Home Again
Eric, my father, greeted Xavier and me at the airport with an astounded look. "Good to see you!" he said, trying to sound hearty when I knew he was in shock over my boyfriend's new look and especially at the new little ring in my right nostril. "Glad to have you home, princess. Your old room is ready for you, and the attic's available for you, Xavier."
"Thanks, Mr. Camden," Xavier said, a bit crisply, for my father - Eric - brings out the formalism in my boyfriend.
"Really, you can call me Eric," father said, continuing the comedy as we walked to the luggage area and, from there, the minivan. They played out their part, Xavier finally giving in to calling Eric by his name, and we were on the way home.
Or what I used to call home.
"So tell me about the others," I said. "How's Mary's baby? How are Matt and…?"
I studied my fath- Eric carefully, from his thinning blond hair to his weatherworn, earnest face. He was trying to smile and act jolly, but I could see the ghosts in his eyes. Annie had told him, then. He knew about the letter, and was pretending he didn't.
"Honesty later," I said. "We'll meet, the four of us, after lunch. For now, tell me about Mary and the others."
He relaxed a little, and started talking about Mary's baby Annie-Julie, Mary and the others with a happier tone to his voice. I found myself laughing over the latest antics of my nieces, nephews and younger brothers, and Xavier chipped in with tales of his twin brothers at that age. By the time we got home, we were all happy and smiling.
All it took was to see Annie's worried, trembling smile as she stood by the front door to tone things back down. "Hi, honey," she said, slowly coming forth as Xavier helped me down from the minivan. "Was the trip good? I'm sorry I couldn't make it to the airport, but the baby was fussy and had a bit of a temperature."
"Mary's here with the baby?" I asked a bit hopefully.
She shook her head. "They're coming in tomorrow. We just took this one in, a girl with no name, left in an abandoned apartment. Your father and I are thinking of applying for adoption." She grew quiet, as if remembering why I was angry with her, and her lips trembled a little. "So, come in, your rooms are clean and I made treats for you. Some of your childhood favorites for nostalgia." Again the look. Turning, she opened the door and went in.
Eric-father gave me a meaningful look, as if I could just hug her, forgive her and make everything right.
I just followed her in and made a hard right to the stairs. "The trip took it out of me, mother," I said softly. "I'll come back down in an hour or two."
"I've got the bags," Xavier said, taking mine from my father before he hurt himself. "Thanks, ah, Eric. Nice to see you again, Annie. Hugs all around later, then?" He bussed my mother, Annie, with a kiss, and followed me upstairs.
My old room still looked like it belonged to a teenaged girl, with fan posters of rock and movie stars, clothes everywhere, and one of the beds messy. Looked like I was sharing with a foster sister. The closet was a mess, and I had to shove the clothes over to make room for some of mine. Xavier looked around, and started grinning.
"Say one word about the boy band posters," I began.
He threw up his hands. "Maybe we can move the spare bed up to the attic?" he quipped, pretending to look around nervously for my parents. "Sorry. That would be forbidden here, wouldn't it? I'll just go unpack and meet you back here."
"Let's make it in the kitchen in an hour," I said.
"Good idea," he said, looking at the Seann William Scott poster with some trepidation before fleeing. I put my suitcase on the floor, then sat down cross-legged on the bed. Once more, I got the letter out of my purse and read it, thinking about what it meant to my life. I was still torn. Should I go and visit her? Or should I accept that I was adopted and let it go? After all, maybe mother and father had- No, Naomi indicated I was taken from her, not that she wanted to get rid of me.
I should think about this later, after the talk, I told myself sternly.
So instead of thinking, I lay down, closed my eyes, and tried Ivy's quiet mind meditation. I imagined clouds in a blue sky, sailing overhead like stately ships. I imagined a field of corn waving gently in the soft breeze. I imagined birdsong trilling softly as they soared overhead. And before I knew it, I was walking to a farmhouse in my dreams, wearing a floaty dress with my hair down to my waist, looking forward to meeting someone in the kitchen, over coffee and freshly baked strawberry pie…
"Ruth. Ruthie love."
I woke up to Xavier's handsome face, and had to smile. "Do you know that, in dream, your mother bakes a mean strawberry pie."
