Tete-a-Tete
John Decker was drinking a bit more than his usual this week.
Granted, a police lieutenant who had weathered the death of his wife, the dangerous pregnancy of his only child, and was now grandfather to both one of the most precocious granddaughters ever and, well, possibly the antichrist, though he was hopeful that was just a title technicality, was someone who could hold their liquor. However, as he sat mulling over everything in the kitchen (well one of them; this house had wings he'd never ventured into because of course it did), John could admit he was well into his third beer and would be going for another soon enough. He was proud of himself for keeping it together more or less. In the week since Penny's abduction and rescue, he'd been a rock for his monkey, who was still finally dealing with the fact that Penny's father was undeniably Satan, red-skin and burns and all. He was also getting to know Penny's new bodyguard (because a werewolf nanny was insufficient), and while Maze was every bit as surly and sneering as he remembered, she also was good at her job. At least, she seemed to follow Penny like a shadow and be on high alert.
Also, somehow, was already planning trick 'r treating with his granddaughter, complete with whatever the Hell a "President of Mars" costume was.
But yeah, considering everything that had happened in seven days, including the new demon housemate, John thought he was doing pretty well. Now, he hadn't spoken with Lucifer since the night everything had fallen apart so spectacularly with Marcus Pierce (who hey was Cain from the Bible because that was just John's life now, great), but mostly because the Devil had, for once, made himself scarce. He was mostly keeping to business in his quarters or venturing to Penny's room, but he hadn't come to dinner or anything social with him and Chloe also involved, although John was pretty sure Chloe had had a movie night at least once since then with Lucifer.
But he hadn't had a chance to talk one-on-one with...well son-in-law was not and would never be the right word for their relationship. John preferred to think of it as "thorn in his side." Seriously, for a few, too brief months, John had this shining hope that Chloe would finally settle firmly into "just co-parenting" and maybe even marry Pierce. The other man hadn't been very ingratiating or even overly memorable, but he wasn't the Devil, and John had found that huge points in his monkey's former costar's favor. And yet...here they were.
And he suspected that despite them both understanding for the first time exactly what Lucifer was, his daughter was only going to eventually dive head first into a more-than-just-parents deal with Old Scratch. Perfect. Just fucking lovely.
John finished his beer and reached for a third. Then, he jumped at the voice behind him.
"You know, we keep better than that swill around here."
He grumbled as the beer spilled onto his hand and then stood up to grab a dish towel. "I like Milwaukee Beast."
The Devil shook his head, and he appeared as he always had-suit that had to cost more than John made in a month, cufflinks to fiddle with, and normal skin and dark hair. John almost had the insane urge to reach out and touch Lucifer to see if the illusion felt like it looked, but that would both be rude and involve touching the prick, and John had little interest in either.
"Don't be daft, Decker. No one likes that crap. Seriously, I was about to sit down to a Macallan. You're going to tell me earnestly that you're not a Scotch drinker?"
"I've knocked back a few at The Paddock over the years, sure, but this is affordable."
"And your lack of indigestion later will thank you and would be a steep enough price on the other end," Lucifer replied.
John sighed, sat down, and accepted that the Devil was going to do as he pleased, which, for now, included serving him expensive whiskey. There were, ahem, worse crosses to bear. Lucifer got to work getting the Scotch out and pouring it for them both. It didn't escape John's notice that the Devil left John's glass on the corner of the table and then stepped quickly away to a stool at the far corner of the kitchen. A bigger man would have said it was alright and to stop being so skittish. Tough. A better man might have handled the fact his daughter was permanently tied to Satan better than John had managed over the years. Still, most of him appreciated the deference because Lucifer-despite his outward appearance and, honestly, stunning immaturity for an ageless being-was fucking terrifying underneath, and John wasn't quite sure how to reconcile that yet.
"I suppose we should talk."
