Chapter Nine: The Balance

Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive,
and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born. - Anais Nin

Thwack!

Kagome lowered her bow and peered at the target. She blew a miserable sigh at the tail end of her arrow, which was quivering rebelliously on the outer edge of the secondary red ring.

"Honey, you're not concentrating," her mother scolded her.

"I know, Mama, I know!" Kagome replied, grimacing and pointing her bow at the target again. For some reason, she was having trouble concentrating on her daily practice. Notching her arrow, she aimed carefully and waited for the lull between heartbeats.

Thwack! The arrow quivered to a stop in the upper half of the central yellow ring.

"Much better," Mrs. Higurashi said approvingly. "Honestly, Kagome. If you hadn't fallen down that well three years ago, I don't think you'd have ever taken my lessons seriously."

Kagome sighed and rubbed her hands over her face. "I just… didn't want to accept being a priestess," she told her mother honestly. "I thought you were pushing a little too hard. I was kind of hoping to go to college and stuff instead."

Mrs. Higurashi sighed slightly and folded up her bow, packing it away carefully. "Honey… I'm sorry. I wish things didn't have to be this way, really, I do. But the Higurashi family has a responsibility-"

"I know, I know!" Kagome answered quickly, waving an appeasing hand at her mother. "I'm not saying I regret it. We have a responsibility to maintain the Sunset Shrine and protect the Five. We must continue to uphold the treaty forged five hundred years ago that united Japan, and conduct ourselves with dignity and responsibility as representatives of the human race," she recited obediently. She didn't add what her mother hadn't yet realized – I forged that treaty myself. She let out another heavy sigh and rolled her shoulders stiffly in the bulky archery costume she was wearing. "As soon as I take over the shrine, these sleeves are going," she muttered to herself irately.

"I heard that!" Mrs. Higurashi said sternly. "Kagome, you know it's very important to uphold our sacred traditions. I haven't been teaching you the duties of a shrine maiden for the past three years just so you could make a fashion statement when you take over!"

Kagome rolled her eyes at her mother and joined her, as the two women began to pack up their bows. "So? You're going to put off your own retirement just because I don't like long sleeves?" she teased.

Mrs. Higurashi put her hands on her hips and eyed her daughter critically. "Your grandfather is going to have a heart attack when he hears the things you've been saying," she said sternly.

"So don't tell him!" Kagome answered. She met her mother's glare and the two women stared at each other for a few seconds more. Then, they both burst out into loud laughter.

When they finally managed to recover, Mrs. Higurashi looked at her daughter with a proud smile. "You'll make a wonderful priestess, honey. Call it a mother's intuition," she said lightly, drawing her daughter into a warm hug.

Kagome smiled and nestled her face into her mother's robes. It wasn't always like this, she recalled faintly. We didn't always understand each other so well. Fuzzy memories tickled at her mind; the shifting of time, a parallel vision. Once, she had learned archery from a teacher, not her mother. Once, the Sunset Shrine had not been famous, and her mother had not been a shrine maiden. Once, she had not worn the necklace of the Five and there had been no name etched into her fibreglass bow. I'll have to read my journal again tonight, Kagome thought hazily as she freed herself from her mother's arms.

"I'm going to take a break, Mama," she said, gathering her things together. "I want to be presentable when he shows up for the ceremony."

"That's a good idea," Mrs. Higurashi said. She smiled hesitantly. "Don't be afraid, Kagome. He's an honourable demon. He was… there for us, when your father died. You probably don't remember him," she said softly. "But he's a good person."

Kagome's smile wavered slightly and she knew her mother took it as a sign of nervousness. It was just as well; she didn't know how she could explain that she did remember him. Of all the things she remembered, he was the constant; her other memories were fuzzy, but her recollection of him was laced with a sharp pain. "I'll be fine, Mama," she said softly, leaving the archery range and making her way back towards the house.

