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Chapter 5: Never Is a Promise

Kagome lowered her eyes and tried to move away from the demon quickly, but she soon noticed that she was held in place by his furry tail, which was still wrapped around her body. When she tugged at it lightly, Sesshoumaru quickly picked up what it was that she wanted and removed the appendage from her. In the next moment she jumped up with quite admirable speed for a human, taking the sleeping bag, which had served them as a blanket, with her to wrap around her naked body.

But she hadn't considered that this would leave Sesshoumaru uncovered and she blushed furiously as she couldn't help but stare at his nude form. He was lying on his side, propped up on his elbow, facing her. Blushing even more, her eyes travelled up and down his gorgeous body. 'Kami, I'm staring at his...Kagome, get a grip on yourself!' she scolded and directed her gaze towards the two purple stripes, which adorned each side of his hip.

The youkai lord stared back at her unashamedly, raising a single eyebrow at her odd behaviour. He was almost dizzy from her drastic scent changes: From contentment, to shock, to utter mortification.

"Is it not a bit late for modesty, miko" he asked in his smoothest voice.

Kagome didn't know what to say. Of course he had seen her naked before, but now she had control over her body and mind again, so it wasn't quite the same. How could he just lie there, completely uncovered on top of that, and not be affected by this terrible mess they were in?

"I...I think, I need a bath." she muttered, because she couldn't think of anything else to say and all she wanted at the moment was to be rid of his presence. Awkwardly, so not to drop her cover, she bent down and gripped her pack. Without giving him a second glance she headed into the forest towards the stream, desperate to be alone with her thoughts for a while.

When Kagome was sure that she had put a safe distance between herself and Sesshoumaru, she dropped her backpack behind some bushes. After scanning the area for any potential danger she pulled a knee-length t-shirt and some fresh panties out of it. Kagome let the sleeping bag fall to the ground and hurriedly pulled the garment over her head, shivering slightly although it was a quite warm autumn day. As soon as she was sufficiently covered she started to examine her body.

Walking here had hurt a bit, as she felt an unpleasant soreness in her lower regions. Carefully she took a closer look at her legs and she gasped in horror when she saw that her inner thighs were partly covered with dried blood and other, stickier, substances. She couldn't help the tears running down her face as she put her panties on and sat down on the mossy ground. Hugging her knees to her body she laid her head on top of them and wept.

The immense guilt she felt seemed to crush her slowly. What had she done? How could she have betrayed Inuyasha in such a terrible way? He was out there somewhere…he could be hurt…or worse…and she had had nothing better to do than to give her first kiss and her innocence to his evil half-brother?

She should never have given in to this.

In that moment, all she wanted was to fade away, to stop feeling and lessen the pain and the guilt that flowed through her. But that wouldn't be right. For what she had done, she deserved to suffer.

'Inuyasha will hate me when he finds out about this. And he has every right to. Oh gods, but I love him, I swear I love him. I have no idea how this could have happened. I didn't mean for it to happen...Inuyasha, I'm so sorry.'

Kagome began to cry harder. The tears just wouldn't stop falling. She was so confused and still not able to comprehend the whole situation completely. All she knew was that she was in pain, physically and mentally. She was so very ashamed of what she had done and she was sure that she would never be able to look Inuyasha straight in the face again.

After some time she had calmed down enough to decide that she had to go to the stream and get herself cleaned up. So she grabbed her pack and the sleeping bag and walked to the stream. When she arrived and dropped her things to start bathing herself, she discovered that Sesshoumaru had beaten her to it. He stood in the middle of the small stream with his back towards her as he cleaned himself. The water reached up to his waist, and although Kagome knew from past experience that the water was frigid, he didn't seem to mind at all.

For a moment Kagome just stared at him as he stood there in all his ethereal beauty. He looked perfect in every way possible. Oh, how she longed for the long lost illusions of her childhood, when outward beauty had automatically implied goodness, beauty of the mind. But Sesshoumaru wasn't a good person, not at all. But beautiful in appearance nevertheless...

