Tom and Rosa, lived on 20 acres. They had a tiny house and barn full of horses. After their last child went to college, they moved into their retirement dream, although Tom would likely work 15 more years. Rosa wrote for a local paper and taught riding to small children to help with the enormous cost of feeding and caring for the long legged beauties in the barn. Their Sundays were usually filled with grandkids and chores, but every couple of months they opened their doors to old friends for a meal and some laughs. He drove up, parked and went in. He wasn't the last to arrive, Rosa greeted him with arms open wide. She kissed both his cheeks. "AJ I'm so glad you're here."
"Me too Rosa. Always glad to be invited." Tom came out of the kitchen as AJ stepped into the house. He reached for the wine bottles, taking two by their necks and putting the other under the same arm so he could shake AJ's hand.
"BBQ's hot, come give me a hand." He said in greeting.
Tom reached into the cooler near the gas grill on the deck and pulled out two frosty bottles of beer. He popped the lids with an opener and handed one to AJ. "Cheers," they said touching the rims together. AJ took a sip and scanned the yard. They had a small fenced yard. There was a large wooden tower in one corner with a sandbox at the bottom and a twisting yellow slide snaking down one side. This back yard was grandchildren central most weekends. It was quiet today. He heard the front door bell and Rosa's happy laughter.
"I should warn you AJ," Tom said as he lifted the lid and began to fork steaks into rows across the hot grill, "a cousin of Rosa's is coming today." AJ laughed and made a face.
"Any cousin of Rosa's is a friend of mine. Actually it seems every cousin of Rosa's is a friend of mine." Tom laughed and closed the lid. "Seriously Tom, tell Rosa I seem to be doing ok on my own."
"Come on, she'll never accept a man without a woman. It goes against everything. You don't know what you're up against if that's your only argument."
AJ shook his head. "What I meant was that I've managed on my own to meet someone."
Tom put down his bottle and spread his arms wide - gesturing with the fork. "What you're dating the invisible woman - where is this prize? You should have brought her."
"Well if she hangs around - maybe next time I will." Rosa came then with a couple, AJ didn't know, to be introduced. The afternoon passed as usual with laughter and food and more laughter. For the first time since Meredith Cavanagh had made a bomb crater of his life, AJ enjoyed it all.
Monday and Tuesday went past with their normal speed. Admiral Chedwiggen was completing fit reps and spent a lot of time both days with Colonel Mackenzie as they worked through personnel issues. They were taking a break; standing waiting for another pot of coffee to brew. "Sir, I wanted to apologize for Lieutenant Commander Cassidy's comments last week," she said.
"Who?" he said stalling, "Oh, yes, Cassidy."
"Yes sir, she is often more forthright than is best."
"I spoke with her at length about the matter, Colonel. She seemed to come to understand that it was ill advised and we left it at that."
Colonel Mackenzie nodded. "Did you have a nice time the other night?"
AJ was startled by her directness. If Joey was to be believed, Mackenzie was bluffing. She didn't have any facts, only office gossip He swung around on her, his face pinched. "It is not in your best interest to speculate about how I spend my off duty time Colonel. And I would encourage my chief of staff to make that clear to anyone else in this office. Do I make myself clear?"
"Yes sir" she replied. He snatched up his empty mug, and stalked out of the room. But she was sure she heard him say something just under his breath as he was leaving. And it might have been yes I did. It was weeks later when her suspicions were confirmed.
It wasn't until Thursday evening that he and Joey finally connected. She offered dessert and coffee after an early movie. He turned down the movie, he still had 10 fit reps to review and sign, but he ditched it all at 2015, changed into a faded pair of jeans and a dark blue turtleneck and drove into Georgetown. Her building was a high-rise. She lived on the tenth floor. The apartment was small and the smell of new paint lingered. The entry, kitchen and living room areas merged. She had a good sized oak dining table and a round cornered sofa that faced the view outside her window. Her bedroom and bath were tucked into the other corner of the apartment behind doors that closed. The king-sized bed was wide and soft looking. The headboard was a huge rough hewn plank. AJ was drawn too it. He reached out and ran his hand along the rough grain. It felt solid and lasting under his hand.
"Where did you get this?"
"It came from my grandfather's barn originally. It was part of our kitchen table at home when I was growing up. When dad and mom went into care two years ago, Sam and Gary and I emptied the house. I took the table apart and hung it. AJ could hear sadness in her voice, but the look on her face said that there was joy in this memory too.
Once he had the tour, she ground beans and brewed espresso and served it in tiny cups. Dessert was warm from the oven, berries and cake with a thick layer of cream. They sat across from one another and she told him about Saturday. "Those girlfriends of mine worked like fiends to get me unpacked. It's not much space really, but there was drywall dust in the cupboards and closets, everything had to be wiped. And when they weren't cleaning or unpacking, they were needling me about my love life. First words through Mac's mouth were, how was the date"
"So what did you tell them."
