A/N: I had no intention of writing Fruits Basket -fanfiction let alone Kyo-centric one, but, you know, once you get the inspiration, there's no way to resist it... So here it is. My very first Fruits Basket -fanfic. Whoa.I'm not so sure whether this sucks or not so I'd be glad to receive some kind offeedback, oh and I don't mind critisism as long it is constructive.
There is no actual pairings in this fic but some brief Kyo x Tohru and Yuki x Tohru is definately there. Most of this is just plain angst. I won't say anything more about this, just read it and find out yourselves.
Oh yes, one thing. Do I really have to tell you that I don't own Fruits Basket? After all, this is a fanfic, not a manga chapter.
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You have dreamt that moment so many times it should have become boring, the moment when you shine in glory and all the time you spent, all the sweatdrops during excercises and hard work are finally paid back. You always thought everyone would congrulate you and welcome you to the family and they would keep apologizing you for underestimating and hating you. Then they would wait in agony for your response, it might be that you would never forgive them and always be the cold and rage-filled bastard, but instead of yelling at them like you usually do, you would show them one of your rare smiles. By that action you would tell them without words that all is forgiven and you are no longer the Kyo they knew, you would be a whole new person, a better one, the one you would have always been if they had not been hating you all these years. Even the damn rat you just beat would smile at you, bitterly for your victory over him but also approvingly, becouse it had been a fair fight and you just were stronger than him.
That is how it has always been. Nevertheless lately there had been a new person in your dream, a certain brown-haired girl who would be smiling like the sun like she always is, but now that smile would be meant only for you. Her sky-colored eyes would sparkle with fondness and she would touch your face with her small, soft hand and tell you how proud she is. You would only smile again, this time with all the emotions you feel raging inside you and she would blush madly and then you would kiss her forehead tenderly. She would be red as a beetroot but in that moment she would finally understand everything you did not dare to tell her and why you always acted like you did.
That is the way you wanted it to be, but life rarely goes the way it is planned.
Now the thing you have seen as a goal is happening. You and the damn rat got into fight, you do not remember why bu it does not matter anymore. The thing that only matters is that the rat seems to be exceptionally weak or something and you can tell he is losing. You suppose something is wrong, becouse he is never this meek and you have never seen him making so simple mistakes. You cannot bring yourself to care, all the desperation and the rage is taking over you and is this feeling a taste of the euphoria which comes from the victory that awaits you? You are so blinded by this madness you created for yourself that you cannot remember the time when you would not have taken the advantage of this kind of situation, but now you have crossed the weak line and there is no coming back. No way in hell you would give up now when you are so close, too close...
He falls down with disbelief in his eyes when you give him the punch of his life. A little part of you says it is enough, he is already beaten and there is no need for more, but with the coldness of a killer you did not know you had, you ignore the fading voice inside you. You yearn for more, you want to feel the sweet, sweet revenge burning in your veins little longer and you step closer to the body of a rival. He cannot escape and in a way he is in the same position as you are for you cannot hide from your inner demons. Your vision is blurred with blood and you hear the cries of pain and suffering but most of all, you can feel the beast inside you howling with triumph.
You force yourself to stop after some time which feels like eternity and it must be the hardest thing wou have ever done, the moment almost caught you, anyhow it does not make you feel any less shocked. What you see before you is a limp body of the rat barely breathing and all you can do is stare. I did this, I did this, the thought rings in your mind over and over again. You kneel beside him and you feel so helpless, what should you do now? You have no clue, the sight is too capturing and you cannot believe you really did this.
You are so lost in thought you do not hear the quiet footsteps approaching you. Only when a loud scream echoes trough the unnaturally silent forest you realise you are not alone with the unconscious rat. The next thing you see is a certain brown-haired girl who is definately not smiling running towards you, or so you thought before she almost fell on top of the damn rat. She asks you what on earth happened and tells you to call Hatori, but you are too deep in your shock to do anything. She shrieks you to do something, anything but just sit there but you do not react. Then she sees your bloodstained hands and empty eyes and even though she is not the brightest star in the sky she understands and shooks her head, no, no, tell me you didn't, and with a quick promise to get help she disappears. This is not how you meant it to be, alone with lifeless body and confused mind. Soon everything becomes too big and too overwhelming for you to bear and so you pass out knowing you have ruined it all.