When she couldn't bear it any longer, she turned her back towards him. What did he think of her now anyway? Would he tell Inuyasha about it to hurt him? Would he tell Inuyasha how she had moaned his name and begged him to continue as he had pleasured her? Unable to stop the tears which had resumed sliding down her cheeks, she sat down by the stream and cried again. She hated herself for being so weak and pathetic, but it was as though each new thought added more misery to the awful situation she was in.

Sesshoumaru had known that she was there for a while and he idly wondered what had taken her so long to get here. The sadness radiated off her in waves and it disturbed him slightly. What was it that made her so unhappy in contrast to her usual, annoyingly cheerful, nature? He didn't understand human thoughts and emotions at all. The girl should feel honoured to have lain with him, but instead she was saddened over something he didn't understand or know about.

When he stepped out of the water and clothed himself she was still sitting with her back towards him, weeping silently. Why was this girl always crying? The demon lord didn't like weeping females at all. It made them appear even weaker and more useless. Scenting the air closely he could still smell her dried blood on her. Obviously she hadn't been with anyone else before and probably she was in physical pain now. After all he was full youkai and it was surprising that they had fit together at all.

Silently he strode towards her and came to a halt directly behind her.

"Miko, are you hurt" he inquired in a matter of fact voice.

Slightly startled Kagome's head jerked around and she looked up at him unhappily. Regarding him for a few seconds, as if she needed time to process his question, she finally shook her head slowly. Then she turned to rest her head on her knees again.

A slight frown marred his handsome features as he continued to stare at her. She had confused him yet again with her strange behaviour. Apparently humans tended to live in extremes, either very happy or terribly sad. All of sudden Sesshoumaru felt a ridiculous urge to touch her, to make sure that she was still there and alive. Although he could be positive about both things without getting his hands filthy again.

"Miko." He repeated in his stoic tone, for the lack of anything else to say.

Again Kagome turned her head towards him. His face held its usual bored expression, although she could tell by now that he expected her to say or do something. But what should she tell him? She was desperate and she didn't want to talk to him. At the moment she wished for nothing more that to be back home again, to have a hot bath and be soothed by her mother. Most likely he wouldn't understand what troubled her anyway, as he obviously didn't feel any remorse about what had happened between them the previous night. But on the other hand, she doubted that he would ever let it show if anything did bother him.

Unable to look at his face any longer, she lowered her eyes to the ground. She had never felt so weak and silly in her life, so completely at a loss what to do or say. Probably it would be best to first get herself clean and then to start thinking about the future.

So Kagome began to get up shakily, slightly wincing from the pain that shot through her legs and lower abdomen. When she had managed to stand on both her legs her vision suddenly went black and she felt herself rapidly losing her balance. Bracing herself for a hard impact with the ground, she was surprised to feel strong arms encircle her and keep her from tumbling before she passed out completely.

When she regained consciousness again some time later, she found herself lying on her back in the soft grass. She felt a bit chilled and still very weak. Gradually memories of what had happened before flashed through her mind. Moaning quietly in frustration she decided that she would have preferred to stay unconscious a bit longer.

As she noticed the soft brush of something wet against her skin she opened her eyes in surprise and took a startled look at her surroundings. Glancing down her body she could see Sesshoumaru, who was currently kneeling between her legs. Obviously he was busy with another task, as he wasn't looking at her and his brows were furrowed in concentration. Then his face disappeared and she felt something brush the skin of her inner thigh again and stiffened immediately. The touch was far too intimate for comfort and, suddenly filled with panic, she bounced into a sitting position.

Sesshoumaru ignored her sudden movements and continued licking her slightly bruised skin clean, getting slowly closer to her center. Although she couldn't make out the reason clearly, a terrible fear gripped her and her throat constricted so painfully that it was hard to breath. Her mind was troubled with sudden panic and all she knew was that she had to do something to stop him. Without any coherent thought Kagome lifted her hand from her side quickly. In this moment the demon lord looked up and gazed at her curiously, wondering what had caused the sudden change in her scent.

