Disclaimer: I own a head full of memories, imagination, and a slight bit of creativity. I don't own the characters I used to act in my play of memories, imagination, and slight creativity. YYH is strictly a Togashi-san production. Don't sue me.
Maybe Someday
by crazykitsune17
"So what does your mother look like, Botan?" Yusuke wrapped his arms around the chains of the swing in Kaikatsu Park, grinning at the blue-haired apparition beside him. His toes dug into the sand beneath his feet, and he pushed himself up as far as his toes let him before letting go and swinging forward.
Botan frowned, but the smile behind it was too hard to miss. "Is she just as pretty as you? I bet she is. Damn it, Botan, I bet your mom's hot!" Botan closed her eyes and offered a small laugh. "Yusuke…"
"Whaaaat?" Yusuke flipped upside down on his swing, staring at Botan's inverted figure. "I'm not kidding! I picture your mom just like you, ya know, blue hair, bright pinkish eyes, hot pink kimono and riding an oar. Only maybe with a couple wrinkles and extra baggage down below… Maybe some saggy tits…"
Botan stopped her swing and kicked sand in Yusuke's face. "Yusuke!" she cried.
"I'm just kidding, just kidding… Ouch, that got in my eyes… Geez…"
Botan sighed. She started to swing again, letting the wind ripple her hair in its traditional ponytail back and forth while Yusuke rubbed the sand out of his eyes. A placid smile rested on her face – the sort of wistful, longing smile she normally wore when her usual hyper demeanor and peppiness faded away into a more contemplative mood. It was the face for sunsets, the face for watching fireworks light up the evening sky, the face one wore when life was good, but not quite good enough…
More and more often, Botan would be overcome by such faces. While on the job, escorting the newly deceased to their final resting places, a spell of calm would fall over her, causing her to lapse into meditative silence while her confused dead rode quietly along with her on their way to either heaven or hell. Many times, Koenma had had to snap his fingers loudly in front of her face for several seconds in order to regain her attention to give her assignments.
"Botan, what has gotten into you lately? Your attention span has become even shorter than usual!" she recalled the young prince yelling one day.
Maybe it has… thought Botan sadly, lightly pumping her legs to propel her higher. I can't really think clearly anymore about anything other than Yusuke…
She looked over at her goofball friend and stretched her lips. It wasn't necessarily a smile that she gave him, more like a neutral sort of facial expression that not even the English language had a word for. A bitter smile? A jealous smile? A happy frown? She wasn't sure.
Finally, Yusuke had dug the sand out of his eyes, and he glared, eyes a bit puffy and red from the scratching. "What was that for?"
Botan's happy frown stretched further, and she stopped swinging. She gave a slight shoulder shrug. Yusuke made an indignant noise under his breath and spun the swing around, intertwining the chains into a complicated, beautiful web. He let go and whirled around as fast as he could, the chains unwinding with a metallic "clink-clink-clink" noise.
"You didn't answer my question," he stated deviously, staring back at Botan. "About your mother."
Botan was silent.
"Don't want to talk about it?" Yusuke asked. "Okay, then. Let's stay away from the topic of mothers. They're all stupid anyway. They're either overprotective, fat and ugly, or drunk and stupid like my mom." He chuckled lightly. "I love her, though. Can't help it. I hate loving things I don't really like."
She couldn't help it. Botan let out a loud laugh, a couple of single-syllable "ha's" that made Yusuke grin.
"Like people," he continued. "I hate 'em and yet I love and protect 'em. Especially Kuwabara. Man, I can't stand the guy sometimes, but deep down—" he pounded his chest valiantly – "he's a really great guy, and I love him to the death. Heh. Don't think I'm gay or nothin', though, I don't love him that much!"
Botan smiled. An amused, polite smile.
"What about you? Don't you just hate when you hate something so much you love it? I know Keiko hates ice cream because she's in love with it." Yusuke adopted a high falsetto. "'Oh, Yusuke, this stuff makes me so fat, but it's just so delicious! Will you buy some more?' Psht, I dunno who she thinks she's kidding. She's so skinny, she could almost pass for a whore!" He chuckled; then he added, "Same goes for you, Botan."
"I'll try not to be offended by that."
Yusuke grinned. "Good. Because it was a compliment."
Botan sighed. "Keiko's beautiful, isn't she?" Her hands clenched around the chains of her swing. This was what had been bothering her recently. Keiko.
Well, not so much Keiko herself, she's a wonderful girl, but rather… Keiko and Yusuke…
Keiko was a childhood crush of Yusuke's, the girl he followed around all throughout primary and middle school, yanking her pigtails and flipping up her skirts. They were both a little older now, but the crush was still there. Keiko loved Yusuke, Botan knew that. Yusuke loved Keiko, it was as simple as that.
But… it's still only a crush. It's friend love… I know that for a fact…
Yusuke looked confused. He scratched the back of his neck. "Yeah… she is…"
Another sigh.
"And she's so smart, too. A beauty and a brain."
Yusuke threw his head down, a breath of hot air escaping between his teeth. "Botan, you can't compare yourself to Keiko like this." He glared as Botan attempted to protest and continued. "I know you do it, don't lie to me! All girls compare themselves to each other, saying stuff like, 'Oh, she's so much prettier than me! She's so much thinner than me! Her hair is so much silkier than mine!' It's crap. Not to mention annoying as hell, but more importantly, it's crap. All you girls are pretty and sexy and stuff in your own special ways. You too, Botan. You're absolutely gorgeous."