"Not a damn thing. They would have needed sodium pentathol to get real results. No on second thought, I told them we had a great time. That I really liked you and I had every expectation that we'd see each other again."
"All true" AJ responded.
"Mac wasn't deterred. She thinks that I'm seeing somebody in the PR office."
"Oh I don't know she started to quiz me yesterday. I think she may have figured it out." He told her about the conversation in the coffee room.
"Well rank has it's privileges." Joey responded. "AJ can I ask you a question?"
"You've got to be kidding right?" He saw the troubled look in her eyes. "What?"
"Have you ever dated another officer?"
He shook his head. "Not many female personnel in the service when I joined up. And later, well I guess I just never met the right person to make the pitfalls worth while."
She nodded her head. "I didn't want to ask around. Questions always lead to speculation. Because we don't come into contact regularly it takes me back a bit when I remember that you're not just an Admiral but the Navy JAG."
"What about you?" He asked. "Have you dated anyone in the service?"
"You're my first" she said.
They cleared up the dishes together. She washed and he dried. Standing side by side at the sink, she nudged him with her hip. You're going to get dish pan hands hanging out with us Cassidy girls.
"I'm a Seal," his eyes alight with amusement, "I take risks all the time." His hands were wrapped in the tea towel wiping a tiny espresso cup and hers were still in the dishwater. She leaned in and kissed him lightly on the lips. He was more than ready for it, but he managed his reactions and let her lead. After dishes they sat quietly on the couch. He slipped an arm around her shoulder and she snuggled into his embrace. The lights of the city sparkled in the dark apartment.
"Mac offered to help me eat ice cream when my mystery man throws me over for a teenager or goes back to his wife."
"Very thoughtful of her, but hardly necessary under the circumstances"
"Really?" she said.
"Well I'm not married and haven't been for a very long time. Nor am I involved with anyone in anyway, present company excepted. And compared to me, you are a teenager." She turned in his arms and kissed him again. Still light and quick.
When she let up and settled back in his arms he said "You know it's more likely to happen the other way around. I'm an old man compared to you. This won't last."
"Why not?" she said.
"Because." He nearly dropped it here, but if they were really going to be honest then he'd better get at it. "Because at some point, you'll want to get married and have children and as much as I might want someone to spend the rest of my life with, I don't want any more children." She was quiet a long while and he felt ill. He'd screwed it up before it barely get started. Finally he pulled his arm from behind her and sat up. "I better go it's getting late." Her eyes were half closed and she inhaled noisily.
"AJ wait." He sat still looking at her. She sat up and faced him. "My father was diagnosed nearly ten years ago. It was devastating to see his rapid decline. Alzheimer's disease affects men and women. It runs in families. I might get it is the point. Anyway, when I saw the toll it took on him, on my family, on my mother." Her voice trembled a little. "AJ, I had surgery. I'll never have children. I don't want to put anyone else through what that disease has already put our family through." A single tear slid down her cheek. AJ wrapped his arms around her then and held her close without speaking.
Finally, he got up. "I'd better get going. If you're not busy we could spend Saturday together."
She smiled. "I've got a game, but after that I'm free as a bird." He nodded. They were facing one another beside the door. She looked at him expectantly and he kissed her as long as he dared and stepped through the door.
On the way to Luke and Sam's for dinner one evening a few weeks later; they stopped at JAG Ops so AJ could pick up a file he needed for an early morning meeting with the Sec. Nav. She wanted to sit in the car, but he said that was foolish. Of course one glance told him that Colonel Mackenzie was likely in the building. Her car was in the lot. He didn't say it to Joey, but they'd been dating for nearly 3 months. It was time to let the cat out of the bag. He had ulterior motives really. He'd been invited already to a couple of holiday parties and he didn't want to go without her on his arm. There would be other Navy personnel there, so they might as well have some advance warning. He knew she'd been keeping it quiet. He paused on the step and looked at her; unwilling at the last minute to put her into a situation she didn't want to get into.
"I know," she said with a nod, "that's Mac's car." He nodded and kissed her gently on the lips. "I'm ready AJ."
They talked quietly, but fell silent once AJ pushed through the doors into the bull pen. He had his keys in his hand and was heading for his office door, when Colonel Mackenzie came to her door.
"Good evening Admiral."
"Good evening Colonel." He got to the door. Joey was two yards behind him. Not meeting Mac's eyes. Just standing there. He unlocked the door, opened it and went in. Joey wanted to bolt into the office and slam the door , but instead she turned slowly and looked at Mac, who was still standing in her door way.
"Good evening Joe," she said evenly.
"Evening Mac."
"Are you looking for me by any chance."
Here was her out, she closed the distance. "No, I'm here with AJ, the uh Admiral I mean."
Mac nodded and covered her mouth with her hand snickering into it. She backed into her office and sat down behind the desk. Joey followed her through the door. "So this is a story I need to hear."
"Maybe not today, OK?" Joey replied.
Mac nodded. "Just tell me how long?"