Before he could realize what she was about to do, her hand impacted with his left cheek, hard enough to make his head turn a fraction. It hadn't really hurt him, but he was simply too dumbfounded to react immediately. Trying hard to wrap his mind around what had just transpired he failed miserably.

Sesshoumaru remained kneeling between her legs, his face holding a rare expression of utter shock. Still he was more surprised and confused than annoyed, but the anger was gradually seeping through him. He slowly turned back his head and fixed her with one of his unreadable stares. Eventually his mind recovered enough to produce a train of coherent thought:

'She slapped me. That human wench had the insolence to slap me...'

And he had no idea what had caused this reaction. He had not intended any harm to her. This was definitely one of the most humiliating things that had ever happened to him. Never had anyone dared to lay hand on his person in such an insulting manner, but now here he was, frozen in place with the ningen girl who had turned his life upside down in just a few days, offended beyond all expectations, but still somehow unable to execute any kind of revenge...

Kagome looked at him in complete horror, realizing what had just happened.

'Oh Kami, I slapped him. Alright, kill me now...'

She was sure that she had finally managed to provoke him into murdering her instantly and her mind was frantically searching for a way out of this fatal situation. But before she could do or say anything, she saw the expression in Sesshoumaru's cold eyes change. They were suddenly blazing with hot anger and Kagome gulped inaudibly. Snarling at her viciously he got up in a fluid motion, turned on his heels and began to stride away from her at a quick pace.

'Wow, what was that...?' Kagome stared at his retreating form disbelievingly. Never had she witnessed a display of such temper from him. But she was clearly relieved that he had refrained from hurting her in return, at least for the time being.

But still, he had deserved it. What had he been thinking anyway? How dare he try to take advantage of her while she was unconscious? Kagome was fuming with anger. Slowly she bent down to examine her thighs and found that most of the dried blood had been removed and that she was almost clean again. Her face screwed up in distaste when she realized that Sesshoumaru had obviously licked it off of her. Why had he done that? And why hadn't he just taken her by force, if he had wanted her again? It didn't make any sense.

'Shit, I hate this day!' she thought grumpily.

Deciding that it would be wise to clean herself up before doing anything else, she stripped hurriedly and started to wash herself. After ten minutes in the cold water and a lot of soap and scrubbing, she decided that she was sufficiently clean and stepped out, shivering violently. As soon as she was clothed again, she took her belongings and ran after the youkai. She wasn't very keen on facing or, even worse, talking to him, but her greatest fear at the moment was that he had gone for good and left her alone in the middle of nowhere. Wondering sourly what else could happen to make this day more horrible, she reached her camp after another ten minutes.

To her great relief, Sesshoumaru was sitting at his accustomed place under the tree. She gave him a nervous glance, not quite sure how to approach him, but he had obviously decided to ignore her presence. Dropping her pack and the sleeping bag with a sigh she tried to gain his attention, but nothing happened.

As Kagome had nothing else to do she started to gradually tidy up the place. First she collected the remains of her clothes which had been shredded by Sesshoumaru last night. Remembering the whole thing now caused her to blush a quite deep shade of red. Shaking herself mentally she stuffed the rest of her torn clothes in her pack. 'They're definitely ruined, what a pity. I really liked these pants...' Kagome thought reproachfully.

After that she went to examine the sleeping bag they had slept on. Wrinkling her nose she noticed that it was also dirty in some places. She would have to go home and wash it before she could use it again. As soon as Kagome had coiled up the sleeping bag and put it into her pack, she felt sick again.

She wondered regretfully what state of mind she had been in to be able to have sex with Sesshoumaru. With him, of all people...and he hadn't even exactly forced her into it. Alright, he hadn't stopped when she had wanted him to, although she also knew that wanting to stop the whole thing at that point might have been a bit late. But, at the beginning, when she probably could have stopped him, she hadn't even tried. Kagome was disgusted with her own weakness. She had always thought that her mind was much stronger than her body, but obviously she had been sadly mistaken.

