First of all... I'm sooo sorry for the long wait, I hope it was worth it. Thank you all for the beautiful comments, you guys are my daily motivation.

So... about the chapter, I tried to dig a little bit into the past of both, Mark and Lexie, and also explain how some statements they'd exchanged to each other in the previous chapter affected them. For Mark... how he happened to see the side of Lexie he never did before. And for Lexie... how much of a comfort Mark was to her.

Meredith and Derek are there... but they still didn't play their part... the next chapter is for that.

Hope you enjoy!

Oh no, Mark had a problem with interns. He had a huge, giant, unsolvable problem with damn interns. What… they think that when they get one little praise the whole world is theirs? They can do anything they want to?

That's why he had a problem with interns. With one intern in particular. One little intern who apparently still hasn't learned her place here... an intern who still hasn't learned his damned place.

Mark couldn't believe she actually did that. No intern ever... EVER turned down his surgery. His surgery. Let alone without words. Without a reason. And definitely not so important surgery like this one was. Interns would kill each other to assist in his surgeries. To just watch even, much less to be able and allowed to touch something.

As he infuriated entered the operating room with an anesthetized patient on the operating table, where Derek and Meredith already waited for him, with the whole scrub team already prepared and ready, the anger that was boiling up within Mark's body only intensified. This was no near how he imagined this day.

Derek ignored him from the moment he came, barely saying hi, and God forbid something more. Meredith clearly enjoyed the tensed up situation, and as a sweet cherry on top… Lexie Grey did not even appear on his scheduled surgery. Just like that.

The surgery he didn't have to let her scrub in. It was his free will. And the fact she didn't show only made him, in one single brutal word, offended. It made him disappointed.

Mark couldn't quite figure how to label the feeling in his gut when it comes to her these days. He couldn't figure out her. And he hated himself for that. He hated himself for thinking about her so often in an attempt to figure her out. God, he never even had sex with her… Who gave her right to have such an obsessive treatment by his mind?

But in one thing he was sure. He wanted her in front of his eyes as much as possible. And he wanted her on that surgery...

"Dr. Sloan?"

It was a male voice coming from the gallery. Without taking his eyes off the table in front of him, Mark answered in a flat, annoyed voice, "Yes?"

"Chief sent me if you need any help?" Mark narrowed his eyes at the sudden stupid question. Help? Yeah, sure... why in hell would I need help from anyone? "Instead of Grey." he looked up at the gallery at the sound of that last word just to catch the sight of another little intern... Nick Meade.

"Speaking of..." he started, immediately giving Nick his full attention and emphasizing his words, "Where the hell is Grey?" It was more of a loud exclamation than just a question. A reminder that she wasn't there. Where she was supposed to be. The fact that she bailed just like that bothered Mark more than he'd like to admit. Of course he didn't need her help with the surgery. But he wanted her there.

"Excuse me, what's going on?" It was Derek who foreran Nick in confusion. He pointed at Meredith, who nodded in affirmation. "She's right here."

"Not that Grey. My Grey." Mark huffed back at Derek.

He wanted her there. She was avoiding him for days... since the last surgery. And even though she tried to not make it look so obvious, she wasn't really good at it. She was terrible at it, in fact. As much as Mark hated to admit that as well... he would rather have her rambling important or unimportant stuff all the time, than avoiding him like this. God, if someone told him that he would feel this down because some intern spun 180 degrees and ran into the opposite direction every time she saw him, he wouldn't believe them.

There were a few times he found himself watching her with a corner of his eye. Randomly. And there were a few times she caught him. It always took her only a couple of seconds before her cheeks flushed bright red and her look fell down. In embarrassment. In shyness. In regret. For sharing something so personal with him.

Involuntarily, he thought about her words from time to time. He replayed her whole blunt confession a few times. No matter how pathetic she sounded. There was something familiar within those words... I wish he didn't leave me because of me...

"Your Grey?" Derek asked, widening his eyes as his confusion deepened and Mark blinked as Derek's question brought him back to reality and what was happening at the moment. Yes, my Grey. My intern. Who supposed to be here now...

"She just left." Nick interrupted two attendings, his voice tensed.

"Excuse me? How can she just leave? She supposed to be here... at this surgery." Mark narrowed his eyes, looking up at the gallery once again

There were people walking out of his surgery. There were people who he ran out of his OR. But no one ever had that much of a bravery to not even appear. To just... leave.

