Chapter 7:

My Life For The Oreo

Yuppers it's the last chapter of this fic. And there will be another one after this so don't pout, or cry, or shoot me, or celebrate, or commit sepeku for no particular reason. Seppuku should always be committed for a specific reason such as all of the anime in the world disappearing.

Cpt.ShaneSchofield: Yes giant letters of doom are fun. All you need to take over the world is an army of penguins, letters of doom, and a toaster. Actually you only need the penguins.

Clark Cradic: Just friends. JUST FRIENDS! Yaoi, fan girl, (FRIEND) Not Yaoi girl friend….yahh sorry about that this isn't exactly the first time I have had to explain that. Except the other times I usually have to speak veeeerrrrryyy slowlyyyy. Use visual aid…repeat myself a thousand times…and eventually get bored and kill the person… I mean uh...what corpse? There is no corpse? WHY MUST YOU SPEAK OF CORPSES!

Peirs50: Yes the way it works is I use my divine power as an author to bend the fabric of space and time to speak with fictional characters. Then I tell Sarge exactly what to do in order to inflict pain of Griff. Then I realize that I can't bend space and time even though I am an author and spontaneously combust…and then I repeat the process. If that doesn't make sense congratulations you're a sane human being.

The One True Koneko: NO! Not the medicine! Run RUN FOR THE HILLS! And if that doesn't work just tell the nice men in white that George Bush claimed that he was America's most intelligent man and they will have to switch priorities immediately. It works for me every time.

Isaac Malott: Yah I plan to have more things like last chapter. They are fun to write and the subliminal messaging hidden everywhere really helps gets more reviewers. Review or DIE! Did I say subliminal messaging? I mean…references to Naruto…yah…that's it.

Mister Frodo: I can honestly say that as I was writing it, I had NO idea what was going on my self. But the good thing is that I managed to maintain my lack of sanity while writing it. :D

For those of you that are confused, religious fanatics are charging down at everyone. And everyone is conscious. And that's pretty much it.

In the midst of the confusion Lord of the rings music starts to play.

Griff: "Gandalf?"

A religious fanatic with a purple flag stood atop the hill.

Fanatic: "The horn of Rohan has sounded. The king has called for help."

Other Fanatic: "No it hasn't…and this isn't Rohan. And those aren't even the right lines."

Fanatic: "….shut up."

A large group of fanatics appeared on the hill behind the one with the flag.

Fanatics: "FOR PARODYS AND CROSS OVERS!"

The Camera angle changes as the fanatics charge at the Oreo…accidentally charging over and killing the group of fanatics that was already headed towards the Oreo.

Red Fanatic: "HEY! That crowd that we just murdered, mainly had red people in it…THIS IS THE BLUES WAY OF KILLING US!"

Fanatic: "Wait! We are united now remember the purple flag!" The fanatic raised his flag in the air. Then O'Malley shot a rocket into the flag, making it burst into flames.

Blue Fanatic: "The flag was destroyed! This must be a sign that we must fight each other again!"

Red fanatic: "We shall get the Oreo before you!"

The fanatics started fighting each other.

Sarge: "Such brave soldiers. Starting a civil war amongst themselves despite a common enemy. If only we could be more like them."

Simmons: "Um shouldn't one of us run over and get the Oreo…which for some reason no one else has even tried to pick up."

Tex ran over the Oreo.

Simmons: "I stand corrected."

Tex: "Looks like I win."

Tex bent down to pick up the quadruple stuffed mega Oreo when…

A GIANT LAWN MOWER FELL FROM THE SKY AND CRUSHED HER!...ok actually Griff just tackled her.

Karin tried to pick up the Oreo as Griff and Tex were beating each other with rifles.

Church: "SHEILA DO SOMETHING!"

A tank shot hit the ground next to the Oreo, knocking it about fifty feet away without even scratching it.

Church: "How was that not destroyed?"

Simmons: "How was that not destroyed?"

Donut: "I was thinking of trying a new lavender shampoo."

Tex: "How was that not destroyed?"

Caboose: "I think I got it. O…M…H! No what was it again?"

Sarge: "How was that not destroyed?"

Fanatic: "How was that not destroyed?"

Red fanatic: "KILL BLUE!"