As she climbed the steps and slid open the door, Kagome let herself fall into her memories. She paused and almost tripped as a small, furry figure wound itself around her legs. "Oh, you," she sighed, picking up her cat and holding it up to her eye level. "Kirara, you know when I'm distracted. Stop trying to trip me, please." She paused as the tiny, two-tailed cat yawned lazily, letting her know exactly what she thought of Kagome's command. "Come on, I'm serious," Kagome said, pouting. "Please… can you get me my journal? There's something I need to remember…"

Kirara let out a tiny mewl of agreement and licked Kagome's hand. She released the cat and followed her up the stairs to her room, sighing wearily. It was exhausting, trying to come to terms with her dual memory. Day by day, its pieces were fading; somehow, her self, her other self, must have known it would happen and had taken the time to write down her most important memories in the back of her old history notebook. She knew they were important, but they were fading away into a hazy mist, like a dream that was slowly being forgotten. The memories were real, however; the pull of her heart as she tried to remember was too strong to ignore.

A tiny mew brought her attention to Kirara, who was holding the tattered journal in her mouth. Flinging herself onto the bed, she patted the pillow beside her and allowed the fire cat to snuggle up beside her. "Lazy," she teased, scratching Kirara behind the ears. Her vision blurred, and for a moment she saw a much larger, fatter, ordinary cat lying by her side instead. She blinked, and the image was gone.

"Ugh," Kagome groaned, flipping open the notebook and scanning through her hasty scrawl. The mist rolled back slightly as she deciphered her messy shorthand, remembering what had once been her home. Every day it was a little less, and Kagome knew one day she would open the journal and no longer understand the words that she had written there. The feelings would never leave, however, even if her understanding of their source did. She leaned her head back and wondered if that was how Sesshoumaru must had felt in his brief moments of clarity in the modern world.

There were bits and pieces she clearly remembered, things that hadn't changed at all. Souta and his video games, Grandpa and his ridiculous stories and trinkets. And then there were some things that had changed completely; Kagome couldn't imagine a world where shrine maidens weren't considered a serious, full-time career; where demons were legends of the past and not living members of the present. She could remember when she was not a priestess, just an ordinary schoolgirl who had chased a fat cat down a well and ended up in another time. Those memories were sandwiched between her real memories, fighting a losing battle to come to the surface. Souta hadn't asked her to fetch Buyo on that fateful day; she had chased a petulant Kirara into the well house. But the centipede demon… it was still there, the same in both memories, as was Inuyasha and her adventures in the Sengoku Jidai. It made her head ache.

Once, her mother had not been a priestess; still, she retained her kind personality. Once, her father had succumbed to a terrible illness instead of defending the shrine's treasure from thieves; the pain of losing him, however, remained the same in both realities. The false memories left behind emotions that were imprinted on her mind indelibly, a watermark on the delicate weave of her memory.

"Today's my twentieth birthday, Kirara," Kagome said absently, closing her eyes. "It's time for me to do my official duty and take over around here," she murmured, still a little bit scared at the prospect. The protector of the Sunset Shrine was the most prestigious religious title in all of Japan; it honoured the birth of the fragile armistice between humans and demons. And as such, the ever-youthful Lord of the Demons would be coming to celebrate the passing of the shrine into the hands of a new keeper and renew the five-century-old treaty with her. Her hand reached to her neck, and Kagome pulled out the ancient necklace that was the living symbol of that treaty. Five perfectly-sized fragments of the Jewel of the Four Souls glinted at her, each firmly set into their silvery inlay. Kagome smiled sadly as she counted the jewels, each fragment carrying with it the story of a life she once knew. To her, it was still tainted, but knowing the purpose they had served made the weight around her neck easier to bear. Slowly, Kagome let her eyes flutter shut and drifted off into an uneasy nap, losing herself in her memories of the past.

- x – x – x -

Kagome felt her heart mirror the cracks of the jewel as it shattered in her hands. When she opened her eyes, she saw Kikyou looking at her with a faint expression of horror.

"What… what have you done?" she whispered, staring at the fragments in Kagome's palms. There, ten perfect, symmetrical shards lay, innocently winking in the light. Kikyou's eyes met Kagome's own. "What did you wish for?" she demanded, her mouth drawing into a thin line.

"I wished for life," Kagome said, ignoring the older girl and springing to her feet.

"Wait!" Kikyou called, her eyes flashing as she reached out for Kagome, who ignored her.