John arched an eyebrow at him and took a sip. And damn it, Lucifer wasn't wrong. The Scotch went down so smoothly. "We don't have to, and then we can just say we did anyway. I wouldn't have a problem with skipping any heart to hearts." John blanched at that. "Wait, you have one of those, right?"
Lucifer glared at him and frowned. "I'll have you know that I have most things humans do. I mean, Father is only so creative and the first draft-the better draft-were angels. So yes a heart, just the one...etc. Is this how it's to go now? Would you like a prodding stick perhaps?"
John knew that Lucifer's snippy tone was both his default reaction to being questioned and clearly an indication that even the Devil was sensitive about his actual appearance. Tough. John was still a cop, and he needed to know exactly what he was dealing with to keep his girls safe. If he even could at this point. "Would that help?"
Lucifer sighed and raked a hand through his hair. "John, I have never lied to you. I don't lie to people, period, point of pride. I didn't mean to jump start any prophecies with Chloe, and I have done everything in my power to protect both Chloe and Penelope and to keep them in a comfortable lifestyle."
John had never asked directly but he'd been around Los Angeles long enough to know what real estate generally cost in which zip code. He could guess this was a seven-figure place, if not eight. Lucifer's version of "comfortable" was light years away from a cop raised in Ohio's. Still, he couldn't say that Penny had ever wanted for anything or that Lucifer hadn't worked hard to hide them all well enough for Chloe to pick back up with her life and acting career.
As far as that went, the Devil was a man of his word.
"But you do understand that omitting things can be worse than a lie."
"It wasn't your place to know," Lucifer replied coldly.
"You know that's not true. I think you owed it to us both, especially Chloe if you were going to sleep with her-and never make me say those words again-"
"Well Penelope hardly came from a demonic stork, did she?"
"Yeah, whatever, my point is, you presented what you wanted for Chloe to see to seduce her, and here we all are."
Lucifer clenched his jaw and didn't speak for a while. Vaguely, John was aware that it was a bad idea to push Satan's buttons, but he figured Lucifer wouldn't break promises now. He was also banking on the fact if he ended up flambeed that Penelope would be inconsolable, and Lucifer wouldn't want that either. However, from the steadying breaths the Devil was taking and the red gleam in his eyes, John was pretty sure he was treading on thin ice with the other being.
"For the record, and I explained this to Chloe, the glamour is essentially restorative."
"I don't know what that means."
"A glamour is a spell, more or less, very basic magic as I've no facility for most of it, but it changes the appearance of something to the untrained eye. Mazikeen and I each employ it to make passing among mortals easier."
He gaped at Lucifer. "She have red skin too?"
"Maze's facial features are her own to show or not," Lucifer replied. "However, for what it's worth," he said, gesturing to his face. "This is what I looked like before I Fell. Again, feel free to trade notes with the Vampire Queen, but this is also what the archangel Michael looks like currently. Surprise, we're twins."
"He threw you out."
"Yes, well, it's a rather strained relationship of late. I suspect he's cheek by jowl with Remiel in her hunting party. I haven't seen him since Ancient Rome, but he was, obviously, always one to kiss Dad's ass so..." He waved his hand dismissively. "All that said, my burns are my own business. I'm the one who fell in the lake of fire, and I'm the one who can choose to appear as he pleases. I owed no one anything."
"And Penny-"
Lucifer stilled and sighed. "She shouldn't, as far as I understand my own face. It came from injury, and it is not inherent to my nature as the Devil, not something that changed when I fell. After all, I've nothing else typically devilish-no horns, no claws, and my wings are quite lovely as you well remember."
John nodded and took another gulp. He still had faint memories of the wings in his dreams, of the warmth and glory of them. He wasn't sure if Chloe or Penny had seen them or seen them often, but he never had again. Even the faintest memory of them still gave him the urge to go to his knees before Lucifer in supplication. And yet, they were so ethereally beautiful...
He wasn't sure what a whole flock (it was a flock, right?) of angels would do to a human, but he was pretty sure that many blessed wings would flat out melt someone's brain.