He laughed. "Mother? Who thinks anyplace out of London is uncivilized and depends on the housekeeper to do menial work? Your dreams have a sense of humor. Come on, I heard some people arriving a few minutes ago, a lot of cheerful voices."
Siblings were home! I hopped up, brushed out my hair and clothes, then went downstairs with Xavier close behind.
"Ruthie!" My younger brothers Sam and David came running from the living room, and I was surprised to see how tall and skinny they'd grown to be. One of them had streaked his hair white-blond, and the other had dark honey colored hair now, and both wore jeans and t-shirts with Christian rock band logos on them. "What is that?" they said, pointing to my nose ring. "Looks like Simon's influence!"
"Ha ha," said Simon, coming from the living room. His hair was spiked and short, with an electric blue streak here and there now, and he now had three earrings per ear. Baggy cargo pants, boat-like sneakers and a tight muscle shirt completed the look. I could see, from mother's tight look, that she didn't approve of this new look. "Hey, cute!" Simon said over my nose ring. "Hey," he said to Xavier.
"You look more like his brother than ours," said the honey-haired twin.
"Sam," David whispered.
"How's the family?" I asked.
He grinned. "Just fine. Rose and the twins are coming out of the hospital tomorrow, and Dad's already offered us the garage apartment while we look for a bigger place. I still can't get over the fact that I'm a dad. They're so little, Ruthie, and they look just like Rose. Perfect. In fact." He reached to his back pocket, pulled out a wallet, and found some pictures to show off. "Okay, the one in pink is Lily Anne, and the one in blue is Eric Charles. Aren't they the cutest?"
I cooed over the pictures, said how they had his eyes, then let the twins drag me off to their room so I could see how they'd redecorated. Sports and Christian stuff. Not a single girlie poster. Each had his own Bible on his night table, and a cross over the bed. They informed me that Jesus was cool, the devil was a dweeb and that they were saved. That and the sports talk drove me back out of the room. If this was their latest teen phase, I hoped it passed soon. They were like twin preachers with twin causes.
By the time I got back downstairs, Lucy and Kevin had arrived with their children Savannah and Marco, and I greeted them with eager hugs. Lucy looked so happy now, radiant and self-confident. Seeing my nose ring, she simply laughed, touched the tip of my nose, and said, "Following Simon's footsteps? Well, as long as it makes you happy. I must say it makes you look pixie-like."
The guys went out then to start the barbecue, and mother led the womenfolk to the kitchen to start our work. A sullen teen girl was there already, watching a chirruping happy baby in a high chair. Seeing my nose ring, she started grinning. "Hi! I'm Shannon, and this is Angie."
"Hi. Obviously, I'm Ruthie, the one who is in your room for a while. Sorry about the rearrange in the closet."
She waved a hand. "Not a problem. It was just a surprise. I was just getting used to having a room of my own, and suddenly there was someone new moving stuff around."
Mother seemed to relax a bit on seeing us talking in a friendly manner, so we kept it up, Lucy joining in as we bustled around the kitchen. I found myself falling back into the old pattern like I had no doubts of belonging, and had a great time with preparing the food and gossiping. Supper was a fun riot, and we all talked about Mary, Matt and their families, who were due to arrive the next day. Mother talked about how happy Mary was nowadays, and how glad she was that my eldest sister had found meaning in her life. "I wish she had stayed with Carlos and Charles, but at least she's taken responsibility for Annie-Julie." Father bragged about Matt's promotion and the new responsibilities that came with same. In fact, we talked well into the night, Shannon helping Lucy take the children up to bed.
Xavier met me out in the garden. "I like your family," he said, like usual.
"So do I," I said, leaning against him.
"But you need to know where you came from," he continued.
I nodded. "Yes, I still do. Tomorrow."
We sat there silently, listening to the crickets singing, until we were too sleepy to stay up anymore. A quick kiss led to three more, and we went inside and up the stairs. Another kiss at the head of the stairs, and I watched him going up to the attic room. Shannon was asleep already, so I changed quietly, went to brush my teeth, and snuck back to my bed. Despite the coming chaos, and the confrontation, I felt peaceful. No matter the complications, this house always would be home to me, and my family – shared blood or no – would be my beloved family.
Just knowing that let me slide to sleep with a smile.