How had it been possible that she had let this happen? Of course she had been frightened and sad because of that entirely too realistic nightmare. And yes, Sesshoumaru had comforted her in a strange fit of kindness. But what exactly had happened that had made her willing to lose her virginity to an arrogant, unfeeling and violent youkai five hundred years in the past? She was still in love with Inuyasha, and being in love meant being faithful after all. Oh, how she despised herself for her weakness...

Eventually she stopped her musings. It wouldn't do any good to dwell in the past, as she couldn't change it anyway. And although she felt terrible there were more pressing matters at hand. Taking a careful look at Sesshoumaru, she found that he hadn't moved a muscle during the time she had been here. He had apparently decided to ignore her completely.

Sighing in exasperation, she made her way to the place where he was sitting on the ground and knelt down next to him awkwardly. Unfortunately, there was no way of delaying this confrontation any further.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have slapped you. But you really scared me...you know, these things can never happen again..." she stammered, eyeing him suspiciously, still wary of the thought that his control might snap suddenly. But he didn't even turn his head.

Kagome was desperate. She had no idea what was going on inside him. 'Probably he is contemplating how or when he will kill me...maybe now...or rather later...' she thought cynically.

It was easy for her to read most people, to understand their feelings and reactions. But he was a mystery and she had probably never felt so far away from any person. God, she had bedded him last night and she couldn't even have a decent conversation with the guy! Her life was a mess!

She would have given nearly everything she owned to know what he was thinking. Did he regret what had happened or would he like to repeat it? Had he intended to make any advances towards her back at the stream? Or was there another reason behind his odd behaviour? Had she hurt him in saying that she didn't want to be intimate with him again? Was he relieved? Did it matter to him at all? The uncertainty and his complete lack of emotion were driving her mad. She had to do something, as the situation was too awkward to put up with it any longer.

"Please, just talk to me" Kagome begged quietly.

Slowly, the taiyoukai turned towards her. His expression was slightly bored, but his eyes appeared somewhat troubled.

"What do you wish me to say" he asked stoically.

Sighing in relief, Kagome graced him with a small smile.

"Just tell me what you are thinking" she said hopefully.

"That I should kill you this instant" he stated bluntly.

Kagome gulped audibly, as the smile was wiped off her face. It took her a few seconds to recover from the initial shock.

"So...why don't you" she asked, sounding amazingly calm to her own ears.

"This I do not know, miko." the youkai replied truthfully.

His answer wasn't really satisfying, but she could tell that it wouldn't get any better. So he obviously wasn't able to kill her. That was a good sign, wasn't it?

In a sudden flash of boldness she reached out slowly to touch the cheek she had slapped earlier. "Does it still hurt" she inquired gently. But before she could have reached him, he caught her wrist in an iron grip. Amber eyes locked with hers in a cold stare.

"No human such as yourself could ever hurt this Sesshoumaru, wench" he hissed tersely.

Startled, she gaped at him. His tight grip hurt her wrist and he was obviously so pissed off that they were back at the 'wench-thing'. Although she really wanted to, she couldn't think of anything to say or do to improve the situation.

Suddenly she felt him stiffening besides her and in the next moment she was jerked into an upright position. Sesshoumaru was standing in front of her in an almost protective manner, but he let go of her wrist eventually. Kagome gazed at him worriedly.

"What is it? What's happening" she asked, concern clearly lacing her voice.

The moment until he answered her question stretched endlessly for her. She remembered her thoughts from earlier: Probably there actually were some things that could happen and make this day even worse. For example a violent youkai, or a whole bunch of violent youkai, or Naraku and his minions. The list seemed almost endless now.

"It is that hanyou. He is probably coming to get you." Sesshoumaru stated in his usual, bored tone. It took some time until Kagome had processed the information. But then her face lit up with joy and her stomach did an odd flip flop.

"Inuyasha? He's coming here" she asked hopefully. Nodding curtly, the demon lord never turned his gaze from the trees in front of them.