"I do. But she won't-"
Lucifer's eyes blazed again and despite everything, John startled and dropped his Scotch. Cursing to himself, he stood up and grabbed paper towels, trying to mop everything up, but definitely chalking his shirt up as a lost cause, at least till he washed it.
"I hope not. I've asked several seers, and they do not know. I don't think she would, but it's possible at some point, yes, and believe me, the not having a certain answer guts me far more than it does you."
"And you're so casual about if my granddaughter is a monster."
Lucifer sighed. "She's at least by definition, though I've no intention of fulfilling any bloody book of Revelation's edicts, but Beatrice Penelope is the antichrist. She already has incredible power at her disposal and I suspect as she grows older that will only mature with her. By most humans' definitions, she would be monstrous."
"Take that back."
"It's true," Lucifer said, shrugging. "She is very much her mother, so very smart and with a streak of righteousness in her I rather admire. Always sticking up for others, never afraid. However, she is, more's the pity, half mine, and I do not yet know all that comes with it, but poor a consolation as this is, no one wants Penny to be spared a horrific visage more than I do. No one knows that pain as intimately as I. So, I didn't say anything because if it never came to pass, what was the point in worrying the lot of you?"
John tossed the used paper towel in the sink and sat heavily, crossing his arms over his chest as he did so. "I can't help but think if Chloe had known in the beginning all that you are, we wouldn't be here now."
"Probably not but for the record I told her repeatedly I was the Devil. I'm never coy on that."
"You know no human except a total psychotic would believe you. It's a convenient work around to not technically lie."
Lucifer rolled his eyes and in a blink-so fast that John could not process it-the Devil was before him in every sense of the word, complete with raw, angry red skin and hellish scarlet eyes. Despite years on the force and seven years of weirdness with Lucifer already, John startled and reached for the gun he wasn't currently wearing this late at night.
The Devil noticed and his shoulders fell a bit. "Yes, well, to be expected; you're only human after all."
"You're not."
"No, and I suppose had I shown this side to Chloe, this would have been a big no and I...I grapple with that, yes. I honestly didn't expect anything to come of it, let alone such a wonderful child. However, we're here now, and now you know. So, where do we go from here?"
John forced himself to make and keep eye contact with Lucifer, even if the Devil's face scared him at a primal level as deeply as his wings left John feeling flitters of ecstasy. And what a confusing dichotomy that was; either way, Lucifer could drive humans insane fast, and that was far from reassuring. "I don't know. I'm still floored that Penny saw this the entire time and none of us knew. I...you didn't know, right?"
"Hardly. It makes quite a bit of sense in retrospect," he replied, flashing his eyes brightly for a moment. "But as far as where we are-Penny always knew and the princess doesn't give a toss, much to my relief. Chloe is upset but willing to still try and be a family, and I offered, believe me I did, to go away on business for a while, to give her space to cope with all this." He shrugged and gestured to his face, in case John was dense. Or perhaps just out of his own nervous energy; the lieutenant wasn't sure. "However, both girls have indicated they do not wish for me to leave."
"Of course they did. If I didn't know better, I swear you had Chloe hypnotized."
"Fun fact, she is literally the only human I cannot sway at all. I...we need to discuss two things. One sounds like Hell and the other is more a curiosity. Which do you want first?" Lucifer strode over from his stool and took a seat at the table. It was some giant 12-seater monstrosity with leaves that could extend it even further. They were still a good ten feet from each other, but John could still feel his heart speed up and instinct was hard to shake. "Usually humans prefer the bad news first, as it were."
"Yeah, hit me. Tell me about the Hell on earth one. Do you think your siblings found Penelope?"
Lucifer shook his head and, finally, thank well whoever, his face switched back to normal. Don't get John wrong. The Devil's glamour or whatever it was was still irksome and very much punchable, but at least it wasn't pants-shittingly terrifying. Just smug. "No, of course not. If that had happened, I'd have drug us all as far from Los Angeles as possible by now."
"Right. Is it demons?"