Blue Fanatic: "KILL BLUE! I mean….KILL RED!"

Griff: "How was that not destroyed?"

Sheila: "New target acquired."

The Oreo landed between Andy and Lopez.

Lopez: "…" (Translation: "…")

Andy: "…"

Griff: "HA! The power of Oreo's can not be stopped!" Griff realized that he was in a fist fight with Tex. Then he remembered he was a coward who didn't know how to fight.

Griff: "PLEASE DON'T HURT ME!"

Tex kicked Griff between the legs.

Everyone: "OUCH!"

Tex then attempted to rip out Griff's skull so she could beat him to death with it, but Griff's brain was so compact (small) that she couldn't get it. So instead she ripped out the skull of a random religious fanatic and beat Griff with it.

O'Malley: "LOPEZ GET THE OREO!"

Church: "ANDY GET THE OREO!"

Andy and Lopez sat perfectly still.

Church: "COME ON!"

Andy: "In case you forgot…I don't have legs."

Sheila: "Target acquired." Sheila's main cannon shot Andy, knocking him into Lopez's head which flew into O'Malley's face.

Andy: "And THAT! Is for calling me bowling ball!"

Church: "But he didn't call you bowling ball…you don't even meet until next episode. Besides it was Sheila that did that."

Andy: "Let me have my moment!"

Doc: "Wow I think O'Malley Is unconscious. That's odd I don't know how an AI can become unconscious. Well whatever. Lopez I am taking you home."

Lopez: "……." (Translation: I hate you)

Doc dragged Lopez away while the fanatics finished killing each other.

Red Fanatic: "So there are only three of us left. Red blue and purple."

Blue Fanatic: "I will kill you."

Purple Fanatic: "Guys we must work together to get the Oreo."

Blue Fanatic: "Hey he's right! We should work together."

Red Fanatic: "Why did we not think of that before!"

The three fanatics charged at the Oreo.

A certain insane doctor stepped in the way…NO NOT DOC YOU IDIOTS! I'm talking about Karin.

Fanatics: "It is three on one! We can take you."

Karin: "I am a trained doctor. I can take on all three of you."

Blue Fanatic: "How does being a doctor help you fight?"

Karin pulled out two SMG's.

Purple Fanatic: "OH NO!"

…………………

……………………….

…………………………….

Red Fanatic: "Why Aren't we dead yet?"

Karin: "I don't know how to use a gun."

Purple Fanatic: "Just pull the triggers."

The SMG's shot out a burst of bullets that killed the Blue and Red Fanatic.

Karin: "AH! I KILLED SOMEONE!"

Purple Fanatic: "AH! I HELPED HER KILL SOMEONE!"

Karin and the Fanatic ran in two opposite Directions.

Griff ran out of no where and grabbed the Oreo.

Griff: "At last I HAVE THE OREO!"

Church, Simmons, Sarge, And Tex, all gave him a worried look.

Griff: "What?"

Church: "Isn't Tex beating you to death with a fanatic's skull?"

Tex held up Griff's corpse.

Simmons: "What are there two of you now?"

Griff: "No. That was a Dopple ganger!"

Simmons: "But don't Dopple gangers disappear when they die?"

Griff: "Yah…oh….that must be the real Griff then and I must be a dopple ganger."

The Griff at the Oreo disappeared in a puff of smoke and the Griff that Tex was holding screamed in agony and started rolling around on the floor in pain.

Sarge: "My human sacrifices to the author have worked! Thank you great and holy author."

Simmons: "Don't you have anything better to do than see Griff in pain?"

Sarge: "Shut up traitor."

Church ran over to the Oreo hoping that no other force of nature would get in his way.

Donut choose that time to run over to the Oreo and pick it up before Church.

Everyone: "GASP!"

Donut: "Did you just say gasp?"

Everyone Gasped…U HAPPY!

Donut: "Much better."

Everything starts to go in slow motion…Donut slowly levels the Oreo with his mouth. Donut is starting to bite the Oreo…when…

Nothing stops him.

Donut eats the 1000 year old Oreo. In retrospect that was probably a bad idea.

Donut fell on the ground and started going into spasms.

