Tia: You actually like this? OMG I love all of you! Cookies made by Ed for all!
Ed: They only came back for meh cookies.
Tia: Like hell they did! Half of them would have raped you while you lie unconscious ..I'm just nice.. Oh and I don't own FMA or anyone in it...Ed just lives here for the time being. So Ed, I have to continue writing but you need to clean the house! Now go! And don't forget the butler uniform...
After ranting with Phylicia for about an hour on what happened with both of them, Tia made her way back to the totally out of it Edward. At some point he had fallen off the bed and onto the floor with drool running out of his mouth.
"Well this wont do. I can't have an unconscious boy in my room! Daddy might disembowel him, and we can't have that!" Slowly, she slid her arms under Ed's and started to pull the knocked out bishi down the hall into the guest room.
After nearly busting Ed's head open on every doorway and dog toy along the way, she dropped him on the floor.
"Damn! Your heavy for a sh-" She quickly slammed her hand over her mouth as Ed twitched in his sleep. Calling him a shrimp was not a good idea. "I mean...Your heavy for such a shiny haired young man?" His expression went calm again and she slowly backed out of the room. Wow he's easily amused.
"Now...how do I explain a random boy from my favorite anime that just so happen to fall from the sky?"
She stood there thinking for a while then while thrusting her arm in the air, she blurted her fibity-fab idea out.
"FORGEN EXCHANGE PROGRAM!" Obliviously pleased with herself, she returned to the kitchen for a well needed pop tart.
Tia knew this was going to take a while. She couldn't just have Ed sitting around all day cooking and cleaning if she was going to play him off as an exchange student. So, with pop tart in hand..she began to forge government files. Mmm..don't you just love the taste of pop tarts and scandal in the afternoon?
Around 3 that afternoon, Ed thought it would be a good time to wake up. That was one hell of a dream. The special little child thought, oh poor Edo..Poor, poor Edo..
Slowly he opened his eyes...then let out a yell that would make Michael Jackson jealous.
"YOU!" He calmly bellowed out while pointing at a half awake Tia. "I THOUGHT THIS WAS A DREAM! YOU MAKE IT BETTER! YOU MAKE IT BETTER NOW!" Edward was now foaming at the mouth and twitching, aw Edo has rabies!
" Well...since you asked like SUCH a gentleman...no." Tia pushed her rolly chair over towards Ed who was sitting on the ground attempting to get Tia to roll over his head.
" You see hun, I can't. I don't even have the slightest idea how you got here." Edward started to repetitively beat himself in the head with the chair wheels.
"But," He somehow managed to hear her and stop concidering all the brain cells he lost. "Your not alone!"
"I'M NOT!" Instant chibi face.
"No dear Ed, your not! Your lover Roy is here too!" And for some reason Ed passed out again.
A few miles away, outside a house near the beach, Roy Mustang lay on the ground under an newly broken porch. Phylicia knew she was screwed, but who cared! ROY MUSTANG was under her porch, HER porch! NOT YOURS! HAHAHA!
Fearing he might be dead and having no idea what to do with the body, she jumped down into the hole and started poking him a shard of her once whole porch.
"There go my beach plans...Oh well..This is better anyway.." She laughed a good laugh, you know. Like when the crazy murder is about to eat the flesh of a baby and drink the blood of a virgin. But we all know Roy is neither of them. So he's good.
He was still breathing and looked ok...she guessed. For someone who just crash landed from who knows how many feet he was in pretty good shape. Unless there was internal bleeding, then that my friends would suck.
"Now, I'm a good person..Mind you, I really am. But there is no way I'm letting an opportunity like this go by without taking advantage of it." Phyish laughed evilly again, she's getting pretty good at this. Then attempted to pull Roy out of the hole.
The laws of gravity did not see her way though. Besides the fact she's just as strong as Armstrong without steroids and Roy weighed quite a bit more then she did, she fell, along with the still out of it Roy. Right back into the hole and landing on the Coronal.
"This wont get me anywhere..How the hell am I getting him out without having to wake him up!" Then, as though God decided he had enough fun mocking the weak mortals for one day, the sky seemed to open up and shine down on the empty space between the porch and the ground.
"Huh...forgot that was there." Phyish shrugged and the persisted to drag Mustang out onto her lawn. "Up the stairs we go!" She sang and laughed every time his boots slammed on the stairs, but not when she almost fell again. There was enough of falling down and harming one's self for today.
After pulling open the sliding glass door and dropping Roy on the sofa, Phyish put her plan into action. She ran up the stairs and into her computer room where her digital camera sat, just begging to be used.
"Hmmm, what else should I get..OOoo! Roy is looking a bit lack luster..MAKE OVER!" But unknown to her, as she ran into the bathroom to her large stash of make up, everyone's fave pyromaniac was just waking from his beauty sleep.
"What...the hell." He breathed. His head was splitting just like when Mase called him to "talk". And by talk we mean Mase would rant on and on till Roy concidered burning himself to death.
"Aww...You woke up.." Roy looked up to see Phylicia standing at the top of the stairs with one of her homecoming dresses, a bag of make up and a camera in hand.
Roy looked like someone just burned his little black book, or gave it to Havoc. Either would have the same out come just as this situation, he wanted to die.
"Who are you and how much did I drink last night?" He slowly stood up, unlike the foul mouth chibi, and was able to maintain his balance.
"Well...I can't tell you how much you drank, but I sure can tell you who I am. I'm Phylicia, this is my house, and I found you in my back yard."
Roy nodded. He may not know what happened, but at least he had some information.
"Umm Phylicia was it?" She nodded. "What were you planning to do with that?" He pointed to the things in her hands.
"Oh this old crap?" She tossed it back into her room. "I was umm...planning on going out for lunch with some friends..yes...friends." Phylicia smiled and nodded her head, Roy slowly was backing up toward the sliding door.
"Wait! Don't worry, I'm not crazy!...Not totally anyway.." The last part she said under her breath. "Its just, your something of a celebrity here." She made her way down the steps and notice his expression change from "OMFG I'm screwed" to, "Hells yeah!" This instantly reminded her of the squirrels from the PSP ads and Phylicia started to laugh. Good way to prove your not crazy.
"What do you mean, celebrity?" Roy seemed to be totally blinded to the fact Phyish bust out laughing for no apparent reason.
"Well...I'll show you!" She may not have any of the anime or manga but she sure as hell had a few short AMVs, a good majority hinting that Roy and Edward would look ever so cute together, Roy had a good idea about the world he was forced into.
"What are you doing?" Phylicia looked up from her computer as Roy was slowly making his way over to the window and opened it. Mind you they were on the second story. But that didn't matter. Roy fell from the heavens and onto a wood porch and lived. But it seems he too forgot this.
"I think I need to lie down...on that spiky fence down there.." He leaned out the window slightly. "Umm Roy, that's across the street. So even if you do jump from here, you would just fall on my plants." And with this the Flame Alchemist went into the fetal position and sucked his thumb. " WHY GOD WHY! WHY WONT YOU LET ME DIE!"
Phylicia knew exactly what to say in this situation. "Because," She smiled warmly. "He hates you. He hates you so much."
Tia: Wow, I'm mean!
Ed: NO REALLY?
Tia: WHO THE HELL TOLD YOU TO STOP DUSTING!
Ed: Just wait till you go to sleep..
Tia: Well while I teach Ed the meaning of "Don't piss off the nice author that's letting you stay here and not sell you off to a whore house", you should review and maybe Roy will uhhh...Roy will...
Ed: DIE! (insert hopeful chibi face)
Tia: No...just no...Roy will bring you candy! Now..where did I leave those scissors...