"Hardly, though Mazikeen will have to come with us for safety's sake. Considering her love of murder, she'll adore this anyway."
"I don't understand. And wait? Who are we killing?"
"Fish," Lucifer spat, the disgust clear in his tone.
John blinked, sure he had heard the Devil wrong. "Wait, what?"
"Penny, little darling that she is, has requested we go on a camping trip. She said you and Della took her on quite a few in Romania. Now she wishes to see the wildlife, such as it is, of Southern California." Lucifer shuddered. "Sleeping on the ground and cooking food over a spit, imagine the wonder."
"You know, camping is fun, and it's a great learning experience."
"Yes, if I wanted to freeze my arse off-not that I technically can-and sleep on sticks, well, what exactly would I be learning, Decker?"
"Self-reliance, survival skills, and the value of a hard day's work."
"Yes, well the Wilshire has a delightful minibar and a jacuzzi that's unparalleled, and yet, the princess wants to get a...what is it called? A sleeping bag and rough it." Lucifer shook his head. "I can hardly say no to her, so next weekend we're going to be cave people."
John chuckled, and for the first time since he'd spied Lucifer over Pierce's body, the tension between them broke. Yes, Lucifer was very much the Devil, something John had been able to compartmentalize or, well, almost flat out forget in his day to day dealings with the other man. At the same time, he was the most caviar-taste, silver spoon-having, high maintenance guy John had ever met. The spoiled prince side, John could at least laugh at.
"We'll have tents."
"That's probably worse. You know, your ancestors struggled for millennia to get this level of comfort. I've no idea why you want to chuck it all for a weekend. It hardly makes you a world explorer or even a...yes caveman. And why would you want to be one? Buggers had terrible lice and flea problems, believe you me."
John gaped at him. And there was the Devil saying something that reminded him that, again, Lucifer had seen everything. Even if he'd mostly been relegated to Hell, Lucifer had literally seen in short bursts and visits the entirety of human history and then some. It was so very awe inspiring in the abstract. Then Lucifer would open his mouth and say something incredibly crude or stupid and there any sense of wonder went.
Lucifer waves his hand again, as if holding court. "Yes, well, I am sure there's something truly wondrous if you're seven or a human about dangling worms from a stick to catch fish, but it certainly escapes me what the Hell that would be. Also, to be quite blunt, the true horror is that Penny demands I wear whatever it is you would wear to camp. I assume that means flannel? Oh Dad what a mess."
John laughed. That was, after all, the only reaction left to him. He'd been furious and terrified and confused, but in the end, the fact that this was his life and that, somehow, Old Scratch was clearly angling for commiseration over the fact that Penelope wouldn't let him wear ten thousand dollar designer suits to camp in with John, of all people, was just a Tuesday. He doubled over as he laughed harder, tears pouring down his cheeks.
Lucifer's tone was petulant from somewhere above him. "It's not funny in the least. I've a reputation to maintain, and lumberjack is hardly it."
After gasping a few times for air, John settled and sat up. Wiping tears from his face, he added, "You have a weird priority list for your problems. You might find you like camping."
Lucifer gestured to his wristwatch, which was clearly a Rolex, even John could tell that much. "Oh, will I?"
"No, but Penny loves it and you love Penny so put on the denim and plaid-"
"I'm in the eighth circle, I know it."
"And..." John continued, refusing to derail into if Hell actually had circles at this moment. "...suck it the fuck up. You'll survive, Lucifer."
"Yes, well, only because the princess asked."
John snorted. "Oh, I know indulging your daughter. Believe me. I don't care what you are, if Chloe had given me the okay, I'd have killed you years ago."
Lucifer narrowed his eyes. "You can't but that's sobering."
"True, but you grow on people...like a fungus. So if your big dilemma is that you might have to touch dirt, I think we're good, Lucifer. What's the other thing? Need tips on how to keep the bouffant solid in the rain as I have zero of those."
