Title: The Mystery of Jell-O Blue: Chapter 2-Write a Haiku
Author: Dandelion Lint
Feedback: Constructive criticism and feedback greatly appreciated! Also, I love all of you who reviewed the previous chapter. Thankyou!
Disclaimer: Characters are not mine. I only mess with them, then put them back.
(note: after Singularity, probably in the earlier seasons before season 6, original team)
Chapter 2:
"So, Teal'c," began O'Neill, tapping the side his teammate's Jell-O goblet with a finger, "we've figured out that it tastes blue. But...c'mon, help me here, buddy. What does blue taste like?"
The Jaffa swallowed another spoonful of Jell-O and tilted his head to the side, which caused him to look vaguely like a large bird. He frowned and licked his lips.
"I cannot identify any taste other than that which you call 'blue'. Therefore, blue can be the only taste there is."
Daniel raised his hand.
"I, um, I think that what Jack is trying to say, Teal'c, is that we know that the Jell-O tastes blue, but we don't know what flavor blue is..."
Teal'c stared at the two men as if they were out of their minds.
"Is your intention to convey that blue has many flavors?"
Daniel shook his head vigorously.
"No! No, no, um..."
"Carter, help us out, will ya?" barked the colonel over Daniel's confused muttering. The papers fluttered under the force of O'Neill's stare and wilted, to reveal that Carter was, in fact, gone and the papers had been propped up against the three empty Jell-O goblets. O'Neill gave an exasperated sigh and stomped over to the papers, yanked them up off the table, and glared at them. He sighed.
"You have got to be kidding me..."
"Pardon?"
"Daniel, what time is it?"
The archaeologist's eyebrows rose and he coughed, then pulled his sleeve back and glanced at his watch.
"Um...well, my watch says oh-three-hundred hours, but it's probably abooout twelve or so minutes fast, give or take, so–"
"Ah! Did I ask you how fast your watch was?" O'Neill grumbled, squinting suspiciously at Daniel and then looking back at the papers in his hand.
"What appears to be the problem, Colonel O'Neill?" queried Teal'c. The colonel gave an exasperated sigh.
"Here's the problem, kids. Why the hell are we sitting at the same lunch table as someone who can read this at three in the morning?"
He slammed down the very scientific papers in front of Daniel's coffee. The archaeologist flinched as his sixth helping of caffeinated sludge threatened to slosh and ooze its way over the edges of its Styrofoam cup.
"Um, Jack...it's just a theoretical article on how to use the stargate for time travel. And, well, technically this isn't a lunch table. And technically, she isn't even sitting here..." Daniel nudged his cup of coffee further away from his teammate and more in the direction probable safety.
"Well, great," the colonel said sullenly. "I feel so much better now..."
Teal'c stood up and reached over Daniel's coffee, plucking the top sheet of paper off of the stack. O'Neill craned his neck over Daniel's shoulder to see better. The three of them stared at the second sheet of paper, and then the colonel and the Jaffa simultaneously turned their heads to look at the archaeologist. It took him a while to notice the holes being burned through his head.
"Hey! What?"
"Well, Danny-boy, you're the linguist here. Linguinize away."
Teal'c raised an eyebrow.
"I believe that Colonel O'Neill wishes you to read aloud, Daniel Jackson."
Daniel sighed and took a deliberately slow sip of coffee.
"You do realize this is personal information..."
O'Neill held out a hand to forestall further speculation. He closed his eyes, nodded, and raised his right hand.
"I, Colonel Jack O'Neill of the United States Air Force, do solemnly swear on..."
He opened one eye and scanned the table, then snapped the eye shut.
"I do solemnly swear on Teal'c's unfinished Jell-O that henceforth I shall take any blame whatsoever for this particular viewing of possibly personal papers belonging to Carter..." He opened both eyes and looked pointedly at Daniel.
"...even though you do not drop your buddies in the cacky." He lowered his hand and sat down.
Daniel stared.
"Henceforth?"
Teal'c blinked and his eyebrow crept up onto his forehead.
"What is a 'cacky'?"
Daniel glanced at him.
"It's British for toilet, why do you..."
His mouth fell open, and his glasses began sliding down his nose.
"British?"
Daniel pushed his glasses back into place and peered at the colonel.
"Jack, where did you find that out, when did you start using big words, and what have you done with the real you?"
Teal'c gently put the paper he had been holding back onto the table, sat down, picked up his spoon and ate the last bite of Jell-O remaining in his plastic goblet.
Jack scowled in Daniel's general direction and tapped the stack of papers with an impatient finger.
"Just read, for cryin' out loud, will ya?"
Daniel re-adjusted his glasses and cleared his throat.
"'An Easy How-To of Relaxation: Discover five new ways to relax in even the most stressful environments while maintaining a busy schedule.'" Daniel coughed.
"Um, the phrase 'even the most stressful environments' is underlined..."
"Keep reading," prompted O'Neill.
"Indeed. Perhaps if you continue we will have a better understanding of the hardships that Major Carter must go through in order to be a scientist such as she is." The Jaffa looked pointedly at O'Neill.
"Perhaps then you shall not be as inclined to make quick judgements, nor to be an addition to her troubles, O'Neill. Indeed, it would be wise to learn these techniques of relaxation yourself, Colonel O'Neill, as you also work under stress."
After a long moment of speechless staring at Teal'c, the other men looked at their empty Jell-O goblets with interest, and the colonel gestured for Daniel to continue reading.
The linguist did just that, in a mumbling, incoherent manner.
"Um. Nothing much...numberoneismeditation, numbertwoisstretchingevery five minutes...uh...letmesee...threeistakingfive-minutewalks...fourislisteningtomusic...ifpossible...and...number five is...writing...wait, thiscan't...be...right..." The archeologist scratched his head and peered perplexedly at the paper in front of him.
"Oh, for...let me see that..." O'Neill grabbed the paper and held it up, silently moving his lips.
"What does it say, Colonel O'Neill?" questioned Teal'c.
"'Write a Haiku'..."