"No, no, not like that. She doesn't feel very well..." Nick explained, obviously feeling anxious being caught up in the middle of the situation. His voice was almost on the verge of nervous shaking as he added, "She caught some stomach virus or something. The chief sent her home."

Mark cautiously observed the young intern's face absorbing his words. It took him a moment or two. To hear those words. To register them. His anger slowly decreasing at the moment of realization, and as he finally understood her actions, Mark just quickly nodded.

...

Leaning against the nurses station with a chart in his hands, he watched Derek talking to the patient. Surgery was hard and long, but it went well... considering a couple of drawbacks at the beginning. He shook his head, bashing thoughts about the recent event away, determined to not think about it. To not think about her. He needed to think about Derek. A few hours had passed after the surgery, and Mark was still desperately trying to come up with something to say. Anything. He finally had a chance to say something for real. He was there, Derek was there… Addison was not there…

There were no words in his mind either. He gulped hard, but no matter how many things there was that he wanted to say, Mark couldn't put them into words.

The idea that occupied his mind was how he could start with something about the surgery. All professionally... Derek would bite that. Then he would casually ask to go have a drink with him. It should flow easily from that point. And at least, it was some kind of a plan.

So… about the surgery. Spinal tumor removal. Mark started reciting in his mind… When it comes to spinal tumors... back pain is a common early symptom. Pain then spreads beyond back to hips, legs, feet and arms. Spinal tumors can also compress spinal nerves. Then one thing leads to another, and the next thing is a loss of movement. Nerve damage may be permanent. However, if caught early and treated well, it may be possible to prevent further loss of function and regain nerve function...

One thing led to another. Betraying your best friend was one thing. Rubbing it in his face in an attempt to apologize was another. The next thing was not speaking to each other for days, weeks, months... But now there was a chance. A chance to their problem finally get the right treatment… but how much Mark was brilliant in the OR... that much he wasn't when it comes to feelings. No matter how God-like he could change someone's life by giving them a new face, he was never a master in transforming his thoughts and emotions into words. And he knew that a simple I'm sorry would never be enough.

As Derek left the patient's room, he looked at Mark, slightly shaking his head. Without words. Just heavy silence and a well-known cold stare in a quiet refusal. Like he knew Mark wanted to say something. And rejected him before he even had a chance to. Maybe tonight was just not the night for them to talk...

"Feel like a drink?"

Mark rolled his eyes, recognizing that voice. It was too squeaky, too high and too shrill, too not wanted at the moment, to not be recognized. As well as the blond locks that framed Vanessa Gosling's face. Mark pressed his lips together in a forced tight smile, thinking how he could literally name a hundred of other people he would rather have a drink with in that moment, than with that particular person in front of him. There wasn't an exact reason for that, except that he found her expressly annoying and noisy.

Of course, there were moments… not the brightest moments of his life… when even she was better company than non-company. That was enough for him to have a few night-stands with her, when there wasn't a better choice or when he just felt like not wanting to make too much of an effort. But at that particular moment, after a terrible day that just had passed and a horrifically obvious rejection he just had gotten from Derek, there wasn't enough of brain cells in his body, nor the atoms of strength that could handle a drink or chat or whatever with her.

So he ignored her meaningless question and asked her something himself. Something that itched deep down his body, and his gut was also telling him there was more of the story than he heard. And Vanessa should have an answer for his question. She was her resident after all.

"Do you know what happened with Grey?"

Stunned by an immediate change of topic and even more by the specific question, her eyebrows narrowed in confusion, as she mumbled, "Who?"

"Lexie Grey. Isn't she your intern?" Mark persisted in a flat voice, not knowing if he's more annoyed by her facial reaction or by her ignorance when it comes to his question.

"Ohhh yeahh, Alexandra." she retorted after a short pause and Mark slightly frowned at the sound of Alexandra. He could swear he never heard a human being calling Lexie Grey by her full given name. But still, there were goosebumps forming over his body, as he impatiently waited for an answer. "I don't know... she said she didn't feel good, she looked like she was about to throw up, and the chief let her go home. That's all. Why?"

"Nothing, nothing... I let her in on my surgery. Just wondered why she hasn't showed up." Mark blurted out, defending himself, on what she joked right back, mischievously smiling, "Since when your letting interns on your surgeries?"

"Hop off my back Vanessa, will you?" he scoffed, tossing the chart that was in his hands and storming away in frustration.

