B is for Benny

"Come on, Roger… just this one night. Just deal with Benny this one last time and wish him good luck and don't be a dick about it."

"And why should I, huh? To what fucking point? I'm not happy about him leaving, why the hell should I pretend?"

"Because this'll give the friendship closure, end it on a better note." Mark said, letting out a sigh, "Look it's not really hard to do."

"Yeah, maybe for you."

"And what the hell'sthat supposed to mean?"

The rocker turned away, "Forget it."

Forget it.

Forget you Roger, and your fucking stubborn pride!

The filmmaker took in a deep breath and followed Roger to the window. During an argument, the window meant 'leave me the fuck alone or else'. Buthe hadn't retreated tothe bedroom yet, which of coursewould mean'you fucking so much as touch the door and I'll kick your ass'.

"Look just this one night. Just do it and get it over with, just sit in the loft with him and have a few beers. It'll be just like old times…"

"Except he's leaving." Roger muttered.

"Roger."

It felt like he was talking to a little kid…

"Oh fuck you Mark. Don't 'Roger' me."

…that liked to say fuck… a lot.

Mark sighed, "I just don't understand why you're being so stubborn about this! I mean he hasn't really been living with us for months; he's just making it official now by marrying Alison and moving the rest of his shit over… Just dothis tonight, share some laughs, get it over with…"

Roger threw his hands up as if in defeat, "God Mark why do you have to be so fucking…"

"What?"

Nothing. Time to press the big bad rocker's buttons some.

"...So fucking what, Roger?"

"God damn self righteous! Why do you have to spend your time mending shit between people? Why does it matter so much to you?"

"Because… because our lives have been falling apart since April fucking died! And…"

Mark realized what he had said a little too late.

The rocker became stone at the mention of her name his arms had fallen uselessly to his sides, his green eyes darkened and dulled.

"Oh…oh shit, Roger, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to… I'm sorry just forget I said anything, okay? You…you don't have to spend time with Benny tonight, I'll just…"

Mark turned to leave, battling with self hatred right now. Roger had only just recently left his bedroom from the whole experience, was in many respects still going through withdrawal from the drug that sentenced him to death… and Mark had said this… her name. oh fuck.

He started towards his room, but Roger grabbed his arm, tightly, stopping him. Mark turned slowly, bracing himself to get hit…knowing he deserved it…

"No…" Roger said, voice low…calculated, "I'll do it tonight. I'll hang out with the yuppy scum play buddy buddy…whatever."

Mark searched those green eyes for an explanation, but for once they revealed nothing.

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The next afternoon, Mark stumbled out of his bedroom with a massive headache. He put his hand over his eyes to block the bright light streaming in.

"Hangover much?"

"Oh shit!" Mark took a step backwards and nearly fell over.

Roger laughed from the window, "Don't pee yourself or anything."

"Shit Roger…what the hell are you doing up?" He sat down next to the rocker, leaning against the cool glass.

The rocker shrugged, "It's 4pm, Marky. I could always hold my alcohol better than you two."

Benny was still sprawled out on the couch with an empty beer bottle in his hand, snoring lightly. The filmmaker smiled, it had been one hell of a night. And the happiest he'd seen Roger in a long time…

"What do you think he meant when he said we were golden?"

Roger shrugged, "Hell if I know."

The filmmaker leaned his throbbing head into his pale hands and let out a small groan. Roger turned his attention back to the window, as he often did lately. Lost in thoughts, memories, God only knew… Mark avoided them by focusing on his films, but Roger got lost in them by staring out the window.

"Hey, Rodge…"

The rocker looked up from his daydream, "Yeah?"

Mark bit his lip, continuing slowly, "Why'd you decide to…hang out last night?"

Roger paused, startled by the question, but then recognition. Moments later green eyes shifted to avoid penetrating blue, but they didn't move soon enough.

Mark had seen it.

"Oh God…I really hate you two sometimes…" Came Benny's groan from the couch, rubbing weary eyes.

Roger stood and went to his room without another word.

Benny sat up to watch Roger's bedroom door fall shut, "What's wrong with him?"

Mark saw what was in those eyes, what Roger had realized last night at the mention of April's name. He bit his lip and looked out the window, anywhere that wasn't here, now, in the loft.

"And now you're going all quiet broody… what the hell'd I miss?" Benny sat up slowly, rubbing his temple.

Mark turned and shrugged, raising his eyebrows almost apologetically, "You want some tea or coffee or something?"

"Hah! You two actually have food in this place?"

The filmmaker smiled, "Nope. Just tea or coffee."

"Well fuck that." Benny slipped on his shoes and threw a jacket over his shoulders, "I'll get us some real breakfast… bagels or something, my treat."

"How kind." Mark said with a smirk.

"You know you'll miss me." Benny said with a wink before slipping out the door.

And Mark would. He had realized while looking in those green eyes all that this could be the last time they see Benny, the last time they spend time with him, so all their petty arguing over right or wrong didn't really matter. If Benny had died before coming over last night, all their fights would have seemed meaningless.

And with just the mention of April's name, Roger had figured that out last night, he'd put aside his anger so that if Benny's funeral came next…he'd have no regrets.

The filmmaker knocked lightly on Roger's door.

"What!" was the muffled response.

Mark consideredopening the door, but decided against it.

"Uh...Roger?"

"...Mark, I already asked you what. I'm not going to do it again."

He smiled and paused to let Roger's words wash away.

"Thanks."

There was a long pause, a deliberate silence, and then the door swung open revealing a very confused Roger on the other side.

"Mark…have you gone fucking nuts? What the hell did I do?"

He shrugged in a similar way as he did with Benny earlier and walked away.

"Mark?"

He prepared his tea slowly, before looking up with a small smile on his face, "Benny's bringing bagels."