Tia: Welcome back everyone!
Ed: Yeah yeah..
Roy: Your just pissed because everyone's gonna think your a pansy for passing out all the time
Ed: I'M NOT A PANSY!
Roy: No..but your short. Besides, everyone likes me better! (thousand watt smile)
Ed: You mother fu-
Tia: EDWARD! SHUT YOUR FACE! Anyway...I don't own Full Metal blah blah blah.
Once again, Tia was forced to move the passed out Edward to a better location. This kid can handle seeing a puss spewing, monster for a mother he brought back, but make one little joke about him being gay with Roy and its all over.
"Stupid chibi pansy.."As soon as the word "chibi" left Tia's mouth, Ed was back on his feet cussing till his face turned a lovely shade of red that not only matched his jacket but brought out his eyes.
"WHO YOU CALLIN SO SMALL HE COULD RIDE ON THE BACK OF A GRASSHOPPER!" After a long stream of horrid words that left his mouth, Ed deiced that it would be a good time to actually let the author type things that wont get her kicked off the site.
"You ya pansy. I make one small, not meaningful joke and you act like I'm about to take your non-exsistant woman from you." Tia crossed her arms and looked the spazzy Elric in the eyes.
"Buuuuuuuuuuut...there are some people who actually think you and Roy would look ever so fab together!" She chirped and stuck out her toung as Ed's face did the pretty red shade again.
"You have got to be kidding me. Roy is...Roy is...OLD." Somewhere off in the distance I think I just heard some Roy fangirls call out for blood.
"He's not old! The one manga that mentioned his age was like ...29 or something along those lines! Plus, that's not the extent of what these authors have put you though." Not counting me threatening him into making me baked goods.
"It's not...Your joking right! Please tell me that your joking!" Edward had grabbed on to Tia's shoulders and was shaking her back and forth. Good thing I'm to old to get shaken baby syndrome or I'd sue his ass.
"Um no. I'm not. Here, have a look for yourself..." After Ed started pulling a gold fish Torhu again, Tia was able to open AOL and get back to a fanfiction site she had been on. She then clicked on the search bar and typed in "Elricest".
"What's that mean?" Ed was lurking over Tia as she typed, leaning his head on the top of her's. "...Get the hell off. Your giving me a migraine as it is. Anyway, Elricest is your last name with the world incest put together. Think of your only living relative...then I'll let you do the rest of the math."
Once again Edward started cussing so horridly and for so long that even if I was actually gonna type what he said, I would graduate from high school, college and start a family in California with a degree in English, looking for a teaching job by the time he would have stopped.
"THAT'S SO...HE'S MY BABY BROTHER...WHAT THE HELL?" He almost passed out again, but he had vengeance on his mind so being a pansy would have to wait.
"Yeah, its pretty nasty. He's your little brother and all. I mean, I have nothing against homosexuality or anything. Some of my good friends are bi or homosexual, so the you and some other guy ones aren't all that creepy to me. But then when you mix in the fact that he's your little brother...That's crossing some lines. And now that you've stated that you, are in fact, not gay, then that means that you would most likely go for a girl you actually know. Like maybe Winry or something, but I always got more of a bro-sis vibe..Then again maybe not. You never really seem like you care about that kind of relationship anyway, like work comes fi-what are you doing?"
During Tia's rant, Edo had started writing down the names of all the people that had paired him with Roy, his brother, or anyone else that was not of the female gender for that matter.
"Noooothing..." An evil gonna-eat-a-baby-drink-virgin-blood smile came across his lips. "Just going to a bit of...Cleaning up..." He started to evilly laugh a good manly laugh, so no one thinks he's a pansy anymore.
"You know those aren't those people's real names right? I mean does DarkChibiAlchemist look like my real name?" Tia decided it would be a good time to crush the bishi's dreams.
"Yeah, but this is a fanfiction, so we can roll like that." Ed smiled, Tia hit him and told him to never say "Roll like that" ever again.
"And you plan on finding these people...how?" She looked down at him and he just smiled a this-is-a-fanfiction-idiot smile again.
