2

"STFU-ium"

"What?" Harry piped-up, wondering what the n00b teacher would want from him.

"Omg lyke u haf 2 help me get 2 my classroom lol." he again n00bed in n00bese.

"Oh," Harry responded, "but first I must kill myself." He ran forward to a fireplace, and stuck his head in. But it was too late.

"AQUA DOUSESS!" Ron shouted, and the fire went out.

"DAMN!" Harry yelled. Before long, they had all gotten to the Defence Against the Dark Arts room, and the students had pulled out their books.

"Omg u don't need those" The Professor stated. "today were learning abt the spell STFUium."

"What's 'STFU-ium?" Harry asked Ron.

"No clue. Is it a spell?" Ron returned.

"I think it means, 'Shut the fuck up,'" Hermione added.

"But what does that have to do with Defence Against the Dark Arts?" Harry put in. "But isn't that-"

"STFU, U FUCKIN N00BS!11!1+2!eleven" OMG bellowed. Harry, Hermione and Ron jumped 18.6 meters into the air, crashing through the ceiling, then falling gently back into their seats. Harry began to stare at Lavender Brown after they fell back down.

"U-um… sorry…Professor…" Ron stuttered, staring at Harry's now red eyes and the Professor Omg. Harry's homicidal stare made Lavender anxious, so she began to put barrier spells on herself. Suddenly, out of the blue, Harry shouted out a spell.

"AVADA KEDEVARA!" He screamed, and Lavender hit the floor without a sound, and a green flash lit the room. All of the other students ran like maniacs around the room, all the while making faces like so:

OO;;, n , O.O, - n -.

How very interesting, when suddenly, Harry woke from this odd character he had become.

"What the-? What is this?" He wondered, "Where am I?"

Then, the author came in, and reverted him back to his homicidal/suicidal character.

"DIE EVERYONE!" He screamed. Hermione then began a round of the chicken dance, and Malfoy the bunny hop. The dance-off was furious. Students randomly began to drop dead from Harry's Avada Kedevara craze. For every time a green flash lit up the room, another student dropped dead. Susan Bones, Hannah Abbot, Seamus Finnigan… the deaths were enormous.

"If I can't kill myself," Harry began psychotically, "I'll just murder EVERYONE AROUND ME!" Soon enough, he had one just that, and the only ones left alive were Harry, Ron, Hermione, the Professor, and Malfoy, who had turned his tail and fled. Harry was breathing heavily, as he had used up all the dark magic he could for the next month.

"DAMN!" He screeched again. It seemed now he could never die…

Okay, you can flame me now. I DARE you.

(If not, chapter three will be up soon!)