The table was silent for a few moments. A beat later and Touka broke it with a deadpan, "So... That just happened."
There was a pinched expression on his face as Itama turned to face his cousin. At her dead fish-eyed stare, Itama resisted the urge to apologize profusely for his shishou's eccentric behaviour. Rather than own up to having secretly sent an invitation to a weird individual, Itama decided to focus on more important matters, one that concerned him deeply.
He turned to his sister-in-law. "Mito-oneesan," he called in hesitance. When she quirked a questioning eyebrow, Itama squared his shoulders and asked, "Do you dislike shishou? Dara-shishou might be brusque and stubborn to a fault but h- they're really, really good person once you get to know them." And that wasn't bias talking, they were his true feelings.
His sister-in-law, rather than do anything mean, placed a well-manicured hand atop his head in a placating manner, a funny image when he was the taller one between them. There was a soft smile playing on her lips as she shook her head from side to side. "No, Itama-kun. I do not dislike her. You need not worry about us being hostile."
"But..."
"On the contraire, I find her interesting. Her personality, or what I could interpret from our short meeting, is like my dear husband's. They're both very dramatic," she tittered. It was a pleasant sound that soothed his nerves, very much unlike shishou's. They both ignored Touka when she laments about there being two of them now. "It makes them irresistible to tease."
Itama sweatdropped.
Teasing Hashi-nii, Itama could understand the fun of watching his oldest brother flail like an idiot. But his monster of a shishou? His sister-in-law sure owned some big balls – bigger than his, at least. Itama wasn't sure if she was courageous or simply clueless to the danger Madara-shishou presented. Probably the latter. Ignorant people were scary.
"That's, uhm, good, I guess."
"I am curious, however. Is Deai-san truly an onmyoji as Tobirama-kun claims her to be? Not that I doubt you, Tobirama-kun. She moves much like a kunoichi to be anything but," Mito asked curiously whilst idly brewing a new pot of tea.
"Uh... Shishou's a very eccentric, warrior. Their hobbies aren't something Mito-oneesan should pay attention to."
If he remembered correctly, the only hobby shishou has that wasn't weird was knitting. The rest... Yeah, they were better left unvoiced. Apparently, crossdressing should also be included in that unspoken list of hobbies. Shishou kept getting more and more whimsical as he aged, and Itama wasn't quite sure what to do with this information.
It wasn't like anyone would even believe him if he were to spread the word that Uchiha Madara was into drag. Itama himself couldn't quite believe it or call his esteemed teacher by female pronoun, hence he made do with gender-neutral ones.
"Does that include entertaining men-"
Mito was cut off by a firm, "No." by Tobi-nii whilst Itama wiped his sweaty forehead with the sleeve of his yukata. His older brother continued with arms crossed and face stern, "Disperse such thoughts from your mind. Dara has-"
"Dara, eh?" Touka butted in with wiggly eyebrows. She leaned forward with keen interest. "Someone sounds mighty possessive. Got something to share, little cousin?"
"Dara has no desire for coitus, least of all with strangers or for money," his brother ignored their cousin's not-so-subtle attempt at fishing for info. Tobi-nii's stony expression gave nothing but his annoyance away.
"Coi- Seriously, little cousin, can you be any more of an old man? Just say sex. Say sex. No? Then c'mere you! Eat my fist of love!"
Itama was quick to scramble away from Touka's war lunge. The Amazonian woman had no care for manners as she pounced on Tobi-nii over the table, her intentions of giving his head a noogie quite clear. Itama had no choice but to relocate next to Mito, away from Touka's unforgiving limbs and Tobi-nii's flailing ones.
Suddenly, a cup of steaming green tea was shoved under his nose. Itama smiled on reflex and took the offered beverage from the pretty fingers of his sister-in-law. "Ah, thank you, Mito-oneesan."
"You're welcome," Mito hummed as she returned his smile from behind her own cup of piping hot tea. "Come, Itama-kun, let us change locations. I'd rather preserve our tea from their violence."
He didn't need to be told twice.
Itama carried the tray that held their tea set and snacks and followed his sister-in-law, relieved at the growing distance from the two roughhousing cousins. Settled at the edge of the engawa with his feet brushing the dirt, Itama stretched with a satisfied groan. Peace was, indeed, the best.
"How did you meet?"
Itama startled at Mito's abrupt question. It took a few moments to realize who Mito was referring to, but when he connected the dots, he laughed sheepishly whilst palming the back of his neck.