"...Shut your face...Lets just get your killing rampage over with.." And with that, Edward and Tia left the house in search of the people on Ed's death list. OOooo I fell like I'm in Kill Bill! I love that movie! I mean..Killing rampage...
(JUST SO EVERYONE KNOWS, I MADE UP THE FOLLOWING NAMES. IF IT JUST SO HAPPENS TO LOOK LIKE YOURS AT ALL SORRY...ITS NOT YOU)
Ed and Tia stood outside of a house in a small urban neighborhood. Which also just so happen to be house of the first name on his list.
It was a warm sunny day, the birds were singing, the kids were playing, the druking husband was fighting with his soon to be divorced wife for starting a whore ring in the neighborhood and not telling him. Yes, it was a normal day in Elricestlover336's town.
That is until Edward Elric himself came barging into her home, wielding a butcher knife and a 45. "Bitch..." He lovingly spat. "Time to die.." And as shrieks of horror and blood shed began, Tia helped herself to the beautiful chocolate cake that the bitch in question's mother had made.
"MMmmmm..This is good.." She said, while floor boards crashed around her and blood dripped into a crimson puddle on the chair next to her.
"Ok.."Ed walked down the stairs, looking a horrid mess. His hair was falling out of it's pony tail, blood was staining his pants and shirt, and there were shards of wood in his hair as well. "..It's done. OH IS THAT CAKE!" Hey, everyone needs a full belly when they go on a killing rampage.
After helping themselves to the food, video games and personal belongings of Elricestlover336, Edward and Tia made their way to the next house. And because this is fanfiction, we can't go to jail. Unless I want Ed to...Besides, the police would read the fanfiction posted by this dead girl and realized, the world was much better off without her.
"Where to next?" Tia said as she licked the last remaining chocolate from her fingers. Edward pulled his list out, crossed off Elricestlover336 with blood from his butcher knife, and read the next name.
"EdwardElric'sWife my ass!" He yelled out as they hailed a taxi. "What did she do?" Tia lurked over the list to see if there was any indication on what each individual had done. "Killed off Winry because she said she's a hoe and some other horrid stuff then said I went to Roy in desperation..."
"Ahhh, a Winry basher. Just for the fun of it, you should kill this one with a wrench. Oh the irony!" Tia laughed, Edward smiled. He liked this idea.
Soon they stood outside of a condo with an ocean front view. It was spring, so the annoying rich child known as EdwardElric'sWife was out on a family outing to the beach.
A hobo skipped of into the sunset smiling. Not because he got money, oh no. Tia and Edward had given him some boose for his wrench wife, Molly. He said she talked too much anyway.
With his new wrench in hand, Ed made his way up to the door of the condo. While off near the shoreline, Tia sat waiting and making a sand castle.
Just when he was about to bust down the door, he saw something even better. There was the little Winry killing, making Ed love Roy hoe right now! Sitting at her laptop typing up another God awful story. And even better, she was sitting outside on the porch! This was turning out to be a good day.
"Hello..." Edward snuck up behind the girl and held the wrench high over his head. Just before she had time to let out a fangirl yell, Edward gave her a good, sharp blow to the noggin. Then, after bludgeoning her for a few good minutes, he tossed her body into the ocean.
"Ok Tia, lets get going." She gladly jumped up and followed after him. "So, how did it go?" She almost tripped in the sand while running over to him.
Ed smiled, then in a cheep and corny way answered. "Swimmingly! Well, on to our next victim.."
Ed: WHOO! I KILLED SOME STUFF!
Tia: Yes, yes you did.
Roy: I wasn't in this one...
Tia: Don't be upset! Your in the next chapter with your own brand of love! And by love I mean killing!
Ed: Just like Chuck Norris knits sweaters? And by knits, I mean kicks. And by sweaters, I mean babies!
Tia: That's right Edward! Very good! Review kiddies! What should I offer this time...OH! You get Roy's gloves! He can't use them here anyway! Oh, and I'm planning on adding another FMA character to the story. But I want your input! So tell me who you want and whoever gets the most votes, is in!