"I hope I'm not too late…" she gasped as she sprinted towards Miroku and Sango and collapsed at their side. Sango was still bowed over the body of her brother, crying softly.

"Kagome…" Miroku said tiredly, his arms resting on Sango's shoulders. His eyes widened in surprise as Kagome brusquely pushed Sango off of her brother and flipped the young boy over.

"No! Don't you touch him!" Sango cried, trying to take her brother's body back into her arms. She struggled against Miroku as he realized what was happening and held her back. "Monk, let go of me--" Sango warned, but she fell silent as Kagome dropped one of the shards into the wound in Kohaku's back.

"I don't know if it's enough," she explained softly, her fingers reaching for Kohaku's neck to feel for a pulse. She let out a sigh of relief as the tiny shard was pulled into the wound, which was already beginning to seal around it. Looking up, she saw Sango's eyes widen with disbelief and then gratitude as Kohaku began to stir weakly, coughing and spitting up blood. He had lost too much blood to be healthy, but the power of the jewel was staying death's hand once again. There was no time for her to care for him, though, so she turned to her friend for support. "Miroku, take care of things here," she begged quickly, leaving the stunned monk with the siblings to make her way towards Inuyasha.

As she brushed by Kikyou, the priestess caught her arm. "What are you doing?" she asked softly. "You are giving them a false hope…"

Kagome's teeth clenched together and she glared at Kikyou. "I don't have a lot of time. I have to get to Kouga before he dies. But…" she trailed off, looking at the remaining fragments in her hand. "I know you want to die, Kikyou," she said quietly. "I… wished you would, too, sometimes." She looked up, meeting the priestess' gaze without flinching. "But things change. There's no reason for us to fight anymore."

Kikyou drew back slightly, her features smoothing out. "Inuyasha…" she answered.

"Inuyasha needs you just as much as he needs me," Kagome said cuttingly. "I don't think you understand… your desire to die, that would have been a selfish wish too." She looked up at the undead priestess, whose face was mildly shocked. "I'm from the future, Kikyou. I've seen what your wish would have done to this world." Reaching out, she grabbed Kikyou's hand and turned it upwards.

"I…" Kikyou began, her eyes lowering to their joined hands. "It seems I failed at many things," she said quietly. She stared in surprise at the shard that Kagome pressed into her palm.

"Then don't fail at living anymore," Kagome chided the older girl softly. "Use this to sustain yourself. Stop stealing other peoples' souls. Make your own instead, and fill it with something other than sadness." She closed the other girl's hand around the shard. "You're not a failure, Kikyou. All you need to do is be brave enough to prove it."

"Oy!" Inuyasha's loud voice broke the two women apart. "Kagome, the mutt's calling for you!" His voice was tinged with a faint note of desperation, and Kagome knew she was running out of time. She broke away from the priestess, giving Kikyou's hand a final squeeze.

"It's all I can do. Please, live." With a small smile, she left a surprised Kikyou's side and rushed towards Kouga's bloody body. As she attended to the wolf prince, returning a shard to each of his legs, she felt, then heard Inuyasha's surprise.

"Kagome? What are you doing? Are those— oh, hell, they are. What happened?" His ears swivelled back and forth with agitation as the synapses in his head slowly fired his thoughts into comprehension. "What the fuck!" he yelled, leaping to his feet. "You split the jewel! Again!" he roared, grabbing his head. "What are we gonna do about it now?"

Kagome looked up, feeling her eyebrow twitch. "Inuyasha, Kouga's still hurt. Can you try to keep it down please?" she asked sweetly.

"When the hell did you start caring about that mutt?" he yelled even more loudly, his eyes bulging.

"SIT!" When the dust settled, Kagome patted the top of Inuyasha's head fondly, tweaking his ears. "Come on, admit it, even you don't want Kouga to die," she teased. "Besides, I still need a way to get home," she added, looking at the remaining six fragments in her hand.

Shippou climbed onto her shoulder, eyeing the sparkling jewels curiously. "Wow," he said, his green eyes growing wide with anticipation. "Can I have one of them, Kagome? Pleeease?" he asked her eagerly.

