Chapter 5

My Kingdom for a Cookie

Well it looks like this fic is starting to rap up. It is really fun to write so I am going to prolong its end for as long as I can even though it will probably be within the next three chapters. I have thought of the ending though just in case you had any doubt in your mind I do have some idea of what I am going to do with this fic. Anyways do enjoy this next chapter.

Clark Cradic: I'm not saying the Naruto dub is as bad as one piece, or as bad as many many many other cut dubs but all they had to do was put it on adult swim. ALL THEY HAD TO DO! Yah it sucks for me cuz I literally got into Naruto about a month before Toonami announced they were airing it so fan subs became illegal JUST as I started to get hooked . Anyways your cross over fic sounds like it's gonna be hilarious. I personally would make Tucker pervert Sensai but that's just me.

Cpt.ShaneSchofield: Well who knows it COULD prolong your life. If you walk into a dark ally and someone jumps in front of you with a gun and says they won't let you pass unless you can tell them what tool Karin uses to beat her patients with, reading my fics would have helped prolong your life. Unless the guy doesn't like a smart ass then it helps shorten your life but either way it does something.

One True Koneko: Yes siblings can be a pain…HEY I TOLD YOU NOT TO TOUCH THAT PENGUIN GOD! But hey your still one of this fics most consistent reviewers. Give yourself a pat on the back! Or send an army of rabid penguins to destroy everyone you hate. That always makes me feel happy.

Griff: "I don't care what fowl methods of torture you bestow upon me! I shall tell you nothing!"

Karin: "Out with it!" Karin held her hammer menacingly.

Griff: "Take your best shot! OW! Ok maybe not your best shot. OW! Ok maybe you should just not hit me at all."

Karin: "You better tell me what I need to know."

Griff: "Never."

Karin: "I have ways to make you talk."

Griff: "Yah by hitting me with your hammer and that hasn't worked so far! OW!"

Karin: "Maybe then I should just hit you a little harder."

Griff: "………you're really scary did you know that?"

Karin: "It's the type of thing you would say on our dates."

Griff: "I feel the most important aspect of a relation ship is honesty."

Karin: "Now you sound like that Doc person everyone has been telling me about."

Griff: "Well I do wish Doc was here he is a much better Doctor than…OW!"

Church woke up to the sound of a hammer striking Griff's head and a certain orange armored Spartan's cry of pain.

Church: "What's going on?"

Griff: "I will never tell!"

Karin: "You stubborn little brat!"

Karin hit Griff yet again.

Church: "Hey I'm in charge here I'm suppose to interrogate the prisoner."

Karin: "He isn't a prisoner right now he's a patient."

Church: "Huh?"

Karin: "Caboose woke up a little while ago and told me to help Griff."

Church: "How is hitting him helping him?"

Griff: "I WILL NEVER TELL YOU!"

Karin: "I need to give him a shot, but I need to know his blood type first."

Griff: "I WILL NEVER TELL!"

Karin: "He's afraid of shots."

Church: "Wow. Wait you're his girlfriend don't you know his blood type?"

Karin: "What kind of person knows their boyfriend's or girlfriend's blood type?"

Church: "What do you mean?"

Karin: "I mean…do you know Tex's blood type."

Church: "O positive."

Karin: "Wow. Jeeze how do you know these things."

Church: "Wait"

Karin: "What?"

Church: You're his girl friend AND a doctor and u don't know his blood type?

Karin: "…"

Church: "…"

Karin: "For the benefit of everyone in this room I'm going to change the subject. How do you know these things about Tex?"

Church: "I just know."

Karin: "What else do you know?"

Church: "Her phone number was 555-5555. But when I started to call her too much she changed it to 123-45678. That didn't seem to help. Her favorite type of food is starbursts, she eats roughly 2.3 starbursts a day. She has spent a total of 6 days 5 hours 32 minutes and 3 seconds of her life paying any attention to me, 87 days, 2 hours, 3 minutes, and 2 seconds doing any job as a mercenary. Her first kiss was a school play in third grade with a kid named bob. Her deepest darkest secret is that she once thought I was cute. She spends a total of 5 hours working out every week. Her measurements are…"

Karin: "OK! You can stop there. What do you do stalk her?"

Church: "I prefer to think of it as, following her without her knowledge."

Griff: "I SHALL NEVER TELL YOU!"