Botan blushed. "I… I'm not comparing myself to Keiko…" she said softly. "I couldn't possibly do that. Nothing compares to that girl…"
Yusuke frowned. "No, nothing does. But nothing compares to you, either."
Silence overtook the swinging couple, the sounds of voices replaced by the whooshes of the wind. It was getting colder as the afternoon turned to dusk. Botan was able to see her breath condense in front of her. A few minutes passed by…
"Botan, come here." Yusuke motioned to his lap, indicating that she was supposed to sit there. Hesitantly, Botan got up and made her way to the Spirit Detective. Yusuke nodded vigorously, communicating, "Come on, hurry up!" with his facial expression. Sighing, Botan sat. Yusuke wrapped an arm across her waist and looked straight into her eyes.
"Botan, you're beautiful. But you're more than just a pretty face to me. You're… well… you're my helper, my happy little elf in Santa's workshop. You're love and support and kindness…" He smiled. "You're a cute joke to make me laugh when I'm sad or upset. You're one of those girls, Botan."
"I… I don't understand, Yusuke. 'One of those girls'?"
"It's hard to explain. You're like… you're like a clown in the middle of an office building. You're so bright and colorful and entertaining, standing out in a world full of dull grey business suits and uptight executives. You stand out. You're important to me."
Important. Well… it's better than nothing…
Botan forced herself to smile. Another expression of bitterness, jealous, and depression masquerading as happiness. It was the type of smile the lovesick girl gives to the boy who had just inadvertently rejected her without actually saying no.
"Yusuke…"
Yusuke hugged Botan, enveloping her in his muscled arms and holding her close. Botan laid her head on his shoulder and looked into his soft face; his eyes were closed. She closed her own eyes too and hugged him back, fighting the urge to cry. Yusuke didn't let go of her for a while, and when he did, Botan wondered what to do. If anything, awkward silences bothered her most.
She stood up, hopped off Yusuke's lap and took a few paces backward, not wanting to go back to her sweet. The sun had sunk even further in the sky, and the tips of the pine trees in the distance were turning silhouette black. Soon, the stars would come out. Botan held back her tears as she tried not to think about how happy she would be to spend the entire night out here with Yusuke, just looking at stars and talking about life. That was only a thing that happened in movies, not in the real world where every guy that a girl loves is in love with a different girl. In this case, it was Keiko.
I love Keiko to death. I just wish that sometimes she wasn't friends with Yusuke… But she met him first. She deserves a chance at happiness with him… I'll always be second…
"Botan, you're still my girl…" a voice from behind called out to her.
One tear slid down her cheek, and she whispered. "I know…" She began to walk away, but…
"Botan!" Yusuke jumped off his swing and jogged until he was beside her. He grabbed her hand and forced her to face him. His heart caught in his throat as he noticed the glistening tears forming in the corners of her eyes and already down her cheeks. He swallowed and recovered himself with a shuddering breath and willed himself to say something more. Botan looked expectant, the "waiting" sort of frown half-formed on her lips. "I…"
Botan stared at Yusuke for a few more seconds, lingering, wondering if he was going to say anything important. Her heart was beating faster than normal, adrenaline rushing as if she was expecting something to happen, yet knowing in the back of her mind that life was full of disappointments and lost opportunities. This would just be another one of those times…
"I…" Yusuke averted his eyes. He swore he could see Keiko's silhouette from behind the trees, but it was only a shadow caused by the last hints of the setting sun. "I… Botan… you…"
Botan sighed. "You don't have to say anything. I already know what you're going to say…"
"Ahh…" A sigh of frustration escaped Yusuke's lips, and he ran a hand through his hair, dragging a few more cowlicks towards the front. "Botan, I'm a… I'm a pretty stupid guy." He shrugged comically. "I don't think I even really know what love is. I think it's just that feeling you get down below when you see a pretty girl walking down the street, you know? I mean, yeah, there's something in your heart, and I'm feeling that right now, but I just… I dunno what it is! I'm confused, Botan. I may be a cocky asshole on the outside, but inside, I really don't have a frickin' clue what the hell I'm doing. It's the feeling of hate and love, remember that?"
Botan nodded. "I see." She started turning away again.
"No! No! It's not like that! I don't hate you, Botan! Not at all! I think you're one of the greatest girls in the world! You… you saved me from death, you've been with me these last couple of years even when nobody was on my side! You cared about me, I could feel it! And goddammit, I cared about you too! I still do! It's just that… just…"
"I know. It's Keiko. You don't need to say anything more." Botan's tone was bitter and sharp. She just wanted to stop talking and get home…
"Botan…"
Botan turned around. "Yusuke," she said. "Just do what makes you happy. I won't mind either way." She smiled, but it hurt.
Yusuke let his arms droop down to his sides. He began walking toward her, dragging his feet through the packed dirt ground. His hand reached for Botan's, and he held it, gazing into her soft pink eyes. He leaned in closer, and they kissed.
It was a short kiss, a soft one, a friend kiss. An almost reluctant, guilty kiss. A kiss of finality and good-byes. A kiss for forgetting, a kiss of no return.
"Maybe someday, Botan. Maybe someday…"
-crazykitsune17-