"Not what I was asking but, yes, well Cain or Pierce or that Man Ham, whichever moniker you prefer...he mentioned that Chloe...that she's a Miracle."
John frowned at Lucifer, trying to see if the other man was pulling a prank. "Well, I've always felt like she was a God send, but I don't understand what you're getting at."
Lucifer rolled his eyes. "I doubt my father has the foresight to make anyone as wonderful as the Vampire Queen."
He rankled at that, but in a small way, had to give the Devil credit. Apparently, Lucifer really was like a dog with a bone when he got an idea into his head. If that was protecting Penelope, John was all for it. Since that currently meant he trailed after Chloe even now like a lost puppy-a giant, red Hellhound puppy but still-then John was less grateful. "Yes, but what does that mean. That she's a miracle?"
"I have no bloody idea. I thought you might. I...was there anything ever odd about her? I mean, it might make some sense. I am weaker around her, can be hurt or get drunk far more easily."
"Right, so my daughter makes parties better for you. Clearly, it's like the parting of the Red Sea, Satan."
"Not funny, and I was being serious or trying to be. I mean Dad knows that I've had many, many, many partners starting with Eve, you know-"
"I'm Catholic; I know. Skip memory lane, Lucifer."
"Yes, right, well by now, I should have sired a child with my profligate ways. Since she's the only one who ever did with me, that would also put a big tick in the Miracle column." He shrugged and then fiddled with the onyx ring on his finger. "So, it may not be utter bunk. Did you...was there anything odd about Chloe's birth perhaps? Did she do anything a bit magical as a child?"
"Like sprout wings or get her tutor to name deep seated desires?"
Lucifer sat taller at that. "Yes, well, we've established that Penelope is quite extraordinary, but I was referring to your direct spawn, John."
"Charming," John replied drolly. "No, she's never done anything weird before meeting you."
"Hey!"
"But to be fair, Penny and I tried for years and years, we'd almost given up hope. The fertility specialists said we both had issues that would make it impossible. We'd started talking adoption, to be honest. But then, yeah, it was like impossible, but Penny was pregnant, and I...we were so happy, we never questioned it. Why do you ask?"
"Not sure yet, but I think after this camping nonsense, I may have to ask for a parlay with a sibling. Usually, I'd chock what Cain said up to a weasel begging for his life at the last moment, fat lot of good it did him, but considering Beatrice Penelope exists at all...it might have some merit in the story."
"And would that affect Chloe either way?"
"Not that I know, but I've discussed it with her. I...if there are pieces being moved around by my Father like some sodding chess game to bring on the end times, then I'd like to know more about it. I have zero interest in holy wars and Revelation, far less in my princess doing anything than exactly what she wants to do with her life."
"Within reason," John bit back.
"Define reason for a literal demi-god. Anyhoo, my point is I don't like being manipulated, and I worry especially that Penny and Chloe are. So, the parlay is necessary soon enough. But first, dear Dad help me, worms on paper clips."
"No, they go on hooks and...you really never have gone camping, have you?"
"Unless you count not being murdered by hordes of demons while healing from debilitating centuries whilst trapped in the bowels of Hell, then no," Lucifer said, standing and letting his eyes flare red for an instant. "Just because I can survive untold horrors and have, doesn't mean I wish to repeat the experience for alleged fun...and yet, the princess wants what she wants, and I will comply."
"Yeah, we definitely need to talk about that before Penny hits high school. You can say 'no,' sometimes."
"Whatever for?" he asked, completely guileless in his question.
John sighed. "I don't know why I bother, but I'm glad we had this talk and are, somehow, mostly on the same page."
Lucifer stood and nodded. "I as well. So, truly, thanks, Dad. Good talk."
"We are not calling me that."
"Yes, well, which one of us has nearly unlimited power?" Lucifer replied, whistling to himself as he sauntered back down the hall.
Sighing once more, John went back to the fridge and grabbed a good, old-fashioned, cheap ass beer and popped it open. He couldn't wait to go camping and watch the Devil squirm.