Harriet greeted Joey with a genuine smile and took their coats. Joey squeezed AJ's hand and offered Harriet help in the kitchen. Harriet nodded and led her away, while Bud got him a drink. Sipping the beer, AJ noticed Rabb and Mackenzie near the fireplace talking to a couple he didn't know. The man looked a little like a prize fighter, He had a square jaw and broad shoulders. The woman was a little taller than the man and as the crowd separated, AJ saw that she was hugely pregnant. Commander Turner came into the living room and shook hands. After a moment's small talk, Sturgis raised his voice slightly. "Game starts in five minutes." AJ followed Sturgis and Bud into the other room. They settled into chairs arranged around the large screen TV. The pregame show was underway, but the sound was turned down.
A few others straggled in and found seats, in a moment Harm came in and settled into a folding chair near the door. Mac looked in then, turned and left. The man and woman who been talking to Harm and Mac ended up in folding chairs beside AJ. Harm was just behind them so he handled the introductions. "Admiral Chedwiggen, this is Mark Kerrith and his wife Joy. They're friends of Bud and Harriet's."
"Nice to meet you" was all AJ managed, before the volume on the TV was turned up and the coin toss started the game. At half time, the football fans got up and began to mingle. Some went to get a drink, others wandered the house or made for the head. AJ wondered how Joey was getting on. Harm followed him out.
AJ found her in the kitchen. She was standing facing Mark Kerrith. Harriet and Mac were there too, but on the sidelines, backs against the kitchen cupboards. Joey was clearly angry. Her voice was louder than usual, and her tone held as much threat as her words.
"You lying son of a bitch" she said. "You promised me that it was over." Joey's fists were tightly clenched, her arms stiff at her sides. "And she's pregnant. God she's big as a house. All the time you were in my bed. You knew you were going home to her." Joey raised her hands to shove him back.
Mark grabbed at her wrists and held them. Joey bristled and swore. "Joey shut up. This isn't the time or the place. Lower your voice. Joy will hear."
"Joy's not the only one that's going to know about you today Mark." She twisted her wrists out of his grip. Mac saw an opening and touched her arm.
"I'll take you home Lieutenant Commander."
Joey looked at her suddenly aware of the audience that surrounded her and realized that it wasn't a friendly offer. It was a command. "Yes ma-am." She picked up her bag off the counter and sidled by AJ and Harm and went out the front door.
Joy came into the kitchen through the other door. Her hand protectively on her round belly. "Take me home Mark."
Thanksgiving dinner was a quiet affair. Mac came back just as dessert was served. She skipped the turkey and dressing and had two pieces of pumpkin pie. Afterwards she and AJ sat by the fire in Harriet and Bud's living room. When the last guest left, Harriet excused herself and went upstairs. Harm and Bud were in the kitchen quietly talking. AJ was drinking. When it was clear that the crowd had narrowed to just the two of them, he said quietly. "Did you know?"
Mac shook her head slowly. She leaned forward slightly so she wouldn't have to raise her voice. "She told me months ago that it was over. She was ready to make a fresh start. I believed her."
AJ looked at the amber liquid in the tumbler and he tilted the glass slowly, raised it to his lips and drained it. "Well I guess I have a lot to be thankful for." Mac raised her eyebrows. He snorted quietly "At least there won't be any questions about what happened between us. The whole damn office will know by Monday." He stood up then. Harm came out of the kitchen with Bud trailing him. Harm had his leather jacket on and Mac and AJ's coats. He handed AJ his and helped Mac into her's.
"I'm driving your car Admiral. Mac can pick me up from your house." She gave a small nod. AJ didn't much like the situation, but an impaired driving charge on top of everything wasn't part of his plan. He reached into his pockets searching for the keys, as Rabb held them out by the ring. "I took the liberty sir."
"Let's go Rabb" was his only response. "Thank you Mr. Roberts, dinner was delicious." AJ shook the proffered hand. He wasn't inclined to apologize. Obviously if he'd known Joey Cassidy had a lover among the Robert's circle of friends, he never would have dated her let alone invited her to dinner.
It was just after 0800 Saturday morning 2 weeks later. It was peaceful in his neighbourhood this time of day, but the weather was cold and rainy. AJ didn't feel like running, but feeling had never had much to do with what he did or didn't do. He slowed his pace as he turned the corner for home. Dammit was used to the routine and slowed her pace slightly. She was a good running companion. Whoever had managed her puppy days had made sure that the leash wasn't a contest. She didn't pull or drag, just matched his pace .
There was a car in his drive way. It was parked behind his and the motor was running. He slowed his pace even further. As he drew up with the side of the car he could see her. The window was unrolled about 3 inches and there was the steady beat of music. Her seat was reclined and Joey Cassidy was leaning back in it, her eyes closed.
