Warning my humor is broken so (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧
also Dazatsu is very minor
A Weird Day In The Office
- Chapter 1 -
"Atsushi-kun ! Atsushi-kun !" Dazai shouted from across the room standing next to Yosano ."Yes Dazai-san !" Atsushi stood up quickly from his chair almost knocking it on the ground .
"Who is the most handsome man in this room, and you can't choice yourself !" Dazai said with a flirty smile and a wink making the woman cringe at him, everyone sighs before they realize what he said .
The room fell silent as their headache starts to come ."Dazai .." Kunikida started but Atsushi spoke up ."That's not fair Dazai-san you know I would say you ." Atsushi pouted making everyone turn from Dazai to Atsushi ."Huh ?!" Kunikida's looked too shocked to say more as Ranpo sighs ."Just get a room .."
"Atsushi-kun you are so sweet !" Dazai's big smile brings a blush on Atsushi's cheeks ."But I won't tease you this time, you can choice fair and square ."
Atsushi start to think even when Yosano said he doesn't have to answer as she slaps Dazai at the back of his head making the ex mafiaso laugh ."By handsome you mean the one who gets the most girls ?"
"Yes !"
"Oh that's easy !" Atsushi smiled before he answered a knock on the door came, as the door opens Poe walked inside but back off as everyone looked at him ."Is Ranpo-kun here ?"
"Poe finally I am bored !" Ranpo shouted happy with any distraction from whatever this was .
"It's Poe !" Atsushi shouted .
Everyone sighs at Atsushi ."Yes Atsushi-kun we see it's Poe ." Dazai snorted at the look at Atsushi's face as he shook his head ."No it's Poe he is the most handsome guy !"
Everyone stood quiet for a few minutes before they screamed in shock, Poe felt his soul leaving, Ranpo groans like a child on a shopping trip with his mom and Dazai was so in shock he almost became unresponsive ."Atsushi .. Dazai here said in the building he was not .."
"He was, I heard him walking the stairs ."
Everyone looked at Poe ."Your elevator doesn't want cooperate with me ..." Poe looked defeated at the moment ."But .." Kunikida was the one who looked from Poe to Atsushi ."Why ?!"
"Well .."
"Oh boy .." Ranpo and Atsushi both started ."Because of his hair ." Atsushi looked at Ranpo .
"Oh Ranpo-san you know it too !" Atsushi smiled at him ."I wish I didn't ." The detective mutters making Poe look so confused ."My hair ?"
This time Dazai responds as he moved to Atsushi very fast ."That's enough ! Everyone go home !" "
"Hold on not so fast Dazai !" Kunikida almost shouted grabbing Dazai by the neck ."1 you still have to finish your work, 2 I .. We all want to know about the hair thing and 3 I know .. I just know it's you ."
"Me ?"
"What did you do !"
"Well .."
"It's hentai !" Atsushi said making Dazai turn very red with bit of shame ."The guy that always have his eyes covered gets the most girls ! Dazai-san told me !"
"Eh ?!"
"Atsushi-kun shut up !" Dazai wailed .
"Really Dazai .." Yosano shakes her head ."Did you atleast watched the good ones ?"
"I don't know we only watched ..."
"Enough !" It was odd seeing Dazai get all red ."And that Kunikida answers your question why Atsushi almost peed his pants by the client yesterday ."
"Eh ?"
"Don't remind me ! That awful man !" Dazai laughed this time at Atsushi's horrified face ."Atsushi-kun calm down ."
"What's wrong with Tanaka-san ?" Yosano asked as Poe looked in a hand mirror muttering if he should cut his hair .
"Because he .. He is .." Atsushi looked too ill to even finish his line, Ranpo showed mercy to him by answering .
"A fat ugly bastard ."Ranpo answered Kunikida gasped ."Ranpo-san !"
"It's because of the hentai if you look it up you understand Atsushi's fear ."Dazai nodded ."I was also uncomfortable at first but it turned out to be good right Atsushi !" Knowing that the were-tiger found it anything but good .
"It was not ! Those poor girls !" Atsushi almost cried Poe looked from his hand mirror to Ranpo ."I am surprised you know Ranpo-kun ."Ranpo just shrugged ."The perks and curse of being the smartest man alive I guess ."He smiled making everyone almost roll their eyes .
"Come on Atsushi let's watch the rest just you and me ." Dazai used his flirty tone to make Atsushi almost weak in his knees ."Dazai you sure have a weird way to flirt if it's not about suicide ."
"What can I say I am a complicated human being !"
Kyouka who was silent the whole time snorted as she looked away ."Slut .." She mutters .
"What do you say Atsushi-kun ?" Dazai ignored the younger girl making her frown to him, Atsushi stood between them quickly as he saw something shining in her hands .
It won't be the first time she wants to stab Dazai .
"Alright if you get your work done first ."
"Aw .. Alright ."Kunikida whispered finally everyone returned what they were doing, Ranpo opening a bottle of pepsi as Poe mutters about a new master piece ."As long it's no ugly fat bastards or Boku No Pico !" Atsushi screamed making Ranpo spit out his drink he barely had in his mouth ."Dazai !" He looked so shocked as Poe almost fell over ."You let him watch that crap ! "
"Boku no Pico ?"Yasono looked at Kunikida ."I don't want to know ."He said as he turned to his computer .
"Hold on a minute, you wanted to watch that !" Dazai defended himself ."Because it looked kid friendly !" Atsushi fell on his knees with tears ."I was ready to pluck my eyes out !"
"It sure was kid friendly ." Dazai said ."Dazai no ." As even Ranpo looked disgusted .
"Was it too soon ?"
"No, just no, never, just don't ."
"Don't worry Atsushi-kun ."Kyouka said ."I was also deceived ."
"And you Ranpo-kun what's your excuse ." Poe stood back up dusting off his pants .
"I saw a review before I watched it, and being the smartest I figured out fast ."He huffed making Poe look at him in awe .
"You are so smart Ranpo-kun ."
"Ofcourse I am !" As he gave a dramatic pose .
Suddenly Kunikida slams his hands on his desk ."K-Kunikida ?"
"I have to talk to the president and the police ." As he walked away Yasono looked over at his screen ."Ah he looked it up ."
The next day Boku no Pico was not only deleted, every download of the clips are destroyed, it was all over the news .
Nobody got any results on it, those that watched felt that justice was served ."Maybe I will ask if Kunikida will delete the fat ugly bastard hentai as well ." Atsushi mutters as he and Dazai were walking down the street .
"You are over reacting Atsushi-kun !" Dazai laughed making the other glare at him ."Oh you two !" A voice called to them as Atsushi looked he screamed as it was Tanaka-san waving and walking to them with a bag in his hands ."I have something for you guys after you helpe .."
"Dazai-san run !" Atsushi screamed as he ran off with Dazai in his arms ."Atsushi-kun calm down !"
Both leaving the other man standing there in silence ."Guess they don't like chestnuts .."
- Chapter 1 -
Dazai never told Atsushi they were watching porn, so Atsushi really thought they were watching something kid friendly like a pool anime ..
And don't lie I think many of us were horrfied by Boku no Pico atleast I was (╯°□°）╯︵ ┻━┻