…

So plans for the night changed. Instead of going to the bar, like almost every day after work, preferably this time with Derek... Mark was at the parking lot, heading back to his apartment. Alone. To finally swallow down the long day that had finally passed. Going to the bar at the moment, alone or not, sounded too tiresome. Too overwhelming.

It was odd how unbearable his need was to be alone. Completely alone... maybe with a bottle of scotch. Weird day or not, he couldn't remember the last time he felt like this. Tired, weak, almost like beaten down... More than just emotionally. Psychically. He felt ache in his head and sickness in his stomach.

This day really wasn't as he hoped it would be.

Like to the contrary to his wishes and needs to leave this horrible day behind him, he saw Nick walking across the parking lot. There were two things about him that Mark was aware of... One, he was an intern... pretty much a lazy one, in Mark's attending-like opinion. Not that he spent too much with him, to be exactly sure, though... but the less, the better. And the thing number two, a lot more interesting thing... every time that he did see him, whether in the hallway, or the cafeteria, or at the bar... he was with Lexie.

I wish he didn't leave me because of me... Oh God, why did those words bother him so much, popping into his mind every time he thought of her and haunting him from the moment he heard them? Why he couldn't just get them out of his head? It really wasn't any of his business, and he couldn't care less about her failed relationship and apparently crap of an ex-boyfriend. Who left her for what reason? Because she was she?

There was something more in the way she told him that. Like a part of him immediately understood and commiserated with what she was talking about...

"Hey!" Mark's sudden call out to Nick went out of his mouth before he got a chance to stop it. He didn't even know what he wanted to say.

"Dr. Sloan..." Nick stopped walking and giving himself a moment to put some kind of likeable grimace, he smiled politely... Almost too politely, Mark thought. Like he just got caught on the spot and so not in the mood to chat with some attending on the parking lot.

"Can I ask you a question?" Mark gulped out skeptically, stepping closer to the intern, and his jaw clenched as he watched him thoughtfully.

"Sure, I guess…"

"You and Grey are close?"

Nick raised his eyebrows at the blunt question, but without hesitating answered, "Yeah, you could say so. We're... friends." he answered, like matter-of-factly, biting his lip.

"Friends?" Mark repeated slowly, testing the word on his tongue.

"Yeah..."

"Okay... So you wouldn't know what happened with her today?" Mark firmly continued, "I mean I saw her yesterday and she seemed pretty fine. You don't know any details... about how she is, since you two are close friends?"

"Nope." Nick shook his head, firmly pressing his lips together in a straight line. Clearing his throat a moment later, he added, "No known details. She just felt sick and went back home. That's all I know. Anything else?"

Mark bit the inside of his cheek, obviously not satisfied with an answer he got. He just stood there for a second, trying to come up with something else to say, but the only thing he managed to think of... he knew he would immediately regret it. But he said it regardless, "Call and ask if she's feeling better now, will you?"

"Of course... Dr. Sloan." Nick nodded, a tiny smile curving up on his face. "Have a good night." Mark watched him walking away afterwards, silently wondering will he actually listen to him and call her.

As he got inside his car, there it was again. Quiet, but so clear and innocent voice, from the back of his mind... her voice and those damn words again... I wish he didn't leave me because of me...

His brain was so desperately trying to puzzle the painful truth behind them and finally solve the riddle they've been hiding. Why his head was constantly repeating them again and again?

Because he was right. Everything she said, every single word that got out of her mouth, and urged him to make fun of her and call her pathetic... all of that was familiar to him. He went through that kind of humiliating and disappointment as well, just like her. Maybe not in the exactly same context, but... I wanted a baby, I just didn't want one with you...

His hand went up to rub his forehead as he remembered that. He never talked to anybody about it. Maybe because of shame or embarrassment, or just because of how it was so terrifyingly obvious that he wouldn't be a good father. Or at least, how he never even got a chance for that. And for what reason? Because he was he. In other people's eyes, someone not worthy enough.