He tried to muster some feeling beyond anger, but it eluded him. He rapped sharply on the roof and was pleased with the startled way she jumped. She pushed a button and the window rolled down. With the other hand she turned off the music.
"Can we talk AJ?"
"Today is no different from any other day this week or last. I'm not interested in apologies or explanations Lieutenant Commander" She sighed and switched off the engine then put her hand out and pushed the door open.
"Please" she said. "Give me 10 minutes somewhere out of the rain."
"What I really think is necessary is a restraining order." The dog whined and shook her head so the tags on her collar jingled. AJ glanced down at her and then back to Joey. "You've got 5 minutes." She followed him through the wooden gate, along the path and into the kitchen. He snapped the dog's leash off after he towelled her down. Poured kibble into her massive bowl and then began to strip his windbreaker and rain soaked nylon pants and athletic shoes. His socks were damp, so he stripped those off and padded around the kitchen in bare feet. "You better start talking," he said "you're nearly out of time."
She sighed loudly and he took her meaning. She was frustrated with his lack of hospitality. Somehow she thought maybe if she could get past his door she could also get past his defences. What she didn't know was that he'd let his guard down happily for Meredith and more cautiously for her and when he became aware of her betrayal, he had refortified. Joey Cassidy wouldn't get back in. Nobody would for a very long time.
He leaned back against the counter and crossed his arms over his chest. He had ears and couldn't help but hear her talk, but he wasn't believing any more bullshit.
"I'm sorry I embarrassed you in front of your staff. It was unintentional. I let my mouth get ahead of my brain. I'm sorry that I hurt you and I offended you. You're a very special man. More than I deserve as it turns out. I didn't come here expecting that you'd forget what I did or that you'd forgive my behaviour. I simply wanted you to know that I am very sorry and I understand that a resumption of our friendship is impossible. Thank you for listening." AJ was still standing just as he had when she began, but his shoulders were aching He dropped his hands. The anger bubbled up inside him and he clenched his fists. Just like Meredith was all that he could think. Just like Meredith. Her grief and pain was unmistakable, but it wasn't all that difficult to stand frozen as she turned and stepped out the door.
He kept telling himself all through the busy Christmas and New Year's party season that he was better off without her. That this breach between them was inevitable and better early in their relationship than later when their lives were more closely entwined. He saw her from a distance at the Pentagon a couple of times. He looked away as soon as he recognized her and focused on his destination. No matter what he thought or did, loneliness pervaded every aspect of his life, even things they had never shared were overshadowed by the loss of her.
Coates knocked on his door the first Tuesday after the New Year. 'Sir" she said, "a messenger dropped this off." She set the bulky brown envelope on his desk. He glanced at it, dismissed her and as she closed the door, ripped open the flap and dumped the contents on his desk.
"Dear Admiral Chedwiggen:
Enclosed please find 2 first class return tickets for flight 807 departing Sunday, January 17 from Washington Dulles Airport to Rome, Italy (Da Vinci Internationale). We trust the enclosed itinerary is self explanatory and the hotel reservations are as we discussed. If we can be of further service, please do not hesitate to call."
He bought the tickets the week before Thanksgiving. He'd been so sure of her then, that he'd risked the cost of the ticket - planning to give it to her for Christmas and take her with him to Italy. She'd meet Francesca and they'd see the sights together. At the time it seemed perfect. She'd requested leave trusting him with the arrangements. It brought it all back again, but now instead of anger, he began to have clarity of thought. What if she really hadn't been sleeping with Mark. What if she simply saw an opportunity to embarrass the man who had deceived her and his own wife. God what if he'd left her when she'd been truthful all along. Impulsively, he dialled the Colonel's extension directly. She entered his office moments later.
They sat in front of his desk in the arm chairs. "Colonel. I am thinking about calling Lieutenant Commander Cassidy." He cleared his throat. "I was wondering if you could tell me if she's seeing anyone." The surprise on Mac's face was hard to hide.
"Ah sir, I ah. I don't think she is. But the best way to find out is to ask her directly"
"Yes", He nodded. "Would you do that?"
"Sir?"
"Mac I know this puts you on the spot, but I need to know if." He paused not knowing how much he could leave unsaid.
"Certainly sir." There was an uncomfortable silence. "Would you like me to call now sir?"
"That would expedite the process, Colonel." He handed her the receiver on his desk then moved away as she dialled.
"Hey Joe, have you got a minute. Look I know this is out of the blue, but I need to ask you something. Are you seeing anyone right now? What about Mark? Ok Ok I'm sorry I asked. Anybody waiting in the wings? Oh well I understand." She finally said. "I'm not sure really. I have to go."
