I knew I had to get to that house. Don't ask me how I knew, believe me, I don't know. I just knew I had to check, see they were alive. Or rather, not see, since I was no longer their secret keeper. That role belong solely to Peter now. If I went there and I couldn't find them or their house, I knew it would be all right. Peter wouldn't have betrayed them. But if I saw anything, I knew they were gone.

Not that I didn't trust Peter. God no! Then, I loved Peter, loved him more then I thought I could ever love that little twerpy kid who tagged around with the three of us. James and Remus always accepted him completely, but somehow, he never quiet clicked with me.

But that night, I was putty in his hands. He was protecting James and Lily! He was putting his life on the line for James and Lily! My best friends! (well, those two and Remus). And more importantly, he was protecting their son, Harry. Even at one year of age, he had looked like his dad. Except his eyes. He had the most beautiful eyes. I've never told anyone this,probably never will, but I've always loved kids. I would like to settle down and start my own little clan one day, except I could never find the right girl. I was a loner love wise, through and through.

But Harry, he was a different story. Is it possible to love a kid that much when he isn't yours? Because, god, I loved Harry. He was perfect. Lily jokes- joked- about how she had to watch out to make sure I didn't kidnap him, just so I could have him to myself. I never told her, but a couple of times, I was seriously thinking about it. Well, not really, except, yeah I kind of was.

Anyway, I got there that night. It was… hard. What I saw. Rubble all over. Nothing left of the carefully prepared house the couple had tried to make a home. Nothing left of my friends, nothing left. There were police all over. Picking through the wreckage, trying to figure out what type of bomb had done this. They never found anything of course.

Hagrid was there. It melted my heart to see him trying to answer the questions the police put to him before they let him have Harry. Yes, Harry was alive. I couldn't tell if the tears in my eyes were for James and Lily, or for their son. Or maybe they were for me. I didn't know what would happen next. James had always been there, since I was, what? Six? Yeah, I was six when we met. Some party our parents had for pureblood families. God those were torture. They just dropped us kids off in a room and told us to mingle. I met James there. He showed me his favorite chocolate frog card. I showed him my annoying little brother. Regulus spat on him and tried to bite his hand. We were best friends ever since. Now, he was gone, and it wasn't like those times when we separated for the summer. This was forever.

I went up to Hagrid. He had managed to get little Harry from the policemen.

"Give him to me Hagrid. I'm his Godfather."

"Sorry Sirius, I cahn't" he sniffed. I felt my own tear fall.

"Why Hagrid? I need him! Please?" I didn't care if I sounded whiny. I realy needed my godson, right now.

"Dumbledore's ordered. He's to go to his family"

"His family? I'm his family Hagrid! Not those muggles! They can't take care of him, not like I can."

"I can't! Dumbledore's orders!" long pause. "I can't believe… Lily and James… I can't think of a life with out them." Join the club, I wanted to spit in his face. Didn't he think I knew? "Dumbledore said something about there secret keeper betrayin' them. You wouldn' know anythin' abou' that would ya?"

I hesitated. Then, "no. No I wouldn't" well, Peter was my friend! I wanted the whole story before I condemned him. I had to talk to Peter. "Hagrid!" I had an idea. "Take my motorbike!"

"Take your what?" he was incredulous.

"Yeah! Get Harry there faster. Watch out for him please? If something happens to me, just… just keep an eye on him, okay? And take my bike. I won't need it anymore."

"But Sirius-"

"Go Hagrid! It's not safe out tonight."

I didn't want to tell him this, especially not in front of Harry (I know, he was a year old, he can't hear, but still), I was going after Peter. And if he was still alive, I would kill him.

It wasn't hard to find him. He was trying to find me. I had my wand out when we met. I knew when I saw him; he had gone over, fully and completely. His eyes glittered with malice. He spoke first, like a well-rehearsed play, loud and carrying.

"Lily and James Sirius how could you?"

I talked quietly; this was between the two of us. Not every muggle on the street. "Peter you scum! You always were a rat! What did he promise you? Fame, power, wealth? Women, happiness, nice new toys? Was it so much better then what we had? A life with out guilt, a life with friends? But you don't need friends, you have death eaters."

His eyes clouded over. "The dark lord, you have no idea… the powers he posseses… terrible. What would you have done?" his voice was quiet during those sentences.

"I would have died rather then betray them!"

"That can be arranged!" the malice returned.

He fiddled with his wand, and before I could make a move, the street blew out. Twelve muggles fell, dead. Peter dropped something. Before the smoke cleared, he morphed into a rat and was gone.

I'm sitting here, waiting for a trial that I know will never come. I've been here for days. I thought Dumbledore would help, he knew about the switch, but I guess he was too busy celebrating the downfall of Voldemort to think of those of us who got trampled in the parade.

I think a lot down here. There's not much else to do. I think about Harry. I hope he's happy, but somehow, I feel he isn't. I think about Peter, the dirty traitor. I think a lot about Remus. How is he coping with this? His best friend causing the death of his two other best friends. Mostly, I think about James, and Lily, and how long it will be until I follow them. Not long I'm sure.

Besides thinking, sometimes I can convince some one to slip me a newspaper. I've got two, from a girl who brought it for her boyfriend, and from a little boy who brought it for his mother, only to find she had died. There was an article about Lily and James memorial. Tons of people showed up. There was an article about Harry. They say he is "in hiding".

The only other thing to do here is to deal with dementors. It's become almost a pastime for me. Like skydiving, dangerous and exhilarating. They think I'm not affected by them. I am. I can barely stave off true despair by changing form once in awhile. I still see that moment, when I landed. When I see the wreckage of my old life.

I see other things to. When I found out that Remus was a werewolf. When my first fling told me it "wasn't serious, Sirius." When my long time girlfriend died. When James left for his honeymoon and left me for six months (hey, he'd said he'd be back in a week! That was terrifying for me!) When they took Harry away. When Peter framed me.

They've questioned me a lot. They keep asking, when it was all over, when Peter had "died", why did I laugh? Why did I throw back my head and laugh?

I tell them the same thing every time:

It is all that's left.