Church: "Can't you just take a sample of his blood to find out?"

Karin looked evilly down at Griff.

Griff: "AB positive! Please don't hurt me."

Church: "Oh come on it's just a tiny little shot."

Karin took out a needle roughly the size of your average Spartan.

Griff: "Why do you only use that when you need to give ME a shot?"

Karin: "Because you're my X."

Griff: "Um…we can always get back together if it will stop you from hitting me with that thing."

Griff must not have said the right thing because Karin repeatedly hit him with her hammer.

Karin: "oh suuuuuuurrrrreeeeee when I have a large needle in my hand you say we can get back together! When I stole your Oreo you said we should get back together! You! Stupid! Little!...um…maybe I shouldn't have hit him that hard.

Griff: "I can see a light."

Karin: "No you can't the power has been out since chapter one."

Griff: "What a warm light…If I could only stay within the reach of it's divine shield and bask in the eternal paradise which is it's nature."

Karin: "You suck at poetry." Karin stabbed her needle into Griff and injected whatever medicine she needed into the unfortunate Spartan.

Karin: "Now that I got that over with, I need to tend to Caboose some more."

Karin then took a seat next to Caboose and stared down intently at him.

Church: "Didn't you tell me he was awake?"

Karin: "He is awake."

Church: "But he's just lying there looking at the wall."

Karin: "He is watching paint dry."

Church: "But we haven't put a coat of paint down in months."

Karin: "He must have an awesome imagination to go with his charms, good looks, intelligence, strength, and cleanliness."

Church: "Someone is a bit to obsessive."

Karin: "Look who's talking I bet you know how many quarters Tex lost to a bad vending machine her whole life."

Church: "695"

Karin: "Wow…"

A loud explosion shook the base.

Tucker: "AH! WHATS HAPPENING!"

Church: "Oh it looks like the base is under attack."

Tucker: "I know that but what is Karin doing to Caboose?"

Karin was lying on top of Caboose.

Karin: "Um…the explosion knocked me into him."

Church: "Liar I saw you jump on him your just using that as an excuse."

Karin threw her hammer at Church's head.

Church: "OW! You really need to stop doing that!"

Tucker: "I wonder who's attacking us."

Griff: "Judging by the explosion, O'Malley. He has a thing for rocker launchers."

Outside of the base…

Lopez: "que les hacer?" (what are you doing)

O'Malley: "I told you I am attacking the base to create a suspenseful situation!"

Lopez: "por?" (why?)

O'Malley: " told you I am using this soap opera type drama against them. I am taping what happens and airing it on FOX as a reality TV show! And nobody likes reality TV! I will torture the world with the actions of these teams."

Doc: "How do you know FOX will air your show?"

O'Malley: "It's FOX!"

(Disclaimer: I don't own FOX or a fox. I wish I owned a fox, but I don't wish I owned FOX)

Lopez: "tu diseno leggar a ser liso peor entonces ante." (Your plans are becoming even worse than before.)

O'Malley: "This is a brilliant plan! I will call it something fancy like Red vs Blue! And unfortunate fools will watch it because they need to watch something before the Simpson's! And then it shall be so horrible that they bleed to death from their ears!"

Doc: "Why their ears?"

O'Malley: "Shut up you fool."

Sarge Griff and Simmons came charging down the hill shooting at blue base.

O'Malley: "What are they doing here?"

Lopez: "vez considerer estas ellas lucha en Guerra?" (Ever consider that they are fighting a war?)

Red team surrounded O'Malley.

Sarge: "Drop your rocket O'Malley or we will be forced to shoot."

O'Malley: "YOU FOOLS! Don't you think I'd have a back up plan!"

Sarge: "Course not."

Donut: "No."

Simmons: "No way."

O'Malley: "Oh well…I don't. But…TAKE THIS!"

O'Malley threw Lopez's head at Sarge, punched Simmons and ran past Donut.

Lopez: "les chupar!" (You suck!)

Donut: "Don't worry guys! I will take care of him."

Donut rapidly put his hands together performing weird hand signs, some of which required his fingers to be bent in such an awkward way that he broke four fingers.

Donut: "UCHIA FIREBALL!"

O'Malley: "…"

Lopez: "…"

Simmons: "..."

Sarge: "Nothing's happening."

Donut: "Ok maybe If I try something else." Donut repeated the process but this time yelled…

Donut: "DOPPLEGANER JUTSU!"