Inuyasha's head slowly lifted out of the crater it had formed in the ground, and he glared at the small fox irately. "Do you see what I mean?" he grumbled, sitting up slowly and cracking his neck. "It's already started all over again."

"Hey!" Shippou yelled, his eyes watering angrily. "I only wanted one to protect myself from you when Kagome's not here!" he growled, fisting his small paws together and shaking them at the half-demon.

"Like a shard would help you against me, runt," Inuyasha answered with a sneer. He reached out and clopped the small fox on the head, which elicited an angry squeak from Shippou.

Kagome rolled her eyes. "Break it up, you two," she said loudly. "And no, Shippou, you can't have a shard. You know what they do to demons," she scolded him firmly.

"Aww," Shippou said, pouting cutely, his tiny fangs poking into his lower lip, which was thrust out. It made Kagome want to scoop the small child into her arms and hug him. I'm so glad he's not going to change, she found herself thinking with relief as she acted on her impulse. After a moment Shippou squirmed out of her reach and ran away, giggling, to check on Miroku and Sango.

"Kagome." Inuyasha turned to face her, his face solemn. "We're lucky it's just Shippou right now. The little brat knows better than to take a shard. But… you know I'm right," he told her. "What're we gonna do about them?"

Kagome looked down at her hand and considered Inuyasha's worries. He's right, she thought sadly. As long as the fragments have power, demons will continue to come after them. She suddenly felt guilty; Inuyasha had asked her what they were going to do about the shards. It was her wish that split the jewel; she was the one who would be forcing their lives to remain tied to its safety. Why didn't I think of that before? she chided herself sadly.

"I need to think," she answered out loud, trying to find a solution to the problems in her hand. What would Sesshoumaru tell me right now? She thought about him, her Sesshoumaru from the future, and felt another tiny stab of pain. Did I do the right thing? she wanted to ask him, knowing he would have given her sound advice. She blinked and looked up, searching the trees. The demon lord was still there, watching them carefully. He didn't look very impressed with her decision, but Kagome sucked in her breath and stood up. There's only one way to find out. "Lord Sesshoumaru!" she yelled, stepping towards him.

"Oh HELL no!" Inuyasha immediately replied, springing to his feet. The magic rosary stopped the rest of his sentence before he could complete it, and Kagome continued to advance on his demonic brother.

"Girl." Sesshoumaru looked down at her, his eyes hard and cold. They strayed to the hand that was holding the shards. "You did a foolish thing."

"I know," Kagome said, a small smile playing across her face. "Yes, that's something he would have said," she added quietly.

Sesshoumaru's eyebrow raised fractionally, but his expression remained bored. He offered nothing, waiting for her to declare herself, and Kagome realized suddenly how young he seemed.

He's centuries old, and I still have the jump on him, she thought to herself with a dry chuckle. I guess it's time to break out my white golfing shoes. She cleared her throat and decided to do her best to pay back Sesshoumaru and Michifusa for everything they had taught her in her own lost time. It seemed like an appropriate eulogy for the two men.

"Lord Sesshoumaru, do you know what the Jewel of the Four Souls is?" she asked him quietly.

"Was," he corrected her with a sneer. "It was a worthless bauble sought by lesser demons who were not confident in their own powers," he answered her. "Now it is several worthless baubles which will be sought by several even more worthless demons, who will then plague both my land and you humans," he finished scathingly.

Kagome felt her eyebrow twitch and took a deep, calming breath. "That's not what I meant," she said gently, working to keeping her tone neutral. "I meant why it's called the Jewel of the Four Souls," she explained.

"I do not know, nor do I care," Sesshoumaru answered, his voice deepening into an annoyed growl. "Make your point, girl, and you may yet live."

Kagome refused to back down, opening her eyes and meeting his glare fearlessly. "It's important that you understand, Sesshoumaru! If there's only one thing I ever say that you actually listen to, just let it be this. Please," she pleaded, her voice wavering slightly. Don't make it so difficult… please don't take away my goodbye, she wanted to say, knowing that he wouldn't understand. She felt tears prick the back of her eyes, but was too scared to blink them away, lest she lose Sesshoumaru's attention.

