10What Truth
Xavier found me in the back yard after supper, sitting at a little wrought iron table looking at the wild garden around me. As far as I cold tell, there as no grass here. Just a brick path from the back door, this small sitting area, and the garden. I heard the trickle of water in the distance, but didn't see a way to get to it. Once in a while, I heard the who-whoo of an owl, and found myself wondering if this was the city after all, or if I had fallen into a dream and none of this was real.
"Love?" Xavier asked, sitting next to me.
"Am I dreaming this? It makes as much sense as a dream. I thought it would all be easy. I would come here, meet my birth mother, find the truth, make peace with her, become friends, then settle on visits. You know, on holidays, her birthday, whatever. But she's got a whole family, and it feels like they all expect me to join in like I was never away."
The ghost of that evening haunted me. Memories of the food, of talking about everyone's days, of hearing "Grandma" Rachel promising to make me a scarf, mittens and a hat for winter in the city, Rebecca telling me about her dance class having an opening, and wanting to see if I could dance like a professional, of Alex whispering to me of his rock collection and watching the stars… And the parents, Naomi, Anton and Freddi, watching over us proudly. Finally I'd had to go outside, get a breath of fresh air, escape all that sudden togetherness.
"A bit overwhelming, they are," Xavier agreed, as if reading my mind.
I moved closer so I could lean my head against his chest. "I wonder why I agreed to stay for a week. Oh, I didn't know it would be so…intense."
"We don't have to stay. I bet there are more affordable hotels."
I looked up at him. "But she's my mother. Shouldn't I want to be close to her?"
"You mean, like an immediate love of her? Ruth, my love…if you had thought you were an orphan, with no one who loved you, and then found you had a mother…or if you were raised by an abusive couple…then yes, I can see it. But Eric and Annie raised you with love and devotion, and you have siblings who love and adore you. Now you have a whole other family coming at you full speed. I'm overwhelmed, and I'm just the boyfriend!" He hugged me, and put on an accent so bad I couldn't tell what it was supposed to be. "You want I should tell them to back off, eh?"
I laughed. "Yeah, yeah, sure. You're my hit-honey, my guardian angel."
"Hm. A punk-Goth hit-honey guardian angel. You know, I like that idea."
"Tomorrow, let's take most of the day for tourism," I said, inspired. "We'll eat breakfast with the family, then go out on the town. Come back for supper, spend some quality time, and I can talk to Naomi about her story maybe three days later. More tourism, more bonding, but in equal measure. And, my hit-honey angel…could you help me keep this plan? I have a feeling I'll be inclined to go with the flow…"
"And I am here to keep you from being dragged in by the undertow," he said.
I groaned. "You have been around Persnickety far, far too long. No rhyming. Ever."
"Okay, all right, no rhyming, just protecting."
"And loving," I said, looking up for a kiss.
"And loving," he agreed, bending down with that kiss.
They were surprised when we came down the next morning and announced our plans, but a look from Anton to Naomi had her shrugging and smiling. "I can introduce you to my art friends tomorrow, I'm sure. Show you the best deli in the city. Introduce you to our rabbi, get you started on learning what your true religion is like…"
I was about to cave at that, but Xavier simply grinned, said, "You're the best, Naomi. See ya!" and dragged me from the townhouse.
"Thanks," I said, hugging him.
And we proceeded to have a great time playing tourist. We found the Hard Rock Café, saw some museums, walked around the safer parts of Central Park. We even took one of those carriage rides. For supper, we had huge pretzels and hot dogs.
"This was the best day ever," I told Xavier as we walked back to Naomi's home.
"I must admit, I like the big city. I could get used to it."
"Me, too," I agreed.
We went up the stairs, opened the door, and walked into a tornado.
CRASH!
A vase went flying past us, to shatter against the wall.
"Mama, no!"
An antique clock went flying to join the vase, and splintered.
"Love, they're home, they're safe!" someone else cried.