Mark stared at the windshield in front of him for a couple of minutes. He never talked about it with anyone…

There was one more thing. A sudden realization. Something that probably won't let him sleep tonight… How he, a man who was confident about everything he did, always was so afraid to speak about his problems with anyone, even with his best friend... while Lexie Grey, a young intern who was anxious about everything she did, had so much bravery in her heart to blurt out what was deeply hurting her to not any less but a stranger? He struggled to understand. Did she really has so much of a dignity to put herself out there so blindly and recklessly? Or did she actually feel safe enough in front of him to say everything she did? Both of the possible cases were so unbelievable to him. But one thing suddenly became so clear. In some strange, intangible way, his mind couldn't connect her with the word pathetic anymore. She was not near that. Mark gulped hard in an attempt to find the other, the right word to describe her actions, and as much as he couldn't believe himself for it, the only thing he managed to come up was fearless. Unapologetically, bluntly fearless. And God knew, that only made him want her more. Only if she knew…

…

"He told you to call and ask if I'm feeling better?" Lexie uttered in disbelief, pressing the phone between her ear and shoulder, as her hands were full of chocolate chip cookies.

"Yep."

She was sitting on the floor in her living room, diligently going through some medical journals in need to do something valuable after the prior day's fiasco she pulled off. She couldn't believe she actually did that. Where the hell was her respect? Towards the hospital, towards other doctors, hell... towards herself. Towards doctor Sloan. But the second she read that name on the OR-board she froze. Her insides curled and twitched inside her, her stomach was in her throat, and she literally felt like puking. She panicked. And when it comes to her, panic never brought any good. Any wise or healthy decision… Just the stupid ones.

Trying her hardest not to think about it anymore, she continued anxiously questioning Nick over the phone, "And he asked if you know any details? What does that even mean? If I said I'm not feeling well, I'm not feeling well."

"Mhmm." he mumbled, sarcasm flowing within his voice.

"You didn't tell him anything about Meredith, right?"

"For God's sake Lexie!" he deeply sighed from the back of his throat. "Yes, I told him the whole story just like you told me. That..." he mockingly spoke and then paused there, giving himself a moment to actually say out loud the words he was so shocked to hear earlier today and within that to remember the even more shocking request Lexie asked him. "That Meredith Grey is… your freaking sister who you didn't know you have until a couple of months ago, that you freaked out like a crazy person when you saw her name on the board... Oh and my favorite part, that you lied about feeling sick, turned down an amazing surgery, made your attending furious... only so you wouldn't have to face her!"

The rambling, but very truthful statement made Lexie narrow her eyes and put another, and then another cookie into her mouth, chewing them rapidly. Yeah, that sounded pretty bad... She actually felt like some nine-year-old girl who lied about feeling sick, so she wouldn't have to go to school. Because that was exactly what she did. So yeah... panic... bad, stupid, so disrespectful decisions... "Okay, I get it."

"No, I mean it." he retorted right away, "Sloan was furious. Like... boiling steam getting out of his ears furious."

"I freaked out, Nick, okay?"

"Do you know how rarely he lets interns in on his surgeries?"

Lexie heavily sighed at that one. She knew. She was very aware of that. Everyone was. And she was very aware of how furious her actions probably made him. Especially after the last surgery he let her in.

"Well, you got to take my place, right?" Lexie whispered softly, silently praying that every stupid thing she managed to do that day brought good at least to someone. But no necessarily... "Nope. He said he didn't need any help." Nick mumbled, disappointment crossing his voice. Lexie bit her lower lip, suddenly very annoyed, "So why the hell was he SO furious about me not being there? If he didn't need any help? Huh?"

"Well... I don't know..." Nick replied, sighing. But he saw with his own eyes. Mark Sloan looked, indeed, really pissed off today. Okay, maybe all of his anger wasn't just the consequence of Lexie bailing his surgery, but of something else as well. Or maybe not... "You know he has a reputation, right?" Nick whispered on the phone, his voice like a silent suggestion with a glimpse of amusement.

"What that has to do with anything?" she mumbled back in ignorance before the moment of realization. "No! Nick, no! No! Don't you dare even say it." she exclaimed suddenly breathless, shaking her head to herself rapidly.

"It's just a... thought, Lexie. Jesus, calm down." he laughed at her immediate denying response. "Say no one more time and I'll think how you actually may like the idea."

...how you actually may like the idea... Her own heart betrayed her by skipping a beat at that thought.

Lexie wasn't even afraid to admit it, but what Mark Sloan told her in less than 48 hours ago in his office was honestly the most compassionate thing anyone told her in a long time. I can see you very clearly...

It felt good knowing and being aware that someone actually still can. See her.

Somewhere deep down she knew she needed that.