Then she heard a rustle in these trees and Inuyasha, clad in his usual red attire, emerged from the forest. Kagome was sure she would burst from all the joy and relief she suddenly felt. He was alive and well...and he had come to get her back! Without another thought she ran over the clearing towards the hanyou. "Inuyasha" she called happily.

Inuyasha stopped dead in his tracks in surprise. When Kagome reached him, she literarily jumped at him, hugging him enthusiastically. His arms went around her waist of their own accord as she hid her face on his shoulder and cried because she was so happy and so confused at the same time. Inuyasha glanced down at her worriedly, disturbed by her odd behaviour.

"Kagome, are you hurt? What did he do to you" he inquired hotly, shooting a dirty look at Sesshoumaru, who had remained standing calmly on the other side of the clearing.

Suddenly Kagome went rigid in his arms, as all sorts of horrible scenarios flashed through her mind. What if Sesshoumaru told Inuyasha about everything? What if they started a fight? Kagome felt sick again.

Quickly she raised her head to look at Inuyasha.

"Nothing, he didn't do anything to me. I'm alright. I'm just so happy to see you again. I was really worried, you know..." she babbled hurriedly.

Inuyasha's features softened as he gazed down at her almost gently. When he had finally caught her scent along with Sesshoumaru's he had feared the worst. Seeing her as happy and as alive as ever filled him with much more joy than he had ever thought himself capable of.

"You were worried for me" he asked, his voice husky with suppressed emotion.

"Of course...and I missed you so much" she whispered before she pulled him into another tight hug.

Sesshoumaru was still standing rigidly on the other side of the clearing, watching the whole scene with a bored expression. Not the slightest frown betrayed his confusion and inner turmoil.

Anger, unbidden and unwanted, boiled inside of him and made his own body feel foreign, like he was in physical pain without any kind of injury. Watching the scene before him intently, a stab of sudden longing shot through him and he felt almost sick.

At the same time he was sure that he had never wanted Inuyasha dead as much as he did now. The thought of slicing the hanyou's throat was strangely soothing to his boiling blood. And the more primal part of his nature would have been quite happy with this relatively simple solution. But his rational side forbade any reaction on pure impulse. The last time he had given in to one of these impulses, he had awoken to the sight of a filthy human in his arms.

Sesshoumaru had no idea what was wrong with him. He, of all demons, never showed any emotional reactions. But he couldn't deny that he was gradually losing control of this situation.

"You were worried for me" he heard Inuyasha's voice ask.

"Of course...and I missed you so much." the girl whispered gently, happiness rolling off of her in waves. 'She had missed him? That worthless half-breed? Why would she do that?' Sesshoumaru wondered incredulously, again unable to comprehend why those simple words bothered him so much.

Shaking himself mentally, he pondered about this odd situation. He had known that the girl cared deeply for Inuyasha, had even risked her own life to protect the hanyou. So why did this fact strike him as so wrong all of sudden?

Surprised by his own lack of control, he noticed that his hand had darted to the handle of his sword, ready to rid the world of the hanyou's presence for good. But losing control again was unacceptable and he tightened the reins on his youkai blood.

The only other option was to leave immediately. He needed time to understand what had caused him to react so atypically. Emotion was weakness, and he couldn't tolerate any weakness in his own self.

Glancing one last time at the miko in Inuyasha's arms, Sesshoumaru noticed that her face was turned towards him. Her raven hair was swaying gently in the soft breeze and the sunlight caught in her ocean blue eyes, making them shine and sparkle prettily. For a moment he returned her gaze intensely, as if he could find all the answers to his questions in her eyes. Emotions he wasn't quite able to decipher flickered through those sapphire orbs. Regret, perhaps, or even sadness.

Why he was reluctant to leave was beyond his knowledge, but he managed to tear his gaze away from her eventually. Turning on the spot, he vanished into the forest without another glance back.

A/N: Hi everybody! Sorry for not updating earlier, but again I'm really busy with university stuff at the moment. I'll try to be faster with chapter 6 though.

I want to thank all the nice people who have sent me reviews! That's really the best motivation you can get!