Griff: "NO! IT WAS WASTED ON HIM! WHY COULDN'T I HAVE BEEN THE ONE TO EAT IT? WHY!"

Simmons: "Um Sarge shouldn't we do something?"

Sarge: "We have been standing her doing nothing but talking and gasping for the last two chapters. I see no reason to change plans now."

Simmons: "But Donut is dieing."

Sarge: "Are you saying you disagree with the author?"

Simmons: "NO! I never said that."

Sarge: "Good because since this fic takes place between episodes 72 and 73, I need to get back into calling you a traitor by the end of this fic."

Simmons: "Ok sir I understand."

Sarge: "Filthy traitor."

Simmons: "God damn it!"

Karin ran over to Donut.

Karin: "There is only one thing we can do to cure him!"

Karin kicked Donut in the ribs.

Church: "Seriously…are you SURE you know what your doing?"

Donut jumped up.

Donut: "THAT WAS GREAT! THE BEST THING I EVER TASTED!"

Griff started crying.

Tucker awoke from his unconscious state.

Tucker: "That was anticlimactic."

Tucker fell back to his unconscious state.

Karin's cell phone beeped. Her normal one not the magic one.

Karin picked up her cell phone.

Karin: "Uh-huh…ok…I understand." Karin hung up the phone with a sigh and turned back to everyone else.

Karin: "Well guys I have to go. My mission was to save the life of one idiot…and now that Donut is saved command needs me to do something else. There is someone in waterworks who just spontaneously combusted while eating chocolate. They need me there on the double."

Church: "But you haven't cured Tucker yet."

Karin: "I cured the damage that I dealt to him."

Church: "HOW DOES THAT HELP!"

Karin: "It doesn't."

Church: "Stupid little…"

A drop ship came out of the sky.

Karin: "Wow that was quick."

Karin turned to Caboose.

Karin: "I will always love you Caboose."

Karin leaned in to kiss Caboose, but they were both wearing helmets.

Karin: "GOD DAMN THIS SPARTAN ARMOR FOR RUINING THE END OUR ROMANTIC STORY!"

Sarge: "Wait this was a romance story? I thought it was humor."

Simmons: "Actually it's…"

Sarge: "SHUT UP DIRT BAG!"

Griff: "So Karin…any chance of us getting back together."

Karin hugged Caboose and climbed into the drop ship.

Griff: "Is that a maybe?"

Karin: "Fare well!"

Griff: "Will we ever see you again!"

Karin: "Who knows? In a sequel you may need a doctor."

Griff: "Oh…so there's still a chance of getting back together?"

Karin: "No."

Karin's drop ship flew away.

Church: "Hey I just noticed something funny."

Tex: "What."

Church: "The drop ship's pilot is a penguin."

Simmons: "That can only mean…"

Duo Jagan and Penguin God appeared behind the Spartans.

Duo: "Yup were here."

Church: "Why didn't you come out earlier?"

Penguin god: "You mean when she was here? No way Karin scares us."

Duo: "Yes it's sad we have been very careful not to make her wrath slide in our direction this entire fic."

Church: "But…you're the author. You control her!"

Duo: "Hence the reason it's sad."

Simmons: "So THIS is how you end a romance fic?"

Duo: "No silly. The cheesy corny ending shall be in a few sentences I am here because…well…I am bored."

Simmons: "You ran out of idea's and are just trying to use something random to make this fic funny."

Duo: "Pretty much yah. Except I never run out of ideas. Never…I already thought of the sequel."

Simmons: "When will it be out?"

Duo: "I will start working on it right away."

Simmons: "So remind me what is the point of you being here?"

Duo walked over to Church and gave him an SMG.

Duo: "I took this from you in the third chapter and forgot to give it back. It did come in handy killing the giant white out of doom."

Church: "What?"

Duo: "Oh um…nothing."

Church: "Wait you took a pistol from me."

Penguin God: "Then where did the SMG come from?"

MEANWHILE ON A PLANET THAT COULD HAVE SOME RELEVENCE TO THE NEXT FIC (hint hint, nudge nudge, poke poke, wink wink, shoot shoot, burn burn.)

Random Spartan #76: "Well guys the flood has surrounded us and we are out of ammo…but fortunately my side weapon is an SMG with just enough ammo to kill these guys."