She also knew who he was. Or did she, though? Except being a person she worked for, and a person she had to respect... and of course a person she almost ran over… the shape of a man that was Mark Sloan was shifting in her mind constantly. From a man who mocked her and made crude jokes about her insecurities to a man who indeed tried to make all of those insecurities go away. A man who actually managed to erase the first layer of her insecurities with one simple sentence.

On what she repaid him with freaking out about his surgery because of...

"So how she seemed? Meredith." Lexie spoke again, in need to think about something else, her voice shaking slightly as she added, "Was she like... nice? Not like the kind of person who would hate the other person for their father's terrible decisions?"

"I don't know Lexie, I told you Sloan didn't let me in on a surgery. Why you don't just ask your dad?"

"I can't talk to him about her." she muttered inaudibly in response. It wasn't like she never tried to. But none of those conversations gave her any kind of representation who Meredith really was. And as much Lexie wanted to meet her, to know her, she was also scared. Terrified. As if that wasn't so obvious considering her freak up today. But every confusing thought, every shocking reaction... led only to one simple wish. The wish to get the hell out of there. She wasn't ready to meet her. Not in the middle of damn surgery. That surgery would end being an awkward, disturbing, never seen before mess, and she just couldn't see herself going through with it. So it felt better, stepping back. Even though lies.

"Why not?" Nick asked confused, but deep down he knew the answer to that question. "You should just come tomorrow to the hospital and meet her herself. They're staying a few days until their patient recover."

"I have to come anyway... I can't let myself miss out another day over nothing. But, will I talk to her or avoid her all day, I'm not exactly sure. Probably the second one… I have to go now... but thank you, for today."

"No worries... I'll see you tomorrow then. If you don't come up with some other never seen disease that you sick of..." he joked at the end, on what Lexie rolled her eyes even though she knew she deserved that.

"Ohh, that's very funny..."

…

The pitch black atmosphere in her room that night was impenetrable, as she lay down in the bed. Tightly wrapped between the sheets in the silence of darkness, she could hear her own heart beating against her ribs and her breaths going in and out of her lungs.

Lexie remembered the first time she had a sleepless night. It was while she was still in Boston and her dad called her that day saying something about hiccups and hospital and mom needing surgery. Even though she was on a few days from graduation to become a surgeon herself, she couldn't understand... not even one single word. But still somewhere deep down within her, she felt something was terribly wrong. And she couldn't sleep that night.

She remembered trying deep, steady breathing, she remembered trying to keep her eyes closed for as long as she could. But it didn't work.

The next morning news came as a complete shock.

Lexie knew plenty about emotions. She read a lot about them. And she could remember everything she read. How they can be triggered, how they can be expressed, how long they can last, or what would be the most appropriate way to take them...

Shock starts as not hearing the words that had been said to you. Or hearing them, but just not registering them. Like... you were sitting in your room, spending time with your boyfriend, and then the buzzing sound of your phone disturbed you. It was your sister, and you were happy to hear from her. But when you answered, you heard her crying and in between all the sobs and voice cracks she told you. The shocking news. Something you didn't even think was possible to happen, just happened. A minute ago. An hour ago.

You thought your world was arranged in certain ways, and then, everything was different.

She's gone.

At that moment, Lexie couldn't think, she couldn't move, suddenly she couldn't breathe properly either. Some tiny devilish voice from the back of her brain was saying it was maybe her fault. Maybe she could've stopped it. She should've been there.

Shock lasts a short time, she knew, when the affected person finally figure what happened, and when other relevant emotions became a lot stronger than shock itself. Grief, sadness, worry, fear, anger… All mixed in. Shock lasts a short time, but everything else… it stays there. Constantly reminding you how easily it can break your heart again. How easily could turn someone from a person to a train wreck.

Lexie remembered that sleepless night… because it was 2:00 am and there she was again... Not able to fall asleep. Her dark hair spread over the pillow, while she was tossing and turning all over the bed, her mind refusing to shut off.

She glanced at the pill bottle on her night stand. It had passed two months since she last used them, and she really... really didn't want to start again. Massaging her temples with her fingers, he breathed in deeply in an attempt to quell and collect her thoughts. Just calm down. Breathe...

Always happy to hear your thoughts and expectations...

The next chapter will definitely have Mark/Derek, Lexie/Meredith and Mark/Lexie part… since here, they were only thinking about each other… and I will say it's gonna be pretty heated up part so be prepared for it. It's already half done, so I should post it a lot sooner than this one.

Also, you can check out the moodboard for the fic on my tumblr "februaryflowerx"