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You wake up in your own bed supposing she did come back and wondering with rising terror what has happened to the rat. You try to get up but you cannot, the fighting forces inside you has drained you and physical exhaustion is bigger than you thought. You just lay there, hoping both someone and no one would come. You watch the roof and start dritfing back to sleep but then you hear someone opening the door. The figure at the doorway walks towards your bed and you recognise him as Shigure.
His expression is uncharacteristically serious and his eyes make you shiver becouse there is nothing left of his typical laughter and that is not promising anything good. He opens his mouth and you know you do not want to hear what he has to say but you have no other choise.
The dog congrulates you and welcomes you to the Zodiac. His voice is emotionless and dull and by all emotion that is lacking you understand there is nothing left to repair, you have really screwed everything up this time. When he is walking back to door you suddenly shout his name and he turns around to face you with plain surprise. You ask him a question so silently it is barely a whisper, but he hears it anyway and gives you response that makes you want to shout. Your insides are twisting and you as you throw up he leaves closing the door. You try to slow your breath and you feel so alone with your inner turmoil and the nauseating smell of fresh vomit in the silent and darkenig room.
Yuki, huh? I'm surprised you have the guts to care how he's doing. Well, Hatori tried everything but the damage was too great so he didn't make it.
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You are sitting on top of the roof and gazing the stars as you always do when you are trying to escape your problems. However, this time you cannot hide from those things haunting you, like the fact that she has not talked to anyone after that fateful day you do not want to think about and she also refuses to come out from her room. Actually the last time you saw her was the burial of the rat. That is not really a topic you would like to think about either. Still you cannot help it, the images of their sorrowful faces keep coming back. The sadness and distress in their eyes turning to disbelief, anguish, contempt, hate and so on when they happen to look at your direction eats you alive but you really cannot blame them. You know they will not forgive you and even if they did they will never forget what you did, let alone accept you.
You hear someone climbing the ladders and you could not be more shocked when you see her sitting next to you, though she is keeping her distance. She is silent for a moment and you can but stare at her solemn face. You wonder if you will ever see the goofy grin gracing her face again. You know she is too kind for her own good but is this a thing even she cannot overcome? It depresses you, maybe she cannot save you this time, maybe she does not even want to.
She blurts out a question and rises her head to meet your eyes and you do not know what to answer. You are captured by her eyes, you have never seen them so lifeless and empty and you do not know what to answer. She waits and waits and suddenly she looks away, mumbling something under her breath which sounds like knew you wouldn't answer and she stands up. You want to stop her from leaving, give her answers, make her understand, you know this chance will be given just this once but you just stare her and let her go. It is just too much, to realise she is not a saint enough to believe in you anymore. She did not say it aloud but the uneasiness in her appearance and the resentment in her voice are more convincing than any words could be. Still she gave you a chance but you could not even answer her question.
Why did you kill him?
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For a while you sit there alone. Suddenly you feel tiredness taking over you and decide to go to sleep, you can sulk some other day but sleep is not something you can get every night. Though it is night the house feels colder than the air outside and you shiver from the sudden coldness. You start to walk towards your room but then you hear someone sobbing. You find out easily that is her who is crying and you sneak closer to her door. It is not closed properly and you can see her laying on her stomach on top of her bed. You almost follow your instincts and go to comfort her but then she starts talking along with sobs.
How could you do this?
You really cannot help it; your hopes are rising again. Could it be? Is she talking about you? You know you do not deserve it yet you keep wishing. Your heart beats faster as she sobs more and is going to say something else, but when she lets the words come out you feel like you have been crushed by thousand landslides.
Why did you leave me like this? Oh, Yuki-kun, please come back...
You should have known, really, it was obvious now when you think about it. Sighing you turn to move towards your room feeling crestfallen as ever.
Suddenly you realise something else that you should have known all along. The battle between you and the damn rat was not only faught when you were on literal battlefield; it was something so much more, beyond all the visible and physical warfare. Now that you finally understood you do not think you are going to sleep for weeks, if ever.
There is just no way you could have won. Even now when you have beaten the rat he still is the real winner, holding the true victory with him forever.
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A/N: I suppose I should tell you that I'm not native english speaker, so there might be grammatical and spelling errors. If you find some then please tell me right away soI can correct them.