The Spartan took out a pistol.

Random Spartan#76: "WHERE DID THIS COME FROM! OH GOD NOT THE FACE NOT THE…"

Due to this fic's rating the following scene has been cut out.

BACK AT BLOOD GULCH

Penguin God: "You have to wonder if Duo actually thinks his plots out or just makes stuff up as he goes."

Duo: "A combination of the two of course. Anyways there is your SMG. Enjoy."

Church: "It's not mine."

Duo: "SHUT UP! I have something to tell you of vital importance…"

The two hunters from chapter six that were sleeping through all of this woke up.

Hunter: "100l 4 5/\/4 1 ."

Hunter 2: "! 837 #3 \/\/0ll1l) 74573 6R347 \/\!7# #07 54ll 3."

Hunter: "N0 #3 \/\/0llll) 74573 6R347 \/\!7# 6R4V3Y!"

Duo: "YOU FOOLS! I would taste better when scorched with plasma."

The two hunters looked at their arms/cannons.

Duo: "I mean uh… OH LOOK A PENGUIN!"

Hunter: "#0W 6U114813 l)035 #3 7#!Nl W3 R?"

Then a fluffy penguin tackled the first hunter and ate the second one (in one bite) with some MEGA SUPER ULTRA STUPDENDIOUSLY AMAZINGLY FANTASTICALL HOT SAUCE. The bold print makes the taste.

Penguin God: "Well our work here is done."

Duo: "Agreed."

The two authors disappeared in a puff of smoke.

Church: "Wait what were you going to tell us!"

Tex: "Forget this I'm going after Wyoming again."

Church: "Yah and since Tucker is still sick I think I am going to call Doc. It's surprising he managed to even say one line in this chapter."

Tucker woke up.

Tucker: "I LIKE HOT CHICKS!"

Tucker fell back into a state of unconsciousness.

Donut: "Griff I tell you that was the BEST thing I have ever eaten."

Griff: "You aren't helping."

Sarge: "Well Simmons we successfully managed to stay in these exact spots for two chapters. Job well done lets go home."

Griff: "You guys go ahead without me…we need to end this fic with a cheesy line."

Griff looked up at the stars.

Griff: "Wherever you are Karin…I shall find you. I will never forget you."

Caboose: "Forget who?"

Griff: "Dude…I can NOT believe she choose you over me."

All of a sudden a group of words started traveling up in the Camera's path.

Griff: "Aw crap the credits."

Voice actors: no one.

Special Effects: no one.

People who tried to sue the author: George Bush, Michel Jackson, Tom Cruise, figment of the authors imagination, Masashi Kishamoto

People who SUCCEDED in suing the author: figment of the authors imagination

Artists: Random Penguin#36

Author: THE ALL MIGHTY DUO JAGAN!

Beta testers: Penguin god, Sekah

Plot design: Coffee

Marketing director: Oreo

A special thanks to

Everyone who reviewed

INSERT YOUR NAME HERE for reading this

Everyone who didn't tell me how bad it was

Penguin God for his loyal beta reading

Sekah for finally reading my fics.

Whoever the hell invented Oreos: Because of all of my Oreo jokes.

Masashi Kishamoto: For making Naruto

Bungie: For making Halo

Rooster Teeth: For making RvB

Duo Jagan: For making this fic

My three best reviewers:

Clark Cradic: Still my best reviewer. He started reading my fics in the middle of Revenge of the Robots and has submitted a review per chapter ever since. All of which are anonymous.

CptShaneSchofield: Somehow he is able to make all of his reviews less than 20 words, and most of them with the words ha ha.

The One True Koneko: Started reviewing my RvB fics in this story. She writes good fics you should read them but she has this odd obsession over Jackles.

People who are starting to catch up with my three best reviewers

Mister Frodo: Just started reviewing recently and is already my fourth best reviewer.

Another thanks to Rooster Teeth for not suing me.

And a special thanks to everyone who I forgot to thank.

Griff: "Man those are really weird credits."

Yup that's how I end a fic. With weird credits. I actually think that was clever on my part but if you think it was completely idiotic I suppose you are entitled to your own opinion. Well at any rate read and review. I will start working on the next fic right away.