guys, you're really scaring me now.
Elsewhere.
Wolverine is reading letters and writing replies.
Wolverine: (to himself) I just don't know how to reply to this letter. I can't decide what Alison would say to a girl going on her first date. I need to find a better job. One I can actually do.
Wolverine starts to write.
The fanfic that will never happen will be back after these messages.
Cheesy ad guy: ever wish your trash was somebody else's problem?
Cheesy ad lady: are you kidding? Yeah!
Cheesy ad guy: Wish it would just disappear without having the trouble of messy trashcans and late bin men?
Cheesy ad lady: sure do!
Cheesy ad guy: well now you can almost wish trash away with the new trans dimensional trashcan from Hittit. The TDT unit uses newly discovered technology to transport your garbage to another dimension.
Cheesy ad lady: That's incredible!
Cheesy ad guy: and it's better for the environment than regular means of waste disposal. So don't delay, get the trans dimensional trashcan today and make your trash somebody else's problem!
Serious guy: did you know that every year over 200 mutants are driven insane by being stranded in California, the craziest place on earth?
Bimbo: what a cute tail! Are you, like, a mutant?
Nightcrawler: help!
Serious guy: you can help. By donating a small amount of money each month you can help a mutant recover from the effects of being stranded in California. Only five dollars a month can pay for treatment for a mutant who has been stranded for too long. Don't let this tragic loss of sanity happen to one more mutant.
Sabertooth: violence isn't important… truth can be found in what each of us believes in our hearts.
Magneto: Sabertooth, Noooooo!
Serious guy: Not one more innocent victim. Stop the suffering. Stop the madness.
Bimbo: gosh are you, like, on a vision quest too?
Serious guy: contribute to the foundation for mutants in California. Call 0800 MUTANT. That's 0800 M-U-T-A-N-T.
Bimbo: this advert is brought to you by the F.M.I.C.
We now return to the feature length episode of the fanfic that will never happen.
At the institute.
There is a knock at the door.
Cyclops: I'll get it since I'm on my way out to get my new contact lenses. (opens door) Hi Risty. Hey wait aren't you Mystique in disguise?
Risty: No! I do exist in my own right you know, I'm not just part of her, who do you think you see all day around the school when she's out wearing other peoples bodies?
Cyclops: okay I'm just gonna go now.
Cyclops leaves the building and Kitty walks into the room.
Risty: Oh hey Kitty, can I borrow, well steal, some clothes off you? But not anything pink.
Kitty: Umm, what are you taking Risty? You know I don't own any clothes that aren't pink.
Risty: screw that then. I'm just gonna nick some clothes off of washing lines.
Risty leaves the scene.
Kitty: hey Rogue aren't you upset that your best friend just came over and didn't even speak to you?
Rogue: no, I was gonna pity myself about that but really can't be bothered.
True to form there is another knock at the door.
Kurt: I'll get it this time. (bamfs across the room. Trips over own tail) Whoops, Arggh (opens door)
Graydon creed: you filthy muties! It makes me sick to admit we lost the key to our headquarters! So can we stay around your place?
FoH guys: yeah can we crash here? We'll even stop sending you snotty letters.
Kurt: no! you're evil! You said that last time and you still send us snotty letters!
Creed: I'm really sorry! I won't do it again!
Rogue: yeah right, that's what you said the last 12 times. Get out!
Creed and the FoH guys leave the scene.
Kurt: I gotta go now. I don't wanna miss my go on the computer.
Storm walks into the room.
Storm: not so fast Kurt I saw you going on porn for pyros earlier.
Kurt: IT WASN'T ME! It was um, um, Pietro, yeah Pietro, he came round and put porn for pyros on my favourites, honest.
Storm: Kurt! You can't go round blaming the brotherhood for everything you do.
At the brotherhood house.
Pietro: Mmwhaaahaahaaa! I put XXX adult porn for pyros on Kurt's computer and Storm thought he was there on purpose Mmwhaaahaahaaa!
Wanda: Pietro, you moron, don't you have anything better to do?
Pietro: yeah I also drew naughty pictures in Scott's journal and took pictures of the chicks showering. Oww! Wanda! that really hurt.
Wanda: I said better, not more perverted. Drawing naughty pictures in Scott's journal was good though.
Fred: hey anyone want pizza?
Lance: Fred we have no money! We spent it all on getting this counsellor to come round.
Pietro: don't worry Lance. Xavier's paying, I swiped his credit card. And I got his autograph.
Wanda: why?
Pietro: I have no real idea.
At the institute.
