3

"One in the Same"

It had taken awhile to revive everyone, but it turned out that a sip of butterfly sperm mixed with griffon ass brush hair can cure the dead. Unfortunately, all the sperm had been wasted on reviving the parrot that had threatened Harry's life before, so it took awhile to procure some more.

Deep in the dungeons, Draco Malfoy (whom I have so lovingly nicknamed Muffy from this point forward…for awhile) was plotting his infectious, nefarious plot that would curl even Snape's greasy hair. He was throwing contents of a package labelled "Smarmy Crochicuss' Biggo-Wiggo Haemorrhoids" into a fat crystal cauldron. In it, green contents bubbled and smoked red smoke that gave off noxious fumes that would kill in an instant. However, Muffy was quite the horrible potion brewer, and it merely stunk.

He ladled some of the potion into a sippy-cup. "When I have HARRY POTTER drink this," He cried, "he'll die!" He then screeched like a banshee, tossing his blonde hair back. Suddenly, he felt very silly, so he took a picture of his true love and bit it apart. The picture was of…

Suddenly, Harry, Hermione and Ron came floundering into the dungeon. How they floundered? Do not ask. It wasn't a very simple task.

Anyway, Muffy stared into Harry's eyes, and screamed, "I LOVE YOU!" While tossing his luxurious blonde hair back. It was quite nice, actually, styled oh so carefully. Spiked, curled, dyed, you name it. Harry gazed upon Muffy with the greatest mount of love he had ever felt. Muffy looked prettier than Cho, Hermione, Fleur, and Ginny all butchered then lopped together again, which, in fact, wasn't very pretty and looked rather strange. They took their robes off, then, someone who was reminding the author to not have special feelings or inappropriate content in the story smacked her over the head with a copy of a magazine featuring Duran Duran, causing her to trot back along the topic and rub the newly formed bump on her head fiercely.

After beating and violently forcing the boys into clothing, the author set them on the correct path, then introduced another character, who is…

SEIFER!

Yes, indeed, because the author could, she did.

Suddenly, Seifer ran into the dungeons, gobbling ferociously, all the while killing anyone in his way. When he saw Harry and co., he threw a table on the ground, procured a chair, a tea set, and a small stereo that quietly played some of Nirvana's soft and pretty album "Nevermind."

"Hello, there," he said through sips of tea, "I'm looking for a hottie named Squall Leonhart. Have you seen him?"

Yes, you must all have realized it by now. It's such an amazing fact, I almost wrote a poem about it. For those of you who don't know, I'll go right out and state it. What could the fact be? Do you really know it? Am I leading you on? It is, in fact, that Professor OMG is…

Not Squall. In fact, Mr. Leonhart isn't featured in this story at all. He did write a novel, which you should definitely read. I cried the whole way through, and, well, back on topic.

"No," Harry responded calmly and non-sui/homicidal, however when the author made that comment Harry immediately tried and failed to kill himself.

Then, Hermione, being the clever one, realized the OTHER amazing fact. And that was that Seifer and Malfoy were the same person! They both had the same hair, and Muffy had suddenly developed a growth on his nose that resembled Siefer's scar.

"Y-you and Malfoy… you're the same person!" she cried. Ron observed the pair.

"Dear Lord, she's right!" he gasped while pressing is hand to his heart. Suddenly, he realized he was physically touching his heart, which resulted in him fainting. Seamus Finnigan appeared and rolled his eyes, then used a simple charm to wake Ron up, after which he randomly disappeared

"Thank you," he said as he dusted himself off.

After that random piece, Seifer took a mirror out, looked in it, then looked at Malfoy. His expression suddenly changed to horror.

"I-I… l-look like… HIM!" He shouted as he pointed a shaking finger at Malfoy. Muffy screamed.

"H-he's my… TWIN!" he shook his head and fell to the floor in horror.

"Plus," Hermione added, "you're both featured in slash fan fiction."

"Holy crooooooow," Harry crooned, "She's riiiiiiight." Everyone stared at him as though he was crazy, which was probably true. He was very strange and silly.

"Um, changing the subject," Seifer interjected, "do any of you know who Squall Leonhart is?"

"No," the other's replied in unison.

"Alas, then I shall have to kill you," he said as he raised his gunblade.

Suddenly, the door burst open.

"OMG!11!" Suddenly, Professor OMG wobbled in, screaming at the students. "Dun tlk 2 dat gy hes bad lol" he n00bated, "wach kidz this iz n eggsample of STFUium"

"N-no!" Seifer cried, "I'm not part of the parody! I'm a knight! A cameo appearance!"

"2 bad, stan," the Professor n00bled. Then, he raised his wand, and cried, "STFU, u FUCKIN N00B!121!1!"

Suddenly, there was a flash of light, and what had been Seifer was a guy with funny eyes and hair standing only in peasant's gear."can i have sum guld?" He n00bmickfied.