Title: Diary Of A Not-Quite-Damsel In Distress

Author: Escaped Sanity

Co-author: Bloodybrit (She's my inspiration/everything else)

Disclaimer: Yes, you have caught us. One of us is really J.K. Rowling in disguise and thought that this was a much better plot than some silly book about Harry Potter's seventh year. In fact, Harry Potter is so silly, we are disowning him and having Hermione star instead. As such, it will be "Hermione Granger and the Philosopher's Stone", etc. Expect them out in about, oh say, 15 or so years. Or when we get out of jail for copyright infringements.

Reviewers:

Jedi Knight Padme- I'm glad you like it. And this is, "More, please!"

Ravioli and Chocolate- This is very NOT great, but it passes standards for a poorly written story. :D

Porcelain Prayer- This appears to be going nowhere quickly, but I hope you enjoy what little is going.

BloodyBrit- Why am I bothering to put this up? I already adopted your title and I would rather not hear about my grammar mistakes, you freak. Nazi. Same thing, really. le sigh

TheKRITIC- Alas, this will NOT be HP/GW, seeing as how both Bloodybrit and I despise the ship. But in all seriousness, thank you for liking my story.

Me (anonymous)- Well, the title changed, and I hope you think this title is also OK.

Chapter Two

Of Engagements and Other… Stuff

7/27/96

Dear Diary,

Oh bloody hell! Who knew Bill was such a romantic? He proposed to Fleur (finally). Luckily, he had the sense to send the announcement before the whiskey, and with separate owls. Mum never suspected a thing. They've set the wedding date for February 14, 1997, next St. Valentine's Day.

I'm excited, though. The eldest marries first, how very storybook romance. Even the way they met follows guidelines of a fairy tale. Love at first sight- Fleur fell in love with Bill when she saw him at the Triwizard Tournament, but alas! it was unrequited. Fleur graduated and got a job. With Bill. He "tutored" her in English, they fell in love. And now, they're getting married.

Ok, I admit it. I'm jealous. The only guy I've ever actually liked was Harry. Merlin, was that a mistake! I followed the guy around for three years before I realized how shallow he is. Now don't get me wrong, he's a great guy when he's not brooding, but he only liked Cho for her looks. She only liked him for his fame. Then she only liked Michael because, well, I'm not quite sure. Maybe he reminded her of Cedric. Schwatever, it doesn't really matter now.

And no, I did not really like Michael or Dean. They were to help me realize that I didn't need Harry. Hey, it worked, didn't it?

So, last night while I was pissed I formulated a plan of REVENGE on Ron. It involves talking to FF and GG, all the while begging on my knees for a sample of their latest non-tested liquid product. I'm a genius. I'm going to offer them a willing test-subject for it. How do I know he's willing? He begged for it last night when he asked me if it was that time of the month. Bloody arse.

Ok, I'm going to go beg.

Much love,

Ginevra Molly Weasley

"Hey Harry, do you know where I can find Fred or George?"

"They're pla- hey wait a minute! Why do you want to talk to Fred or George?" Harry asked suspiciously.

"Well, they're my brothers and we haven't had a nice heart-to-heart in ages. I thought I might go catch up on their news. Girlfriends, lovers, joke shop, and the likes," Ginny replied looking very serious.

"Oh, well they're playing quidditch. But I need to… go," Harry finished lamely.

"Right. See you later!" she called over her shoulder as she ran outside as fast as she could.

"Got to find Ron. Got to find Ron," Harry mumbled over and over as he searched high and low for him. He ran upstairs and followed the voices seeming to come from Ginny's room. Strangely, it sounded like Ron and Hermione arguing. 'Better stay away from this one,' Harry thought and went to Ron's room to contemplate life, again.

"Ginny! Sister dearest, what brings you out of your lair into the lovely outdoors?" George asked.

"I have a proposition for you…" Ginny all but whispered and plotted with him and Fred for the next hour before Fred ran to get the potion.

"Thanks Fred, George. You'll see the results tonight during dinner. Keep an eye out," Ginny grinned evilly. Fred and George looked at each other startled, that was their grin.

"Man, we need to copyright that, it's just wrong to see it on her face…" George whispered to Fred as soon as Ginny was out of earshot.

"She never did say exactly whom it was for," Fred mused. "I guess we better just watch."

And just watch, they did.

Author's note: Well, there I go again, getting ahead of myself. Sorry it's so short, I almost didn't do this tonight. And I don't need titles anymore, thank you. Hopefully the next chapter will be out in a week, give or take a few days.

Teaser:

"Bloody hell, Harry! What happened to you, mate?" Ron exclaimed as Molly was getting up to serve dessert.

Mrs. Weasley froze mid-walk and turned to admonish her son, but instead gaped openly.

"What? What are you talking about?" Harry asked frantically amidst giggles from the rest of the Weasleys and Hermione.

Ginny didn't trust herself to talk, but pointed to his hair.

"What?" Harry questioned. He reached up and felt his hair. "Merlin! What the blazes is going on here? WHAT HAPPENED!"