"Dara-shishou stumbled across me bleeding out in a cave. It was raining heavily that day, and Dara-shishou decided to heal me on a whim. Told me that I looked too pathetic to leave alone when I asked why."
"Although we've just met, it does sound like something she'd say," Mito tittered. She used the hem of her kimono sleeve to cover her lips as she continued to converse with him. "She must be an amazing healer to have taught you all that you know."
Itama beamed, "Yes! Dara-shishou is the best! All the techniques Dara-shishou invented are innovative and revolutionary!"
"Which ones, might I ask?" she sounded curious.
Itama thought about it for a while before answering. "Too many to list all out. But the majority of my iryou-jutsus was taught by Dara-shishou. The rest are the clan's techniques."
"Then, did her creations inspire you?" Mito, unexpectedly, used a finger to poke his forehead. "I doubt this is a fashion statement like mine is. I saw the same rhombus on your teacher's forehead. Did you use Tobirama-kun's knowledge on fuinjutsu and Deai-san's repertoire of iryou-jutsu to create this? What does it do? Why is it shaped that way? How much fuinjutsu and iryou-jutsu are incorporated to form it? I apologize if I seem nosy. I've just noticed this not too long ago, and as a seal master, it has piqued my curiosity."
"Uh, that's alright. Your curiosity is understandable. But you're wrong to think that I was the creator; this is also my shishou's creation. It's called the Byakugou no In and it's symbiotically linked to my summon. In its passive state, it allows me to use healing techniques without wasting chakra, and if the seal is released, it'll amplify the power of my techniques. I can't tell you how to manifest this seal without shishou's explicit permission though sorry."
"That's... extraordinaire. Does it only work for iryou-jutsu?
"Specifically; chakra manipulation and control."
"Fascinating. Would it be rude of me to ask for a demonstration?"
"Oh, not at all."
Itama didn't even have to concentrate much. The seal activated as soon as he thought about it. The rhombus disappeared and black lines branched out from it. It went four ways with the lower two lines extending down till his cheekbones. He didn't combine it with Creation Rebirth, lest Dara-shishou scolds him for wasting the stored chakra for show and tell. It was supposed to be an ace in the hole.
"Fascinating." Mito looked enthralled as she reached out and touched his face. Her delicate finger traced the lines on his face, completely transfixed. Itama smiled, proud of his master for creating this mind-blowing technique, and him for mastering it. "It does, however, make me wonder about her proficiencies with fuinjutsu. Those seals inked at the back of her neck, from what I've gathered, are beautiful. I was almost tempted to pull off her clothes just to trace them with my finger... Do you reckon Hashirama will agree to a third?"
Itama felt like he had just heard something dangerous, something he should forget lest he gets dragged into something traumatic. He pulled back nervously and deactivated his seal.
"I don't know much about fuinjutsu as a whole to make a good judgement about Dara-shishou's level." Itama took out a kunai to ease his fidgeting fingers as he shrugged. "You should ask Tobi-nii to get an accurate level."
"Speaking of that; Tobirama-kun must be close with Deai-san." It was more of a question than a statement. "Could be a problem if I desire her as a third..."
Itama could feel a buildup of sweat on the back of his neck from all the jumping jacks his nerves were doing. "Tobi-nii and shishou get along well enough."
"Itama-kun, I am not blind. Let me bluntly ask; are they lovers? We both know that Tobirama-kun treasures his personal space, but he seems indifferent to it when it comes to Deai-san. Should I be ready to welcome a fellow sister-in-law, or am I good to court? Hashirama, I reckon, wouldn't mind."
The kunai that he had idly been playing with fell to the wooden floor when his fingers unintentionally spasmed. That words: sister-in-law and court, really threw him off balance.
"Hahaha..." He released a strained chuckle past his teeth and forcefully directed the conversation away from those mentally scarring pictures. He hadn't known Mito was into women as well as men. "Mito-oneesan sure is caring. But speaking of in-laws, I should go find your wayward husband. Hashi-nii should stick by his wife's side, especially during this grand occasion! What a dumbo! I'll be back with that oaf, onee-san!"
"Wait, Ita-"
Itama body flickered away as if he was being chased by malicious ghosts, pretending to have not heard her call via the activation of his selective hearing technique. Albeit clumsily done, the crisis had still been averted. It was 'bout time he retreated into his tortoiseshell (bedroom). Itama felt traumatized enough by today's events, and there was no need to scar himself further by listening to his sister-in-law's... shuddering intentions.