A SECOND Donut appeared next to the first, but two Donut's would threaten the balance of the universe so the second one exploded.

O'Malley: "…"

Sarge: "…"

Simmons: "…"

Lopez: "…"

Donut realized that all of his fingers were broken and all he could use were two thumbs.

Donut: "Oh well then. I'm sure my new ointment can fix this. Do you want to sample it?"

Donut sprayed what looked like a shampoo bottle into O'Malley's visor.

O'Malley: "AH I'M BLIND I CAN'T SEE!"

O'Malley ran around in circles until he ran into a rock and was knocked unconscious.

Church, Tucker, Caboose, Griff, and Karin walked out of blue base.

Church: "Wait that was YOU attacking us?"

Sarge stepped in front of O'Malley's unconscious body.

Sarge: "Yup. It was us. Completely our doing."

Church: "Ok. We will give you back your hostage if you stop attacking our base."

Sarge: "We couldn't care less about Griff! What we want is the quadruple stuffed mega Oreo."

Church: "We will give you the Oreo if you surrender to us."

Simmons: "We have you at gun point. Why would we do that?"

Church: "Oh right I forgot about that."

Tex: "Hey guys I haven't been able to find O'Malley yet so…"

Tex stared at red team for a second before pulling out her gun.

Tex: "All right put your weapons down and give up."

Using this split second of distraction, Griff tackled Caboose to the ground and put a gun to his head.

Caboose: "People like jumping on top of me today."

Karin: "GRIFF! GET OFF MY BOYFRIEND!"

Griff: "Will you get back together with me?"

Karin: "No way in hell."

Griff: "Then at least give me the Oreo."

Sheila, hearing the ruckus drove around blue base to come face to…um…cannon with Griff.

Everyone stared at each other for a bit.

Suddenly, despite having no legs to leap and no hands to press the trigger, Lopez leaped to O'Malley's rocket launcher and shot it at blue base.

The explosion knocked Church off the roof and made Sheila fire prematurely. Sheila's shot barely missed Tex, knocking her down and knocking her gun away from her.

Tucker ran at red team with his beam sword. Then he remembered that he was sick and started going into spasm's on the ground.

Karin jumped over to Griff and started beating him senseless with her hammer.

Sarge and Donut ran right past Griff while he was being attacked and pointed their guns to Church's forehead.

Sarge: "Tell whoever fired that shot at Tex to step off."

Simmons: "That was the tank sir."

Sarge: "There is no tank."

Church: "All right Sheila stop. "

Tex got up and ran at her gun, only to find Donut's pointing down at her.

Tex: "You wouldn't."

Donut: "Nope I probably wouldn't."

Tex knocked Donut down, took his gun, and aimed it at Sarge.

Simmons kept his gun aimed at Church while Sarge aimed his gun at Tucker.

Sarge: "Put your weapons down or we will shoot him."

Tex: "Do you think we care?"

Sarge pointed his gun towards Caboose.

Karin realized what was going on and tried to get to Caboose but Griff managed to pin her down.

Karin: "Let go of me! The one in teal armor is suffering from a case of penidimoboliumxioewugb! It's caused from hard objects hitting a person in the ribs and skull."

Church: "Once again your fault."

Griff: "Figures you can't solve a problem without making it worse."

Karin: "He will die if I don't treat him."

Church: "Maybe if you cared about any patient other than Caboose…"

Griff aimed his gun at Karin.

Griff: "You still need to tell us the location of the Oreo."

Griff was aiming his gun at Karin. Simmons was aiming his at Church. Sarge is aiming his at Caboose. Donut is down on the ground. Lopez's head was knocked somewhere far away by one of the explosions and O'Malley was unconscious. Tex was aiming her gun at Sarge. Karin wants to get to Caboose, and she needs to save Tucker. Church is doing nothing. Tucker is going into spasms and Sheila is not doing anything.

Sarge: "Is anyone else getting the feeling that the author is just finding a way to set up the scenario for the next chapter?"

I wonder how chaotic that would look in an episode. Hm… yah it would probably look pretty funny. Well anyways this fic is starting to wrap up. There will be two more chapters after this one. Wow I must like the number seven both of my RvB fics so far have/will have seven chapters. Anyways R&R! The second R means review. As in press that little button just a little below, and a little to the left of this passage.