Joey thought. "Remember when he called me into his office?"
"Yeah."
"That was the first time he asked me out."
"Are you kidding? That was months ago!" Mac said. The Admiral made a show of closing and locking his door. Joey grinned and raised her eyebrows.
"See you later."
Saturday afternoon, as usual, Joey arrived at AJ's. This week, she had a bag full of videos in one hand, along with her purse and a chicken in the other. She handed them off to AJ and shrugged out of her jacket. "I wasn't sure what you liked or what you'd seen so I brought a selection." She followed him into the kitchen. AJ set the bag of videos on the table and put the chicken bag and all into the fridge. Empty handed he turned, hugged her and kissed her.
"I've been looking forward to this."
"Really, I thought you'd be tired of me by now," she teased.
"Not likely," he kissed her again. "Do you want something to drink?"
"Yes, what have you got?" She stood behind him with her arms wrapped around him and her head resting on his shoulder as he swung the fridge door open and began to list the possibilities. AJ plugged in the kettle finally to make her a cup of green tea. He detested the stuff, but she drank it by the gallon and seemed no worse for the wear.
While the water heated, Joey strolled back into the living room and began to rummage through her bag. Finally the yellow plastic squeaky toy she'd brought for Dammit emerged only to shoot from her hand, ricochet off a table and land under the sofa. She knelt then and reached under, sweeping out the toy and a cool smooth metal object that fit into her palm. With both hands full she got to her feet awkwardly. AJ was watching her from the doorway. Opening her hand, the object, an engraved metal heart caught the light. A paperweight perhaps. It looked like treasure.
"I brought this for Dammit," she pinched the toy and tossed it to the dog. "And this was under the sofa." In two strides AJ was beside her. He snatched it out of her hand and stomped into the kitchen. He stepped on the foot pedal of the trash can and dropped the heart in. It made the metal can ring. The lid crashed back into place with a resounding thud and AJ stood over the can - his heart pounding. He hadn't seen that damn thing since the night he found Meredith and that man in bed together. He came home, stopping only to buy a bottle of bourbon. His only thought was to get drunk and stay drunk. Waking on the couch the next morning, the bottle was nearly empty and the heart had disappeared. He searched for it, but when he failed to find it, attributed the loss to some liquor induced disposal method that he'd blacked out.
"AJ," Joey was there interrupting the recurring nightmare of those days and weeks after Meredith. "Whatever it is? Tell me."
His face was black when he turned to her. She had seen him grim faced and determined but never consumed as he was now, never enraged. She swallowed hard and backed up until the seat of one of the kitchen chairs was against her knee. She sat. He paced quickly to the counter and poured boiling water into the pot. Flipping open the cupboard door; he bumped one mug with another, sending it tumbling off the shelf and into pieces on the counter and the floor. Leaving the mess he stumbled blindly into the living room. Concerned for the dog, Joey swept the floor and deposited the shards off the counter into the trash on top of the still visible heart. When she finished she stepped into the living room. AJ was sitting on the couch, his head in his hands. He looked up when he saw her .
"You'd better go."
"AJ" her voice was a whisper. "Whatever it is, you can tell me."
He shook his head and rubbed his hand across his head from eyebrows to the nape of his neck. "Nobody knows. It's impossible."
"Impossible to tell me? No way." She sat on the other end of the couch. She was careful to sit without touching him. His breathing was ragged and he didn't look at her. He thought if he could just ignore her long enough, then she would leave him. It was nearly half an hour before his breathing returned to normal and his heart wasn't pounding in his chest and booming in his ears. He turned to her then. She was still and quiet, her feet tucked under her and her hair hanging in ripples around her face.
"Let's just forget it." He said. "I'll get the videos and plug the kettle in again."
When he came back to the living room, Joey was standing by the door in her coat. He came right to her, startled that now she was doing what he'd wanted her to do in the first place and now he didn't want it at all.
"Where are you going?"
"AJ, I understand that sometimes there will be things you can't tell me, but I'm not prepared to accept that there are things you won't tell me."
There's a difference?"
"You know there is and I think this is one of those times. It's your secret, and you may keep it. But if I stay, it will fester between us and I'd rather remember that we had good times together and that I loved you." AJ decided then and there that he had to have his hearing checked. It wasn't possible that she was as happy with him as he was with her. They could have a future. Could he be so stupid as to let Meredith's betrayal hurt him twice? It was now or never.
"I was engaged to the woman who gave me that. Just before the wedding I found her in bed with another man."
"Oh AJ". Her voice filled with compassion, she slipped her arms around him and held him. It took a long time, but they sat side by side on the sofa and he told her everything. How Meredith had made him laugh, how they had shared their love of Shakespeare and the arts and how her betrayal hadn't been personal so much as an ongoing response to commitment. He knew he couldn't have predicted her unfaithfulness, but it hurt and humiliated him never the less. They spent what was left of the afternoon like that. AJ talked and Joey listened without much comment. The movies were forgotten and the tea got cold again.