Beast walks into the room his fur has become neon pink.
Beast: what do you think of my new hairdo?
Wolverine: Hank what were you thinking when you did that? Were you stoned or something?
Storm: Wash that out right now. You're setting a bad example for the students..
Kurt walks past the room he has gained a flaming skull tattoo on his arm and his fur is shaved back to show it.
Storm: See! Go and sort it out at once!
In the lab.
Forge: okay you lot can go home now. I fixed your gizmo.
Cable: yeah just a minuet. I accuse Mrs White, in the dining room, with the revolver.
Bishop: yeah right, you win, can we go now?
Cable: yeah okay, since I really better get back to X-force, leave those kids alone for a century or two and the whole team goes to pot.
Cable, Bishop, and Nimrod teleport away.
Forge: they're finally gone!
Beast walks in his fur is completely shaved off revealing that Beast is actually a really skinny guy with a lot of hair. Forge stares at him.
Beast: What? My fur isn't pink anymore.
Meanwhile upstairs.
Storm is on the phone.
Storm: Did you call your Mom? Are you wearing clean pants?
Spyke: yes and yes. Hey how come there's a phone down the sewer anyway?
The fanfic that will never happen will be back after these messages.
Cheesy safety guy: do you like to explore airless planets? Do you like to breath? Do you like to both at once? Then check your EVA gear regularly and make sure you always have a full tank of oxygen and always check the seals before teleportation. Safety, it's like a breath of fresh air.
Moria Mactaggert: You know that researchers are always discovering, or inventing, new mental disorders and they are always finding new ways to treat them. However before your disorders can be treated you have to know the symptoms. Do you have a tendency to split up with your companions at the first sign of danger? Do you have the feeling that alien beings of the opposite gender find you attractive? Have you installed a self-destruct lever in your home or laboratory? Do you refer to your friends and associates as henchmen? Do you move in slow motion when battling an enemy? Do you have an urge to make clever remarks while battling your enemies? Do you tend to tell your enemies all your plans? Do you suffer from the delusion that you have enemies?Then you might have Obstinate Mutant Obligatory Synaptic Incorrigibility Syndrome. This serious but treatable mental disorder is common among mutants. Only you can make the decision to get help. If you recognize the symptoms of OMOSIS in yourself, a friend, a co-worker, a henchman, or a family member, contact your doctor immediately. This information has been brought to you by the Muir Island research centre.
We now return to the fanfic that will never happen.
Downtown Bayville.
All the staff from the local McDonalds are running out of the building screaming.
Magneto: Hear me humans! A war is coming! Now give me four happy meals and a bucket of chicken lumps!
Pyro: (evil laughter while burning random things)
Sabertooth: oh a colouring contest, I love colouring.
Magneto: without coke for those two.
Over at the institute.
Wolverine: Jean I have no real idea what you actually did in class today, but since I've wanted to say this for ages I'm going to. Jean you have detention on Friday afternoon.
Jean: but, I didn't do anything.
Wolverine: Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn. Why did I just say that? (Wolverine turns to leave the room, only to find that his shoelaces are tied together.) oh crap, my trousers have split.
Elsewhere.
Professor X: (talking on phone) WHAT DO MEAN WE HAVE TO PAY FOR PROPETY DAMAGE TO THE ZOO! ONE OF MY STUDENTS BROKE IN AND STOLE WHAT! A WHALE? WHAT ARE YOU SMOKING!
Somewhere else.
Kitty: I think not. I, like, took out the trash, like the other day. It is so not my turn.
Jean: well whose turn is it then?
Scott: um, Jean it's yours.
Well that's it people.
If you have enjoyed this fanfic please tell your friends.
Tell them to read and review.
We don't own X-men evolution, any of the characters, or, oh never mind. We do own this idea, this computer, a hyperactive beagle, and a few other things which aren't included in this package. Thank you.
Love it? Hate it? Think it tastes like chicken? Wanna know what we were smoking? At the institute
The students are sitting around in a classroom when professor X walks into the room. He is wearing a hat with paper flowers on it.
Professor X: I'M CURED! (His wheelchair suddenly comes rocketing into the room and knocks him over in such a way that he lands sat in the wheelchair like always.) Aww! I'm not cured. Ahem. You are all attending a sex education class. Right now!
All students:(in tones of horror) SEX ED!
(The kids try to run only to find Wolverine and Storm standing outside the door)
Storm: what do mean Hank's locked himself in the medlab? It only locks from the outside!
Wolverine: he musta welded the door shut or something I'm telling you I can't open it without destroying it.