Naomi came raging into the hall. Her hair was a chaotic mess, and her eyes were fiery. "Where have the two of you been! I have spent all day preparing supper, and you didn't even come back to enjoy it! What? What did you eat! Did you even eat?"
"Hot dogs and pretzels," I said.
"Street food? You ate street food?" Her voice rose hysterically. "Do you know how dirty those places are? And a hot dog is not clean food for us! It's forbidden!"
"Naomi-mom, I'm not Jewish!" I began, startled. "I was raised Christian."
"Falsely! Falsely! You are Jewish by blood, and that's all that counts!" She shook her head. "But that's not the point. The point is, I had plans for you today, and you blew them all off…to go eat bad food and hang out with your boyfriend all day. Was not the point of this trip to bond with me? Your long lost mother? To know your heritage?"
"Now hold on there," Xavier began.
"Shut up!" she screamed.
"Mama," Rebecca tried, coming forth to touch Naomi's arm.
"No. No! I will not be treated like I'm being hysterical! I have a right to know why she chose to leave me again!"
"But I didn't leave," I said, as I felt myself wanting to cry. "Look, here I am. I just needed a day to breathe. I'm not used to this family…I 'm new here…"
"Their fault!" she screamed to the ceiling. "All theirs!"
"Stop it!" I found myself screaming back. "I don't know what's wrong with you, but you are scaring me! I just went out for the day! I'm a grown woman, and I can do what I want! If that bothers you, just tell me, and we'll leave!"
That stopped her cold. Eyes growing huge, she whispered, "No, not again. Not my baby. Oh, baby, I'm sorry. I didn't mean…I…I just wanted to share my life with you."
"And I want to know you, but you can't go doing this, this yelling and breaking thing, whenever I do something you don't like. I'm sorry you didn't understand that Xavier and I wanted to have a day to just us. Don't you ever want a day just with your loved ones? I was planning on doing things with you all day tomorrow."
"Oh," she said softly.
"Now, if you don't mind, I think I need to go to bed," I added.
"Of course," she said.
I went forth and hugged her, then let Xavier lead me upstairs.
"Honey?" Xavier asked minutes later, as I curled up on my bed.
"I had no idea. I mean, they gave me some warning. They did say she was a neglectful mother, prone to tempers. But what is this? What is going on in her mind? Is she…sane? If she isn't…do I have that in me, just waiting to come out?"
He knelt before me. "No, Ruthie, no. We would have seen something like that by now. You would have seen that in your childhood, in your teen years. You are never like that. You are a world of calm. You are still river, running deep." A little smile, and he kissed my forehead. "Maybe she's just one of your tributary rivers, one of the shallower ones?"
I found myself giggling. "Now, that's not nice, honey."
"I didn't mean in the empty-head way, I meant in the noisy. She runs fast and runs hard, and feels in noisy flashes. Maybe she's not okay. But maybe she's just an exaggeration of the tempestuous artist type."
"Maybe," I said skeptically.
He smoothed my hair from my face. "Let's give her tomorrow. Let's see how she acts. If she's good, then we know. If the least little thing sets her off, then we know that as well. Either way, we can adjust as needed."
I was almost reassured, but had one more worry to voice. "What if this is the norm, and the calm the exception?"
"Then you have that talk with her, you get to know her in depth…and we go home a little sooner. She becomes the mother you write to on birthdays and holidays. We visit when we get the word from the others that she's good. Honey, just because she gave birth to you, doesn't mean you owe her anything. Eric and Annie raised you. It doesn't matter why or how you got to their hands. It just matters that they will always love and support you. Naomi and this family are blood…and that may be all they are."
"Should I stop feeling guilty for not immediately wanting to stay with her?" I asked.
"Yes, please," he said.
I leaned closer to him. "Thank you, beloved."
He kissed my forehead, my chin, and my lips. "Always, love, always."
"I'm here whenever you need me, too," I said, kissing him back.
"I know. Trust me, I know."
We rested together for a while, and then he got up and left me to sleep.