Dear Harry:
I know you will probably never read this letter. Dumbledore says you can have very limited contact with the wizarding world until you're eleven. But even so, I still want to write all this down. So… here goes.
I went to see Sirius the day after he was caught. I couldn't stop thinking, wow. I mean it was hard to wrap my mind around. I never thought I would ever see a time when I, Remus Lupin, perfect little prefect, studious intellectual wouldn't be able to understand something. Hell, by the time I was fourteen, I had read all the books that Hogwarts had on lycanthropy, (the state of being a werewolf to the layperson). But for all my mighty studying powers, I still didn't understand. After Lily and James died, I went back to the library and borrowed some books on death and dying and grief. It didn't help.
Maybe it was because when I studied as a kid, Lily was always there with me. We were great friends; I knew her better then even James, at least, until they got married.
Then again, maybe I didn't understand because I didn't want to believe they were both gone.
You know, Lily was my first major crush. Back a few months before she and your dad started to date. Prongs was so mad at me when I told him! But don't worry Harry; I got over that pretty quickly. Actually, I think I started to date Peter's girlfriend after that. She died awhile ago. Her name was Mindy, she was really sweet. If she was still here, she might have been your godmother.
Well, I don't know if you know this, but Sirius was your godfather. He was the one who betrayed your parents. When I went to visit him, in Azkaban, I didn't know what to say. I walked up to his cell. There were dementors everywhere, he's maximum security. Well he was just curled up on the floor, crying. He looked up when he heard my footsteps coming near him.
"Remus," his voice sounded raspy, "Remus, I am so sorry. But you have to believe me Moony! I didn't do it! I swear! I…" he trailed off as a dementor came closer. "No! No, not James, please! They can't be dead! They can't! They…" he fainted.
It turned out I didn't have to say anything.
Do you know what Harry? I want to forgive him. Maybe then I wouldn't feel so alone in all this, if I had some one to talk to. But I don't think I could go back there. Not now, probably never.
This sounds terrible, but sometimes, I feel more sorrow for Sirius then Peter. Well, Peter's well out of it. Sirius will be there in that cell for the little bit of life he has left.
Peter was different from the rest of us. He had so little in common with us really. I always wondered how he had ended up in Gryffindor. But, I suppose he showed why in the end.
It's interesting how Sirius ended up no better then his brother. Worse actually. But, he always said he hated everything his brother stood for. He was happy when he died. No, not happy. Relieved maybe. He always felt responsible for his dear little brother. Little brat, spoiled as hell. Both of them really. And your dad too.
I remember when Sirius and James came over to my house one summer. They didn't say anything, even though we didn't have anything. If you ever go to your dad's old house, you'll see what I mean. Think diamond chandeliers. Chandeliers with an s as in multiple. My mother didn't have a diamond to her name.My dad was from a pureblood family, but they had disowned him for marrying a muggle.
Anyway, that's besides the point. They really were the best of friends. I'm still trying to figure out what happened. Why would he do that? Do you know Harry? If you ever figure it out, will you tell me?
It wasn't for power. Sirius was powerful enough with out Voldemort's help. Not the most powerful, but still he was quiet good. And not for money. James and Lily could give him as much as he wanted, though usually he refused it.
I tried to refuse their money too. When I turned eighteen, James had me and Sirius come live with him. But then of course, he and Lily got married, and that was the end of that. Not that he kicked us out! No, we said we'd go. Well, Sirius had enough money to rent a small room, but no such luck for me. I stayed down at an inn in Hogsmeade until I nearly out of money. I tried to get a job, but no one would hire me. I was having trouble buying food, and never bought new clothes. I never told anyone, but one day, I went to pay for that weeks rent, and was told someone had already paid in full for the next six months.
Did you know I asked Dumbledore to let me take care of you? He said no, which I guess makes sense. If you haven't figured it out yet, I'm a werewolf. Just think what a scandal that would've caused! Boy who lived gets bitten by werewolf guardian.
Anyway, I've gone way off topic here. Remember Harry, your parents were wonderful people. They never backed down from what they believed. It's why they're gone and you're here.
I really wish I could talk to you face to face, but Dumbledore says no and we all have to do what he says. Like I said, you'll probably never get this letter. Even so, I'll keep writing. You are my last contact to them, to Peter, Lily, James. And Sirius. The two of us, well we're all that's left.
-Moony