Kids: AARRRG! SEX ED!
Storm: and we have to teach it. Okay kids get back in that room.
Wolverine: hey Chuck, why aren't you teaching this class?
Professor X: um, I'm, um, ill! Yeah ill. (Professor X coughs unconvincingly) I gotta go play the…I mean I really should go and rest.
Some time later.
Wolverine: So when mummies and daddies love each other very much, they give each other a very special hug. (He looks at the class) Hey are you lot asleep?
(Suddenly, in the finest traditions of family home entertainment, a weird portal appears in the ceiling and Bishop, Cable, and Nimrod fall out.)
Bishop: are we in the right series yet?
Cable: we'd better be because my computer's crashed. I've lost all our stored universes.
Nimrod: this cannot be!
Storm: excuse me, but would you lot mind getting off the TV?
Cable: Don't talk to me about TV! I get that all day living with X-force in my universe. It's always blah, blah, blah, Eastenders this! Yada, yada, yada Friends that! I'm sick of hearing about TV!
Bishop: we don't have TV in my universe. Nimrod and the rest of them stole our aerials in 2047.
Nimrod: yeah we did. Now the sentinels have 24 hour TV and don't bug me to help them fight mutants anymore.
Cable: Will you just shut up about TV! How are we gonna get back to our own series is what I'd like to know! I can't leave X-force alone for five minuets and I've been reality hopping for a whole 2 days!
Wolverine: you could go downstairs and see if Beast can fix your gizmo, if you can get the door open.
Cable: no problem. I've got a key. (He picks up an energy gun.) Let's go.
Elsewhere.
(Professor X is sat in front of a mirror, he is no longer wearing his hat and we can see he has a large boil on his head, and that he has some hair.)
Professor X: this is terrible. I can't appear in public like this. I need to get rid of this boil so I can shave my head and stop pretending to be ill.
The fanfic that will never happen will be back after these messages.
Kitty: Hey Rogue, want some Dr Pepper?
Rogue: No thanks
Kitty: Come on, what's the worst that could happen?
Apocalypse: I am eternal! I am invincible!
Cheesy singers: Dr Pepper, what's the worst that could happen?
Lady Deathstrike: Imagine having perfect claws like mine, and imagine getting them in just fourteen days. Well you can stop imagining, all you have to do is use new proton pro-v for cyborgs. Damage these claws? Don't even think about it.
Cheesy ad lady: Get proton pro-v for cyborgs now. Use only as directed.
We now return to the fanfic that will never happen.
At the brotherhood house.
Gambit is stuffing sheets into the dryer, Lance is taking out the trash and Pietro is using his super speed to try and wash the dirty dishes that cover every surface.
Gambit: Dis really sucks, first Gambit lose his favourite deck of cards, then Gambit get kicked out of de acolytes, now Gambit gotta do laundry! Why don't Mystique go see a counsellor or somethin'? dats what Gambit like to know.
Lance: that's the best idea you've ever had Gambit! Has anyone seen the phone recently?
Pietro: (at super speed) Phone? What-phone? We-don't-have-a-phone-anymore. It-got-cut-off-the-other-month-when-you-ran-up-that-huge-bill-talking-to-Kitty-all-night.
Lance: oh yeah. (Shouting upstairs) WANDA! CAN YOU GO DOWN TO THE PHONE BOX AND CALL A COUNSELLOR FOR MYSTIQUE!
Wanda: (from upstairs) why can't Fred do it?
Lance: (still shouting) BECAUSE HE WON'T BE ABLE TO FIT IN THE PHONE BOX, THAT'S WHY!
Fred: (from outside) I feel very hurt by that comment.
Lance: well it's true. An ordinary sized person can barley fit in there with the door closed.
(Wanda comes stamping down the stairs)
Wanda: all right. Anything to stop her wearing those potty training pants in public. It's so embarrassing. If we don't stop this no one will ever take us seriously as villains again.
Pietro: (still at super speed) Wanda-no-one-takes-us-seriously-as-villains-anyway. We're-all-screw-ups-and-our-glorious-leader-wears-a-salad-bowl-on-his-head.
Wanda: well they're taking us less seriously than ever. What's the number Lance?
Lance: 0800 do not wet the bed.
Wanda: okay, back in a few.
At the institute.
In the lab downstairs Forge has turned up and is looking over Cables computer. Cable, Bishop, and Nimrod are playing cluedo.
Beast: I'm going to collect the mail.
Cable: yeah, right, do that. I suspect Reverend Green did it in the library with the lead pipe.