Colonel Mackenzie set down the phone and turned to the Admiral. He was standing behind his desk with his arms crossed looking out the window.
"Sir, Joey says she's not seeing anyone. She told me that if she never lays eyes on Mark again it will be too soon. And she asked how you are. I told her I wasn't sure."
Without turning, he said "Thank you Colonel. I appreciate your time. Put yourself on my schedule tomorrow. I have two weeks leave booked; you'll be Acting JAG in my absence."
"Yes sir."
"Dismissed." When the door closed, AJ let out a long breath.
AJ followed a pizza delivery guy past through the security door and into the lobby of Joey's building. They rode the elevator together, but AJ got off first. He stood for a moment in front of her door wondering what she would say when she found him standing there. He'd thought about bringing flowers, but it seemed over kill. Finally he rang the bell.
It was a moment before she answered. He wasn't sure if she looked at him through the peephole or not, but the door swung wide. She had one hand on it and the other was on her hip. Her hair was pulled away from her face in a pony tail. She had a tight fitting t-shirt on and pants that didn't rise high enough to meet it. Her feet were bare. The sight of her so close and so beautiful made his heart pound. He held out the ticket. "I came to deliver your Christmas present." She didn't say anything just gestured for him to come in. She took his cover and hung his overcoat carefully in the closet.
"I was just going to make a cup of tea." She said. "Would you like one?" He nodded.
"Yes please."
"Have a seat." AJ sat stiffly at the kitchen table. He set the ticket in the centre of the table.
"I had an odd call from Mac today." Joey filled the kettle with water.
"I know. I put her up to it."
"Right." She said reaching into the cupboard for two mugs and the sugar bowl. "Why?"
"Because I finally stopped being angry and decided to look at the evidence."
"Ha" she laughed turning to look at him, "You are a lawyer. So what evidence brought you here."
"There were a few things. Your conversation with Mac today. What you said to Mark at Thanksgiving. What you said to me when you apologized. And finally how you behaved every minute of the time we were together."
Wow" she said 'I got credit for good behaviour." Her expression went from light to solemn. "What did I say when I apologized that finally worked today, but didn't work 2 months ago?"
"Well" he said, "I realized that you never apologized for sleeping with Mark while we were together." An angry shadow went across her face, but she held her tongue while AJ continued.
"When I calmed down long enough to really think about it, I realized that you never tried to side step issues or duck the blame any other time. It's one of the things that makes you stand out. The only thing that makes sense with everything else I know is that you and Mark were finished before we started."
"That sounded like a statement, but I'm guessing it was really a question." AJ nodded. Joey leaned back on the counter and eyed him carefully. "We were involved for nearly a year. At the beginning, I was convinced that he was leaving his wife. I finally came to my senses in June. I gave him an ultimatum. Either he was separated from her by the end of the July or I was moving on. The last week in July, he told me it was finished with Joy. He told me he'd moved out. He convinced me AJ. I agreed to see him again. He basically moved in. It was only for 4 or 5 days." She hung her head. "I was rushing to get ready for work and barged into the bathroom while he was supposedly in the shower. He was on the phone. He was talking to his wife. I never saw him again or spoke to him again until Thanksgiving. If he called I hung up the phone, if he came to my door, I ignored the ring. Finally I moved, just so he'd have to really look to find me. It was enough and he got the message. But when I saw them at Thanksgiving, all the anger came back."
"I believe you," AJ said.
"If that had been clearer 2 months ago would you have walked away?" She poured hot water over the bags in the pot. He shrugged.
"I don't know if I would have believed it then. I needed time. Since Thanksgiving, I've been telling myself that you were just like Meredith. Turns out that's not true. You've been honest with me from the beginning. I was wrong not to listen. I'm sorry."
"Forgiven" she said.
"You made that easy" he said as she put the mugs, spoons and sugar bowl on the table.
"Well" she said "I have an ulterior motive. I want you back in my life AJ. I've missed you." She sat across the table and poured the tea..
He shook his head and smiled at her. "God you make everything so easy. I want you back too. I miss you." He reached for her hand across the table and they laced their fingers together.
"I don't know about that" she said. "If I would only keep my mouth shut I wouldn't have to spend so much time apologizing." He shrugged and grinned. She grinned back and hope washed over him. "I warned you" she said, suddenly serious, "I warned you that my honesty isn't always so positive. My friends pay a price, sometimes." He stood and stepped back from the table. He pulled her out of her chair and into his arms. Her hair smelled of lavender and she fit into his embrace as though she was made for it. He looked at her upturned face.
"I don't want to be your friend." Then he kissed her. They stood in one another's arms. Her face was pale and shadowed when he pulled back and looked at her. I forgive you he said, if you can forgive me too, then I'd like to try again. She nodded. It was a tiny gesture, but it was all he really needed.