If anything, his brows drew together slightly, as if he was angry. She realized belatedly she had forgotten to address him formally, something no doubt that this Sesshoumaru considered an insult. But he said nothing, only nodded at her curtly, waiting for her to continue.

Sucking in a deep breath, Kagome gave him a shaky smile. "The jewel is named after the four precepts of purity. Courage, friendship, wisdom and … love," she said, stumbling over the last. "Only the people who have these four things in balance can keep the jewel pure and resist its temptations."

Sesshoumaru stared at her blankly, and Kagome sighed. Reaching for the empty jar around her neck, she dropped a single shard into it. Then she held out her hands, offering the five remaining fragments to Sesshoumaru. That brought out a reaction; his face descended into a dark scowl.

"This Sesshoumaru has no need of such pathetic trinkets," he spat. "Do you think to insult me?"

"No!" Kagome replied furiously, fed up with his pride and ego. He really needs to grow up, she thought angrily, closing her eyes and trying to control her temper. "I'm actually trying to compliment you," … you big jerk, she added silently, cracking her eyes open with effort. "Please… take these shards, and protect them from falling into the hands of lesser demons." She offered him the shards once more.

Sesshoumaru's scowl smoothly blended back into his impassive expression, but his eyes held a hint of curiosity. "Tell me, girl," he said suddenly. "I have attempted to kill you before. There is a strong possibility that I will do so again," he added, not even flinching as Inuyasha called out a few choice curses from behind them and promptly kissed the earth once more at Kagome's request. "Is my idiot half-brother's stupidity catching?" he asked her with boredom.

"If you take these fragments into your hand," Kagome answered calmly, "you might understand. And if you don't, I'd be more than happy to explain it to you," she added snidely. Kagome resisted the urge to smirk; it was done, she had indirectly questioned both his courage and his intelligence. His pride would allow him no other choice but to take the jewel fragments now. That, or kill her. She swallowed nervously and put her faith in his reasoning capacities.

For several excruciatingly long moments, he seemed to be considering several different ways to flay her, and Kagome felt cold droplets of sweat trickling down her back. In the end, however, he stretched out his hand slowly, and she let out a mental sigh of relief and tried not to collapse into a quivering heap in front of him. Composing herself, she straightened her back and held out her own hand, dropping the remaining five fragments into his palm. "Yes," she whispered happily as the shards touched his skin. They remained softly glowing and pink, untainted despite his demonic nature.

Sesshoumaru looked at the jewel fragments contemplatively. Then he looked at Kagome. "You knew this would happen, human?" he asked her.

Kagome gave him a small nod and a tiny smile as a small blossom of happiness spread in her heart. Even though she knew she would never see Michifusa or her Sesshoumaru again, they were still there, in some way, contained in the cruel demon before her, waiting to be born. "It's because you have the balance of the four souls," she said confidently. "Even if you don't know it yourself yet." Kagome stepped back and carefully dropped to her knees, bowing low before him. She didn't stop until her forehead touched the cool ground. "Lord Sesshoumaru. I humbly request that you protect the remaining fragments of the Jewel of the Four Souls. I'm aware of the burden I'm placing on your lordship, and I ask your forgiveness." She raised herself slightly and looked at his pointy-toed boots, which were directly in front of her nose. "When the jewel was whole, it caused only destruction for both demons and humans. Please… let's make sure it remains split now, so that the rift between our people can close." She held her breath and waited for his answer.

An oppressive silence settled over the field, and Kagome felt the sweat trickling down her neck. It seemed to stretch on forever, and she became aware of the cramps in her legs, and the itchy bead of sweat trailing down her shoulders and tickling her armpits. She felt the eyes of her companions resting on them, and it made her want to fidget. Instead, she forced herself to remain motionless at Sesshoumaru's feet, her stomach fluttering nervously.

Finally, she felt a gentle rush of air above her, and glanced up once more. She saw the back of his boots, retreating into the forest, and sat up in confusion. At the sound of her movement, he stopped, still not bothering to face her. He didn't return the shards, she realized.

"You are a greater fool than the half-breed," Sesshoumaru said without turning around.