Bishop: Ha! Well he didn't!
Nimrod: and it didn't happen in the library either.
Cable: Damn!
Upstairs.
Beast: (to himself) Hmm. Now what have we here? Gas bill, phone bill, another bill, several letters to various students, and, To THe MutiES. Not another letter from the friends of humanity, don't they have anything better to do? What does it say? (Reading letter) YoU are conTaimINATing Our woRlD, WhY DonT yOU go BAck whERE you camE FroM. WE doNt WanT YOurE kind ARounD here. FROm ThE FrieNds Of huMaNItY. (to himself) somewhat less than enlightening I feel.
Back in the lab.
Forge: okay I can see what the problem is here, but I'm gonna need at least a hour or so to fix it.
Cable: yeah whatever. Bishop it's your go.
Bishop: I'm taking the secret passage to the conservatory, and I suspect that it was Miss Scarlet who did the murder here in the conservatory with, um, the rope.
Nimrod: the murderer did not use the rope.
Forge: um, guys, you're really scaring me now.
Elsewhere.
Wolverine is reading letters and writing replies.
Wolverine: (to himself) I just don't know how to reply to this letter. I can't decide what Alison would say to a girl going on her first date. I need to find a better job. One I can actually do.
Wolverine starts to write.
The fanfic that will never happen will be back after these messages.
Cheesy ad guy: ever wish your trash was somebody else's problem?
Cheesy ad lady: are you kidding? Yeah!
Cheesy ad guy: Wish it would just disappear without having the trouble of messy trashcans and late bin men?
Cheesy ad lady: sure do!
Cheesy ad guy: well now you can almost wish trash away with the new trans dimensional trashcan from Hittit. The TDT unit uses newly discovered technology to transport your garbage to another dimension.
Cheesy ad lady: That's incredible!
Cheesy ad guy: and it's better for the environment than regular means of waste disposal. So don't delay, get the trans dimensional trashcan today and make your trash somebody else's problem!
Serious guy: did you know that every year over 200 mutants are driven insane by being stranded in California, the craziest place on earth?
Bimbo: what a cute tail! Are you, like, a mutant?
Nightcrawler: help!
Serious guy: you can help. By donating a small amount of money each month you can help a mutant recover from the effects of being stranded in California. Only five dollars a month can pay for treatment for a mutant who has been stranded for too long. Don't let this tragic loss of sanity happen to one more mutant.
Sabertooth: violence isn't important… truth can be found in what each of us believes in our hearts.
Magneto: Sabertooth, Noooooo!
Serious guy: Not one more innocent victim. Stop the suffering. Stop the madness.
Bimbo: gosh are you, like, on a vision quest too?
Serious guy: contribute to the foundation for mutants in California. Call 0800 MUTANT. That's 0800 M-U-T-A-N-T.
Bimbo: this advert is brought to you by the F.M.I.C.
We now return to the feature length episode of the fanfic that will never happen.
At the institute.
There is a knock at the door.
Cyclops: I'll get it since I'm on my way out to get my new contact lenses. (opens door) Hi Risty. Hey wait aren't you Mystique in disguise?
Risty: No! I do exist in my own right you know, I'm not just part of her, who do you think you see all day around the school when she's out wearing other peoples bodies?
Cyclops: okay I'm just gonna go now.
Cyclops leaves the building and Kitty walks into the room.
Risty: Oh hey Kitty, can I borrow, well steal, some clothes off you? But not anything pink.
Kitty: Umm, what are you taking Risty? You know I don't own any clothes that aren't pink.
Risty: screw that then. I'm just gonna nick some clothes off of washing lines.
Risty leaves the scene.
Kitty: hey Rogue aren't you upset that your best friend just came over and didn't even speak to you?
Rogue: no, I was gonna pity myself about that but really can't be bothered.
True to form there is another knock at the door.
Kurt: I'll get it this time. (bamfs across the room. Trips over own tail) Whoops, Arggh (opens door)
Graydon creed: you filthy muties! It makes me sick to admit we lost the key to our headquarters! So can we stay around your place?
FoH guys: yeah can we crash here? We'll even stop sending you snotty letters.
Kurt: no! you're evil! You said that last time and you still send us snotty letters!
Creed: I'm really sorry! I won't do it again!
Rogue: yeah right, that's what you said the last 12 times. Get out!
Creed and the FoH guys leave the scene.
Kurt: I gotta go now. I don't wanna miss my go on the computer.
Storm walks into the room.
Storm: not so fast Kurt I saw you going on porn for pyros earlier.
Kurt: IT WASN'T ME! It was um, um, Pietro, yeah Pietro, he came round and put porn for pyros on my favourites, honest.
Storm: Kurt! You can't go round blaming the brotherhood for everything you do.
At the brotherhood house.
Pietro: Mmwhaaahaahaaa! I put XXX adult porn for pyros on Kurt's computer and Storm thought he was there on purpose Mmwhaaahaahaaa!
Wanda: Pietro, you moron, don't you have anything better to do?
Pietro: yeah I also drew naughty pictures in Scott's journal and took pictures of the chicks showering. Oww! Wanda! that really hurt.
Wanda: I said better, not more perverted. Drawing naughty pictures in Scott's journal was good though.
Fred: hey anyone want pizza?
Lance: Fred we have no money! We spent it all on getting this counsellor to come round.
Pietro: don't worry Lance. Xavier's paying, I swiped his credit card. And I got his autograph.
Wanda: why?
Pietro: I have no real idea.
At the institute.
Beast walks into the room his fur has become neon pink.
Beast: what do you think of my new hairdo?
Wolverine: Hank what were you thinking when you did that? Were you stoned or something?
Storm: Wash that out right now. You're setting a bad example for the students..
Kurt walks past the room he has gained a flaming skull tattoo on his arm and his fur is shaved back to show it.
Storm: See! Go and sort it out at once!
In the lab.
Forge: okay you lot can go home now. I fixed your gizmo.
Cable: yeah just a minuet. I accuse Mrs White, in the dining room, with the revolver.
Bishop: yeah right, you win, can we go now?
Cable: yeah okay, since I really better get back to X-force, leave those kids alone for a century or two and the whole team goes to pot.
Cable, Bishop, and Nimrod teleport away.
Forge: they're finally gone!
Beast walks in his fur is completely shaved off revealing that Beast is actually a really skinny guy with a lot of hair. Forge stares at him.
Beast: What? My fur isn't pink anymore.
Meanwhile upstairs.
Storm is on the phone.
Storm: Did you call your Mom? Are you wearing clean pants?
Spyke: yes and yes. Hey how come there's a phone down the sewer anyway?
The fanfic that will never happen will be back after these messages.
Cheesy safety guy: do you like to explore airless planets? Do you like to breath? Do you like to both at once? Then check your EVA gear regularly and make sure you always have a full tank of oxygen and always check the seals before teleportation. Safety, it's like a breath of fresh air.
Moria Mactaggert: You know that researchers are always discovering, or inventing, new mental disorders and they are always finding new ways to treat them. However before your disorders can be treated you have to know the symptoms. Do you have a tendency to split up with your companions at the first sign of danger? Do you have the feeling that alien beings of the opposite gender find you attractive? Have you installed a self-destruct lever in your home or laboratory? Do you refer to your friends and associates as henchmen? Do you move in slow motion when battling an enemy? Do you have an urge to make clever remarks while battling your enemies? Do you tend to tell your enemies all your plans? Do you suffer from the delusion that you have enemies?Then you might have Obstinate Mutant Obligatory Synaptic Incorrigibility Syndrome. This serious but treatable mental disorder is common among mutants. Only you can make the decision to get help. If you recognize the symptoms of OMOSIS in yourself, a friend, a co-worker, a henchman, or a family member, contact your doctor immediately. This information has been brought to you by the Muir Island research centre.
We now return to the fanfic that will never happen.
Downtown Bayville.
All the staff from the local McDonalds are running out of the building screaming.
Magneto: Hear me humans! A war is coming! Now give me four happy meals and a bucket of chicken lumps!
Pyro: (evil laughter while burning random things)
Sabertooth: oh a colouring contest, I love colouring.
Magneto: without coke for those two.
Over at the institute.
Wolverine: Jean I have no real idea what you actually did in class today, but since I've wanted to say this for ages I'm going to. Jean you have detention on Friday afternoon.
Jean: but, I didn't do anything.
Wolverine: Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn. Why did I just say that? (Wolverine turns to leave the room, only to find that his shoelaces are tied together.) oh crap, my trousers have split.
Elsewhere.
Professor X: (talking on phone) WHAT DO MEAN WE HAVE TO PAY FOR PROPETY DAMAGE TO THE ZOO! ONE OF MY STUDENTS BROKE IN AND STOLE WHAT! A WHALE? WHAT ARE YOU SMOKING!
Somewhere else.
Kitty: I think not. I, like, took out the trash, like the other day. It is so not my turn.
Jean: well whose turn is it then?
Scott: um, Jean it's yours.Please review!