Kagome knew he wouldn't say anything else, even though she could feel his curiosity radiating from him. It was almost tangible. His pride would never suffer him to ask, however, and she closed her eyes and made a small concession for him. No, not for him, she corrected herself. For my Sesshoumaru.

"I did it for you," she whispered softly, knowing he would hear. "I did it so you could have a life and a real future. That's why… Sesshoumaru. Maybe splitting the jewel was a selfish wish, after all." He didn't turn or acknowledge her words. Kagome bowed her head and bid her Sesshoumaru a silent farewell. And then he was gone, vanishing into the dark forest, and she knew he wouldn't return. A small, satisfied smile twisted the corner of her lips, and she straightened up and dusted herself off.

"Hey," Inuyasha said, approaching her side with a confused expression. "Why didn't that bastard try to kill you this time? What was all that about?" he asked, offering Kagome a hand and pulling her to her feet.

"The future," she answered with a tiny grin. Seeing his puzzled expression, she giggled and reached up, tweaking his ears and earning a scowl of annoyance for her trouble. "Hey, let's go check on the others," she added with a bright smile, grabbing Inuyasha's hand and leading him back towards their friends.

- x – x – x -

Kagome blinked, slowly coming out of her dream. It seems so long ago now, she thought fuzzily. Her hand strayed to the necklace around her neck. "Strange," she mumbled to herself, sitting up and rubbing her head. "There was always a necklace, and always five jewel fragments," she told herself. Her eyes fell across her old journal, and her brow knit together in confusion. "Was it really just a dream?" she mumbled softly, fingering the exquisite piece of jewellery.

A soft, warm pressure butted her side, and Kagome looked down and saw Kirara watching her. The fire cat stared at her, and a smile twitched on Kagome's lips. "It wasn't a dream, was it," she pondered, rubbing her cat's head once before picking up her journal and flipping it open.

She knew the story behind each fragment; besides being passed down from shrine maiden to shrine maiden, it was all written there in her own handwriting, memories that were growing more and more distant with each day, kept alive only by constant repetition. Every single shard represented a life she once knew intimately. Two from a noble wolf demon prince, who pledged his love to a human (that was me); he gifted them back to the very humans that had first saved his life after many years, when he felt his own time was finally ending. One from a legendary priestess (was she my friend, after all?), brought back from the dead; it was said that after the half-demon she loved passed away, she returned her fragment to the shrine in order to guide him through the afterlife. And one told the story of the very roots of the Sunset Shrine; the legendary demon slayer and monk (Kohaku outlived them both…), who erected the holy grounds to celebrate the sacred pact forged with demons, an alliance which ensured the safety of both races. The only mystery was the fifth jewel, the one that had been in their possession for as long as anyone could remember. It had no story; no one could recall where it came from, and no one dared question the Greater Demon Lord about its origin. (Because it was always mine.)

A pair of blue eyes flashed through her memory; a spider scar on a young boy's back. A monk with wandering hands and an Amazon with a massive boomerang. A small, freckled fox-child laughed at her. And two brothers who hated each other as much as she loved them both. "Yes… it was real," she said decisively, her hand straying to Kirara's head. The old fire cat looked up and gave Kagome a small mewl of encouragement. Kagome smiled back at the cat, wondering what secrets she kept. Maybe one day these memories will fade, she thought. "But," she added out loud with a small smile, pressing the necklace. "Not yet. I'll do my best to remember until that day comes."

"Kagome!" Mrs. Higurashi's voice carried up the steps and into her room. "Lord Sesshoumaru will be here soon. Are you getting ready yet?"

Kagome glanced at the clock and did a double take. "Oh great! The most important day of my life, and I'm late!" she screeched, leaping off of her bed and sending a very disgruntled Kirara flying. "Yeah, Mama, I'm almost done!" she yelled over her shoulder, all thoughts of her past adventures clearing from her head like smoke. She pulled on her priestess' uniform and combed her hair back neatly. Kagome was ready in record time, and she stopped briefly before the mirror, pausing to check that the necklace of jewel shards was resting properly against her chest. She caught her own eyes in the mirror's reflection, and for a moment she stilled, trying to recognize the woman she saw standing there.

"There's only the present," she repeated to herself. Then, with a smile, she squared her shoulders and left the safety of her room.